Alexan65 Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 Im dating this guy for 2 months now. We already went overseas together for 2 weeks, it means 2 weeks together all the time. We had some arguments while holidays because he was always wanting to do his way and not listening to me. Once we came back from holidays I arrived fresh and thinking that I really like some of his flaws and that those are not deal breakers for me, I don't think negative about having arguments during holidays because we were 2 strangers getting to know each other. The point is we spent Christmas together ,new years together and we see each other at lease 4 times per week,2 nights per week we sleep over. He does everything that a guy who wants a commitment would do, like he is constant in communication, he plans plan dates, he likes to pay for most of the dates. Yesterday we were having a discussion about where we are going, he hasn't asked me for exclusivity yet although he says he is not active in any dating app. He said to me hurtful things that I was not expecting. He says he likes to stay with me and doesn't want to break up with me but he is not falling for me or falling in love with me, he has no excitement to get to know me. He says he did feel that at the start of dating but after our travel overseas he doesn't feel that way,however he says there are many reasons to not let me go , and he says I'm caring and loving person, he says he likes my gestures, etc but the spark is not there. He says he will be able to fall in love with me again. He made me cry, I spent that night at his house . Then the next day I took a bit of distant and he says he would like to speak with me and asked me if I have made a decision about us, I told him I havent and that he is a fully grown man so he can also make the decision. I feel like he wants me to carry the responsibility to stop hanging ouy with each other. I m not crazy about him but I like many things of him, he treats me very well like no guy has done that before so I cant believe he is telling me he is not falling in love with me. He never had a compliment for me, I dress up to see him and he don't usually tell me that I look cute, he also doesn't like to talk with me about deep questions or his personal goals . He is from German (33) while I'm Spanish (29) he has a very open mind while I like to question things and im modern but i stick on my believes. Last month he told me if I was going to cheat on him I should tell him to see if he would approve that , that was so full on for me because cheating is not something people think while they are getting to know someone. Then he seems to be cool with everything, (sisters dating same guy, thresomes , cheating ) but he says he is not into these so then it makes me thing he is ok with everything and we have no same values. I asked him what he would think of me if I would have sex with someone else and he says that it's fine because we are no exclusive yet although he says he is only dating me and i think it's truth as he spends all his spare time with me and he js not suspicious with his phone. But this sort of answer makes me thing that he doesn't care about me. What guy wouldn't care that his girl sleeps with other guys?? Then he called me last night and said to me that from his end he would like to continue getting to know but it only would be fair if I agree with that and if he is going to give his 100%. I dont understand his answer . He is also not that interested in sex, he always wants one sex position and says that he only feels attraction for women breast .. I asked him if he is gay as he sometimes looks at guys in the streets and he said " i don't think so, i kissed a guy and it didn't turn me on" while another guy would say "no" he says "he doesn't think that.." It's normal that after 2 months he is not falling in love but he still wants to date me? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 49 minutes ago, Alexan65 said: What guy wouldn't care that his girl sleeps with other guys?? One who plans to sleep with other girls. Or is already sleeping with them. 50 minutes ago, Alexan65 said: He says he likes to stay with me and doesn't want to break up with me but he is not falling for me or falling in love with me, he has no excitement to get to know me. It is beyond pointless to continue seeing him. He has been very clear that he isn't that into you. Where is your self-respect, girl? Get rid of this guy. 51 minutes ago, Alexan65 said: t's normal that after 2 months he is not falling in love but he still wants to date me? For a guy who just wants a woman to keep him company until he finds another woman he is crazy about? Yeah, it's normal for that type of man. That is what is happening here. He isn't going to suddenly start being wild about you. He is keeping you around for now, but when he meets a woman he is crazy about, he will be gone. Ask yourself what you are getting out of this that you would settle for such a poor excuse for a relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 No I don’t think you should keep dating him. It’s only two months and you cried over this guy. It’s also too much too soon. He pays and also plans the dates? He’s probably burnt out and tired of the same routine. You may be too passive for someone like him but you shouldn’t change who you are either if you like all that. Find someone else who treats you well. I have a feeling he’s probably better matched with someone who takes charge a lot more and tells him what to do as opposed to agreeing with what he says or letting him pay. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alexan65 Posted January 18 Author Share Posted January 18 4 minutes ago, glows said: No I don’t think you should keep dating him. It’s only two months and you cried over this guy. It’s also too much too soon. He pays and also plans the dates? He’s probably burnt out and tired of the same routine. You may be too passive for someone like him but you shouldn’t change who you are either if you like all that. Find someone else who treats you well. I have a feeling he’s probably better matched with someone who takes charge a lot more and tells him what to do as opposed to agreeing with what he says or letting him pay. I pay for dates and i offer some plans but he always wants to do his way. These were the arguments we had in Bali but at the end i gave away that and it's not a dealbreaker yet. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 12 minutes ago, Alexan65 said: I pay for dates and i offer some plans but he always wants to do his way. These were the arguments we had in Bali but at the end i gave away that and it's not a dealbreaker yet. I don’t think this is a guy to get entangled with. He sounds selfish and immature. Who the heck argues in Bali?! Come on girl. You know this isn’t right. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 1 hour ago, Alexan65 said: These were the arguments we had in Bali but at the end i gave away that and it's not a dealbreaker yet. Gave away what? Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 He's cold, and manipulative. I'd give him a miss. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alexan65 Posted January 18 Author Share Posted January 18 13 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Gave away what? I decided to give up on the decision making in Bali because he was making good decisions so there was no point to discuss about certain things that i would probably do , i meat he is very stubborn. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 (edited) None of this sounds ideal. Spending two weeks on vacation with somebody you had only known for about a month at the time the trip started would be far too fast for me. Lack of foundation contributed to some of this but if he's not feeling it, odds are he never will. You are a placeholder for this guy. It's a step above FWB but he's killing time with you not to be alone, to have sex & to wait until somebody better comes along. The fact that you are already fighting less than 60 days in is a huge sign that you are not compatible. He can't / won't compromise If you are OK with all of the above, carry on. However I submit that the more time you spend with him, that's time you don't have to search for a better match with somebody who actually loves YOU. Edited January 18 by d0nnivain 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 8 hours ago, Alexan65 said: is we spent Christmas together ,new years together and we see each other at lease 4 times per week,2 nights per week we sleep over. He is not falling for me or falling in love with me, he has no excitement to get to know me. Sorry this is happening. Please step back. He doesn't seem to care about you and doesn't seem interested in an exclusive relationship. He seems to enjoy the sex. But it's hurtful and insulting to be treated the way he treats you . Please consider cutting your losses to avoid headaches and heartaches. This is a lot of drama for 8 weeks dating. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 Yes you should break it off with this guy because he's been more than clear he's not into you. He's using you as a placeholder until he finds the girl he wants to be with. Use your self respect and let him go. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 Two months and arguments and you feeling bad about it. Look this guy is not right for you, when he is not excited about you or is not looking to develop deep things with you. He just wants to have fun and wont want to answer deep questions or get close. I know you may like him and that is great, but for things to work, you need to open up and get to know one other. This guy seems like he isn't willing to do that. He says he is content to just date you, but this means nothing when it comes to being in a long-term relationship. Think about it, if you got into a serious relationship with this guy, would you be able to trust and rely on him? You said it yourself, he doesn't care if you sleep with someone else at this stage. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 14 hours ago, Alexan65 said: He says he likes to stay with me and doesn't want to break up with me but he is not falling for me or falling in love with me, he has no excitement to get to know me. No one with any self-respect would continue seeing a guy after he says something like this to you. Why on earth would you do that? Do you enjoy getting rejected and being with someone who doesn't like you? He obviously wants to end the relationship. For whatever reason he doesn't have the courage to do it himself, but he just gave you every sign that it's time to end it. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 (edited) 14 hours ago, Alexan65 said: It's normal that after 2 months he is not falling in love but he still wants to date me? I wouldn’t expect a man to tell me that he is in love with me after only two months. You have this relationship on fast forward - you are speeding through the “get to know you” phase where you get to enjoy all the firsts and let the feelings grow… It’s too much too soon, and your expectations are unrealistic in my humble opinion. That said, there are other reasons to end this relationship - as have been said above. Edited January 18 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 18 hours ago, Alexan65 said: He says he likes to stay with me and doesn't want to break up with me but he is not falling for me or falling in love with me, he has no excitement to get to know me. He says he did feel that at the start of dating but after our travel overseas he doesn't feel that way,however he says there are many reasons to not let me go , and he says I'm caring and loving person, he says he likes my gestures, etc but the spark is not there. He says he will be able to fall in love with me again. He made me cry, I spent that night at his house . I think if your not feeling it in the early stages it is the wrong option to prolong the misery, Personally I stayed in a 5 years relationship with the spark waning after three years- ultimately it does neither person any benefit (but at least I felt there was something good initially) lo siento, mejor mudarse. Link to post Share on other sites
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