She quitted in 5 minutes after I paid lunch.

[Darkages]

I already know, lunch or dinner as first date is wrong, but I committed anyways this mistake😂. I dated this girl, she was nice and interested on beginning. Then after a quick walk of 20 min we had lunch in a nice restaurant. we had nice topics to talk and dialogue was nice, laughed all the time and was looking into that. All good I thought, but after I paid the bill,she surprised me quitting in 5 min with a stupid excuse. Now i feel bad with myself like not enough or just wrong. Sorry for English, it’s just not my first language.

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, Darkages said:

she surprised me quitting in 5 min with a stupid excuse.

Can you clarify what you mean by this? 

What did she say to you? 

[Darkages]

13 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Can you clarify what you mean by this? 

What did she say to you? 

She just told to me she had to take the bus, after I asked for a quick walk to continue our date. The excuse was she didn’t want to go back late at home. That’s it.

[ExpatInItaly]

29 minutes ago, Darkages said:

She just told to me she had to take the bus, after I asked for a quick walk to continue our date. The excuse was she didn’t want to go back late at home. That’s it.

I don't understand why you consider this a stupid excuse. It's perfectly valid. 

I also don't get why you interpet this as her "quitting." You'd already had a walk and a nice lunch. She wasn't quitting. You had your date with her and it was time for her to get going. 

Honestly, it reads like you are looking for problems and highly insecure to any perceived rejection - even when there doesn't seem to by any. Try to relax and not see things so negatively when you don't have any tangible reason (yet) to conclude she doesn't like you. 

[basil67]

34 minutes ago, Darkages said:

She just told to me she had to take the bus, after I asked for a quick walk to continue our date. The excuse was she didn’t want to go back late at home. That’s it.

Going home after dinner is quite normal.  Did she tell you that she doesn't want to see you again?  If not, then it sounds like things are going well

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Darkages said:

She just told to me she had to take the bus, after I asked for a quick walk to continue our date. The excuse was she didn’t want to go back late at home. That’s it.

Was this the first meeting? Did you have a good time? Did you ask her out again?

You took a walk before the date why take another one? Perhaps she wanted to wrap up the date and catch her bus? Have you heard from her or have you texted her since? 

Try to keep the first meeting brief without dragging it out. If it goes well, ask for a second date. If not say "nice meeting you" and wrap things up. 

[Els]

2 hours ago, Darkages said:

She just told to me she had to take the bus, after I asked for a quick walk to continue our date. The excuse was she didn’t want to go back late at home. That’s it.

I'm not sure what you were expecting, did you think she'd free up her entire day to meet you for the first time? It's normal that people have other things to do after lunch.

Regardless, you seem to be expecting a lot in exchange for paying for lunch, so next time maybe just split the bill instead? If you're going to pay, you need to do it without expecting anything "in return". If you can't do that, then just split.

[glows]

Did you both make plans to walk again after lunch? If there were no plans or earlier sort of tentative agreement to go for a longer walk after lunch, her going home after the meal was completely fine. It doesn’t indicate disinterest for her to want to go home. 

Ask her out again and see what she responds. 

[Sony12]

What were you expecting from the situation OP? You had dinner and a walk afterwards. Unless you two talked about having sex on the first date that is all that is generally required of a first date. Sometimes they last longer but other times they don't.

The simple fact is that a lot of people aren't very comfortable with first dates (especial if they are a little socially awkward to begin with) and won't want to drag it on too long. I'm not that way but many people are. What you do is see how the interaction goes after the date and that will tell you both of these is potential to see each other more.

[Lotsgoingon]

Hold on: did you offer to drive her home? Did you get to the lunch in a car? Did you walk her to the bus stop? 

Sounds like she might have wanted not to allow the date to continue, but that's not bad. Lots of folks have a first-date rule of not letting the night go on and on. 

What did she say after she got home? What has she said since then? Did she text you?

And I'll be blunt: share her exact words. Because I'm not I trust the way you interpret things. 

 

[ZA Dater]

My perception being is she left very abruptly after the bill was paid and that I do consider to be rude. Did she at least thank you for the dinner? Unfortunately there are people out there who use dating apps as a great to extract lunches and dinners from guys who are desperate to go on any date.

OP I suggest unless she is absolutely fantastic and you enjoy her company to simply un match, delete her numbers and move on.

[Wiseman2]

13 hours ago, Darkages said:

 dated this girl, she was nice and interested on beginning. Then after a quick walk of 20 min we had lunch in a nice restaurant. we had nice topics to talk and dialogue was nice, laughed all the time and was looking into that. 

Unfortunately even though she agreed to meet you, took the bus to get to you, took a walk before lunch and had a good connection and conversation during lunch, you're making it sound like she ate and ran as some sort of scam as if you were taken advantage of.. She had to catch a bus, why is that weird?  

[smackie9]

I don't see anything wrong with it. You invited her for lunch. You had lunch....that should have been it especially for a first meet. If they want the date to be over, that's their prerogative.

[Ami1uwant]

I’m not reading this as a dine and ditch. It could be but have to see what happens in this rather than assume and check out.

[Els]

3 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

My perception being is she left very abruptly after the bill was paid and that I do consider to be rude. Did she at least thank you for the dinner? Unfortunately there are people out there who use dating apps as a great to extract lunches and dinners from guys who are desperate to go on any date.

OP I suggest unless she is absolutely fantastic and you enjoy her company to simply un match, delete her numbers and move on.

The OP said she left 5 minutes after paying the bill. That's not "very abrupt". Not sure where the OP lives, but in every table service restaurant that I've ever dined in, it's common etiquette to leave within 5 min of the bill being asked for and paid. Calling for the bill generally indicates that you're ready to leave, and waitstaff will expect that. It's usually considered rude to hang around and hog the table, when you've made it very clear that you're done with your meal and you're not going to order anything else.

[d0nnivain]

I don't see as being as bad as you do.  This expectation that a date will go on interminably where you both lose track of time is unrealistic.  

[Darkages]

12 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Was this the first meeting? Did you have a good time? Did you ask her out again?

You took a walk before the date why take another one? Perhaps she wanted to wrap up the date and catch her bus? Have you heard from her or have you texted her since? 

Try to keep the first meeting brief without dragging it out. If it goes well, ask for a second date. If not say "nice meeting you" and wrap things up. 

I didn’t ask anything because I felt in someway was quitting the date unkindly.

[Darkages]

5 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Hold on: did you offer to drive her home? Did you get to the lunch in a car? Did you walk her to the bus stop? 

Sounds like she might have wanted not to allow the date to continue, but that's not bad. Lots of folks have a first-date rule of not letting the night go on and on. 

What did she say after she got home? What has she said since then? Did she text you?

And I'll be blunt: share her exact words. Because I'm not I trust the way you interpret things. 

 

She just told me, after walking silently (was checking the bus ) okay I have to go there, I’m pretty sure was the wrong direction (?) anyways, she just told me, okay thanks see ya! That’s it. For two minutes I felt a stupid, quitted like this.

[Darkages]

1 hour ago, Els said:

The OP said she left 5 minutes after paying the bill. That's not "very abrupt". Not sure where the OP lives, but in every table service restaurant that I've ever dined in, it's common etiquette to leave within 5 min of the bill being asked for and paid. Calling for the bill generally indicates that you're ready to leave, and waitstaff will expect that. It's usually considered rude to hang around and hog the table, when you've made it very clear that you're done with your meal and you're not going to order anything else.

For quitted in 5 minutes I meant after we leave the restaurant. 

[Alpacalia]

15 hours ago, Darkages said:

She just told to me she had to take the bus, after I asked for a quick walk to continue our date. The excuse was she didn’t want to go back late at home. That’s it.

Would you have felt better if she missed her bus?

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Darkages said:

She just told me, after walking silently (was checking the bus ) okay I have to go there, I’m pretty sure was the wrong direction (?) anyways, she just told me, okay thanks see ya! 

It's normal to leave a restaurant after the check. Did you walk her to the bus? Was she lost? You don't seem to like her or appreciate her company because you didn't ask her out again during lunch. Perhaps that's why you feel taken advantage of? 

[basil67]

More importantly, what did she say during the farewell after the meal?  

[ExpatInItaly]

You are making a mountain out of a molehill, OP. 

[FredEire]

I'd slightly disagree with the majority here in that in my experience if a girl isn't hanging around at all after a lunch date/drinks etc it usually isnt a good sign in terms of interest.

Nonetheless I'd still agree that you can't jump to conclusions and she may actually have had to be there or just wanted to keep the first meeting short. So see her again if you can and you'll know more. If she's acting flaky then you have your answer but if not may just have been an overreaction.

[Alpacalia]

I disagree with one of the disagreements. ☺️

At the end of a first date I wasn't feeling it. I stayed a bit longer (albeit, not in the restaurant, we spent 20 minutes or so next to our respective vehicles outside chatting after our dinner dare and there was a 5% chance I needed to give it a bit more time). Ended up liking the guy in the end A LOT.

The conclusion is really logical but not correct as you could also plausibly say she just finished her lunch and needed to catch her bus. Maybe she ate some bad fajitas and her stomach is telling her it's nap time.

Could also be that 20 minutes and lunch was enough to determine it just wasn’t there and saw no point in 5 hours of a date when they already gathered they weren’t compatible.

It is what it is.

It's just a first date.