Keeves1 Posted January 13, 2024 Posted January 13, 2024 Hey! Got a second date on monday with Sille (false name). I asked her on the first date what she’s looking for and she said that she has alot of friends and are looking for a relationship. «I sometimes go out to drink on the weekends with friends». What are everyone’s thoughts about dating a girl who likes to party but wants relationship? Personally I don’t mind but that means I have to trust her to not sleep around. Alot of crazy things can happend when you’re drunk. Now I have no clue if she get’s drunk when she drinks. I need to find out what kind of relationship she wants. Should I ask her: «What do you look for in a guy»
Wiseman2 Posted January 13, 2024 Posted January 13, 2024 18 minutes ago, Keeves1 said: . I asked her on the first date what she’s looking for and she said that she has alot of friends and are looking for a relationship. I don’t mind but that means I have to trust her to not sleep around. It seems like you already asked and she answered. However if you can't handle the fact that she socializes with friends occasionally on weekends and presume it means she's "sleeping around", it doesn't seem like you're ready to date anyone at this point. 3
Gaeta Posted January 13, 2024 Posted January 13, 2024 (edited) 46 minutes ago, Keeves1 said: «I sometimes go out to drink on the weekends with friends You don't know what that means so wait and see. If she gets drunk to the point of passing out then don't pursue any further. Having friends and going out once in a while is healthy, seeing cheating everywhere is not. Edited January 13, 2024 by Gaeta 4 1
ShyViolet Posted January 13, 2024 Posted January 13, 2024 You are making a lot of assumptions about a woman who you know very little about. You have no idea if she gets drunk or sleeps around. You are reading way into the simple sentence "I sometimes go out to drink on the weekends with friends." That doesn't necessarily mean she is the "partying" type. If you're looking for a girl who doesn't go out to bars at all, doesn't go out on the weekends and is a homebody, then that's fine. Just say that. 1 1
Els Posted January 13, 2024 Posted January 13, 2024 Aren't you in your early 20s or something? Doesn't almost everyone go out to drink with friends on weekends at that age? I think you're taking her every word waaaaaaaaaaaay too seriously. It's a second date. If you like her, keep going for dates and see how it turns out. 3
Alpacalia Posted January 14, 2024 Posted January 14, 2024 On 1/12/2024 at 4:25 PM, Keeves1 said: Hey! Got a second date on monday with Sille (false name). I asked her on the first date what she’s looking for and she said that she has alot of friends and are looking for a relationship. «I sometimes go out to drink on the weekends with friends». What are everyone’s thoughts about dating a girl who likes to party but wants relationship? Personally I don’t mind but that means I have to trust her to not sleep around. Alot of crazy things can happend when you’re drunk. Now I have no clue if she get’s drunk when she drinks. I need to find out what kind of relationship she wants. Should I ask her: «What do you look for in a guy» Someone once asked me, what gets you excited in life? I replied. And then it segued into asking me about what I look for in a partner. So maybe you could try something similar with Sille. Ask her what she's passionate about, what drives and motivates her. Don't just blurt out, "What do you look for in a guy?" because it can come off as generic and she may give a rehearsed answer. 1
FredEire Posted January 14, 2024 Posted January 14, 2024 On 1/13/2024 at 12:25 AM, Keeves1 said: Hey! Got a second date on monday with Sille (false name). I asked her on the first date what she’s looking for and she said that she has alot of friends and are looking for a relationship. «I sometimes go out to drink on the weekends with friends». What are everyone’s thoughts about dating a girl who likes to party but wants relationship? Personally I don’t mind but that means I have to trust her to not sleep around. Alot of crazy things can happend when you’re drunk. Now I have no clue if she get’s drunk when she drinks. I need to find out what kind of relationship she wants. Should I ask her: «What do you look for in a guy» Firstly I think you're projecting a bit far into the future for a second date. Maybe you're both looking for a relationship but you have to see if you're compatible first. Secondly everyone has the right to go out and be social whether taken or not. I'm getting the sense you might be a little bit possessive or were cheated on in the past? Trust is a big part of a relationship, you cant just expect her to cut off her friends or stop doing what she enjoys because she's with someone. If you're not a big drinker why not compromise a little and go out with her sober, get to know her friends? She'll probably appreciate that. And that's if it gets that far, it's only a second date. To me "I want a relationship" means they want to date someone exclusively and not sleep around, that's it. Apart from that you have to work out if your lifestyles match up and you can work around any small differences. 2
Wiseman2 Posted January 14, 2024 Posted January 14, 2024 (edited) On 1/12/2024 at 7:25 PM, Keeves1 said: she said that she has alot of friends and are looking for a relationship. . Should I ask her: «What do you look for in a guy» It's difficult to interpret vague replies but "I have enough friends, I'm looking for a relationship" seems clear enough . Please do not ask her what she's looking for in a guy. Either she likes you and goes out with you again or she'll move on. Edited January 14, 2024 by Wiseman2 1
Alpacalia Posted January 14, 2024 Posted January 14, 2024 (edited) Let me take back my previous statement and suggest that you reconsider your decision to go on a second date with her. You're already thinking about issues and concerns before getting to know her more. It doesn't seem like her lifestyle aligns with what you're comfortable with. The last she is going to want is to be with someone who is constantly questioning her choices and lifestyle. It's best to save both of you the time and energy and move on to find someone whose values and lifestyle are more compatible with yours. Edited January 14, 2024 by Alpacalia 1
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