just_a_sprinkle_of_sayge Posted December 1, 2023 Posted December 1, 2023 So , for background infromation i have been talking with this guy for three months now Hes extremely kind and caring and he walks me to my classes and he holds my stuff for me etc he holds my hands when im having a rough time etc I really like him . My friend asked him how he felt about me and he said that he ¨he likes me , he just is not sure how to vocalize it ¨ Today i texted him and i asked him in person if he liked me like that and this is how he responded ¨Ashlyn(my friend ) said we would look cute together , Im not sure what to do . I just cant find an answer , and its not that i dont like you , its just that i feel so lost in what to do with myself ¨ - So ? What is up with him ? What does this mean . He has told me before that he has a hard time expressing himself He has also said before that he would be open to the idea of going on a date with me ... So im confused if he likes me or not ?
d0nnivain Posted December 1, 2023 Posted December 1, 2023 It means he's young & insecure. You ambushed him with the question & left him vulnerable. You needed to be much more reassuring. In the face of his uncertainty you need to tell him that you think the two of you have potential & you would like to find out more. Boost him up, hon. 3
Wiseman2 Posted December 1, 2023 Posted December 1, 2023 (edited) 34 minutes ago, just_a_sprinkle_of_sayge said: Today i texted him and i asked him in person if he liked me like that and this is how he responded .Ashlyn(my friend ) said we would look cute together , Im not sure what to do . I just cant find an answer , and its not that i dont like you , its just that i feel so lost in what to do with myself ¨ He seems like a great friend. How old is he? Does he have a GF? You've already been extremely forward with him as well as asking friends to talk to him. Try to step back. He's trying to tell you he sees you as a friend. There's been enough green lights from you. Otherwise as bold and forward as you've already been, he would have asked you out. Is this the same boy? Edited December 1, 2023 by Wiseman2
Author just_a_sprinkle_of_sayge Posted December 1, 2023 Author Posted December 1, 2023 17 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: He seems like a great friend. How old is he? Does he have a GF? You've already been extremely forward with him as well as asking friends to talk to him. Try to step back. He's trying to tell you he sees you as a friend. There's been enough green lights from you. Otherwise as bold and forward as you've already been, he would have asked you out. Is this the same boy? Differint one . I forgot to state i also told him that am not ready for a romantic relationship ....bc of self esteem things i just dont understand why he would tell my friends he likes me like that if he sees me as just a friend 1
Author just_a_sprinkle_of_sayge Posted December 1, 2023 Author Posted December 1, 2023 Just now, just_a_sprinkle_of_sayge said: Differint one . I forgot to state i also told him that am not ready for a romantic relationship ....bc of self esteem things i just dont understand why he would tell my friends he likes me like that if he sees me as just a friend He is my age and he does not have a gf . and he told me he doesnt hve experience with romantic things
Author just_a_sprinkle_of_sayge Posted December 1, 2023 Author Posted December 1, 2023 29 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: It means he's young & insecure. You ambushed him with the question & left him vulnerable. You needed to be much more reassuring. In the face of his uncertainty you need to tell him that you think the two of you have potential & you would like to find out more. Boost him up, hon. Alright , I will try too .. i just really doubt myself .. hes probs just tryna let me down gently i just dont understand why he would do all of that if he did not like me
Author just_a_sprinkle_of_sayge Posted December 2, 2023 Author Posted December 2, 2023 14 hours ago, Alpacalia said: He sounds too confusing and indecisive. Yeah , hes confusing me alot atm
stillafool Posted December 2, 2023 Posted December 2, 2023 Maybe he likes you but can't decide if he likes you enough to make you his gf. Maybe he's not sure he wants a gf at this point. Go for guys who give you clear signals and words that they want you as a gf. 2
glows Posted December 2, 2023 Posted December 2, 2023 16 hours ago, just_a_sprinkle_of_sayge said: Differint one . I forgot to state i also told him that am not ready for a romantic relationship ....bc of self esteem things i just dont understand why he would tell my friends he likes me like that if he sees me as just a friend Why ask him if he likes you only to tell him you’re not ready for a relationship due to your own insecurity? You cornered the guy and he was probably surprised by your question and then very confused by you wanting to know if you liked him when it goes absolutely nowhere. He may not want to get hurt or just feel embarrassed for being betrayed by your friend for exposing his feelings. All of you seem quite young so I’ll chalk this up to inexperience overall but if you’re not available or willing to share your feelings don’t press someone for theirs. 3
Alpacalia Posted December 2, 2023 Posted December 2, 2023 53 minutes ago, just_a_sprinkle_of_sayge said: Yeah , hes confusing me alot atm It's a gentle let down. It's him essentially saying whatever answer he gives you may not be the truth, and he does not want to hurt your feelings. He values your friendship and doesn't want to risk jeopardizing it. In another words "let's just continue being friends and see where things go naturally. Is that okay with you?": Quote "Ashlyn(my friend ) said we would look cute together , Im not sure what to do . I just cant find an answer , and its not that i dont like you , its just that i feel so lost in what to do with myself ¨ When you're confused by someone that you've only known for a short the best approach is not to lean into it but just put a pin in it. 1
stillafool Posted December 2, 2023 Posted December 2, 2023 (edited) 17 hours ago, just_a_sprinkle_of_sayge said: I forgot to state i also told him that am not ready for a romantic relationship .... If this is the case why do you want to know if he "likes" you? I agree his response to you was a gentle let down as to not hurt your feelings, but I don't understand why when you've made it clear to him you aren't ready for a romantic relationship. Why are you confused? Platonic friends can be nice to you and do things for you also. It doesn't mean they want to date you. Edited December 2, 2023 by stillafool
Versacehottie Posted December 2, 2023 Posted December 2, 2023 1 hour ago, stillafool said: Maybe he likes you but can't decide if he likes you enough to make you his gf. Maybe he's not sure he wants a gf at this point. Go for guys who give you clear signals and words that they want you as a gf. To add onto this idea, OP, you ALSO said you aren't ready for a boyfriend and can be insecure...So if you can understand that is how you feel about yourself, doesn't it make sense that he might feel very similar---not ready for a relationship and somewhat insecure about himself? It's absolutely possible and probable. What I took from his statement, is that he is figuring himself out and thus a girlfriend isn't necessarily a priority (or an obligation/commitment) that he feels ready to take on at this moment. 17 hours ago, just_a_sprinkle_of_sayge said: and he does not have a gf . Absence of a girlfriend, doesn't mean a guy is free and wanting to date (you will save yourself a lot of heartache in the future if you get off this idea right now)...In fact, it could easily be evidence that a guy doesn't WANT, is not in an emotional place, etc to have a girlfriend and that is why they don't have one. Perspective is everything. I suppose it is a pet peeve of mine when a girl who is trying to get a guy to like them or figure out why they are not moving forward, presumes this is the only obstacle that they need to get out of the way. it is not. My advice is to ACCEPT his decision--even if it is an ambivalent one. It doesn't mean that he won't change his mind in the future when he is more ready--maybe you will be able to date him at that point, maybe not. Accepting his decision doesn't mean you accept the status quo/things as they are. You might decide (and should certainly evaluate!) if you should put the same amount of effort into someone who might be flirting with you like the relationship "could" progress but then doesn't act on it or is leading you on to get an emotional boost for themselves. Just separately, I think you put him on the spot with your question (it might work for some people and it might have been appropriate for what was going on regardless)...however, he answered the way he answered. I think if you back off and take the pressure off (that would have been a PRESSURE question), perhaps he will come around to the decision himself. I think if someone put me on the spot like that (and/or stories I know of girls who did exactly what you did), then I might answer just like he did. With a one sentence question that might have seemed to him like it came out of the blue, if he'd said "yes I like you", his whole life would change....if he said, "maybe, not yet" (which is essentially what he said), then it buys him some time to come around to that decision himself. BTW, "maybe, not yet" answer should from your point of view also be taken as a potentially a 'No"....It is not a maybe where you push harder to try to convince him to a "yes". IMO, your best strategy after an answer like that is to back off a little and let him come to you. Stay nice and friendly with him but put him on the back burner, stop investing romantically. If someone likes you romantically, it's like a pressure value release (backing off) that allows them the space to see that. If you keep pushing, they do not see a decision to be with you as their own and they will either reject it outright, toy with you a bit, downgrade you or perhaps even agree to be with you but essentially be uncomfortable the whole time. Ball is in his court. 1
basil67 Posted December 2, 2023 Posted December 2, 2023 He's done nothing wrong. Had your busybody friend chosen to mind her own business, none of this would have happened. And given you don't want to have a relationship, I don't understand why you care whether or not he's romantically interested in you. Also, that he "likes you" doesn't necessarily translate to having romantic or sexual interest in you. It could be just that he likes you. Thinks you're OK to hang out with. 4
ExpatInItaly Posted December 3, 2023 Posted December 3, 2023 On 12/2/2023 at 12:33 AM, just_a_sprinkle_of_sayge said: i also told him that am not ready for a romantic relationship Then why do you care if he sees you only as a friend? You are being confusing too. You want him to tell you that he likes you, but you don't want a boyfriend. What exactly do you want from him? Or did you not really mean it when you told him you weren't ready for a relationship? 1
Wiseman2 Posted December 3, 2023 Posted December 3, 2023 On 12/1/2023 at 5:42 PM, just_a_sprinkle_of_sayge said: he responded ¨Ashlyn(my friend ) said we would look cute together , Im not sure what to do . I just cant find an answer , and its not that i dont like you , its just that i feel so lost in what to do with myself ¨ He likes you....as a friend. It's too bad this friend stuck their nose in your business trying to play matchmaker. Now it's awkward for both of you.
Sony12 Posted December 3, 2023 Posted December 3, 2023 Welcome to the world of being a teenager. Boy/girl interactions are often awkward during your teen years. Also keep in mind most people here are probably old enough to be your parents so they will be looking through this from an adult perspective and that might not be compatible with what a teenager is thinking. The simple fact is is that many teenagers don't have much experience with talking to the opposite sex so they often don't really know what to say. Often times they are much more comfortable with the idea of the person than the actual person themselves. Probably the best thing to do is to take time being one another's friend and learn how to talk to each other that way. Get to know one another without the stress of bf/gf scenario being involved. Then you will be much more complicated around one another and will have a better idea of you actually want to date.
smackie9 Posted December 3, 2023 Posted December 3, 2023 The dude is shy and inexperienced....he just needs an assertive girl to get him out of his shell. So you are going to have to be the one to show more affection, say nice things to him, etc. Eventually he will feel more confident to express himself.
ShyViolet Posted December 4, 2023 Posted December 4, 2023 On 12/1/2023 at 6:33 PM, just_a_sprinkle_of_sayge said: I forgot to state i also told him that am not ready for a romantic relationship .... Ok then you are sending him mixed messages and playing games. Don't be surprised that he's sending you mixed signals as well. If you are truly not ready for a romantic relationship, then why are you even asking whether he likes you..... it would be irrelevant wouldn't it, since nothing can supposedly come of it. 1
Author just_a_sprinkle_of_sayge Posted January 28, 2024 Author Posted January 28, 2024 UPDATE Me and him have been talking more now and just getting to know each other more as friends Everything has been going super well and he still is very nice to me and everything I asked him to a ¨Military Ball ¨" at my school and he agreed to go with me , now I just have to figure out whether or not its a friend thing ? But atm We are good and things are going well .
Alpacalia Posted January 29, 2024 Posted January 29, 2024 (edited) 4 hours ago, just_a_sprinkle_of_sayge said: UPDATE Me and him have been talking more now and just getting to know each other more as friends Everything has been going super well and he still is very nice to me and everything I asked him to a ¨Military Ball ¨" at my school and he agreed to go with me , now I just have to figure out whether or not its a friend thing ? But atm We are good and things are going well . Enjoy the ball. Just keep in mind you already asked him 2 other times if he liked you and his response was lukewarm at best. So have a good time and if he asks you anything decisively relationshippy at the ball, then go with it. Other than that have fun! Edited January 29, 2024 by Alpacalia
Wiseman2 Posted January 29, 2024 Posted January 29, 2024 4 hours ago, just_a_sprinkle_of_sayge said: I asked him to a ¨Military Ball ¨" at my school and he agreed to go with me . That's great. Enjoy the date and the dance. You can figure things out when you're there. Sometimes people go to proms as friends but usually it's considered a date.
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