Ghosted but not unmatched

[HeyHey22]

So I have been talking to a guy from an app 2 days now. We had agree to meet tomorrow but as soon as he asked me what I wanted to do. I said “we can go to dinner and get to know each other better than through the phone” he stopped responding. Then this morning I texted him that I am free today after 5pm if he wants to meet today instead of tomorrow. No response. He’s still on my chat history meaning he never unmatched. I don’t understand.

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, HeyHey22 said:

So I have been talking to a guy from an app 2 days now. I said “we can go to dinner and get to know each other better. Then this morning I texted him that I am free today after 5pm if he wants to meet today instead of tomorrow. No response. 

Please suggest something quick easy and casual for the first meeting such as a coffee or drink. Suggesting dinner is for dating later on if the initial meeting goes well.  If he's not responding it seems he moved on even if he forgot to unmatch you from the dating app. 

 

[HeyHey22]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Please suggest something quick easy and casual for the first meeting such as a coffee or drink. Suggesting dinner is for dating later on if the initial meeting goes well.  If he's not responding it seems he moved on even if he forgot to unmatch you from the dating app. 

 

Really? I always get dinner on first dates none of the guys have had any issues with it. Looking back at messages through the app he suggested getting food first.

[Sony12]

Having second thoughts about meeting is extremely common and ghosting is often a way people handle that. Also you telling him you didn't want to chat much prior to meeting also may have been a bit of a red flag for him. People on sites like this try to make people believe that meeting before you spend much time talking to each other is the way to go and that's not necessarily the case. Of course you don't want to talk for weeks/months on end without meeting but having a phone convo or two prior to meeting is a good way to see how well the two individuals could carry on a conversation (as if you don't have much to talk about over the phone chances would be pretty slim that you would be able to carry on a conversation in person.

And as far as dinner goes do what you are most comfortable with. Lots of people have a regular dinner date on the first date as well. Coffee dates can easily be viewed as half assing it by the people you are choosing to meet. To them you saying you only want to meet for coffee is like you telling them they are only worth fifteen minutes of your time.

So do what is most comfortable to you on the first date. And if you only want a fifteen minute coffee meetup seek out other people who only want that on the first meet as well.

 

 

[HeyHey22]

33 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

emely common and ghosting is often a way people handle that. Also you telling him you didn't want to chat much prior to meeting also may have been a bit of a red flag for him.

He was the one who asked me twice to meet but I couldn’t.

[Sony12]

19 minutes ago, HeyHey22 said:

He was the one who asked me twice to meet but I couldn’t.

So how many times did you turn him down before finally agreeing to a meeting?

[HeyHey22]

4 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

So how many times did you turn him down before finally agreeing to a meeting?

Twice it’s holiday week it’s a busy week for everyone. 

[Sony12]

2 minutes ago, HeyHey22 said:

Twice it’s holiday week it’s a busy week for everyone. 

While that's true and it probably wasn't a good time for him to be asking ladies out on dates. But at the same time if a lady turned me down twice I'd be questioning if I really wanted to meet her as well no matter how interested I initially was in her.

Holiday season isn't a good time to meet people for the first time. It's better to wait until after that busy time is over to meet new people. 

[d0nnivain]

While I'm with you that dinner is a great way to get to know somebody, the idea of spending that much time & money is too much of a commitment for some people.  You may have scared him off or he could be one of those guys who assume every woman is looking for a free meal.  

He could also be game playing.  You asked to reschedule 2x before Christmas which is again understandable but he may not be understanding & this is him giving you what he thinks is a taste of your own medicine.  

There is no scenario where he's worth continued time & effort. 

[HeyHey22]

3 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

While I'm with you that dinner is a great way to get to know somebody, the idea of spending that much time & money is too much of a commitment for some people.  You may have scared him off or he could be one of those guys who assume every woman is looking for a free meal.  

He could also be game playing.  You asked to reschedule 2x before Christmas which is again understandable but he may not be understanding & this is him giving you what he thinks is a taste of your own medicine.  

There is no scenario where he's worth continued time & effort. 

He told me he was fine meeting tomorrow I have no idea what to expect he’s very young he’s only 19 and i’m 23. I feel his maturity level isn’t equivalent to mine. I have been the one planning on where and what time to meet.

[Alpacalia]

Sounds like he's been burned by women wanting din din. Don't know if that's good or bad. Tell him you'll treat him to a meatball submarine sandwich and soda while taking a walk in the park.

[Sony12]

7 minutes ago, HeyHey22 said:

He told me he was fine meeting tomorrow I have no idea what to expect he’s very young he’s only 19 and i’m 23. I feel his maturity level isn’t equivalent to mine. I have been the one planning on where and what time to meet.

 

Does he think it's going to be a hookup scenario? I'm assuming you aren't looking at it as a hookup situation if you are taking the time to talk about him on here.

[Wiseman2]

22 minutes ago, HeyHey22 said:

He told me he was fine meeting tomorrow I have no idea what to expect 

Are you going to confirm meeting? 

[Alpacalia]

At 19, he may not have a lot of funds. And while I can see Sony's point about coffee dates being a less-than-impressive choice, it's clear that if you're going on numerous dates, it's important to be frugal.

[HeyHey22]

4 hours ago, Sony12 said:

While that's true and it probably wasn't a good time for him to be asking ladies out on dates. But at the same time if a lady turned me down twice I'd be questioning if I really wanted to meet her as well no matter how interested I initially was in her.

Holiday season isn't a good time to meet people for the first time. It's better to wait until after that busy time is over to meet new people. 

He doesn’t live near he’s in the military. That’s why we must meet this week.

[HeyHey22]

16 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

At 19, he may not have a lot of funds. And while I can see Sony's point about coffee dates being a less-than-impressive choice, it's clear that if you're going on numerous dates, it's important to be frugal.

I’m not expecting him to pay for anything we eat or drink. He told me he is fine with whatever we do. Which to me is sounds like he wants sex.

[HeyHey22]

19 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are you going to confirm meeting? 

Yes, I will confirm tomorrow afternoon.

[HeyHey22]

34 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

 

Does he think it's going to be a hookup scenario? I'm assuming you aren't looking at it as a hookup situation if you are taking the time to talk about him on here.

I’m not sure, I told him I don’t do hookups anymore. He did state he wants sex and that is why he is on the app. But he said he will meet me anyways because he wants to get to know me?

[Alpacalia]

2 minutes ago, HeyHey22 said:

I’m not expecting him to pay for anything we eat or drink. He told me he is fine with whatever we do. Which to me is sounds like he wants sex.

Could you please clarify why you declined his invitation twice during the holidays while still being active on Tinder? It seems confusing to me why some people choose to keep their profile active during this time.

[Wiseman2]

17 minutes ago, HeyHey22 said:

Yes, I will confirm tomorrow afternoon.

That's a good idea. Especially if you haven't heard back for a while.  He doesn't seem interested in a relationship but if you want to meet anyway that's fine. 

[HeyHey22]

13 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Could you please clarify why you declined his invitation twice during the holidays while still being active on Tinder? It seems confusing to me why some people choose to keep their profile active during this time.

He asked me on monday night “you free tonight?” I replied “No, I am visiting relatives for christmas” Then yesterday he asks “what you doing tonight;)” I replied “I am with my friend” he said “aww that’s too bad love” So now he said he is fine meeting tomorrow. He said he has someone to see tonight? I’m confused.

[Wiseman2]

9 minutes ago, HeyHey22 said:

He asked me on monday night “you free tonight?” Then yesterday he asks “what you doing tonight;)” He said he has someone to see tonight? I’m confused.

He seems to be looking for hookups. It's not confusing. 

[Sony12]

Yeah from what you said it sounds like a hookup situation. So if you aren't looking for first date sex from this might want to cancel. And to be honest men saying they are in the military is one of the most common lines they give as they know women like men in a uniform.

Edited December 28, 2023 by Sony12

[Sony12]

57 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Sony's point about coffee dates being a less-than-impressive choice, it's clear that if you're going on numerous dates, it's important to be frugal.

Yes and that is what phone conversations are for. So you can weed out the people whom you would meet and probably want to get up and leave after fifteen minutes. 

Phone conversations don't cost anything and you can do it from the comfort of your own home. Much more efficient than actually bothering to meet those individuals.

Edited December 28, 2023 by Sony12

[d0nnivain]

He's 19.  He can't / won't do dinner.  Yes, he probably wants hook-up sex.  That is the nature of teenagers.  He's too young for you based on life stage.  Next.