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This might be awkward, but I like her


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RandallHare

This girl is my cousin's cousin but we're not related. It just so happens that I belong to my cousin's mother side, and she belongs to his father's side.

My cousin's family loves throwing parties. Like every single member of their family holds parties for their respective birthdays.

So I always get to see her.

And every time I do, we always lock each other's eyes for a few seconds of staring and gazing.

But we don't talk. I do not know why, but my aunt says she and her sister (both pretty) are kinda old-fashioned (meaning: extremely selective despite their beauty).

But then, I saw her at the hospital yesterday so I got to talk to her. For the very first time.

I felt something. There was something in her eyes and smile and her gestures.

She's the prettier one between the two :)

I like her, and I think there was some connection

I found her name on FaceBook. Do I send her a friend request first, and send a message after? I'm not sure what I will do.

 

I have dated so many beautiful women, some of them were beauty queens, models, and lingerie models.

But the dating stages don't last long. Like maybe 2-3 dates and then poof.

My mum said women will always have a good first impression about me. A lot of people say I'm handsome. Even the beauty queens/models that I dated told me this without me asking.

So yeah, I've got the looks and the charm. I wonder why everything just don't last. I've had three girlfriends before. One of them was a beauty queen. Pretty :)

 

My buddy said that I have to establish connection with the ladies that I date. He said that I'm banking too much on looks.

I have to be funny, be mysterious, and show some kind of power.

The element of mystery is missing. Like women figure me out very easily.

 

Hmmmm

 

I don't want to sabotage myself this time.

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2 minutes ago, RandallHare said:

I found her name on FaceBook. Do I send her a friend request first, and send a message after? My buddy said that I have to establish connection with the ladies that I date. He said that I'm banking too much on looks.

Trust your friends. Try to at least start chatting on social media rather than just staring. 

 

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d0nnivain

Send the social media friend request.  You are not a stranger.  

When you see her at the next event talk to her.  After that ask her on a date.  

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RandallHare

Thanks, guys. I'm a bit scared now. I've dated so many women before (most are really attractive), but most don't last longer than 2-3 dates.

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d0nnivain
9 minutes ago, RandallHare said:

I have to be funny, be mysterious, and show some kind of power.

The element of mystery is missing. Like women figure me out very easily.

 

I don't want to sabotage myself this time.

If you don't want to sabotage yourself then stop thinking you have to be funny, mysterious an/or show some kind of power.  You are most likely overthinking things.  Also the desire to show power makes this a power struggle not a relationship which is a huge turn off. 

To be mysterious, listen more than you talk.  Do not share every gory detail, every hope & fear immediately.  Be cool & reserved.  Ask questions.  Really listen to the answers.  Be thoughtful.  

Truly powerful people know their own worth.  They are quiet & let others come to them. 

Especially since your aunt cautioned you that this girl and her sister are old fashioned but in the past you have only managed to go on 2-3 dates with women, you need to ditch the so called "3rd date rule".  Take sex off the table.  Assume you will not be coaxing this woman into bed any time soon.  Be OK with that.  Focus on chivalry, romance & building anticipation.  If you press for sex too soon it will backfire & you will lose her after 2-3 dates just like all the rest.  

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23 minutes ago, RandallHare said:

Ihave to be funny, be mysterious, and show some kind of power.

This is exactly why it only gets to 3 dates. You're not being down to earth, relatable, genuine or fun. Try being yourself rather than putting on this act. 

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Alpacalia

A word to the wise, don't mention that you've "dated so many beautiful women" to this girl you're interested in. It comes off as bragging and she may be turned off by that.

It doesn't really matter how many beautiful women you have dated, what matters is how genuine and sincere you are with this girl. As for sending a friend request on Facebook, go ahead and do it if you want to. But also, make sure to talk to her in person and establish a connection before making any moves on social media. Your buddy is right, it's important to establish a connection with the person you're interested in rather than just relying on your looks.

Show that you're interested in getting to know her as a person and not just because she's pretty. Don't worry about impressing her, just focus on getting to know her and see where things go from there.

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mark clemson
On 2/1/2024 at 4:42 AM, RandallHare said:

Thanks, guys. I'm a bit scared now. I've dated so many women before (most are really attractive), but most don't last longer than 2-3 dates.

Part of the issue is that very attractive women have LOTS of options - some of them may be shooting for perfection and some may be in the sort of "shopping mode" that online dating apps seem to engender.

One thing you can try to is read the book "A Billion Wicked Thoughts" - specifically the chapters on female attraction. Good looks is genuinely a great start, but understanding some of the thing that drive women's attraction and emphasizing the aspects that apply to you naturally might go a long way toward increasing attraction even more.

Another thing you could try is dating some of the slightly less attractive women but who you still find appealing. I suspect some of them will really cling to a guy like you and you might have better luck with them long term.

Finally, remember that in the initial few dates you tend to be under a microscope in somewhat the same way you are at a job interview. So, try not to say things that might get misinterpreted and then viewed as central to your personality when they're actually not. For example comments on political issues, negative generalizations about women, being too frugal for the initial dating period, or anything that makes you come across as "weird" might get you shot down. You can reveal more about your personality a bit later once a relationship is starting to be established, to see if you're actually compatible.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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RandallHare

Hey guys. Just a bit of an update.

We're now friends on FaceBook and have exchanged several conversations ever since. 

She also likes traveling, but when I asked her if she can be my travel buddy, she didn't respond. She did use a "laugh react." LOL.

We haven't gone on dating yet. I have asked her if we could meet soon. No response again. :(

She did say we can meet at her office.

😐

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RandallHare

She likes my blog articles though. She loves reading them.

My assessment here is that, I might have slim chances with her, but I think I should be very wealthy so that we could travel together. Coz that's where we connect.

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RandallHare
2 minutes ago, RandallHare said:

 

She also likes traveling, but when I asked her if she can be my travel buddy, she didn't respond. She did use a "laugh react." LOL.

😐

Correction since it cannot be edited anymore: 

 

She also likes traveling, but when I asked her if she can be my travel buddy, she just said she cannot afford to go to the places I go to. When I said, it can be planned and it depends on budget, she kept silent and never responded anymore.

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11 hours ago, RandallHare said:

Hey guys. Just a bit of an update.

We're now friends on FaceBook and have exchanged several conversations ever since. 

She also likes traveling, but when I asked her if she can be my travel buddy, she didn't respond. She did use a "laugh react." LOL.

We haven't gone on dating yet. I have asked her if we could meet soon. No response again. :(

She did say we can meet at her office.

😐

She's not interested and is using tactful avoidance techniques:  Giving excuses rather than a definitive No.  

 

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Please try to be more appropriate. Asking a woman to share a hotel with you as a "buddy" is insulting. Please avoid fake future talk in an attempt to impress women. 

 "I asked her if she can be my travel buddy, she didn't respond".  

It's good she didn't block you after this but her maybe I'll see you at work message is loud and clear. 

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On 2/17/2024 at 8:23 AM, RandallHare said:

She also likes traveling, but when I asked her if she can be my travel buddy, she didn't respond. She did use a "laugh react." LOL.

We haven't gone on dating yet. I have asked her if we could meet soon. No response again. :(

She did say we can meet at her office.

😐

 When you asked her to be your "travel buddy" before you took her on a date she heard "I'd like to F you & dump you."

She's offering to meet in her office because she wants to be safe.  She has decided you are only after sex.  In short -- you blew it
  

Edited by d0nnivain
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Travel buddy, while I wouldn't necessarily equate it to looking for travel buddy plus sexual partner (totally get that connection) I think you were just trying to connect with her in some way, as she mentioned traveling as her interest? But, it does kind of have that vibe maybe? Honestly, if you're not actually looking for a travel buddy, hold off on bringing that up as it may come off as a little insincere.

I'm sorry, I wish it was more easy and straight forward but attraction is a complex thing and a bit of a gauntlet.
 

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