Went on a first date after being of dating apps

[Keeves1]

Hey! 

Today I went on a date after being out of dating apps for awhile. It was much needed after Maria (Ex) broke up with me. I’ve met a girl named (lisa - fake name). We communicate speaking English which is not a problem for me because I want to speak it everyday and practise. She’s learning Norwegian and came here to study. She is working part time at a bakery and are about to finish her master degree in geography as her goal is to be a teacher.  She is moving to Norway permanently. She’s from France and are 26. 

We seems to have some things in common such as liking the same music, movies, games and candles. She seems a lit spontaneous as well telling me that she suddendly decided to travel north of norway and stay in an Airnbnb in the woods. 

We had our first date on a coffee shop. It was appropiate since I was working till 20:00 and on sunday most of the shops are closed so this one was the one who had long opening hours. We stayed there until 22:00 because she had to work early the next day. 

We are in talks for the second date this friday. I asked her and she said yes to the second date but needs to think about what we can do. 

It does not seem like she’s using snapchat alot which is a bit bummer. Before our first date we were communicating on snapchat and Instagram. Mostly Instagram. I send her a picture of myself on snapchat and she does not send anything back. I said that I noticed it and thought she was camera shy. She declined it by saying that she’s not camera shy and she thinks she does not look good that’s why she’s not sending picture of herself. 

It would be nice to communicate to her using snapchat only and I’m not used to only send pictures and talk on instagram 😅 I do have her phone number. I could ask her on how she feels about texting? 

 

[Wiseman2]

9 minutes ago, Keeves1 said:

. I do have her phone number. I could ask her on how she feels about texting?

Please focus on setting up dates and in person interactions. SC, IG and texting is not dating. You could offer your number but please don't smother people with messages and texts. 

[Keeves1]

18 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Please focus on setting up dates and in person interactions. SC, IG and texting is not dating. You could offer your number but please don't smother people with messages and texts. 

Thanku!

[Alpacalia]

So you had a good date, set up a second? Don't dwell on why she doesn't use snapchat much. That's a personal preference and you shouldn't pressure her to use it if she's not comfortable with it or sending pictures of herself 😕

[Keeves1]

39 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

So you had a good date, set up a second? Don't dwell on why she doesn't use snapchat much. That's a personal preference and you shouldn't pressure her to use it if she's not comfortable with it or sending pictures of herself 😕

Thanku! Yeah it’s just feels more personal when you’re sending photo’s of yourself 

[Alpacalia]

46 minutes ago, Keeves1 said:

Thanku! Yeah it’s just feels more personal when you’re sending photo’s of yourself 

As opposed to going on actual dates? Why don't you establish a dating plan which includes spending quality time with her, going on dates, and trying new things together.

Once those things are in place, there will be more of a natural rhythm of communication and you can use snapchat or any other form of communication to supplement and enhance your connection, rather than being the main form of communication.

It's kind of like you're putting the cart before the horse by trying to establish a snapchat dynamic before you've established a dating dynamic. Let the dating dynamic unfold first and then add in other forms of communication as a bonus.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Keeves1 said:

 I send her a picture of myself on snapchat and she does not send anything back. I said that I noticed it and thought she was camera shy. She declined it by saying that she’s not camera shy and she thinks she does not look good that’s why she’s not sending picture of herself. 

Please respect her and her boundaries. Please reflect that your relationship as well as your recent dating experiences all went sides because you don't respect the rights and feelings of others. Please address that with your therapist. 

Edited February 5 by Wiseman2

[Keeves1]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Please respect her and her boundaries. Please reflect that your relationship as well as your recent dating experiences all went sides because you don't respect the rights and feelings of others. Please address that with your therapist. 

After she said that she does not look good I wrote that she looks cute in my opinion (from pictures from dating app). I think it’s a bit judgmental to say that I don’t respect her boundaries just because I thought she were camera shy? It’s not like I’m complaining to her. I expressed my feelings as I’ve not used to people not feeling comfy about sending picture of themself.

As for the therapist part I remember I did tell her. I’m still seeing my therapist. According to her the reason as to why I’m not respecting feelings of other and are lacking empathy is because of my upbringing. It’s alot to write about here though

[Keeves1]

5 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

As opposed to going on actual dates? Why don't you establish a dating plan which includes spending quality time with her, going on dates, and trying new things together.

Once those things are in place, there will be more of a natural rhythm of communication and you can use snapchat or any other form of communication to supplement and enhance your connection, rather than being the main form of communication.

It's kind of like you're putting the cart before the horse by trying to establish a snapchat dynamic before you've established a dating dynamic. Let the dating dynamic unfold first and then add in other forms of communication as a bonus.

Thanku! Yee I agree! I should just take things slow and see if she would feel comfortable around the idea of snapchat. As of now I should stick to communicating with her on Instagram ☺️

[smackie9]

I get it you are kinda excited about this whole thing...but being a little reserved, with some bursts of flirting/attention here and there works best without making her get standoffish/pull away. Let her miss you a bit.