Old Date to Meet as Friends: Considerations and Etiquette

[Alpacalia]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Does he know you have a BF? It sounds like you went to see his band without your BF. That's probably more important since your BF knows about him and doesn't really seem to care or feel threatened. 

Yes. 

In any event, I'm not going to reach back out.

BF said he's fine with having opposite sex friends but judging by some of the feedback received who knows if this will become an issue down the road.

Thanks everyone. 

[Weezy1973]

45 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

BF said he's fine with having opposite sex friends but judging by some of the feedback received who knows if this will become an issue down the road. 

I think the question that I would ask myself if I were in you shoes would be: Am I seeking some male companionship or validation because I’ve recently become insecure as to the future of my current relationship? 

[ShyViolet]

3 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Didn't think it was wise to remain in contact following that where we're chatting and hanging out all the time considering he wanted to go on another "date" at the time. I've wanted to reach out but never got around to it nor did I think I should given him having romantic feelings and me not.

We reconnected thru social media, after the band, he mentioned catching up so I thought I would reach out and suggest coffee. I wouldn't think after two years that those romantic feelings were still present that's why I didn't see the harm in it.

Does your bf know that this other guy had romantic feelings for you and actually wanted to go on a second date, that the only reason you didn't go on a second date was that you didn't want to?  If so, I'm pretty surprised that your bf would be fine with you hanging out with him now.

Two years isn't really that long of a time, I wouldn't simply assume that those feelings are no longer just because it's been two years.

[Alpacalia]

7 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

I think the question that I would ask myself if I were in you shoes would be: Am I seeking some male companionship or validation because I’ve recently become insecure as to the future of my current relationship? 

Umm. Not really. Lol. Geeze.

[Alpacalia]

5 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

Does your bf know that this other guy had romantic feelings for you and actually wanted to go on a second date, that the only reason you didn't go on a second date was that you didn't want to?  If so, I'm pretty surprised that your bf would be fine with you hanging out with him now.

Two years isn't really that long of a time, I wouldn't simply assume that those feelings are no longer just because it's been two years.

Well, we went on ONE date two years ago, I think that's a given. TWO YEARS AGO.

I am also friends with a male friend for the past 15 years, that a few years back said he had feelings for me. We moved past it. I am certainly not going to stop being friends with a long time friend just because at one point in time they had feelings for me. Yes, my boyfriend is aware of the situation and he trusts me. He knows that I have no interest in pursuing anything with this other guy and that it is purely platonic.

As for assuming that those feelings haven't gone away after two years, that is an unfair judgement. People grow and change over time, and it's possible for someone to have moved on and let go of those feelings.

I have two male friends, the one I've had for 15 years and another since I was eight years old. I certainly don't need my boyfriend's approval to maintain those friendships, and I trust that he makes similarly wise decisions regarding his own friendships. Nor do I need another male friend. Like I said, this guy is someone that I share a mutual hobby with and we have a lot of the same interests. There's no hidden agenda or ulterior motive. Plain and simple.

 

[Wiseman2]

54 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

 this guy is someone that I share a mutual hobby with and we have a lot of the same interests. 

Agree it doesn't seem like he's holding a torch at all. In fact, you commented on his social media and he mentioned where his band is playing (but never suggested getting together one-on-one). Then you went to see him in person, chatted and again he just mentioned we should catch up sometime casually but never suggested any one-on-one coffee or anything else.  So unfortunately he doesn't seem interested in anything more than being acquaintances or developing a personal friendship. 

[Alpacalia]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree it doesn't seem like he's holding a torch at all. In fact, you commented on his social media and he mentioned where his band is playing (but never suggested getting together one-on-one). Then you went to see him in person, chatted and again he just mentioned we should catch up sometime casually but never suggested any one-on-one coffee or anything else.  So unfortunately he doesn't seem interested in anything more than being acquaintances or developing a personal friendship. 

Yeah, which is totally fine. I wouldn't catch up if I thought otherwise.

Like I said, he wanted to catch up, and I wasn't sure 100% what he had in mind, since he "suggested" it twice. But at the same time, he also suggested it at the meeting, so I guess I started thinking maybe just as friends. Then again, who knows. He wanted to purchase my ticket for me and I said no, I am there to support his musical cause and I am purchasing the ticket myself.

In any event, I had a good time at the show and enjoyed catching up with him, so that's great!

Edited December 10, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

I had a good time at the show and enjoyed catching up with him,

Since you're connected on social media you can see where he's playing and go with friends to support him.  You can also stay in touch and catch up that way. 

[Foxhall]

It is possible that the person in question may be a bit lonely, and well,  it could make their day simply being able to get the chance to meet you in person and enjoy your company for a short period of time,

I suppose if they accept the ground rules for want of a better word, that there is no chance of things going beyond friendship, then Yes it is ok to meet 

More macho type guys would be horrified at this idea I imagine, but as I say there are guys who may be a bit down on themselves or whatever and the chance to meet a friendly face spend some time with a nice lady as a friend- that could give them the uplift they need.

[Alpacalia]

Yeah. I think friendship is over. He keeps sending me weird memes and random videos, some of them are funny but others I'm like, I don't get it.😂

No, but really, he's hard a very tough life and is a super positive person that's what I commented on initially and wanted to support his band because he does a lot of good work in the community.

[Alpacalia]

So I think our budding friendship is kaput.

He sent me this video and while I could appreciate the humor, I am a bit weirded out by it. 

I know humor can be subjective and what one person finds funny, another may not. But I can't help but wonder if this video is a reflection of his true thoughts and beliefs, and it's making me question whether or not I want to continue building a friendship with someone who holds those beliefs.

I am upset that we couldn't keep it platonic. But it's probably best that our friendship ends here. 

There's something a bit off here, I don't think this is a reflection of me but something must be up with him.

 

[Wiseman2]

On 12/20/2023 at 9:33 PM, Alpacalia said:

Yeah. I think friendship is over. He keeps sending me weird memes and random videos, 

It's time to get rid of dead weight and delete and block him. 

[Alpacalia]

21 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's time to get rid of dead weight and delete and block him. 

It's a bit red flaggish. I thought so too.