Foster2023 Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 Im new to this online way. I’m a 56 year old female who has been dating a 63 year old male that I met online in March. He talked about our future, we have taken trips together, met the others family, etc. He ended the relationship via the phone and said he was not feeling the way he should and we should “Part Ways.” After stalking him online I found he is engaged as of December 31st to a 41 year old. Of course I texted him a snapshot of their engagement picture and asked if he had been seeing her. He replied no they started dating after we broke up but that he never went out with her when we were together. He also said he has known her for 3.5 years. Now looking back I feel he was attracted to much much younger women. I’m not an unattractive women, I am very thin, have a southern accent and have been at my job in insurance claims for 30 plus years. I am having a hard time understanding this. I have talked about this to my family and girl friends and wanted to get an outside perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 He wanted a caretaker. You dodged a bullet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Foster2023 Posted January 6 Author Share Posted January 6 (edited) Why couldn’t I be his caretaker? I’m a caring person. Is is because I’m 56? Is she more of a trophy wife? Ego boost. I felt like we were settling and something was missing. I couldn’t put my finger on it. I actually always thought he was attracted to much younger women. He is slightly overweight but a good man. Not an ugly man either just 63. Edited January 6 by Foster2023 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 14 minutes ago, Foster2023 said: I’m not an unattractive women, I am very thin, have a southern accent and have been at my job in insurance claims for 30 plus years. I am having a hard time understanding this. I'm sorry it didn't work out. Could it be that you're having trouble understanding it because you're focusing only on your looks, accent and having a stable job? This really isn't enough to make a relationship last. What was the actual relationship like? What frustrations did you have with each other? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Foster2023 Posted January 6 Author Share Posted January 6 Did I mention she has a 7 year old. Yes a 63 year old marrying a woman with a small child. His kids are all grown . Why would he want a new family at this age? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 38 minutes ago, Foster2023 said: I met online in March. . He replied no they started dating after we broke up but that he never went out with her when we were together. He also said he has known her for 3.5 years. Sorry this happened. Please let go. You only dated a few months. Her age is irrelevant. It seems they have a history and he reconnected with her and ended things with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Foster2023 Posted January 6 Author Share Posted January 6 38 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: He wanted a caretaker. You dodged a bullet. 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this happened. Please let go. You only dated a few months. Her age is irrelevant. It seems they have a history and he reconnected with her and ended things with you. Wiseman2 has to be a man based on the response. If not you’re a hell of a strong willed woman. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 41 minutes ago, Foster2023 said: I felt like we were settling and something was missing. I couldn’t put my finger on it. I missed this earlier....sorry. If you felt that the two of you were settling and something was missing, then likely he felt it too. It is a very good reason to end a relationship 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Foster2023 Posted January 6 Author Share Posted January 6 (edited) I found online my ex of a year is engaged to a much younger woman. Do I contact her and let her know he was talking marriage with me a month ago. He has told me to never contact him again. I thought he was a good Christian man. Edited January 6 by Foster2023 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 6 minutes ago, Foster2023 said: I found online my ex of a year is engaged to a much younger woman. Do I contact her and let her know he was talking marriage with me a month ago. He has told me to never contact him again. I thought he was a good Christian man. If he's told you to never contact him again, I think there's more to this story than you've told us. What reason did he give when he broke up? Did you react in an unpleasant or threatening manner? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 12 minutes ago, Foster2023 said: He has told me to never contact him again. Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Please leave them alone. Is this the same man?: Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 (edited) It's not really strange that he's engaged to her within a month, OP. I mean, the two of you had already done a heck of a lot together, including introducing each other to your families, within a few months of meeting. So it sounds like he generally prefers accelerated relationship timelines (which make a bad foundation for relationships). Whether her age was ultimately the determining factor for him, I don't know. But it sounds kind of like you needed him to choose you in order to feel worthy, and I'm wondering about that. Why do you care so much about this man's choices and preferences, to the extent of keeping track of him online and essentially confronting him? You didn't know him one year ago, and I imagine you lived a rich fulfilling life before then. In addition, you yourself indicate that something was missing in your relationship with him. So he clearly wasn't the right person for you. He may have been nice and the relationship my have been important to you, but it was bound to end, and the end of the relationship doesn't take anything away from you. Edited January 6 by Acacia98 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 Look, while you guys were traveling and going out and meeting each other's families, there were things that were missing. You probably missed ways he was distant and noncommittal and not responsive to you. I would bet confidently that he was stingy with his words of commitment. But you fell for all the wining and dining and travel. Time to up your game and focus more on the depth of the connection and the real character of the person in front of you. That he broke up by phone shows clearly that he is not someone who has strong integrity or character. Sounds like he's a conflict wimp, conflict avoidant and distant with no heart. Total lack of strength there. Major lack of compassion and decency. Now I turn to you. How did you miss all this? These weaknesses of character HAD to have been there before. Use this experience to improve your assessment of men and you can find someone worth bonding with. This guy is clearly a loser. The question isn't what happened? The question is wow, how was he able to hide his weakness from you for six months? And why didn't you look more under the rug, as they say? And did you get snowed by all the external and outward bling? I can guarantee you this guy acted in ways throughout your time together that are totally consistent with what he's doing now. Identify those,red flags that you ignored, update your dating software and you'll be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 Nobody gets engaged that quickly. He's either in the throws of a mid-life crisis or it was all an act and he was seeing her while he was dating you. Either way, it's time to move on and leave this man in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 11 hours ago, Foster2023 said: Do I contact her and let her know he was talking marriage with me a month ago No, don't do this. It will keep you embroiled in drama and won't bring any positive result to you. You need to let go and work on moving forward. Stop looking at his socials. Stop all comparisons between you and his new fianceé. You're tormenting yourself for a man with whom you admit the relationship was lacking something. This seems more like a hit to your ego since she is quite a bit younger, but you say little about what makes him so appealing that you'd want anything to do with him anymore. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 12 hours ago, Foster2023 said: Did I mention she has a 7 year old. Yes a 63 year old marrying a woman with a small child. His kids are all grown . Why would he want a new family at this age? Who cares "why" he would want to do this? That is not relevant to you and it's not your problem anymore. It's not a question that we can answer for you. You're not going to get answers to any of these questions. Just accept that this guy was not right for you and had some issues, and move on. You need to stop stalking his social media and trying to analyze him. What he's doing now is frankly not your business. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 12 hours ago, Foster2023 said: I found online my ex of a year is engaged to a much younger woman. Do I contact her and let her know he was talking marriage with me a month ago. No don't contact her. It's none of your business & he's her problem now not yours. Contacting her only stirs up drama. It doesn't solve your heartbreak. It's unlikely that she will believe you or leave him. If she does & you succeed in breaking them up, that doesn't alleviate your pain. Since you mention him being a good Christian, you need to follow the teachings of your own faith & turn the other cheek. Block him from all mediums in your life & move on. He's not worth all the pain you are still hanging on to. Let go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 I know you are struggling with this...something you wanted and thought you had was swept away by one phone call. The man didn't have the decency to tell you in person...and that says a lot of what he's about. This other lady will probably get duped too just like you. You are angry, frustrated, heartbroken...but that doesn't mean you should go out and destroy them. IMO things happen for a reason...I think you got saved from something that may have ruined your life. This is letting another door open for a better opportunity. Forgive, let go, move on. Don't keep the hate in your heart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 Sorry but things happen. He may have known and had a crush on this woman for the last 3.5 years but never made a move for whatever reason. He may not have felt the passion and chemistry he wants with you and felt it was best to end it. Who knows this 41 year old may have liked him too and after he broke up with you they dated, decided this was it and got engaged. It's best not to raise your hopes just because a man introduces you to his family, it doesn't really mean he wants a future with you. I agree not to snoop on his social media because that will keep you stuck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts