JadeStar Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 Ok I got this from another forum, LOL I do that sometimes. Will see where someone posted a question about something and then I'll bring it over here to L'shack to get opinons. The question was, do people think that EA's can be one sided? I do, because most of the time when someone gets caught up in emotional affair, one party's marriage can be suffering for various reasons while the other party may feel they have a good strong marriage. The persons marriage that is lacking something, will more likely be the one to develop the emotional atttachment because the other person is providing for them what their spouse or s/o is not. If the other persons marraige is the one that is strong then chances are they will be the ones that DO NOT develop those feelings. What I mean by the stronger partys feelings is yes they may have some form of feelings, but not in the sense enough to confess, show signs of loving the other person on an EA level. Sometimes I think the person thats providing something for the other, may not even realize they are. Unless the other one says something. I often wonder if people that were caught up in a one sided EA if they felt even more hurt because the other party did not feel the same way? I would think that even though it may hurt, its probably a good thing because then there would be less chance of anything really developing further. So do any others believe EA's can be one sided? Has anyone ever been in a one sided EA? If so, how did you know the other person did not feel the way you did? Or maybe its possible the other person did feel a certain way,but perhaps was strong enough to never let the other person know? Jade
Author JadeStar Posted November 10, 2005 Author Posted November 10, 2005 Hellooo out there! (echo) I know someone is bound to know the answer to this. LB, Moose, WWIP, TMW, Owl, Tanbark? Anybody?? Jade
Trimmer Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 Isn't this what we call a 'crush'? It's hard to define an EA real precisely: does it require a mutual exchange of intimacy, or can it be one sided? Does there need to be a mutual understanding that intimacies are being exchanged? Or if it is left unspoken and unacknowledged, is it "deniable"? Where is the line, really, that it's OK to be on "this side", but it's not OK when you cross it? I think regardless of what label you put on a situation, the path to the "dark side" starts with dishonesty with yourself. It's the standard list of things - Are you withholding intimacy from your spouse? Do you share things with the other person that should be kept within the marriage? Are you keeping secrets from your spouse, even if you convince yourself that you're "sparing their feelings?" Would you be willing for your spouse to hear your conversations with the other person? And in this example, there's even more dishonesty to be had - if you are relying on and investing emotionally in the other person, but they don't know that you're leaning on them in that way, then you're being dishonest with them, too, aren't you? I'm just have a sensitivity to people using secrecy and dishonesty as tools to supposedly solve their problems, or get their needs met. It seems like this situation still does that...
Mz. Pixie Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 Yes! Read Jonesgirlies thread. I believe her husband's EA was one sided. There's not much to conclued that the other woman thought he was anything more than a friend.
jonesgirly Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 I'm with Ms. Pixie here, and do tend to believe that my husband's EA was pretty much one-sided (his). I can't say that knowing this makes it any easier, because in reality, it meant that HE put all the effort in to pursuing a relationship with someone who didn't "initiate" one with him. I would think that it would be "easier" to have any type of affair if the attraction were mutual and both parties were in the "mating game." And yes, Trimmer, part of what you could call it is a "crush" indeed. However, it did become an EA when he decided to conceal this "friendship", and went to great lengths to do so. Although she may NOT have had any intentions about initiating an affair with him, they did meet for "coffee" a couple of times, had hundreds of hours of cellphone calls (even after working in the same building and meeting for "smoke breaks" during the day), lots of emails, and gobs of text messages. He even told me that at one point he became uncomfortable with an email she had sent him (stating things like "you always know what to say to me"), and had replied that he "would not be unfair to his wife." Of course, this was before the "physical attraction" began (on HIS part), and hell, who knows if this is even true! Anyway Jadestar, I think the answer is YES................There can be intentions on the part of one person that DO NOT match the intentions of the other person, revealed (to each other), or not.
sylviaguardian Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 many relationships are more or less one-sided, even pa's and marriages! Sylvia
elijahBailey Posted November 11, 2005 Posted November 11, 2005 Sounds like a crush to me because the feelings like unrequited.
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