HollyCould266 Posted January 4, 2024 Posted January 4, 2024 Me and my BF have been dating for 4 months and he was amazing at first and we got along so well. That was until he moved in with me for the Holidays (2 weeks) and we we have been constantly arguing ever since. I started noticing that hes a bit arrogant. He always thinks he’s right about everything and that I’m always wrong . It’s really frustrating because even when it’s obvious that he’s wrong he digs in his heels so it leads to pointless arguments. I can admit that I’m a bit opinionated but I’ve never experienced friction like this with people over trivial things like I have with him. He just has this way of making you feel stupid whenever you disagree with him. So we argued constantly about the most pointless opinion based things. He also started telling me I do house-hold chores wrong. He told me I use to many garbage bags and without even asking me he would just completely clean out entire parts of my home and reorganize things (keep in mind he isn’t paying rent and he hasn’t officially moved in). At one point, I accidentally threw out a plate. He confronted me and started demanding that I apologize to him for throwing out the plate. Which felt super weird and controlling because it was just a plate and it wasn’t even his. To boot he games excessively as well. For 2 days in a row he played video games for 10 hours straight (20 hours over 2 days) Whenever I tried to speak to him about the problems I’m seeing he would get very offended and say if I bring up any issues it makes him feel like I think he’s worthless even though I told him he isn’t worthless multiple times. So it feels like I have to praise him all the time and never communicate problems with him. He would also accuse me of doing the very things that I spoke to him about doing in a weird a weird “revenge” way (if that makes any sense) So I felt like I was being mean to him and completely unreasonable. Yesterday, due to the fact, he made me feel unreasonable about asking him to game less I asked on a Reddit forum under a throw away account if I was being unreasonable about his gaming and people told me I wasn’t. Unfortunately, somehow my bf found the post on Reddit and got really angry. He posted on my Reddit post that I was an abuser and a liar. After he commented that bs we mutually broke up over text. Today he messaged me saying he wanted his old stuff back so we started talking and I feel like he sort of lured me back. He made me feel like I was a horrible person for making the Reddit post about him and that I humiliated him. He shallowly apologized for calling me a liar and an abuser but mainly just went on and on about how i hurt him but he still loves me anyway and completely ignored the way he hurt me by lying that I was an abuser and a liar. I keep going back and forth in my head about believing I have been a bad GF and believing he’s proven to be toxic. What’s the truth?
Wiseman2 Posted January 4, 2024 Posted January 4, 2024 26 minutes ago, HollyCould266 said: Me and my BF have been dating for 4 months he moved in with me for the Holidays (2 weeks) and we we have been constantly arguing ever since. he isn’t paying rent and he hasn’t officially moved in. Sorry this is happening. How did you meet? Why is he staying with you? Where does he normally live? Do you each have your own place or do either of you live with parents or roommates? 16 weeks is the getting to know you period and he seems overbearing and controlling. Usually people are on best behavior during this time. Ask him to pack up his stuff and go home. He's a terrible houseguest and terrible BF. Tell him it's not working out. Please save yourself a lot of headaches and heartaches and cut your losses. 3
Gaeta Posted January 4, 2024 Posted January 4, 2024 The truth is you are not happy and it's enough to end this relationship. This much fighting and disrespect after 4 months dating is indicative you are not compatible. It's not working...no need to point the fingers, just tell him it's not working for you and breakup, for real. 1
stillafool Posted January 4, 2024 Posted January 4, 2024 The truth is your relationship is toxic and you're not compatible. If you try to make this work these problems will continue to rear their ugly heads. Neither of you are really wrong you are just completely toxic for each other. You need to break up. 1
basil67 Posted January 4, 2024 Posted January 4, 2024 1 hour ago, HollyCould266 said: I keep going back and forth in my head about believing I have been a bad GF and believing he’s proven to be toxic. What’s the truth? There is your side, his side and the truth. And we're not hearing his side, let alone seeing the truth, so we cannot say. But at a guess, I'd say that you're both causing issues and rubbing each other up the wrong way. For example when the two of you are debating "opinion based things" how can you say his view is obviously wrong? You're talking opinion, and opinion is not fact. And why are the two of you spending all this time arguing over opinions anyway? And how is him having a rant about you on a forum any different to you having a rant about him? If you resent posters agreeing with him about you, then why is it OK for you to write bad stuff about him? TWICE! What I can say for sure is that no matter who is causing what, the relationship is toxic and needs to end. Simply tell him that it's not working out and send him home. 3
ChrisTheCat Posted January 5, 2024 Posted January 5, 2024 Hi Holly, You want to know the truth? Cut your losses. Do you seriously want to be with a guy who games for 10 hours straight ? Sounds like an addiction to me and you'll end up playing second fiddle to it if you stay around. As others have said, tell him it's not working.
NuevoYorko Posted January 5, 2024 Posted January 5, 2024 Sounds like a miserable situation. I'm assuming it's long distance and this is why he was camped out at your house for the holidays? Anyway, it doesn't really matter "what's the truth" beyond the obvious fact that you're unhappy. So it's time to say adíos
smackie9 Posted January 5, 2024 Posted January 5, 2024 Well you got the real him when he moved in. It turns out he's a jerk, and lucky you you can just get rid of him and not waste anymore of your time.
ShyViolet Posted January 5, 2024 Posted January 5, 2024 The truth is you need to END this relationship and not doubt that decision. This guy is completely disrespectful and toxic. Now you've learned why it's never a wise decision to let someone move into your house when you've only been dating 4 months. 22 hours ago, HollyCould266 said: At one point, I accidentally threw out a plate. He confronted me and started demanding that I apologize to him for throwing out the plate. Which felt super weird and controlling because it was just a plate and it wasn’t even his. To boot he games excessively as well. For 2 days in a row he played video games for 10 hours straight (20 hours over 2 days) This is crazy behavior. It's not even his plate and not even his house. I'd be kicking the person out of my house if they started acting like this. You really need to stand up for yourself more and stop being a doormat to him.
FredEire Posted January 5, 2024 Posted January 5, 2024 23 hours ago, HollyCould266 said: Me and my BF have been dating for 4 months and he was amazing at first and we got along so well. That was until he moved in with me for the Holidays (2 weeks) and we we have been constantly arguing ever since. I started noticing that hes a bit arrogant. He always thinks he’s right about everything and that I’m always wrong . It’s really frustrating because even when it’s obvious that he’s wrong he digs in his heels so it leads to pointless arguments. I can admit that I’m a bit opinionated but I’ve never experienced friction like this with people over trivial things like I have with him. He just has this way of making you feel stupid whenever you disagree with him. So we argued constantly about the most pointless opinion based things. He also started telling me I do house-hold chores wrong. He told me I use to many garbage bags and without even asking me he would just completely clean out entire parts of my home and reorganize things (keep in mind he isn’t paying rent and he hasn’t officially moved in). At one point, I accidentally threw out a plate. He confronted me and started demanding that I apologize to him for throwing out the plate. Which felt super weird and controlling because it was just a plate and it wasn’t even his. To boot he games excessively as well. For 2 days in a row he played video games for 10 hours straight (20 hours over 2 days) Whenever I tried to speak to him about the problems I’m seeing he would get very offended and say if I bring up any issues it makes him feel like I think he’s worthless even though I told him he isn’t worthless multiple times. So it feels like I have to praise him all the time and never communicate problems with him. He would also accuse me of doing the very things that I spoke to him about doing in a weird a weird “revenge” way (if that makes any sense) So I felt like I was being mean to him and completely unreasonable. Yesterday, due to the fact, he made me feel unreasonable about asking him to game less I asked on a Reddit forum under a throw away account if I was being unreasonable about his gaming and people told me I wasn’t. Unfortunately, somehow my bf found the post on Reddit and got really angry. He posted on my Reddit post that I was an abuser and a liar. After he commented that bs we mutually broke up over text. Today he messaged me saying he wanted his old stuff back so we started talking and I feel like he sort of lured me back. He made me feel like I was a horrible person for making the Reddit post about him and that I humiliated him. He shallowly apologized for calling me a liar and an abuser but mainly just went on and on about how i hurt him but he still loves me anyway and completely ignored the way he hurt me by lying that I was an abuser and a liar. I keep going back and forth in my head about believing I have been a bad GF and believing he’s proven to be toxic. What’s the truth? You're still very early on in your relationship and it seems like you may have discovered after spending a bit more time with him the two of you aren't compatible. I would try and have a chat with him openly and honestly to clear the air about how you feel, if you think your relationship is worth it. If he isn't receptive and goes on the defensive it may be time to cut your losses.
MsJayne Posted January 5, 2024 Posted January 5, 2024 23 hours ago, HollyCould266 said: He shallowly apologized for calling me a liar and an abuser but mainly just went on and on about how i hurt him but he still loves me anyway How magnanimous of him to still love you despite you having the gall to be so frustrated that you asked for outside opinions on his self-absorbed, rude behaviour. When he calls you a liar and an abuser he's projecting his own flaws on to you. As time passes his obnoxious behaviours will increase in frequency and intensity. Get out now before you end up questioning your own sanity. If someone came to stay in my home and sat there gaming for ten hours straight there's a strong possibility they'd end up wearing their game console as a butt plug.
Ami1uwant Posted January 6, 2024 Posted January 6, 2024 Too soon to move in together. you should have realized he played games like this.
Calmandfocused Posted January 6, 2024 Posted January 6, 2024 Irrespective of whose at fault in all of those situations you describe the bottom line is that you are in an abusive and toxic relationship. One thing is clear: He will always be right. You will always be wrong . And you always be “made” to keep quiet. Your feelings do not matter. He is the one in control. He has all the power and can do whatever he likes. Everything he does/ says is acceptable. Everything you do or say is not! You are being gaslighted through and through. Please understand that. Get out. Stay out.
BaileyB Posted January 6, 2024 Posted January 6, 2024 (edited) When you see these kind of red flags early in a relationship, you end it. You don’t try to fix it, you just end it. Good luck. Edited January 6, 2024 by BaileyB 1
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