Gaeta Posted December 17, 2023 Posted December 17, 2023 4 hours ago, lolipops010 said: Perhaps I wasn’t ready to end things and bringing up ending things to threaten him to stay… Toxic af, I know! It’s painful how clearly I’m aware but not able to break it free. And while you can't break free you are denying yourself meeting someone with whom you could have a deep rewarding connection. Once you'll experience a real connection of the heart you won't be able to accept anymore those mediocre situationships. 1
NuevoYorko Posted December 17, 2023 Posted December 17, 2023 Frankly, it seems like this man is just trying to maintain the boundaries that the two of you had in place for your situation. In your own words: Quote I would define it as a short term relationship, something more serious than casual but less than a full-on partnership. You seem to have been pushing for "something more" but there really is no such thing as "something more serious than casual but less than (etc. etc. etc.)" Or "something more like a 'real' relationship." That is word salad. Meaningless. It does not work out well for anybody when we are talking about relationships. He is kindly disposed towards you, I'm sure he cares about your well being and enjoys having a sexual relationship with NO STRINGS ATTACHED. Please be aware that the "strings" of needing to be your mainstay of support through a tragedy are exactly the kind of strings that a person who chooses this kind of liaison is actively working to avoid. People in these forums tend to believe that "casual" means "not getting married" but more than that, it means that your problems / issues / future dreams are yours, mine are mine. We are intersecting on these areas: sex, some companionable and enjoyable time spent. Often more than willing to lend a hand - in a simple way that will not lead to emotional entanglement. That kind of thing. He is maintaining those boundaries. So - please step away from focussing on this man and what you think is going on in his mind or emotions. He is not your mainstay for this tragedy or any other big life events. He is around for some pleasurable times and if the going gets complicated or sticky, he is out. You are obviously not there - so I strongly suggest you cut your losses and take yourself there. 3
stillafool Posted December 17, 2023 Posted December 17, 2023 20 hours ago, lolipops010 said: He just won’t admit it. No man is going to admit it when they are getting sex. Women have to use their common sense. When words don't match actions that tells you what you need to know. You don't need his permission to do what is best for your mental health. You just need courage enough to know that you can make it without a man. 2
Versacehottie Posted December 17, 2023 Posted December 17, 2023 1 hour ago, NuevoYorko said: People in these forums tend to believe that "casual" means "not getting married" but more than that, it means that your problems / issues / future dreams are yours, mine are mine. We are intersecting on these areas: sex, some companionable and enjoyable time spent. Often more than willing to lend a hand - in a simple way that will not lead to emotional entanglement. That kind of thing. one of the truest things ever said on this forum! 1
Alpacalia Posted December 17, 2023 Posted December 17, 2023 1 hour ago, stillafool said: No man is going to admit it when they are getting sex. Women have to use their common sense. When words don't match actions that tells you what you need to know. You don't need his permission to do what is best for your mental health. You just need courage enough to know that you can make it without a man. Bingo!
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