gettingcrushed Posted December 20, 2023 Share Posted December 20, 2023 Was with my ex bf for 2 years but for me, issues starting developing during the 2nd year. As is usually the case, we were both wrong for our actions. I didn't communicate my concerns often so they boiled up and I broke up with him twice. The last time though I really couldn't take it because when I told him my issues, he seemed to "excuse" them (b/c it dealt with his actions/omissions). Of course, he excused his behavior based on my behavior. Again, I didn't do anything terrible in my opinion but he complained that because he felt like a second class citizen sometimes (I didn't display pics of us in my home except my dressing room and only one pic on Facebook (but I barely use that site). I am a widow of 12 years but my kids both have health issues and they need me which I explained to him. They come first. Without going into the other issues I experienced with him I can say all of them either deal with validating him in my life and/or committing to living with him in the near future. After being apart for a few months, we spoke the other day and decided to meet to talk last night. His idea of last night was that it would result in me allowing him to visit/stay with me for the next full week before I leave for Florida for a few months (and he also wants to visit me there and/or see me when I come back every month for a week). I am going for 3 months only. I told him I couldn't promise him anything and kept telling him that a reconciliation is a waste of time unless both partners admit their wrongdoings which led to the breakup and working on getting those resolved. He did offer to do couples therapy with me but I couldn't get him to really admit any issues on his part with a few obvious exceptions much less that he was working on those issues. BUT he sure made certain I was aware of what he thought I did wrong. I told him I'd sleep on it and let him know today if I was comfortable with him visiting me but I woke up today in tears. We both love each other but in all honesty, he feels stronger about us and accuses me of "throwing away a special relationship". My sister who I'm close with feels he wants me to live with him b/c he wants me to take care of him and is insecure. He is quite needy despite him saying that's not true and I'm independent but had a successful marriage for 3 decades so I know it can work but maybe he just expects too much? I already have a lot of my plate with my kids' health but I don't want to regret any decision I make with him. Any suggestions or thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 20, 2023 Share Posted December 20, 2023 6 minutes ago, gettingcrushed said: I am a widow of 12 years but my kids both have health issues .My sister who I'm close with feels he wants me to live with him b/c he wants me to take care of him Please listen to your family and adult children. They have all warned you about him. On/off relationships are fraught with unresolved conflicts and incompatibilities combined with an unhealthy attachment and lack of other opportunities. Please use this time away to finally free yourself from this. Is this the same man?: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 20, 2023 Share Posted December 20, 2023 If you need couples therapy to hold a dating relationship together, it's not worth saving. Reconciliation only works when the issues that broke you up are resolved. Here he refuses to even address them. What's the point of going back to something that wasn't working? Link to post Share on other sites
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