Broke up and he asked for money back

[cupcake3727]

I’ve been with my ex for two years, we’ve had some problems and we tried to work them out but in the end I decided to leave because of the disrespect, indifference and gaslighting.

While we were together he offer to help me change my car and get a better one, I never asked him to do this. We had a fight a few days ago and I said I want to leave, he then asked ‘what about my money for the car?’. I got really angry because how could he be thinking about that.. it was a really bad fight, we both said bad things and insulted each other, there was also a little bit of violence. I finally left, but I feel like I owe him that money and I should give him back, but at the same time I don’t feel like giving it back.. I’m not sure what is the right thing to do… 

 

[Wiseman2]

12 minutes ago, cupcake3727 said:

. We had a fight a few days ago and I said I want to leave, he then asked ‘what about my money for the car?’. we both said bad things and insulted each other, there was also a little bit of violence. I finally left.

Sorry this is happening. You made the right decision to end things if he is abusive. Did you live together? How old is he? 

Is the car title in your name? Was the car or car loan a gift? You need to know whether it was a gift or a loan and what the paperwork on the car and financing states. This will determine whether the car is actually yours or whether he can report it as stolen. 

Please talk to trusted friends and family about the abuse and perhaps your bank or an attorney about the car loan.  Please delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. If he is abusive consider getting a restraining order. 

Edited December 26, 2023 by Wiseman2

[stillafool]

Give him back his money.  Let him know nothing he says is going to keep you there.  Ask to repay in installments.  Make a written agreement, signed and dated by both of you.

[cupcake3727]

  A

Edited December 26, 2023 by cupcake3727

[cupcake3727]

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. You made the right decision to end things if he is abusive. Did you live together? How old is he? 

Is the car title in your name? Was the car or car loan a gift? You need to know whether it was a gift or a loan and what the paperwork on the car and financing states. This will determine whether the car is actually yours or whether he can report it as stolen. 

Please talk to trusted friends and family about the abuse and perhaps your bank or an attorney about the car loan.  Please delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. If he is abusive consider getting a restraining order. 

Thank you, but I was expecting this. It’s been a life lesson for me, and sometimes we have to learn the hard way we deserve better.
Yes, we lived together. I moved to a different country with him, he got a better job there. He is 36, 10 years older than me. 

The car is in my name, it’s fully paid, it wasn’t a loan, he just send me the money in the bank and I dealt with everything. 
 

I already blocked him, my dad knows about this and he wanted to talk with him but he didn’t want to come, said he is not home and not sure when he will be back. I don’t have any contact with him. 

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, cupcake3727 said:

 we lived together. The car is in my name, it’s fully paid, it wasn’t a loan, I already blocked him, my dad knows about this and he wanted to talk with him 

Please stay in touch with your family and please do not have your family contact him. . Do you have your own place now? Are you completely moved out?  If the car is in your name, it's a gift.  

[cupcake3727]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Please stay in touch with your family and please do not have your family contact him. . Do you have your own place now? Are you completely moved out?  If the car is in your name, it's a gift.  

I moved out and have my own place now. I still have things in the country we lived, that’s why my dad wanted to speak with him, to send the rest of my stuff to my dad’s place. 

[Alpacalia]

Give him back the money. Think of it as one last gesture of closing this chapter in your life and moving on. Best part? No ties. If you decide to keep the money, then he’ll still have a reason to reach out to you to ask for it back. If you give it back, then you’re saying that you’re leaving him and all of this behind, and you don’t want to have contact anymore.

[NuevoYorko]

You had to leave the country to leave the guy?  Yikes.  I'm glad you did though.  

[d0nnivain]

This guy is not going to lift a finger to send things to you if he thinks you still own him money for a car.   

Unless the things are sentimental think about the monetary & emotional costs of getting the stuff back.  You may want to leave the stuff there because it's too much trouble to get back.  
 

Having your father talk to him isn't going to help.  You are 26 & lived in a foreign country.  Keep daddy out of your love life & stop expecting him to come to your rescue & fight your battles.  You are an adult.  

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

Keep daddy out of your love life & stop expecting him to come to your rescue & fight your battles.  You are an adult.  

Truer words have never been more spoken here.  It's time to grow up and handle your own business.

[Els]

"A little bit of violence"? Wow. Honestly, just ignore him and move on. You don't have a mortgage or children together, there's no need for any further contact. Do NOT send your dad off to meet with a violent ex (especially not in a private place like a home!!). Consider whatever you left behind to be a tradeoff for however much he sent you for the car. If he doesn't agree that it's a fair trade, well, sucks to be him - he doesn't have the right to demand a repayment of gifts given during the relationship.

Edited December 27, 2023 by Els