Overthinking or not getting enough?

[ninalex]

My boyfriend (23) & I (25) have been together for 1.5 yrs. Before I met him, I was very stern on the idea of spending my life alone. I always knew my love is not worth many. I don't mean that in a cocky way. I cannot explain it, my love is just special. When we started seeing each other, we were not yet exclusive. We dated for two months before we made it official, but we started saying "I love you", a month in. Everything was fast, but very pure and felt so natural. A couple nights after we starting saying the words, he started sleeping with another girl. I did not find this out until 3 weeks later. I came over one day and asked him why he seemed sad and I kinda had to get it out of him. I asked him if it someone else and he said yes. Through this tough conversation, I kept thinking that we were not official. So as hurt as I was, I pushed that hurt aside because he did not cheat. He explained to me everything and I know that he has no feelings for the other woman. 

We became official that same month. I moved in two months after becoming official. He asked me to because my lease was up. We have been through a lot in the past year and a half. We've faced dealing with exes, getting fired two days apart, losing sparks, losing my car, losing a family member, you name it. But we have always showed our love for one another, I know I am a lot more patient and romantic than he is. It wasn't like that at first. We used to go to lookouts, new places to eat, ball games, wrestling events. He used to be super affectionate, and would spin me around and make me feel like I'm in a movie. 

I understand that nothing stays the same forever, but why is it hard for him to express his love to me? He has everything he could possibly want with me. I am an easy lover. I ask him if I make him happy and he swears on his life I do. It's just very very confusing because his actions show otherwise. We barely have sex anymore. He does't kiss me often. He doesn't even hold my hand for more than 30 seconds. He doesn't care as much as I do when it comes to spending time together. I ask him to go on a date, then I plan out this special night for us. When the night arrives, he asks if we can just order take out. I ask him to come to bed soon and he will fall asleep on the sofa. He will come to bed sometimes just until I fall asleep and go back downstairs and sleep m on the sofa. I almost feel single. 

I thought it was depression. He told me that he is not depressed, and has felt more happy. So i can't pin point on why he cannot express his love. 

It gets so lonely. I am not a woman who asks for a lot. All I want is some romanticism. Why am I the one buying him flowers? Why am I the one always doing special dinners for him? Don't get me wrong, I love doing these things but will I receive that? Am I missing something?

[stillafool]

I'm sorry this is happening in your relationship but it sounds like your boyfriend has fallen out of love with you.  At 23 and 25 you should be going at it like rabbits.  Is he cheating again?

[ninalex]

I really don't think he is cheating. I still feel the love he has for me. I thought he lost attraction but he still gets in the mood but he says he gets lazy. I have made it clear to him that if I ever keep him from being happy, I will let him go and he insists that he is happy and in love with me. That's why it's so confusing. It's like he loves me but is too lazy to show it. 

[Alpacalia]

Yes, you are missing something...

When you found out 3 weeks later that he slept with someone else, he told you he was seeing someone else. That right there is where things should have ended.

But we make ourselves into different people when we feel like we really want or need something. Or when we just want to be right about someone. And relationships should never be about certain moment when you suggest the relationship, only to come to the next point and decide on sharing a new place.

But lo and behold, you and he are in a relationship now, and it sounds like so much was built so quickly and showed so much potential. But instead... you sound like an old tragic couple, only into a bigger arrangement, harnessing in a bigger meaning with this problem.

I hope that your Online Return Policy is willing to data your boyfriend and move on. You and he are trying to make something work that doesn't have a solid foundation. You said yourself that he has changed, that his actions and affection have become scarce.

It sounds like you are doing everything in the relationship and he is just along for the ride. Sorry, I wish I had more positive things to say, but from what you described, it doesn't seem like he is committed or invested in the relationship.

Edited February 4 by Alpacalia

[Wiseman2]

49 minutes ago, ninapanina said:

. I moved in two months after becoming official.  because my lease was up. We have been through a lot in the past year and a half. getting fired two days apart,, losing my car, losing a family member, you name it. 

Sorry this is happening. It seems like too much too soon as far as moving in together and there were significant financial problems and stress. Are you both working full time now? Do you both have cars now? It would be nice to have more romance and affection, it seems you're both under a lot of stress. 

Unfortunately him choosing to sleep on the soda, lack of affection and generally zoned out is not a good sign. Perhaps he's still sowing some wild oats (he's not going to tell you), but just doesn't want to ask you to move out? 

[d0nnivain]

I think he's just lazy.  Moving in together as fast as you did was a mistake.  You were playing house & he's done.  At 25 he was never ready for a true commitment.  He's bored & wants out but he's making you the bad guy.  You take the laboring oar in every other aspect of your relationship.  He's going to continue to do less & less until you have no choice but to pull the trigger & end this.