lovers Posted January 3, 2024 Posted January 3, 2024 (edited) I have this coworker awhile back. We used to talk here and there. She is an attractive, single and has a child. She is a bit older than me maybe like 6 years or 8 years older than me I believe. I am 32 now she is probably somewhere in her early 40s. She is off and on and I am confused about her angle. She would mention about inviting me to stuff like oh lets go to hawaii, but we would sleep in separate beds. I am not the one to bring up about traveling or anything together. Like why would you invite a single guy to a trip like hawaii with you with what seems like no romantic intention. Going to hawaii seems like a very romantic thing to do. We have talked about our dating history with other people so she knows im not gay and I don't think we are that close lol. I ended up moving away to a different state for a year now. She usually more forward contacting me first. Like she was the first to comment on my stories which got us to start messaging each other here and there etc.. She mentioned how she plans to travel and visit where I am currently living and if I have a place for her to stay. I told her I don't. Then she invited me to go to a las vegas trip with her, her girlfriend, and her girlfriend's husband. These people are much older than me so it seems weird like early 40s and I am early 30s lol. This is after I moved away for awhile and we haven't talked for a bit. She would randomly call me. First couple times I would not pick up because I am busy or I just don't like talking on the phone, but recently I picked up and it was her catching up with me and her gossiping about whats going on with her life lol. Seems little confusing to me. Wonder what her angle is. Edited January 3, 2024 by lovers
Wiseman2 Posted January 3, 2024 Posted January 3, 2024 6 minutes ago, lovers said: First couple times I would not pick up because I am busy or I just don't like talking on the phone, but recently I picked up and it was her catching up with me and her gossiping about whats going on with her life. Are you interested in seeing her or just staying friends or something else? She seems to invite you a lot so if you're interested, you could take her up on the offer.
Author lovers Posted January 3, 2024 Author Posted January 3, 2024 (edited) 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Are you interested in seeing her or just staying friends or something else? She seems to invite you a lot so if you're interested, you could take her up on the offer. What you think she wants from me? I don't know if she using me has her emotional dumpster or interested. Idk. Edited January 3, 2024 by lovers
Wiseman2 Posted January 3, 2024 Posted January 3, 2024 (edited) 4 minutes ago, lovers said: What you think she wants from me? I don't know if she using me Hard to tell. Maybe she's lonely or outgoing. She seems to have plenty of friends and opportunities for traveling and fun so it's doubtful she's "using you". If you don't trust her motives step back, unless you're enjoying the attention and flattery. Edited January 3, 2024 by Wiseman2
stillafool Posted January 3, 2024 Posted January 3, 2024 I think she wants you and is trying to gage if you want her too.
ShyViolet Posted January 3, 2024 Posted January 3, 2024 If you ask me she sounds a little crazy. She's just a co-worker who it sounds like you were friendly with but never particularly close with, but she is constantly trying to invite you to take trips with her and tried to invite herself to come visit you and stay at her house. It just sounds very weird.
Alpacalia Posted January 3, 2024 Posted January 3, 2024 Maybe she just sees you as someone she can confide in and have a good time with. If you're not interested in going on these trips or keeping in touch with her, then just back off and politely decline her invitations. But if you enjoy her company and don't mind hanging out with her, then continue doing what you're doing and don't overthink it too much.
basil67 Posted January 4, 2024 Posted January 4, 2024 This is written like you don't have a girlfriend. How does she fit in the equation? 1
petee Posted January 4, 2024 Posted January 4, 2024 She is interested. If you are not interested, or indeed embarrassed you should mention this to her. If she’s not your type it may cut this tension, and then you can return to being just friends. She may then channel her efforts on meeting someone. I think it’s a great compliment to you, but you gotta act on it, or let her down.
mark clemson Posted January 4, 2024 Posted January 4, 2024 (edited) It's hard to say. Maybe she's "testing the waters" while also trying to maintain clear boundaries, or perhaps create the appearance of maintaining boundaries. People are all over the place, and while it's a bit convoluted, some people seem to set up boundaries in the hopes you'll make efforts to cross them. Bringing you "as a friend" with another couple to Vegas (of all places) seems like just that sort of set up. OR maybe she just wants a companion, who knows. Were I single in this situation, my thought would be "what do I want?" and take it from there. If you want to give romance a shot with her, the openings seem to be there. You might get rebuffed at the romance stage, might not. I think with many if not most women, when this many hints are being dropped you are at least being considered as an option romantically. I ALSO think she may be fling rather than LTR material, so that would factor into my reasoning. My gut sense given the totality of her behavior leads to the assumption (possibly incorrect) that she is not the LT type. That would be my belief until demonstrated otherwise. If you find her attractive - well, there's certainly worse things in life than a fling with an attractive woman... If you are not single, of course, then the correct thing to do by your current GF is to ignore her or perhaps tolerate her flirting but keep her at arms length. A current GF might be quite understandably be very upset to find texts or similar offering a trip to Vegas and not seeing a definitive "no way, I'm taken" or similar response from you... Edited January 4, 2024 by mark clemson
Versacehottie Posted January 4, 2024 Posted January 4, 2024 20 hours ago, lovers said: What you think she wants from me? I don't know if she using me has her emotional dumpster or interested. Idk. if your walls are up this high, then it's likely to fail, no matter what she wants.... 1
smackie9 Posted January 4, 2024 Posted January 4, 2024 No one can tell what her deal is. There is no purpose to any of her communication to you, nothing has happened, you keep moving away, so no more connection of any kind. Just block and delete her.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 4, 2024 Posted January 4, 2024 10 hours ago, basil67 said: This is written like you don't have a girlfriend. How does she fit in the equation? I was going to ask the same thing. OP, your other current thread reveals you are angry at your girlfriend. Is this why you are now wondering about another woman? 1
basil67 Posted January 4, 2024 Posted January 4, 2024 (edited) Are you hoping to monkey branch away from your girlfriend and land with her? Edited January 4, 2024 by basil67
FredEire Posted January 5, 2024 Posted January 5, 2024 (edited) On 1/3/2024 at 10:20 PM, lovers said: I have this coworker awhile back. We used to talk here and there. She is an attractive, single and has a child. She is a bit older than me maybe like 6 years or 8 years older than me I believe. I am 32 now she is probably somewhere in her early 40s. She is off and on and I am confused about her angle. She would mention about inviting me to stuff like oh lets go to hawaii, but we would sleep in separate beds. I am not the one to bring up about traveling or anything together. Like why would you invite a single guy to a trip like hawaii with you with what seems like no romantic intention. Going to hawaii seems like a very romantic thing to do. We have talked about our dating history with other people so she knows im not gay and I don't think we are that close lol. I ended up moving away to a different state for a year now. She usually more forward contacting me first. Like she was the first to comment on my stories which got us to start messaging each other here and there etc.. She mentioned how she plans to travel and visit where I am currently living and if I have a place for her to stay. I told her I don't. Then she invited me to go to a las vegas trip with her, her girlfriend, and her girlfriend's husband. These people are much older than me so it seems weird like early 40s and I am early 30s lol. This is after I moved away for awhile and we haven't talked for a bit. She would randomly call me. First couple times I would not pick up because I am busy or I just don't like talking on the phone, but recently I picked up and it was her catching up with me and her gossiping about whats going on with her life lol. Seems little confusing to me. Wonder what her angle is. Honestly seems to me she may want to be friends. Nothing here particularly suggests anything romantic. I have a few female friends who've invited me on trips alone with them and don't see any hidden intentions. Men and women can be platonic friends, if you think she's a person who'd add something to you life go for it with no expectations, why not? Moreover she'd offer a different energy to your male friends which is healthy. There doesn't seem to be any great mystery just from what you've written here. Edit: as others have said if you have a girlfriend and she's aware of this is may complicate things slightly. I still think you can be friends with her and go for social outings etc if you want. Going on trips with her alone probably isn't advisable though because of the message it would send to your partner. Edited January 5, 2024 by FredEire
Wiseman2 Posted January 5, 2024 Posted January 5, 2024 On 1/3/2024 at 5:20 PM, lovers said: recently I picked up and it was her catching up with me and her gossiping about whats going on with her life More importantly, what's your angle? What would you like to see happening? Being friends? Acquaintances? Getting together now and then? Taking her up on an invitation to things? A possible sexual encounter?
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