Can't get my ex out of my mind...

[Jellostick]

I'm new to this board and stumbled upon it when I was looking up an answer to my question of "Should I send my ex flowers?" on Ask Jeeves. I wouldn't say I'm desperate for answers but then again, perhaps I am if I decided to join the site and hope someone can point me in the right direction. Anyway, I'm here so I guess I should spill my guts...

 

My ex and I broke up 3 weeks ago today. We were in love w/ each other and dated for 3 and a half months. She was the first girlfriend I had in over 3 years since my last one but I did date other girls during that 3 year period. She just happened to be the best thing to have come into my life in such a long time and we really made a connection immediately.

 

Her and I spent so much time w/ each other during our relationship. We had so much in common and got along so well that there was no doubt I was in love w/ her and eventually she told me the same. We talked everyday either on the phone, through text messages or by seeing each other. A week into our relationship I went away to California on vacation for about 10 days and we talked everyday for at least an hour while we were apart. It was such an amazing thing and I knew she was something special.

 

Unfortunately, we planned to go to California in late October. We bought plane tickets, rented a car, decided on what we were going to do and all that stuff. Needless to say I was stressed out 'cause the trip wasn't planned well but eventually, we broke up 'cause she said I just didn't seem happy anymore and I was moody. She felt that she wasn't happy 'cause she spent so much time trying to make me happy that she wasn't happy and if we stayed together then we'd end up hating each other. I really never thought there was a problem except that I was just stressed for the last month due to the trip and my job but that would pass at some point.

 

This was the first real discussion we had about us during our relationship. Sure we talked about things here and there but never was anything brought up that she was unhappy. Sure I wanted to see her everyday but she was the one that always wanted to come over and spend time w/ me. If she was so unhappy, why did she want to do that?

 

It was one discussion but it was the one that ended our relationship. We told each other we loved each other everyday so I really couldn't grasp why this was happening and why she didn't want to work things out. I even asked her if our relationship was worth fighting for and her reply was, "If this was a 7 year marriage then I'd say it's worth fighting for but at this point in my life I don't want to fight for anything, I want things to come to me".

 

When she told me we were breaking up 'cause we argued too much and she felt I was moody, I told her I would change. I even called up to see a therapist so I can work out my problems 'cause she really made me believe that I was the issue, not her.

 

Since the breakup I have tried talking to her and tried to convince her that we should be together. I know I shouldn't be doing stuff like that but I really did love her. We kinda hung out once at the bar we met at and still hang out at and when we talked it was like old times again. Unfortunately, I left that evening alone and I was upset 'cause we normally left w/ each other. Later on that night, however, she contacted me and told me it was stupid of her to call 'cause she was being selfish and she didn't want to get my hopes up but she was thinking about me. She was also talking about marriage and how she imagines her family to be.

 

When I went away to California, I would text message her BS messages and she ignored me the entire trip. When she picked me up from the train station, I don't recall her ever asking me how my trip was, only asking if she could have the confirmation number for her cancelled ticket (which she owes me money for). I asked if she was ticked off that I shot her some messages and she said, "No, I was doing my own thing". Unfortunately, I didn't believe her 'cause I knew there was something up.

 

Two days later I was at the bar and she showed up w/ her two best friends and ignored me the entired time. She even left without saying goodbye and that really upset me. I texted her asking why she ignored me and if she wanted me to hate her 'cause she's been treating me like crap but I got no response.

 

The next morning I called her but she didn't answer. Eventually she called me and told me she needed space from me and I'm not giving her that. She told me to not go to the bar anymore and if I did then she will get very mad and mean at me. She told me to lay off for a while and not call or go to her house. When I asked if she even still cared about me 'cause she's acting mean toward me she said, "As far as dating goes I do not care about you but as far as I hope you're ok then yes I car but it's not like I'm going to call you everday to make sure you're alright".

 

What I don't get is how someone can say they love you a month ago and now seem to have lost all that feeling. That's what hurts the most 'cause though I say I don't love her anymore, I know I still do.

 

The thing is, she puts on a front to everyone. She doesn't like people knowing how she's feeling and comes across as a tough girl. Why she does this, I don't know but she hides a lot about herself. I don't know if she's scared or confused or whatever but it's kinda driving me nuts trying to figure her out which I know I should stop doing. I truly believe she still cares but doesn't want to show any weakness by telling me she does.

 

I haven't spoken to her since Saturday. I left her a voicemail and text message after we talked asking her to please give me back any shirts she has of mine and a check for the plane ticket. Other than that this is the first time since the breakup I have gone this long without contacting her.

 

Monday when I got back from lunch she sent me an email asking if she could have the confirmation number to the ticket so she can look it up. I never responded back though I did think about it. I don't know if she was trying to get my attention or just wanted the information 'cause other than the bar, that's the only other thing connecting us.

 

Today I even thought about sending her flowers to her work or even the bar but people are telling me not to. I guess I was thinking that perhaps she would remember that I am a sweet guy and that I still care and think about her but I guess I know I shouldn't. It just didn't help that last night I dreamt about her and for some reason I thought about sending flowers.

 

I just don't know what to do. I don't plan to go to the bar for a while and I think the next time I do will be the night before Thanksgiving which is when I'll probably see her. She really has gotten me to the point where I can't stand her anymore 'cause her don't care attitude and her just flatout being mean to me doesn't help me like her anymore but then I think about her and I'm back in my rut again.

 

I'm sorry I wrote so much but I guess this is kinda like a plea for any advice anyone on this board can give me. I just don't know what to do w/ myself anymore. I really do miss her and I kinda hope she misses me too but the way she's going about things, it's almost like she doesn't. I just don't get it.

 

Anyway, I look forward to any responses you might have and thank you so much in advance for your input. Take care.

 

Cheers.

[NrclptcNSmniak]

Definitely do not send her flowers . if what shes asking for is space then just give it to her. although i know how you feel since my x was kind of like that, if she truely does care about you or love you, she would come back. but don't count on that actually happening. it looks like she's trying to move on but u always hanging around isn't letting her. if she doesn't feel like the relationship is worth fighting for, then i don't think it would be worth your time to keep pursuing it. oh ya and as for the confirmation number.... just give it to her...

 

yes.... people... are very strange.... my x played with my heart took it out dropped it picked it back up then put it back in then took a knife and stabbed me in the back straight thru it...... but i still love her/care about her, and want her to be happy... i guess thats 3 years for ya..... bah.... i still love her so much..... but i know that even if she did break up with that turd... it would be best not to get back together.... just try and cheer up and meet someone else... thats the only thing i have to say..

[Jellostick]

Thank you for the reply, NrclptcNSmniak, I appreciate it.

 

The thing is, everything was going so great and then all of a sudden this happened. I don't even know what happened. She used me as an excuse but I'm starting to see more and more things that say otherwise.

 

I know that when we first got together, her best friend wasn't in her life. Pretty much, her best friend started dating a guy and totally dissed my ex for him. My ex was hurt 'cause they were so tight and I truly believe now that I filled a void that her best friend left.

 

A week into our relationship, her best friend was recently dumped and came back again but my ex was pretty much treating her like crap 'cause of what she did to her. All she would do was complain about her to me for the first two months of our relationship. I felt kinda bad 'cause I didn't know what to say but I understood her point of view. I would feel the same way if my best friend dissed me over someone they started dating.

 

Then she told me one day how her best friend said to her, "You're doing the same thing to me w/ your boyfriend that I supposedly did to you". That bothered me 'cause I didn't tell her to choose between us.

 

A month before we broke up, her and her best friend became great friends again. Now, I'm not saying that that's the reason we broke up but I think it's one of the reasons.

 

According to her friends that I know, they have some type of bond or something and that they don't like when the other one has a boyfriend. Do I think that's messed up? Sure I do but if that's true then that upsets me more 'cause I'm the fallguy.

 

I was actually fine w/ the breakup after the first week or so. I started thinking about myself, going to counseling to talk out my problems and decided on a new career choice and plan to go back to school. I've been trying to build up my self-esteem and my confidence and trying to feel good about myself. I've been saying that this breakup was good 'cause I've been focusing on me for once.

 

Unfortunately, she doesn't like the fact that I'm trying to be friendly w/ her. I even asked her the last time I talked to her, "Who's taking this breakup the hardest?" and she said we both were but at the time I believed she was. If I broke up w/ her then I can see her wanting space but she dumped me so I should be seeking space from her. I know that sounds selfish and I don't mean it to be but it's how I see it.

 

I just don't understand why she hides so much of herself, why she couldn't be honest w/ her feelings. I still believe she must feel something for me, I can't imagine someone going from love to nothing after a few weeks. I mean, I never abused her or put her down or anything. I felt I did my best to be the best boyfriend she could have and I hope she knows that she was my world when we were together.

 

That's why I think it was all a ruse. I don't know why she needs to be all tough in front of people and not let them know when she's upset or whatever but she does but she didn't need to do that w/ me. I'm at the point where I don't know if she really doesn't care or she's pretending she doesn't 'cause she doesn't want me to know 'cause she just hides everything.

 

At this point I don't feel it's about wanting her back but trying to salvage a friendship or whatever. I just don't want to end up hating someone I've told numerous times that I love you and vice versa. I know that stuff happens but she's making it difficult by being extremely mean to me. I think what her and I had doesn't warrant either of us to be treated poorly 'cause neither of us deserve that.

 

Though I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't want to get back w/ her but at this point I'd just like to be civil and don't know why she can't be.

 

Thanks again, NrclptcNSmniak.

 

Cheers.

[NrclptcNSmniak]

i understand how you feel. but given the span of your relationship with her, and the events which happend int hat span.. i believe that she was in need of someoen to get back at her best friend and you were the best one for it... i feel its a shame that you were treated in this way but she might value her friendship with ... her best friend more than she values you. i think she feels that if she were to still hang around you it might affect that friendship. another reason why she might not want to see you is because she feels that it might be too hard to only be nice with you, and not feel for you...... or something... it seems like this is one of those moments that you should just give in and try and forget. i know its difficult and that you really would like to at least be friends with her but, if that's not what she wants, then it won't be possible. "it takes two to tango?"

 

some people are like that because they feel insecure about being vulnerable... my x never talked about her feelings because she just wanted to have fun without getting overly emotionally invested. it doesn't always work out that way but, that's their intention.

[Jellostick]

I totally see your point and I'm glad you see mine as well and that I wasn't just making excuses for the whole best friend thing.

 

It sometimes seems that the more I think about it, the more it seems that I did fill the void her friend left until she came back. It sucks but I truly wish that wasn't the case but it kinda looks like it is.

 

If that is the case then I feel sorry for her 'cause she'll be alone for the rest of her life if both of them feel that a boyfriend will get in the way of their friendship or something. Once again, I didn't ask her to choose between us 'cause I wouldn't have done that.

 

On the subject of me wanting to at least be civil, that's kinda hard considering we both hang out at the same bar and have the same friends. She knows the majority of them more than I do 'cause she's known them longer but they're still my friends as well and I enjoy hanging out w/ them.

 

Unfortunately, the more I talk to them about her, the more I find out that none of them really know her 'cause they all say she keeps stuff to herself. Some of them don't even care for her which kinda hurts since I didn't see it but then again, when I asking about her they all called her by her nickname of "Evil Kate" which she is living up to at this point. The ones that don't really like her find her to be a miserable person who complains all the time and voices her opinion when it's not needed or wanted. I guess that's where the nickname comes from.

 

I just look at it as "so it's come to this" type of situation meaning that we both told each other we loved each other and missed each other and so on and now she has turned into a mean person and is borderline causing me to hate her. I don't want that and I wish she didn't want that either.

 

I'd like to think I meant something whether I was filling a void left by her friend or not. I'd like to think when she told me she loved me that it meant something to not just me but to her too.

 

Cheers.

[omegaRED]

Well....

 

When my GF broke up with me and the way she did it, i didnt want to see her face. Well i kinda still dont want to. Cause she still has a hold on me. Unfortunately. So i told our mutual friends from the university (we all graduated 1-2 years ago, including my ex, we met at the university) that if all went out (we did that pretty regularily untill recently), they`d have to choose between me and her, cause i didnt want to be in the same room with her. But then i thought, why would i lose a bunch of good friends and miss out on some good times out because she treated like s***? No, i don`t wanna do that. If she doesn`t want to come, so be it. If she does, again, so be it.

 

The point i`m trying to make is that she has ABSOLUTELY no right to forbid you to go to that bar, if you want to go. That is, if you want to go to have fun, and not to see/talk to her. FFS, she doesnt own the bar. If she`s uncomfortable with you there, then she doesnt have to go there, does she?

 

It`s not about her anymore, it`s about you. She doesn`t want to be friendly? Her loss. Or, to put it better, her DECISION. You can`t change that, and you shouldn`t even try to. I know that you feel like you`re losing a very good friend (my ex and i were good friends before we became a couple), but, to be honest, i don`t believe i could be her friend. There`s a history between us, and until my feelings for her are gone, i cannot be close to her. I dont want to. Sure, i want to know that she`s ok and that she`s healthy, even tho she acted like a b!tch, but that`s pretty much all i want to know. I don`t want to think about what she`s doing, who she`s seeing, whether she`s happy or miserable. Just try to keep it at that. Maybe, from time to time (once a month or so) you could inquire how she`s doing, either directly or through some mutual friends, but again, be content with a short simple "She`s doing ok". But that`s as far as you should go.

 

We all make decisions in our lives, and we all HAVE to suffer the consequences. It`s the way it should be. I f**ked up before, paid the price. She made a decision, she`s gonna live with the outcome, good or bad. It`s out of your hands now. You dont control her, nor should you try to.

 

And, again, you have to stop thinking about why she did this or that, or why she`s acting like she is etc. It`s HER choice, HER life. Try to stop analysing her, reflect on yourself and your behavior, approach and actions, but just so you get to know yourself better, and improve. She left you, and that`s that. I know it seems really stupid to give up on the first serios hurdle, but sometimes that happens. I tried to analyse why she didn`t fight for me/us, but lately i dont care. She chose not to. Fine with me. I need someone who`ll stay and endure through everything, good AND bad, because i do, and because i`d do ANYTHING for the one i love. And, it seems my ex wasnt feeling the same, and i can`t change that.

 

Don`t be a doormat. You don`t have to be mean to her, but try not to let her dictate what you may or may not do. You don`t have to do anything to please her anymore. If she`s uncomfortable with something, it`s HER problem, not yours. Don`t do anything to purpously irritate her, but you, my friend, have a right to do what you want to, whether she likes it or not.

 

Bottom line: Don`t try to be her friend. You`ve given your best, she doesn`t seem to want to be your friend. Meh... You shouldnt "make" people to be your friends. If she wanted/wants to, she will have to make the move.

[NrclptcNSmniak]

mmmm.. all i have left to say is that im sure everything will sort itself out like it should... just be optimistic. good luck and take care

[Jellostick]

You're right on all accounts, omegaRED. It is wrong for her to tell me not to go to the bar 'cause she's there. Even her friends told me, "If she wants space then perhaps she should go somewhere else" and they're right.

 

One of the last things I told her on Saturday was that she likes to be in control of people and situations and she's not going to control me. If I want to go to the bar then I'll go. She said, "Well, I guess this conversation was pointless since I'm asking you not to go there" and I said it wasn't pointless but if I wanted to go then I will, she can't make me do that.

 

It's not right that she told me not to go to a public place 'cause she'll be there but that's how she is. She really likes to be in control and if I'm not giving her that control then she becomes "Evil Kate".

 

I don't know why I thought about sending her flowers today, probably 'cause I dreamt about her last night but I won't be doing that. I won't be going to the bar the nights she's there either because things happened to have come up which will prevent me from doing so but I will be there in the future when she is as well.

 

I know I'm a good guy and that she passed up on an opportunity to grow w/ me and allow me to treat her like a queen. Yes, I know it's her decision and her choice and I can't change that but I guess I'm all about feelings that that sometimes they're stronger than any choice you can make, that they mean more than you throwing something away that you might regret later.

 

I can wish until I'm blue in the face that things would work out but I know they won't. Then again, I don't know that. I can see her in 2 weeks and she'll be all over me and I can hope that happens but what's that going to get me? It'll get me more depressed when it doesn't happen.

 

I hate analyzing people, especially ex's but I can't help it. When they make you feel like it's your fault and you know it's not completely your fault, you can't help it.

 

I am trying to be somewhat optimistic, NrclptcNSmniak. I'm hanging in there and thinking about me. I just wish I could stop thinking about her.

 

Thank you, guys.

 

Cheers.

[omegaRED]

It will pass. Trust me. I still think about her every day. It`s been 2 months. I`m not feeling that anxiety anymore, i eat and sleep normally, go out, have fun... Yeah i still miss her, but i`m not going to allow that to control my life. Then i remember what she did. And it all kinda goes away. She texted me 3 days ago, saying that she`s finally free and we can now talk (it was kind of an agreement that we`d talk about what will become of us, but that was a month ago, and this is the first i`ve heard of her since, ignored me a couple of times where she really should have been honest and had the guts to answer). But... No point really. It wont to me any good. I`m almost certain she`s with another man, and this is where our story ends. That was the final chapter.

 

You`ll get better in time. You`ll get closure, not neceserily from her, but you`ll get it. And things will get much better.

 

Try to take a trip. I always seem to suggest this, but for me it worked wonders. Change the surroundings, the people, the daily routine... If you can afford a short(ish) holiday somewhere, go for it (but preferably visit a place where you know someone, so that you wont be alone).

 

It`ll pass, and all will be well. And, dare i say, someday it will be even better than what we thought was "the best". Just take it day by day, and be positive.

[Jellostick]

Well, last night I went to the bar but she doesn't go there on Thursdays so I was "safe". Went to watch some hockey and hang w/ a friend. I'm friends w/ the bartender and told him she told me not to come in anymore. He said that's BS and when she's in he'll give her weak drinks and then perhaps she'll go somewhere else. Though I think that's funny, I really don't want anything bad happening to her.

 

The thing is that I was kinda ok until the bartender gave me a local paper that hand pictures from Halloween weekend printed. One of the pictures was of her and her best friend and I totally got depressed seeing that. It kinda ruined my night and made me think about her again.

 

The thing is, I know she's not the hottest gal in the world but she was hot to me and seeing her in that picture just made me think about how I used to just look at her and think how lucky I was to have such a good looking girlfriend. As much as I have tried to can't stand her and to think of times I thought she was unattractive, it all ended when I saw that picture 'cause she looked so cute. It just sucked and sucked big time.

 

My friends were talking to me and were telling me to let it go by how can I let it go that quickly? I mean, I still dream about her and things come up and remind me of her. I can't get her out of my head and I wish I could.

 

Then I start thinking about our last conversation and that it might have ended where she thought I was pissed at her. I keep giving myself the impression that perhaps she thinks I don't care anymore 'cause I tried standing my ground the last time. Then add to the fact I ignored her last email on Monday, I just feel that me showing that I don't care just pissed her off some more and has gotten to the point where I pushed her more away and I don't want that.

 

I know I need to stop blaming myself 'cause the breakup wasn't totally my fault but for some reason it's so easy for me to bring myself down. It's also so hard to not contact her. I was thinking of shooting her an email but I'm trying to be tough and not do it. I was going to buy her a card and write my feelings down and slide it under her door but I know I shouldn't do that either.

 

And as far as trips go, omegaRED, I got back from California last week, a trip that her and I were supposed to go on together. It was nice to get away and hang w/ my friends out there and I was dwelling on the fact that she wasn't there but deep down I wish she was.

 

Now it just seems like every time I pick myself up, I fall back down again.

 

And to make things worst, I just looked down and on my shirt I found one of her hairs. Why do I feel like I'm being played w/?

 

Cheers.

[Art_Critic]

He said that's BS and when she's in he'll give her weak drinks and then perhaps she'll go somewhere else.

 

Now that is just silly... 3rd grade..

 

If going in there bothers you then don't go in there.. Go to another bar

 

If seeing pictures of her doing something that she has every right to be doing then again.. Don't go there.. Go to another bar..

[Jellostick]

The bartender was making a joke and I knew he was. If he was serious then yes, it would be 3rd gradish but I don't think he was.

 

I like going to the bar and it's as much my bar as it is hers. I have friends there and there are a lot of people there who know me. I'm comfortable going there and if she wants her space then I'll go there on the nights she's not there.

 

And as far as the picture goes, I hated myself for getting upset over it but I did. This is a girl I loved and obviously still have feelings for so seeing pictures of her got me down, is all. I have pictures of her that I have taken and some of us but since the breakup I have only looked at them like once or twice 'cause I know it would bother me if I looked at them everyday. I wasn't expecting to see her picture last night and would have been fine if I didn't. I'm not going to stop going there 'cause I'm afraid I might see a picture of her. It was random and unfortunately upsetting.

 

Cheers.

[Art_Critic]

I like going to the bar and it's as much my bar as it is hers.

 

True.. But going there doesn't bother her.. It bothers YOU..

 

Either you learn to accept the fact that she goes in there or change bars..Simple..

[seachange]

One of the hardest parts about being on the wrong end of a breakup is that you constantly over-analyze things (what should I have done differently, where did it all go wrong, what was that crucial moment where it could have been fixed??). With more time and space, you'll hopefully begin to realize the hard truth: to some extent, you have to relinquish the idea that you had control over some of these things. You may indeed have had partial control, but much of it was also in her hands.

 

Then there's that nagging question about how to behave when you still have hope of getting back together - but the other person is behaving cruelly.

So you wonder: by trying to give back indifference, am I just driving the other person farther away?

 

Okay, here's the thing: No. You aren't. They have already gone away. She isn't hoping for a sign from you that you'll be there for her. Because she still wanted to go, back when you were constantly giving her those signs, remember?

 

Don't write a card. Don't send flowers. Don't email. She knows you're a sweet guy and she definitely knows you're still hung up on her. She knows how you're feeling. Please trust me: if you do any of those things, you won't be telling her anything she doesn't already know.

 

Go NC - not because she asked for space, but because you need space. From her.

 

Edited to add, after seeing Art's post:

 

Art's right. She isn't planning to stop going there, and you're the one in pain. I realize you don't want to change your habits for her, and that makes sense - but there's something very strong to be said for giving yourself time and space and dignity. If these are your friends, too, why not ask them to meet you out at another bar from time to time?

[omegaRED]

There was a quote in Batman Begins... "Why do we fall? ... So that we learn how to get up again." That kinda hit a soft spot.

 

Look, the thing is, it`ll feel awful for a while. I cant tell you how long it will be for you, but without bs, it`s not going to go away quickly. You will feel ****ty most of the time, but you`ll be slowly getting better. That is part of the process.

 

What i did was pack all the things reminding me of her and stashed it in a box, so that i cant look at them. It helps. I stopped listening to the music we both listened to when we had the best times. I dont go to places where only the two of us went.

 

At the beginning, pretty much everything reminded me of her. Now i rarely think about it, if i can help it. It gets better. Just try to shift your attention to something else.

 

Honestly, i dont know whether i`m in any position to give advice, since i KNOW i`m not even REMOTELY over her, but i do what my best to pick myself up.

 

Cheers!

[Jellostick]

Go NC - not because she asked for space, but because you need space. From her.

You're right, seachange. I should have wanted space from the beginning 'cause I'm the one who was dumped but instead I did what you said and analyzed things and tried to be logically and win her back w/ reason. I should have backed off but in my head I was in love w/ this person and thought she was in love w/ me and we could overcome our issues and work things out. I should have just walked away and came back a month later. To tell you the truth, there were times I even told her that the next time she saw me that I was going to be a different person but I never gave her or myself a chance 'cause I kept contacting her anyway.

 

I screwed that up and I know it. I was an emotional wreck and the thing I should have done was give myself space from her which is what I'm doing now but I feel is too late.

 

And yes, you're right that I shouldn't do anything for her. A card, flowers, an email...nothing. I know that and I told my friends I know that but then I just get stupid and think about doing it anyway.

 

I would hope she feels I'm a sweet guy and I know I am. My heart melted when she told me one time who she mentioned to her mother that one of the sweetest things I did for her was cut up celery and carrots put it on a plate w/ a side of ranch dressing for dipping and gave it to her while she watched TV. I didn't think that was sweet, it was just me being me but it made me feel good hearing her say that. I bought her flowers every month on our anniversary and never thought twice about it and would have done anything else she asked for. I hope she hasn't forgotten that I'm a good guy, that I'm a sweet and caring guy.

 

But this is the longest I've gone w/out contacting and it's so hard. I thought I was ok but it seems it's been getting worse. I feel that I'm all alone in this and she has all the support in the world, that she isn't thinking about me for one moment but it's dumb for me to think about what she's thinking about 'cause I should be focusing on me and my needs but in these situations I just can't be selfish like that.

 

And I'm sorry, AC but going to the bar really doesn't bother me. Once again, I just happened to see something I didn't expect seeing and it depressed me. If I was walking down the street and I saw the same paper on the ground and saw her picture then I'd be upset there as well. My issues w/ her follow me everywhere, not just the bar her and I hang at.

 

Cheers.