Is he upset because we didn't kiss?

[Txshim]

I met this guy online last month. After a few messages, he asked me to go out for dinner. Things went well on our first date, and we agreed to see each other at a park for our second date. For the third date, he invited me to his place and made dinner, then we kissed (light kiss). After that night I went away for a couple of weeks to visit my family. When I came back, he invited me to dinner at an Indian Restaurant, then to his home. It was late on Friday evening and we were both tired, so I didn’t stay very long and left his home without kiss of hug. Since then he hasn’t asked me to go out. If I text him, he responds but we just exchange messages and nothing happens. Do you think he is upset because we didn’t kiss? Thanks.

Edited December 18, 2023 by Txshim
Typo

[CaliforniaGirl]

15 minutes ago, Txshim said:

I met this guy online last month. After a few messages, he asked me to go out for dinner. Things went well on our first date, and we agreed to see each other at a park for our second date. For the third date, he invited me to his place and made dinner, then we kissed (light kiss). After that night I went away for a couple of weeks to visit my family. When I came back, he invited me to dinner at an Indian Restaurant, then to his home. It was late on Friday evening and we were both tired, so I didn’t stay very long and left his home without kiss of hug. Since then he hasn’t asked me to go out. If I text him, he responds but we just exchange messages and nothing happens. Do you think he is upset because we didn’t kiss? Thanks.

He probably invited you to his place because he wanted to have sex. But he didn't even get a hug. How do you feel about this guy?

[FredEire]

I think he assumes you're not interested.

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Txshim said:

he invited me to dinner at an Indian Restaurant, then to his home. It was late on Friday evening and we were both tired, so I didn’t stay very long and left his home without kiss of hug. 

Are you interested in seeing him again?  It's possible he thinks you're just along for the ride because you don't seem that enthused. 

[Ami1uwant]

6 hours ago, Txshim said:

I met this guy online last month. After a few messages, he asked me to go out for dinner. Things went well on our first date, and we agreed to see each other at a park for our second date. For the third date, he invited me to his place and made dinner, then we kissed (light kiss). After that night I went away for a couple of weeks to visit my family. When I came back, he invited me to dinner at an Indian Restaurant, then to his home. It was late on Friday evening and we were both tired, so I didn’t stay very long and left his home without kiss of hug. Since then he hasn’t asked me to go out. If I text him, he responds but we just exchange messages and nothing happens. Do you think he is upset because we didn’t kiss? Thanks.

Inviting someone to your house for dinner or after going out, you return to someone’s home their is sn expectation of some level of intimacy beyond a small peck.

 

your actions says to him you aren’t interested or you aren’t worth the patience/ effort

[Txshim]

I like the guy and want to see him again. I sent text messages after the last date. He responded but seemed busy. One of the reasons why I didn’t want to get  too close to him too soon is because he mentioned at our first or second date that he discontinued seeing another girl he dated before me because she seemed wanting to have sex at their second date. He got turned off.  
During the last visit to his home, he seemed very tired and didn’t try to kiss me or invite to his bedroom. So I left and sent a thank you message that night.

Any suggestions on what I should do?

 

 

Edited December 18, 2023 by Txshim
Edited

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, Txshim said:

. I sent text messages after the last date. He responded but seemed busy. 

Is there a reason why you're just texting him and not reciprocating by inviting him out?

[Alpacalia]

15 minutes ago, Txshim said:

I like the guy and sent text messages after the last date. He responded but seemed busy. One of the reasons why I didn’t want to get  too close to him too soon is because he mentioned at our first or second date that he discontinued seeing another girl he dated before me because she seemed wanting to have sex at they second date. He got turned off.  

Please don't let his experience with someone else influence how you behave or move forward with him. 

I would also say to take things someone says to you in the beginning with a grain of salt.

For one thing, you don't know if it's true that he feels let down because there was no physical interaction at the end of the date. If he is turned off by women that wants sex too soon, what the heck is he doing inviting you to his house where there is ample opportunity for sex to happen? He drops off the radar after no physical interaction at the end of the date, hmmm...

Don't be afraid to take things slow and evaluate his actions and words over time to see if they align.

Edited December 18, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Txshim]

6 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

He probably invited you to his place because he wanted to have sex. But he didn't even get a hug. How do you feel about this guy?

 

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is there a reason why you're just texting him and not reciprocating by inviting him out?

When I texted him, he responded that He was very busy. That’s why i got a sense he didn’t have time.

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, Txshim said:

When I texted him, he responded that He was very busy. That’s why i got a sense he didn’t have time.

Unfortunately you're not exclusive so both still talking to and meeting others. Often that's what "busy" means. You could invite him out for a change and see how he replies. Anything but a yes is a no, so that might clear up whether to cut your losses or not. 

[Txshim]

43 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately you're not exclusive so both still talking to and meeting others. Often that's what "busy" means. You could invite him out for a change and see how he replies. Anything but a yes is a no, so that might clear up whether to cut your losses or not. 

Yes, I will do that. Until now I let him take the lead, but I will invite him this time. At the beginning of relationship, we don’t know each other very well and assume too many things. 

Edited December 18, 2023 by Txshim

[Txshim]

5 hours ago, Ami1uwant said:

Inviting someone to your house for dinner or after going out, you return to someone’s home their is sn expectation of some level of intimacy beyond a small peck.

 

your actions says to him you aren’t interested or you aren’t worth the patience/ effort

Generally speaking that's true. But he didn't try to kiss me or invite me to his bedroom. I don't think I have a sole responsibility to initiate intimacy. He looked tired and sleepy, that's why I decided to leave.

[stillafool]

5 hours ago, Txshim said:

When I texted him, he responded that He was very busy. That’s why i got a sense he didn’t have time.

Why didn't you postpone the meeting if you knew he was very busy?   He may have cooled off when you were away 2 weeks to visit your family.  This is why I tell women who are going on vacation to postpone any new dates until after the trip.  If they go back on the dating app while you're away they will meet other women and forget about you.

Edited December 18, 2023 by stillafool

[FredEire]

13 minutes ago, Txshim said:

Generally speaking that's true. But he didn't try to kiss me or invite me to his bedroom. I don't think I have a sole responsibility to initiate intimacy. He looked tired and sleepy, that's why I decided to leave.

He's probably scared to initiate for fear of rejection. I know that's not normally a particularly attractive quality but it's pretty common with many guys.

It doesn't seem to to have put you off so if you're into him nothing wrong with initiating or at least making it clear somehow that you'd like a kiss.

[Lotsgoingon]

You didn't try to kiss and he didn't try to kiss. That means you guys do NOT really like the other enough to date. You might think you like each other. But you guys do not have chemistry. Nobody is too tired to hug at the end of two people meeting up on a date. 

If you can't sense when chemistry is missing, you'll waste all kinds of time. One sign of missing chemistry: you have to think really hard (as you are doing now) about what to do and how to respond to the other person—during the date or afterwards. Another sign: you are not totally clear (as you are unclear now) on how much the other person really likes you. Their desire to be with you by this point should be WILDLY obvious.

Dates can be pleasant even when there is no real chemistry--no real ability to stay in sync with each other. In the future, if you're thinking about an ex of a guy you're out with, stay away! You cannot go gently into a dating situation that protects someone's heart from a previous disappointment. Doesn't work. You're either all in going for it or not. Otherwise, right away you end up neglecting yourself in the relationship.

 

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 hour ago, Txshim said:

Generally speaking that's true. But he didn't try to kiss me or invite me to his bedroom. I don't think I have a sole responsibility to initiate intimacy. He looked tired and sleepy, that's why I decided to leave.

I feel like you're both a little meh about this. Unless he was playing at being sleepy so you''d both go to the bedroom. It doesn't make sense that he would take you home just to fall asleep. I'm not sure what's going on here but maybe you should just wait and see what happens. 

[FredEire]

1 hour ago, Lotsgoingon said:

You didn't try to kiss and he didn't try to kiss. That means you guys do NOT really like the other enough to date. You might think you like each other. But you guys do not have chemistry. Nobody is too tired to hug at the end of two people meeting up on a date. 

If you can't sense when chemistry is missing, you'll waste all kinds of time. One sign of missing chemistry: you have to think really hard (as you are doing now) about what to do and how to respond to the other person—during the date or afterwards. Another sign: you are not totally clear (as you are unclear now) on how much the other person really likes you. Their desire to be with you by this point should be WILDLY obvious.

Dates can be pleasant even when there is no real chemistry--no real ability to stay in sync with each other. In the future, if you're thinking about an ex of a guy you're out with, stay away! You cannot go gently into a dating situation that protects someone's heart from a previous disappointment. Doesn't work. You're either all in going for it or not. Otherwise, right away you end up neglecting yourself in the relationship.

 

Agree. I've had a couple of dates recently which were very pleasant, both nice girls and we had nice chats and I went home having had a good time... but there really wasn't any more to it than that.

To me a bad date isn't one with someone you don't find attractive necessarily, it's when you go to have a nice evening with someone and the other person pours a whole load of crazy sauce on top of everything, making it anxiety-inducing and stressful.

The fact you had a pleasant time with him doesn't mean you like him or something has to happen, and I agree with this post that by the tone of OP it doesn't really seem like you did.

Edited December 18, 2023 by FredEire

[basil67]

4 hours ago, Txshim said:

He looked tired and sleepy, that's why I decided to leave.

If he'd been really into you, he would have had rushing hormones and adrenaline which would have overcome any tiredness.   I'd say the reason he's not terribly active in messaging or organising dates is that he's not that interested.

Stop messaging him.  Let him either move on, or prove that he's interested by reaching out