gunner_sg Posted January 9 Share Posted January 9 My wife and I are getting divorced by mutual agreement due to an irretrievable breakdown in the marriage. We're in our mid-40s, been married for 15 years and have a 10 year old, We are still staying together until the divorce is completed. Her work requires her to travel (usually alone) but recently, she's been travelling a lot more frequently, often at short notice. Since we commenced the divorce proceedings, she stopped sharing where she is travelling to, her itinerary and flight/hotel details etc. although she still informs me when she's leaving/returning mainly because of our son. She still looks good for her age and works in a male-dominated industry where her job frequently requires her to meet people. She previously admitted that some men (mostly from work) had been coming onto her although she has never admitted to sleeping with anyone else after we got together. However, she's been dressing a lot more sexily whenever she goes for work meetings and is constantly on (and very protective of) her phone. I have also seen some suggestions that that something may really be going on e.g. she's been checking out where to take tests for STDs, local hotel rates, washing her underwear immediately after every trip etc. Now you may be wondering why I still bother with her possible infidelity when our divorce is already under way. Perhaps I'm looking for a reason to feel better about the divorce. Or maybe because I used to have a fantasy of being a cuckold and it kills not knowing for sure if she's cheating. I even thought of hiring a Private Investigator to follow her until I found out their fees and was told that any evidence they find will not amount to anything more than "unreasonable behaviour" and will have no bearing on the divorce settlement under the laws here (I'm not in the U.S.). Not sure what I'm hoping to get by posting this here but I feel better already just by sharing this. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 9 Share Posted January 9 It definitely sounds like your wife has already started her single life. When will the divorce be final? I think if you've already filed for divorce, it is not cheating for her to start seeing other men. When are you or her moving out? Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted January 9 Share Posted January 9 54 minutes ago, gunner_sg said: However, she's been dressing a lot more sexily whenever she goes for work meetings and is constantly on (and very protective of) her phone. I have also seen some suggestions that that something may really be going on e.g. she's been checking out where to take tests for STDs, local hotel rates, washing her underwear immediately after every trip etc. Why on earth are you monitoring her phone? It's concerning that you're tracking her Internet activities and evidently going through her laundry to know that it's specifically her underwear getting washed. Maybe you should begin to live separately now and not wait until the divorce is final. Most people do separate when they know the marriage is over. It makes it much smoother for both to begin living as single people. In the meanwhile, respect her privacy. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 9 Share Posted January 9 4 hours ago, gunner_sg said: My wife and I are getting divorced , We are still staying together until the divorce is completed. Are you still living and sleeping together? How far along is the divorce as far as a separation agreement and living separately and child support and visitation? Is the divorce actually filed, or are you just agreeing that it's a good idea? As far as dating others while still living as a couple and family, clearly that's going to make things awkward and difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 9 Share Posted January 9 "Technically" it would be cheating as you are still married. Whether it "counts" to you personally is another matter. For some it would, some it wouldn't. Depending on how one feels, I could see it "adding insult to the injury" of divorce. However, if the divorce is inevitable one should perhaps do one's best to worry about it as little as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 9 hours ago, gunner_sg said: We are still staying together until the divorce is completed. I think it’s time to start planning to live independently considering that you are in the process of divorce. Have you filed the papers? Have you thought about finding somewhere else to live? Unless there are financial reasons that prohibit you from moving out, most people separate and live separately after they file for divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 9 hours ago, gunner_sg said: . I even thought of hiring a Private Investigator to follow her until I found out their fees and was told that any evidence they find will not amount to anything more than "unreasonable behaviour" and will have no bearing on the divorce settlement under the laws here. Please invest in a good attorney so you can get your living arrangements figured out. There's no point tracking or spying on her. It's just a waste of time and money if you are headed for divorce anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 I'll just say this. A very large number of people don't wait until the divorce is finalized to have sex with someone else. Rather you feel it is wrong or not is completely up to you but it is an extremely common practice (sometimes with people even younger than their kids). Link to post Share on other sites
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