Should I bring up marriage

[GoodVibess]

I’m 24 this year and I’m desperately looking for a husband. I am currently seeing a 19 year old but I’m not sure if he even wants a relationship. At this point I am ready to marry anyone who comes my way. I want a relationship and i’m getting old. I want a family. I’m broken because every other relationship failed, Im tired of being single. I fear I will be 30 and still on dating apps. 

Edited January 14, 2024 by GoodVibess

[Weezy1973]

12 minutes ago, GoodVibess said:

I’m broken because every other relationship failed,

I strongly suggest getting unbroken before seeking a serious relationship or marriage. You wrongly (although understandably) think that marriage will fix your feelings of low self worth and “fix” you. It won’t. Fix yourself first; then seek a relationship.

[Gaeta]

No, you don't bring up martiage to a 19 year old, he's still a kid.

Marrying anyone coming your way will assure you an unhappy marriage and if you think you're sad and lonely now wait till you're married to the wrong man...you don't know what is being miserable yet.

You know why people don't marry under 25 anymore? Because now we know our brain is not done growing until we reach the age 25 to 29. That means we don't have all of our brain available to make long term decisions.

Edited January 14, 2024 by Gaeta

[Els]

Shouldn't you be more afraid of being 30 with 4 young kids and an ex-husband who simply disappeared on you? Because that sounds like a highly possible outcome if you carry on with this ridiculous train of thought, especially after going through some of your previous posts.

[ExpatInItaly]

Do you honestly think a 19-year-old boy is interested in marriage? 

 

[ShyViolet]

"Desperately" looking for a husband?  "Ready to marry anyone who comes my way?"

You seriously need to stop and get a grip.  This is not the way that a healthy and emotionally mature person approaches marriage.  Rushing into marriage is always a horrible idea and a great way to find yourself in a bad situation that ends up falling apart.  I have no idea why you would think you're getting old at age 24 and why it's so urgent that you get married as soon as possible.  Is this because you are living with your parents and you really hate living there and want to get out?

[basil67]

5 hours ago, GoodVibess said:

At this point I am ready to marry anyone who comes my way.

In all seriousness, what man would want a bride who feels this way?  A woman who wants him not because she loves him, but because she's feeling desperate.  And you considering a 19yo boy as a prospect for a 'desperation marriage' is beyond selfish. 

I say this kindly, are you in therapy?  Because you really need some good support

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, GoodVibess said:

 I am currently seeing a 19 year old but I’m not sure if he even wants a relationship. . I fear I will be 30 and still on dating apps. 

Please date men in the 25-30 range. Not to find a husband immediately, but to cut down on the frustration of dating teenage boys who aren't ready to be serious. 

[stillafool]

7 hours ago, GoodVibess said:

I’m 24 this year and I’m desperately looking for a husband. I am currently seeing a 19 year old but I’m not sure if he even wants a relationship. At this point I am ready to marry anyone who comes my way. I want a relationship and i’m getting old. I want a family. I’m broken because every other relationship failed, Im tired of being single. I fear I will be 30 and still on dating apps. 

You'd have a better chance at marriage by going after a 35 or 36 year old man.  19 year old boys are not looking for marriage with an older woman and certainly are not ready to start a family.  Have you tried men in their mid to late 30s yet?

[Alpacalia]

I realize this post was probably made out of frustration and in jest. But, please hear me when I say that getting married to "anyone who comes your way" is not the solution to your loneliness and desire for a family.

Edited January 14, 2024 by Alpacalia

[Gaeta]

Listen to this old lady who's been married young and divorced. 

Men will come an go, even those who will marry you won't hesitate to leave you. What you need to concentrate on is having a good career, financial stability, and a strong bond with friends & family because they're the ones who are going to pick you up from the ground when those men will disappoint you. 

It's normal to want a companion and children but who you pick will make it a hell or a paradise for you. You really want *anybody* to father your children! Statistics are clear, if you marry later you have better chances of staying married. 

 

[Els]

47 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Statistics are clear, if you marry later you have better chances of staying married. 

This. I'm happily married to my partner of 15 years, but if I'd married the first dude that came along, I would've been a divorcee before I hit 30.

[Liliana09]

On 1/14/2024 at 3:09 PM, GoodVibess said:

I’m 24 this year and I’m desperately looking for a husband. I am currently seeing a 19 year old but I’m not sure if he even wants a relationship. At this point I am ready to marry anyone who comes my way. I want a relationship and i’m getting old. I want a family. I’m broken because every other relationship failed, Im tired of being single. I fear I will be 30 and still on dating apps. 

I'm sorry but  you are only 24 , so why all this getting old business?. I really don't think there's any rush , plus if you're with a younger person...chances are they won't be thinking that far ahead of even considering marriage at this stage in  their life let alone a long term relationship. 

 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

On 1/14/2024 at 10:09 AM, GoodVibess said:

. Should I bring up marriage

No. However bringing up the age range  could help you find men who are more interested in committed relationships

[smackie9]

Finding a husband doesn't solve whatever issues you have. The only way to attract a mature person to marry you is to be mature and put together yourself. You dating a 19 year old tells me that you don't have your act together and still making the wrong choices. Most 19 year old guys are only thinking about their ding-a-ling and nothing else. Get a makeover, dress up nice, work hard at a career, earn your confidence, change your social group, get some interests going, meet mature people. 

Edited January 15, 2024 by smackie9

[mortensorchid]

No no no no no - You are not ready at 24 and neither is this guy at 19.  You both have a lot of growing to do still, you just don't know it yet.  Legally you are an adult at 18 but you are not going to reach emotional maturity / true adulthood until you are about 25.  It's very subtle , I'm not going to say I knew the exact moment when it happened, but you can and will sense it.  There is a lot ahead of you, you just don't realize this now.  

When you're in your early / mid twenties, you are not an adult yet.  You think you are but you're actually not.  Your mentality is still very much that of a teenager's.  And you are still thinking like a kid in this area - You think that when you grow up, you're going to get married.  But guess what?  That's not how it works.  Why?  Well it's complicated.  I would vent my feelings on this but it's going to be banned or flagged by admin.  Be happy. 

[d0nnivain]

On 1/14/2024 at 10:09 AM, GoodVibess said:

I’m 24 this year and I’m desperately looking for a husband. I am currently seeing a 19 year old but I’m not sure if he even wants a relationship. At this point I am ready to marry anyone who comes my way. I want a relationship and i’m getting old. I want a family. I’m broken because every other relationship failed, Im tired of being single. I fear I will be 30 and still on dating apps. 

That is the worst way to go about this.  Getting married out of fear & being desperate means you will overlook red flags, take anybody & be worse off then you are now. 

Before you get married you need to seriously examine WHY every other relationship failed & you need to fix those problems before you get involved in another relationship & before you start a family.  Be tired of being single is no reason to rush into marriage or motherhood.   

Your stated goal proves you are not mature enough or ready for either.  The way you are going, you will end up divorced with a kid you can't afford & don't know how to parent before you are 30.  That is way worse than being single & never married. 

Get some therapy.  Learn to love yourself.  Become more confident.  When you are at peace inside your own skin only then will you find a happy, healthy, fulfilling relationship.  

[spiderowl]

On 1/14/2024 at 3:09 PM, GoodVibess said:

I’m 24 this year and I’m desperately looking for a husband. I am currently seeing a 19 year old but I’m not sure if he even wants a relationship. At this point I am ready to marry anyone who comes my way. I want a relationship and i’m getting old. I want a family. I’m broken because every other relationship failed, Im tired of being single. I fear I will be 30 and still on dating apps. 

I got married when I was 30, had two children, and was fine.  Why on earth are you panicking at 24?  Early relationships often fail because both people are young and have not yet acquired the knowledge and skills to discern who is a suitable partner and how to build a relationship.  It does not imply any failure in you at all; it's just normal.

Maybe you mix with a social group that marries young?  I don't know.  You seem to feel great pressure to get married when you really need to be focusing on whether a partner is right for you or not, not getting married!  You are danger of making a big mistake in your desperation.  The right person will find you, if you get out and about and mix in friendship groups and clubs. Tell yourself that and then go about your life happily, confident in the knowledge that it will happen when the right person comes along.  So far, your romantic life sounds pretty normal to me.  Men are usually not as keen to settle down at your age so you would be 'swimming against the tide' so to speak.  Do what you enjoy doing, forget about dating with a goal, and just enjoy freedom while you have it.

 

[spiderowl]

On 1/15/2024 at 3:03 PM, Gaeta said:

Listen to this old lady who's been married young and divorced. 

Men will come an go, even those who will marry you won't hesitate to leave you. What you need to concentrate on is having a good career, financial stability, and a strong bond with friends & family because they're the ones who are going to pick you up from the ground when those men will disappoint you. 

It's normal to want a companion and children but who you pick will make it a hell or a paradise for you. You really want *anybody* to father your children! Statistics are clear, if you marry later you have better chances of staying married. 

 

An another older lady, this is very good advice.  Please listen to this.  Your goals at the moment should be to ensure stability in your life with a good job, pension, home.  All else may come and go, but if you have those things and good friends, you will be cushioned against the 'slings and arrows of outrageous fortune'.  It might not seem like those are your personal priorities at the moment, but you don't want to wait until they are.  Being stuck in an unhappy relationship with a guy who may or may not be financially supportive or caring about family, can be incredibly stressful, and that's what you could end up with if you haven't built yourself a foundation in life and are not selective about the guy you marry.  I know some cultures and romantic media suggest that all you need is a 'good match' but so many older women like me have found out that that is not the case.