Relations and drama

[Loser 10101]

I hate this so much im even writing this stuff but I don’t know what to do anymore, I’ve been in a relationship for 7 years but I hate it my girlfriend and I get into a argument every time we drink she plays her heart felt songs and she recounts my whole past relationships and what I’ve done to her and than she starts recording our when conversations like I’m a criminal. I get it I was only young (16) (17) and doing that stuff and still I’m growing at the time but i know it doesn’t change a things im done im (21) now and i get it, I’ve got my own blames in the past I cheated, lied, left her but she done the same, this is beyond a point I don’t want to blame anymore but she got some problems herself. I want to see a couple therapist to work this out but she says it’s only gonna break us up, I’m so lost I don’t know what to do when I get mad I’m ashamed to say this but I break my owe thing I hate it but when I do she is now claiming it as her stuff I feel destroyed but it’s pure pain. she hates doing thing if it doesn’t suit her but what about me i feel like I’m the only one that has to change and because she the one that brought me up I changed because of her I became a better young man because of her but she didn’t change she stil her, I do get that I was a bit of a geek and a nerd but she changed me completely. I love her completely but I don’t know what to do anymore I feel disgusted in myself I honestly want to give up I don’t really have much family anymore she is the only one that made me realise that my family is a disgrace. I can’t really do this anymore this is honestly my last option I feel like I can’t succeed anymore I’m honestly broken I’m still trying tho I can’t really open up to anyone anymore because I don’t know who to open up to I’m sorry if this is a waste of everyone’s time but what should I do I can’t really leave I invest so much money into our home if I do leave I’ve been thinking of leaving everything to her and starting over but I don’t have anywhere to go, I’m so lost atm I don’t even want her seeing this post other wise she be a pest about it all I hate it I just want to give up I’ve been thinking of it for a while now just giving up what the point of being  here anymore I’m getting no where I’m stuck in this one spot like that no way out am I supposed to be happy with nowhere out. I hate it I honestly do I can’t handle it I’ll give it a couple more weeks and I’m gone I don’t want to deprived about this all but it’s how I feel I’m honestly f*** it feels like. Like I said I’m sorry if this seem like to much of a depressing post but it’s my life aha 

[stillafool]

Break up with this girlfriend and reconnect with your family.  She's toxic and bringing you down.

[d0nnivain]

She's all you know but that doesn't mean she's good for you.  This relationship may have run it's course.  Alcohol isn't helping.  

IMO if you need couple's counseling to keep a dating relationship together, it's time to give up.  Since you have the money for that, spend it on yourself.  Get individual therapy.  You will benefit from learning to deal with your family issues & to learn to love yourself again.  From your screen name alone, you struggle with this.  You need to figure out why you break your own stuff; that's troubling.