Bekd Posted December 26, 2023 Share Posted December 26, 2023 I'm lost.. I lost my father a couple of weeks ago,and today the love of my life decided to leave me.. the main point for her is that she said my absence is the reason.. she has been there and I was there too, through the pain of my loss, through every tear and every smile. I don't want to lose her..my mind was absent, I cannot blame her, and Christmas just happened.. can anyone give me advice on this? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 26, 2023 Share Posted December 26, 2023 (edited) 22 minutes ago, Bekd said: I'm lost.. I lost my father a couple of weeks ago,and today the love of my life decided to leave me.. the main point for her is that she said my absence is the reason.. I don't want to lose her..my mind was absent Condolences on your father. Do you have friends and family nearby? Are you getting support from bereavement groups and other sources? How long were you dating? How old is she? Did you live together? What was the breakup about? Were there other issues besides your grief and withdrawal? Please reach out to local support services online, via phone or research ways to find someone to talk to and help you find support. Edited December 26, 2023 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bekd Posted December 26, 2023 Author Share Posted December 26, 2023 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Condolences on your father. Do you have friends and family nearby? Are you getting support from bereavement groups and other sources? How long were you dating? How old is she? Did you live together? What was the breakup about? Were there other issues besides your grief and withdrawal? Please reach out to local support services online, via phone or research ways to find someone to talk to and help you find support. Thanks. I have my family around. We were dating for most of the year, really clicked you know. We are about the same age, I'm 31. The thing is i didn't realize I was withdrawn with her, it's been only two weeks since my dad's gone, and you know it was just the day to day trying to cope.woth the idea of not having him around anymore that I didn't realize I was getting away. Other issues were worked, but at the moment there were none, she said she felt lonely and I was absent. I don't know to be honest, it hurts losing two of my reasons to move forward. I thought I left behind that part of me that most men have of in trouble we tend to isolate and solve things, I was working on that, unconsciously did it, like I said I didn't mean to, and I don't think guilt should be the answer, because loving one another is what we mostly did in good and bad Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 27, 2023 Share Posted December 27, 2023 Please accept my deepest condolences on the loss of your father. I can't explain why your SO picked now to end things. Her timing is cruel. Let her go Mourn both losses & carry on. Link to post Share on other sites
robaday Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 Sorry this is a late reply to this post but it resonated with me from something I went through several years back. How are you coping now? I'm so sorry for your losses, I hope you are keeping ok. It is natural to feel lost during such significant life events and it is natural to feel down. This will be a challenging period for you. Allowing yourself to feel will help, no matter how scary that is, and a counsellor can really help with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bekd Posted January 9 Author Share Posted January 9 Sorry for not being able to reply sooner, job's got me pretty tight.. it resonated with you, why? Sorry to ask.. I'm trying to get on the right path. Work's been helpful to be honest. Dealing with the lost of my father is the hardest part of it all. But every day I pray for everything going straight to were it's supposed to be, and making the most out of every thing that surrounds me 2 Link to post Share on other sites
robaday Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 I lost a close family member several years back and remember what it was like. It is the most profoundly difficult thing I have gone through but I came out the other side, despite some very dark moments. It will get better, have faith in that. And great you are keeping busy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 (edited) My sincerest apologies for your recent double loss - both your beloved and your relationship with your girlfriend. Grieving is undoubtedly a lonely, isolating journey. Saying goodbye to someone you cherish during such a difficult time is excruciating. I wish I could tell you the right thing to say or do to make everything better, but there is no single piece of advice that will make everything OK. Edited January 11 by Alpacalia 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bekd Posted January 11 Author Share Posted January 11 Taking it day by day id the way I decided to go, and I'm thankful for every one of you that took the time to read and give me some encouragement and kind words, it's been really helpful through all this. Grief may never go away but acceptance is the progress I'm working on. Thank you all Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 I feel for you. I do. I am in the throes of struggling between my boyfriend's desire to pursue his career in another country and leaving me behind while I struggle and come to terms with my father's stroke. The physical changes and emotional states he's facing, whilst trying to imagine myself potentially facing a life without him. But you didn't ask for my problems. Maybe you're girlfriend felt she may feel like you're pushing her away or don't care about her if you're "absent" emotionally. I am use to my boyfriend working crazy hour jobs and not being present even when present (if that makes sense). I understood this about him going in and accepted it. But when I went through a prolonged situation with both of my parents (my mother had a cancer scare and surgery (she's fine now) and dad a stroke), he was more present than I ever expected him to be. We were experiencing my parents illnesses together. He wanted to help me, but he couldn't. His stress levels rose. I went into a mild state of depression. I became fearful and needy. That's not like me. I was uncomfortable with that. Later I found myself struggling to breathe. He asked me what he could do. I couldn't make sense of what I needed. You're going through 2 very traumatic things. Death is the most personal. It's isolation. And for the most part you're in a fog. You have no control. It's important to ask yourself what does she want from you now? From your relationship? Clearly she wants more. 2 questions. Do you feel indifferent towards her? (do you love her and want to be with her?) If so, can you ask her to help you through your answer to the first question? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bekd Posted January 12 Author Share Posted January 12 I'm sorry, you've been through something too that's difficult to manage in a way. We as men tend to deal with problems in ways we can predict but we do not realize. And what you just told is a part of what I've been through, and to answer your questions, we had some of a situation when we were a couple, because i tend to deal with my stuff without bothering anyone, like, if I needed to talk to someone, I would but if not, it's buried; and she never liked that because she was the opposite. That attitude of mine comes from previous couple experiences where I opened up and ended being thrown in a fire by my own things, so it was a lot to take in in the beginning... After some time we got serious and we stablished a relationship based on communication and feelings, but, we never wanted anything from the other besides love, caring, nurturing and really appreciating one another, if there's anything more she would want, I don't know.. I don't think I can feel indifferent because she made me believe again in love, I had a four year stretch (pre and post COVID) where I dedicated to myself due to my girl at the moment, she traveled abroad and in three months time, she was with a man, but never told me anything, and I knew that because of how she acted, anyhow, if I could have the chance to get back to her I would to be honest, but it's not up to me 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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