Memphis1201 Posted December 30, 2023 Share Posted December 30, 2023 My ex and I have been broken up for a few years now….. She had no choice to let me go when I couldn’t get clean and stop using and because of it, I have lost the person I knew I’d end up spending the rest of my life with… our love was a love I had thought everyone lives for. But again because of my abuse of drugs she had no choice but to take steps to slowly distance herself more and more from me. We have a son together which makes it even harder for me to accept. The fact is I know my choices led her to the present. Which is finally she had to cut all ties with me. I’m currently clean and sober but only for a short time right now…. And of course because of me finally figuring out that I was the problem and my using resulted in losing not only my family for over a decade, dogs, home, kids and love of my life. I lost my life. Now I have to find a way to do this without my best friend and my everything. It’s hard. So I’m not blind to the fact that everything will take time. But I’ve been trying to reach out to my son so I can rebuild at least the one thing that I feel is possible and makes life worth living. But I feel like she doesn’t care for me to even be apart of his life anymore and it’s killing me. The two of them were my best friends and now I feel like I’ve lost both for good. I know she’s gone…. And I wish it wasn’t so but accepting that has been the hardest thing I’ve ever dealt with. Now I feel like my son has followed. I don’t know what to do. I can’t lose him too. He’s all I have left. But he just doesn’t care for me to be around as well. I’m lost and alone and doing everything I’m supposed to do and I feel like with everyday I’m losing valuable time that I feel I can’t afford before it’s just too late. I don’t know if anything I said even makes sense or if there is any advice to be given…. Maybe I’m just writing to vent in the end because it is what it is and the damage is done. But if that’s the case, then I don’t know how to continue on without my boy. He’s my heart and the reason why I want to be the best. I miss her but she treats me as if I don’t exist I miss him but he doesn’t care to hear from me every time I try. I miss them and don’t know what to do or how to do. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 30, 2023 Share Posted December 30, 2023 Good for you in sorting yourself out. I don't know if you're doing specialised therapy or NA/AA, but I imagine you'd be aware that it will take time, patience and consistency to regain an element of trust for both of them. Aside from their trust, what other rebuilding do you need to do? For instance, do you have a job and secure housing? Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted December 30, 2023 Share Posted December 30, 2023 Sorry to hear of your pain. Glad to hear you are now clean. But you've got a good way to go on your "clean" journey, because you're creating some fantasy picture of your ex and your life with your ex. Your ex's love wasn't enough to stop you from not being clean. Therefore she is NOT the answer to your life's problems and purpose and so on. Now of course, you miss your son. But clearly something profound was missing from your life that led you to "use." It wasn't just that you were "dumb." I know lots of people who've gone to various recovery programs, and your question is a question that they would turn to a sponsor-mentor for. And the sponsor-mentor would basically say, just you live and stay clean, day to day, build up the rest of your life and there will come a time when your ex can feel safe allowing you in her life, same with your son. And in good recovery groups, there would be a zillion people facing the exact same dilemma you face. So you wouldn't feel so alone and you would gain and more mature attitude towards your ex. Which makes me think you are not attending recovery meetings. True, people can and do get sober without a recovery group, though most in this category go for intensive therapy. But your question is so premature and so full of bad thinking (your life clearly wasn't perfect if you were not clean!) that I'm worried you are not in therapy or a recovery group. What's going on with journey staying clean? It's really hard to do that alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 30, 2023 Share Posted December 30, 2023 1 hour ago, Memphis1201 said: . But again because of my abuse of drugs she had no choice but to take steps to slowly distance herself more and more from me. We have a son together which makes it even harder for me to accept. . I’m currently clean and sober but only for a short time right now…. Sorry this is happening. How old is your son? Do you have supervised visitation? Do you pay child support? Have you been to detox/rehabilitation and attending formal programs and support groups? All you can do is work on your sobriety and hopefully you have friends and family for support. Are you working? Do you have a good place to stay? Until you're clean and sober for a while, your ex needs to protect her child. Perhaps you've hit "rock bottom" and that could inspire you to maintain sobriety and rebuild your life. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 31, 2023 Share Posted December 31, 2023 Congratulations on getting sober. Focus on that. When you have a full year under your belt, apply for visitation with your kid(s). If they are over 18, reach out to reestablish a relationship with them. It may not work because she may have moved on in the past 10 years but letting your EX see the new improved sober you is the best option for trying to get her back. It's a long shot. Don't get your hopes up. Something better may be coming along. Be open to that. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted January 1 Share Posted January 1 Focus on staying sober. See a trauma therapist on a weekly basis. trust is earned - over time and being consistently trust worthy you can be hopeful of ea Ning back time with your son. how long have you been clean? Link to post Share on other sites
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