bendit Posted November 13, 2005 Posted November 13, 2005 IS, I was slow to catch on to no contact and it has set me back so don't feel bad. But I have come to learn there is really NO other way to deal with these people that were in our lives. All the best... regards
JohnJohn Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 Might I chime in here? NC is an individual decision of course. Some people benefit from it on here and reach closure/forgiveness that way while it sets others back. Before breaking NC, really think about what kind of person you are dealing with. You know them better than any of us. If they are doing immature things to make you hurt more or jealous, as in your case scobro, then you are obviously NOT dealing with a mature, rational person. Therefore contacting them will not result in anything positive. They will gloat and regain a sense of power from your weakeness of breaking NC. Chances are good that will set you back even more. Look at how they communicated to you during the relationship. Were they respectful for the most part or was it always all about them and always your fault? If the latter, it would be pointless to contact in my opinion. Don't give them the satisfaction and more importantly, retard your healing process. I know it's tough if you have to see them but try anything to avoid them as much as possible even if there is some inconvenience on your behalf. It will be worth it in the long haul.
In Sync Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 I've always admired those of you who practiced NC and maintained your willpower to do it continuously...because it is so damned hard to resist the temptation to just respond to someone you've been close to once. I admit my weakness, I was not one of the true NC'rs from the get go. I've been stumbling and falling all the way and each contact though they have dwindled to nil has been like starting from day 1 when he first left me. I couldn't do it because unlike you I kept seeing him as my last chance at ever feeling the passion I had or anything like the connection I had with him. Of course I'm only remembering the good times not the vile and ugly times. So at the first or any sliver of an opportunity my weak side broke NC. When I come here and read all your advise i honestly feel stronger and wiser but the second I'm away..it's lonely out there and I don't have that faith that time will heal and I'll forgive and move on magically. No I am not going to call him or write him, I've not sunk that low...I just feel lost.
chocolate_boy Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 I think to reach the stage where you can go NC you need to get a little pissed off.
Author scobro Posted November 14, 2005 Author Posted November 14, 2005 Well,I e-mailed my ex and I know some will not agree with me doing this.I simply asked her to not show up on the two mornings I am there working as it makes it difficult for me to move forward.I asked her to have a bit of compassion and sensitivity for my situation and feelings.So, she will either not show up which is good for me or she will continue to show up and I am no worse off than if I didn't ask.It really bothers me I have not stopped thinking about her since I saw her last Thursday, so I needed to at least try something and asking her seems the only logical thing to do.
chocolate_boy Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 Well,I e-mailed my ex and I know some will not agree with me doing this.I simply asked her to not show up on the two mornings I am there working as it makes it difficult for me to move forward.I asked her to have a bit of compassion and sensitivity for my situation and feelings.So, she will either not show up which is good for me or she will continue to show up and I am no worse off than if I didn't ask.It really bothers me I have not stopped thinking about her since I saw her last Thursday, so I needed to at least try something and asking her seems the only logical thing to do. Yeah it may help, if not it will prove what an ignorant **** she is. I hate seeing my ex, after this weekend I now feel like I did about 3 weeks ago. It does REALLY set you back.
JohnJohn Posted November 14, 2005 Posted November 14, 2005 I am no worse off than if I didn't ask. I hope it works out for you. You definitely deserve better than this woman. But if she doesn't comply then in one regard you are no worse off but in another you are as she will gain the sense of satisfaction by knowing how much this bothers you. Hopefully that new power surge she gains won't result in her antagonizing you further and perhaps even respecting your wishes. You know her better than I do, but if she is really personality disordered and you ask a person like that to have some compassion and understanding, then it's useless. They don't respect feelings of others and will see that as a sign of weakness. You'd have a better chance of asking the Pope to become an atheist. Best of luck.
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