Tri-City Sam Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 I am a senior, who lost his wife a while back. I find being alone all the time difficult, but I’m not ready for anything but casual. I have an old family friend that at one time we had an intimate relationship. We haven’t dated, but she has been over to visit and have a glass of wine and vice versa. She has expressed feelings and I have told her that I didn’t know where my life was going or who it was going with. And that our relationship should be casual. Recently, I met someone and had lunch with her. she’s a widow, and our discussion touched upon our grief and how we deal with it . I don’t know what dating etiquette is, so I don’t know whether to tell the old friend not to come see me anymore, even on a casual basis, because I will likely have lunch or dinner with my new friend. I’m just confused on how to handle this Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 I'm sorry for your loss - and dating has likely changed quite a bit. But if you're only having a purely casual thing with the new woman, there's no reason to stop having a casual relationship with the previous one. If the new lady ends up having a relationship with you, tell the old one that you've met someone. It may be quite possible that she still can be part of your life, but in ways which are more transparent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 If I were you I would tell your family friend that you met a new lady friend. She did confess having feelings for you so you cannot let her discover this by accident. You did tell her that you wanted to be casual with her so here it is, this is being casual, once in a while you will go out with other women. Also by being completely transparent with her will give her an opportunity to decide for herself if this type of casual dating is something she can handle. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 1 hour ago, Tri-City Sam said: I don’t know whether to tell the old friend not to come see me anymore, even on a casual basis, because I will likely have lunch or dinner with my new friend. Let the dust settle. If your friend asks to hang out, just explain that you started seeing someone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 I don't think you need to reach out to announce anything. If you enjoy the new lady's company, enjoy. If you see your old friend again, then you can mention the new woman. Don't let the old friend think she has a chance but be gentle that you see her as a dear friend, nothing more 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted January 24 Share Posted January 24 I'm a little confused. Just because you had lunch with a new lady friend, that means you can't see your old friend anymore? Having lunch with someone once is not an exclusive relationship. I don't think there's any need to cut off your old friend at this point. If things progress with the new "friend" into more of a relationship, then maybe it would be time to stop having these visits with your old friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted January 26 Share Posted January 26 Depends on the level of attraction to the new lady. If you continue dating and think there's a possible future with her, you need to be transparent about your old friend if that friendship is going to continue on the same basis. You also need to explain to your old friend that you've started dating so that she doesn't continue your friendship hoping that when you're ready for a relationship you'll pick her. If you handle it by being upfront with both women you can avoid a lot of awkwardness further down the track. At the same time, this early in the scenario you're not obliged to say anything to the new woman, but your old friend does need to know she's never going to be your partner. You may think you've made it clear but if she has strong feelings for you she may not be listening, people in love can be surprisingly deaf. If you're sleeping with both of them, then they both need to know because a lot of women don't want to be in that situation and they should be allowed to make informed choices. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tri-City Sam Posted January 27 Author Share Posted January 27 On 1/24/2024 at 10:53 AM, ShyViolet said: I'm a little confused. Just because you had lunch with a new lady friend, that means you can't see your old friend anymore? Having lunch with someone once is not an exclusive relationship. Well, that’s why it was an “etiquette” question. Its now 2 dates and a 3rd coming up with new friend., although still covering casual. Old friend has not been by, although hinted at it (I didn’t respond positively). So no discussion with here yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 27 Share Posted January 27 45 minutes ago, Tri-City Sam said: . Its now 2 dates and a 3rd coming up with new friend., although still covering casual. Old friend has not been by, although hinted at it Enjoy your new lady. As far as your old friend, it's fine to hang out as long as she's clear that you're friends and you're dating others. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 27 Share Posted January 27 I think you're handling it fine, you mentioned that you're not ready for anything serious yet and there's nothing wrong with that. Your lady friend knows that you're wanting a casual relationship at the moment and you plan to go have lunch or dinner with someone new shouldn't change that. She's going to have to decide for herself if she can accept that. If she can't accept it, then it might be best to cut ties. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 29 Share Posted January 29 If someone confesses feelings you just tell them no, and don't offer anything else because all you are doing is giving them hope. The only thing you need to do is be honest. Just looking for some light companionship, dating others because you are still grieving/adjusting. my mom said at that age it's best to have companions/travel companions and not get into a commitment. Link to post Share on other sites
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