Emotional_Pop93 Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 I had a falling out with one of my really good friends (29M). Let’s call him John. We lived together for 3 years and were good friends before that. We never had any issues and when we did, we talked about it calmly. This friend and I hang out with 2 other girls (both 29F) let’s call them Alice and Briana. Our group hung out often, grabbing brunch, traveling together, etc and we were all close. A few months ago, I had a falling out with John. He went on a trip with his other friend group and when he got back he told me he hooked up with one of the guys he went on a trip with. That someone was in a serious long term relationship and not to mention that boyfriend was also on that trip. Apparently they were drunk when they hooked up. I didn’t judge because they were drunk and it’s the guy who had a boyfriend who should’ve been more in control. Both parties were at fault and I don’t condone cheating but I didn’t pass judgment to my friend. I thought that was the end of it, but he kept seeing the guy afterwards and he was coming over to our apartment often. Then he kept venting to me whenever the guy wouldn’t respond to him or something. I kindly told him that while I didn’t judge, I didn’t wanna hear about it. That’s when sh*t went downhill. We got in a huge fight over it and he started calling me a bad friend. I tried to repair the friendship but he decided he didn’t wanna be friends with me anymore, which is fine I guess. I accepted and respected his decision. Since that we lived together, I tried to be cordial and co-exist with him but I did work my schedule around to avoid him as much as possible. He started bullying me and was really hostile towards me. He also started posting insulting stuff about me on social media indirectly but they were clearly about me. It got so unbearable that I decided to move out. I thought that was the end of it. Since that he hated me so much I thought he would be happy and he wouldn’t have to see me at all anymore. I was wrong. When I told him I was moving out, things got worse. He started calling me selfish because I needed to give him 2 months advance and I told him landlords don’t even require 2 months. He made everything so uncomfortable for me to the point I didn’t feel comfortable being in my apartment at all and that I stayed at my boyfriend’s house for 3 weeks before I moved out. He started posting stuff about me again on social media but this time it was directly and tagging me. He told everyone I constantly stole from him and ate his food when it wasn’t true. He was also posting insulting stuff about me like my fashion choices and such. While this was all happening, Alice and briana continued hanging out with him and none of them ever checked on me or texted me while the public slander was happening. I didn’t bother to reach out to them either because their behavior told me everything I needed to know. They clearly choose his side without asking me for mine and believed whatever lies he was probably saying about me. I guess now Alice and John found a new place and moved in together. Last weekend, I saw a story post that they all hung out at their new place and posting selfies with a caption “besties forever”. That’s when I decided to block them from seeing my story and muted their stories. I blocked John after I moved out. I’m just upset because I wasn’t the one who was doing any of the bullying, I wasn’t the one who posted any slander online and I wasn’t the one who was acting hostile but yet they chose him it didn’t even bother to see my side. I didn’t ask Alice and briana to pick any sides but I was hoping they would stay neutral or at least check on me when the online bullying was happening. I have been friends with this group for over 5 years and super disappointed this is how it all ended. Now I don’t really have any friends. I do have friends that I keep in touch with regularly but they a lot of them moved out of state during covid. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 I'm sorry this happened to you but John has poor ethics. The fact that he responded so badly & hurtfully to you not wanting to be drawn into his homewrecker cheating tells me you dodged a bullet. Build a new network. You will be better off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 This is crazy, I'm sorry you had to deal with that. But these people are NOT your friends. They sound horrible. Leave this all behind and make new friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emotional_Pop93 Posted January 23 Author Share Posted January 23 Just now, ShyViolet said: This is crazy, I'm sorry you had to deal with that. But these people are NOT your friends. They sound horrible. Leave this all behind and make new friends. Thank you so much for your sympathy. I am a little dumbfounded still about it. I now know that they aren’t my real friends. It just hurts to know that people who I thought were my friends (friends for a long time too) aren’t genuine connections especially after spending so much time with them for the last few years. I am coping with it by focusing on the fact that at least this type of negative energy has been removed from my life but it still isn’t easy coping that I pretty much have no one to hang out with and feeling pretty lonely some days Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emotional_Pop93 Posted January 23 Author Share Posted January 23 38 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: I'm sorry this happened to you but John has poor ethics. The fact that he responded so badly & hurtfully to you not wanting to be drawn into his homewrecker cheating tells me you dodged a bullet. Build a new network. You will be better off. Thank you. The other girls in our friend group seem to support this behavior. Egging him on and telling him he is in his “Ariana grande era”. This type of behavior doesn’t align with my ethics so I guess losing this friend group is for the best 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 Sounds like none of these people were ever your true friends. I'm sorry. I hope you make some new, good friends soon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 Good grief, and these people are all nearly 30? They sound like teens, what with "besties" and "Ariana Grande era." Seriously. I would work on fostering friendships with a more mature bunch. These people are stuck in high school, mentally. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emotional_Pop93 Posted January 23 Author Share Posted January 23 11 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Good grief, and these people are all nearly 30? They sound like teens, what with "besties" and "Ariana Grande era." Seriously. I would work on fostering friendships with a more mature bunch. These people are stuck in high school, mentally. Yeah. We all met in college and honestly bonded over partying and drinking. I got to a point a few years ago where I was getting over it. It works out because our values don’t align anymore but still hurts to learn they weren’t real friends and this is how they reacted Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 28 Share Posted January 28 I can understand why it hurts. In time, you will see what a blessing it is that these juvenile people are not in your life anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
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