Author starsandsky95 Posted January 27, 2024 Author Share Posted January 27, 2024 34 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: It is confusing to question if your boyfriend is overreacting when your true intention is to get back with your ex. That's more like 'throwing him under the bus,' don't you think? I don't think getting back together with my ex is my intention. I haven't truly thought about it until reading these comments today which made me self reflect. Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted January 27, 2024 Share Posted January 27, 2024 53 minutes ago, starsandsky95 said: I don't think getting back together with my ex is my intention. I haven't truly thought about it until reading these comments today which made me self reflect. I agree with others…if your ex said come back to me you would with open arms. im a guy and I’d be really concerned about this as if I’m wasting my time with you. personally I wouldn’t have tried dating you within a year of your divorce and you having young kids. I understand important children events where you both will be there and you can easily co parent. his comments are observational given what he has seen elsewhere with friends snd single parents. You seem to have a de ent divorce where there isn’t the hatred between you going on. Some divorces are like that. why did the divorce occur? Link to post Share on other sites
Author starsandsky95 Posted January 27, 2024 Author Share Posted January 27, 2024 3 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: I agree with others…if your ex said come back to me you would with open arms. im a guy and I’d be really concerned about this as if I’m wasting my time with you. personally I wouldn’t have tried dating you within a year of your divorce and you having young kids. I understand important children events where you both will be there and you can easily co parent. his comments are observational given what he has seen elsewhere with friends snd single parents. You seem to have a de ent divorce where there isn’t the hatred between you going on. Some divorces are like that. why did the divorce occur? We didn't divorce. We were engaged but didn't marry yet. It happened suddenly when he told me he didn't love me anymore and soon had a work affair afterwards. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 27, 2024 Share Posted January 27, 2024 20 hours ago, starsandsky95 said: My ex-fiance (30, M) and I (28, F) have two young children together. He ended our relationship 1.5 years ago. We also meet up 3 times during the week for their sports classes You seem to be basically still living like a couple and a family. What were the reasons for the breakup? Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted January 27, 2024 Share Posted January 27, 2024 14 minutes ago, starsandsky95 said: We didn't divorce. We were engaged but didn't marry yet. It happened suddenly when he told me he didn't love me anymore and soon had a work affair afterwards. Divorce/ break up doesn’t matter…the issue is why? I have a feeling the work affair occurred before the break up. Even being e gaged and ending abruptly says you weren’t ready to even date again. But you did. why did you want to go back with him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 27, 2024 Share Posted January 27, 2024 (edited) 34 minutes ago, starsandsky95 said: We didn't divorce. We were engaged but didn't marry yet. It happened suddenly when he told me he didn't love me anymore and soon had a work affair afterwards. Is he still with that girl now and why did he say he didn't love you anymore? Was there a reason or a feeling? Edited January 27, 2024 by stillafool Link to post Share on other sites
Author starsandsky95 Posted January 27, 2024 Author Share Posted January 27, 2024 To answer the previous few questions....daily stressors were causing problems in our relationship that resulted in unhappiness towards the end. I assume that's when the work affair started. He most likely emotionally cheated on me and when he thought the grass would be greener on the other side, he ended the relationship with me to pursue her. I'm assuming things did not work out for them either and he later realized the grass wasn't greener but it was already too late. Regardless, last time I checked, he says he no longer has romantic feelings for me so I am not even going to entertain reconciliation. I am with someone else now. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 27, 2024 Share Posted January 27, 2024 13 minutes ago, starsandsky95 said: I am with someone else now. Yes you are, but is your heart with this man you're dating? Do you feel strongly about him to make a few changes in your dynamic with your ex? Have you introduced your bf to your children? Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 27, 2024 Share Posted January 27, 2024 (edited) 20 minutes ago, starsandsky95 said: To answer the previous few questions....daily stressors were causing problems in our relationship that resulted in unhappiness towards the end. I assume that's when the work affair started. He most likely emotionally cheated on me and when he thought the grass would be greener on the other side, he ended the relationship with me to pursue her. I'm assuming things did not work out for them either and he later realized the grass wasn't greener but it was already too late. Regardless, last time I checked, he says he no longer has romantic feelings for me so I am not even going to entertain reconciliation. I am with someone else now. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to be playing happy family with a man that cheated on me. Please think about why you do. Especially when you're involved with another person. Edited January 27, 2024 by Alpacalia 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author starsandsky95 Posted January 27, 2024 Author Share Posted January 27, 2024 9 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Yes you are, but is your heart with this man you're dating? Do you feel strongly about him to make a few changes in your dynamic with your ex? Have you introduced your bf to your children? I have. My kids adore the guy I am dating and he is great with them. We've gone out on at least 10 different occasions to parks, for ice cream, for dinner, etc. I also just recently introduced my boyfriend to my parents. I have not yet introduced him to my ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 27, 2024 Share Posted January 27, 2024 7 minutes ago, starsandsky95 said: . My kids adore the guy I am dating and he is great with them. We've gone out on at least 10 different occasions to parks, for ice cream, for dinner, etc. I also just recently introduced my boyfriend to my parents. I have not yet introduced him to my ex. Sorry this happened and were cheated on. You made the right decision ending it and not trying to reconcile. Perhaps he's a good father but not a good partner. It's excellent you're happy in your new relationship. Hopefully you'll consider scaling back on some of the unnecessary contact with your children's father. Not that your new BF should be calling the shots, but for yourself and your future, since your life is no longer with your ex. You do not have to introduce your BF to your ex until the time comes when your BF is more involved and the relationship has grown a bit. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 27, 2024 Share Posted January 27, 2024 2 hours ago, starsandsky95 said: I don't think getting back together with my ex is my intention. I haven't truly thought about it until reading these comments today which made me self reflect. Not what you said here: 3 hours ago, starsandsky95 said: Trust me....I've tried to reconcile. I have made myself look pathetic time and time again at hinting at it just to have him tell me no and that it's never going to happen. He doesn't have anyone in his life...not that I know of and even if he does, it's definitely not serious. Please be honest with yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author starsandsky95 Posted January 27, 2024 Author Share Posted January 27, 2024 47 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: Not what you said here: Please be honest with yourself. The last time I tried to reconcile with him was over a year ago.....that was soon after the break up...... Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 27, 2024 Share Posted January 27, 2024 6 hours ago, starsandsky95 said: I'm wondering if that was his way of trying to spend time with me The fact that you are even entertaining this idea suggests you have a ways to go with your healing. It reads that you are still looking for a glimmer of hope that he might want you back. If you were over him, this thought probably wouldn't even be on your radar anymore. Not only do these family outings need to stop (for your own good), I would urge to consider whether or you are really ready to be in another relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 27, 2024 Share Posted January 27, 2024 (edited) There's no reason to keep picking at the sore. Let it heal and move on. Start declining those invites, movies and dinner get together, etc. Tell your ex that things are getting more serious with the new BF so the appropriate thing would be to stop doing those things. In my eyes, him asking you to go doesn't look like romantic interest but more about having you take on the responsibility of taking care of the kids while together, you know what I mean. Edited January 27, 2024 by smackie9 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 27, 2024 Share Posted January 27, 2024 11 hours ago, starsandsky95 said: The last time I tried to reconcile with him was over a year ago.....that was soon after the break up...... When you were with your ex, you got engaged, some where along the line, you had a child together. You are friends right now, based on the fact you're coparenting your two children. You both attend your children's sporting events, 3 times a week. Once a month, all (3) three of you go out as a family. Both you and ex have 'somewhat' moved forward, in your own individual lives, you say. Again, I can definitely see BF's side. Your current bf does have a point. Hope you've gained some insight. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted January 27, 2024 Share Posted January 27, 2024 58 minutes ago, smackie9 said: In my eyes, him asking you to go doesn't look like romantic interest but more about having you take on the responsibility of taking care of the kids while together, you know what I mean. Was going to say the same thing. Young kids are a lot of work and two sets of hands are better than one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted January 27, 2024 Share Posted January 27, 2024 21 hours ago, starsandsky95 said: He agreed and told me he would take them...10 minutes later, he sends me another message and asks if I would like to join and go with them. His reasoning? He said "Since you were the one that discovered this event, you want to come with us next weekend?" and now after reading everything you all have posted...I'm wondering if that was his way of trying to spend time with me or was he genuinely trying to be considerate and fair to invite me since I was the one that discovered this event for our kids? Just being considerate and fair. It's his weekend to have the kids, so maybe it's time to back off and start living some of your life outside the family cocoon and building a better relationship with your current boyfriend. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
an0nym0us123 Posted January 28, 2024 Share Posted January 28, 2024 I can't see it mentioned but if the new BF does not have kids himself then there is a massive imbalance here. It's my firm opinion that in most cases people with kids should date people with kids, and those without date those without. That means there is an understanding from both sides of what's involved and no resentmen from the party that does not have kids that they are coming 2nd place to kids and the ex. Contact with the ex sounds excessive, and I'm not surprised the new bf is unhappy. However rather than complaining about it it would be best to leave and find someone without kids or ties to their ex Link to post Share on other sites
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