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Falling in and Out of Love

ciara_love

By ciara_love
in General Relationship Discussion

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ciara_love Member

ciara_love

Posted
Posted (edited)

Greetings, 

I am interested to hear from our community regarding the following: 

Have you ever fallen out of and back into love with your partner? If so, why? 

Have you fallen in and out of love with your partner multiple times in your relationship? 

Married people: How do you feel about this topic? Is it realistic to feel in love with your spouse all of the time? 

Thank you in advance for your insights! 

Edited by ciara_love
basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted

With my ex-husband, I fell out of love.  I wanted to believe that I still loved him, but I was lying to myself.  When I left him, it was like I saw the sun come out for the first time in years and it was wonderful

With my second husband, I love him all the time.  It's been over 30 years now - and yes, sometimes we bicker or annoy each other - but we get over it quickly and the love is sustained throughout.    

 

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BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted

It’s not love if you fall in and out of love with each other.

Sure, there are good and bad times, days when you love him a little more than others. ;) But, even on the days when I’m frustrated or angry or hurt by my partner, I still love him. 

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Alpacalia Established Member

Alpacalia

Posted
Posted

No. I did date someone for a short time, then reconnected a year later but initially we weren't 'in love.' That came later.

I think for longer term relationships once those infatuation periods end there are always going to be times that you love more or are more intensely romantically but I don't think you really 'fall out of love' initially.

That said, I think that there are definitely ups and downs in relationships and there can be moments of temporary lost love or doubt. But, in my opinion, if you truly love someone and are committed to making the relationship work, those feelings can be worked on and improved upon but I feel those initial bonds of love are always there.

There's also times in long term relationships were one or both of you stop trying and that tends to dampen big feelings over time if not the love itself until you're depleted and just cannot keep going.

Then sometimes when there is real commitment and mutual admiration lives are revived and suddenly it's even better than the peak of emotion before and "the spark" is stronger because it's shared and nurtured.

However, if you are in a toxic, unhealthy, or abusive relationship, then that love is obviously going to most definitely fade or be replaced with resentment or fear.

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NuevoYorko Established Member

NuevoYorko

Posted
Posted

If you're still talking about the guy in Spain, I would suggest that you never have been in love at all.  It sounds like some kind of superficial infatuation which you acted on, going to visit and I guess he came to you as well.  But you have not really spent time together and from the way you talk it sounds like the whole thing is a pretty big mess.  

Maybe your feelings are coming and going but I would really question myself about whether this is LOVE, if I were you.  

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Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted
On 12/22/2023 at 10:53 PM, ciara_love said:

Have you fallen in and out of love with your partner multiple times in your relationship? 

This seems like a quite romanticized view of things. Long term relationships evolve and mellow and a different type of love grows up from the butterflies and rainbows phase of infatuation. Some people crave this high and seem to chase it but it's not sustainable.  

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Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted (edited)

I've been with my husband for 15 years and we are still in love.

Obviously, it depends on what your benchmark for "love" is. The butterflies/NRE feeling is not sustainable, as it literally depends on the hormonal high from a new relationship. If that is what you are expecting, then it's not reasonable. But love in a LTR goes way beyond that. It's a deeper feeling, one that doesn't usually feel like fireworks, but rather like a constant warmth. The fireworks can still happen on special occasions with that person, but it isn't the foundation of the relationship.

I agree with @NuevoYorko that if you are referring to your ex-LDR partner, there probably was no love to begin with. He professed to love you a lot, sure, but love is not about words or grandiose statements.

Edited by Els
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

No.  True love is steady & lasting.  There may be times when you are annoyed with or upset by your partner but the foundation of love is always there.  That doesn't mean you constantly lust them & it's certainly not that same dizzying feeling of having butterflies like when you were initially falling in love.  

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ciara_love Member

ciara_love

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Posted

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts on this topic. I have been in love several times and I have never lost love for anyone I have dated. Even if I found something out that I didn't like, I always still loved them, and still love them today, I just do not want to be in relationships with all of them :)

I still feel deep love for some of my exes, but even the exes I don't feel deep love for, I still love them and appreciate them as human beings, and would help any of them out in a pinch, even the ones who were less-than-stellar. 

Love is very deep for me. I do not confuse infatuation with love. Love is about the soul and about deeply caring for and connecting with someone. I have exes that I am no longer sexually attracted to but I still feel a lot of love for them too. 

Alpacalia Established Member

Alpacalia

Posted
Posted
12 hours ago, ciara_love said:

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts on this topic. I have been in love several times and I have never lost love for anyone I have dated. Even if I found something out that I didn't like, I always still loved them, and still love them today, I just do not want to be in relationships with all of them :)

I still feel deep love for some of my exes, but even the exes I don't feel deep love for, I still love them and appreciate them as human beings, and would help any of them out in a pinch, even the ones who were less-than-stellar. 

Love is very deep for me. I do not confuse infatuation with love. Love is about the soul and about deeply caring for and connecting with someone. I have exes that I am no longer sexually attracted to but I still feel a lot of love for them too. 

I like this attitude. I was going to start a thread about things we are thankful for with past exes. Even if those relationships weren't necessarily the best or had a lot of issues, what is something that we are glad they brought into our lives? It can be anything from a lesson learned to a positive change.

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