Is it a request for a date?

[smackie9]

I wouldn't go. Your business with him ended 10 years ago. 

[ZA Dater]

If going will bring up painful memories, probably best not to go. Only you will know his character but if you feel he won't respect your space then definitely don't go 

[Lotsgoingon]

Widow or not, you do not owe ANYONE your time or presence-with the exception of really close people when they are ailing.

You meet with him once (he likes you) and you're bored, but he might enjoy the meeting and ask you to hang out some more. So yes, if you don't want to go, don't go. He could be romantically interested in you. Or he could just feel like you are good energy and someone whose personality he really likes and so he is reaching out to you. 

When you're grieving, sometimes you lose certain fears and go ahead and reach out to the people you REALLY want to reach out to. But you have no obligation. And if you felt at all some kind of awkwardness with him, then yes, you are ok to say no. Interesting, in the old days, people would just not return the phone call/text whatever. That was a way of saying not interested--and people didn't think of it as ghosting. 

[Alvi]

I would not be surprised if he is looking for a date. There are plenty of stories on the internet where a widower almost immediately starts dating after their spouse passes away and end up either living together or get married within a year. My grandfather found someone within 6 month after my grandmother passed away. He wanted to get married but that woman said no. So, they ended up living together after only few month of knowing each other. Imagine how comfiting that was for a a 6-years-old child (me). So yeah, it would not be uncommon for him to seek out companionship or even a full-blown relationship during a time of grief.

Anyway, you are not comfortable around this guy and you really don't owe him anything. So say, thank but no thanks and decline a coffee meet. I am curious, do you have trouble saying "NO" to people? Honestly, you don't owe him a single thing. Say that you are busy with work, kids, life, hobbies, whatever and decline a meet if you want to soften the blow. You should have blocked him ten years ago but it is never too late.

[Alvi]

14 hours ago, FredEire said:

You would think so but the guy could be very lonely. Some people for whatever reason find it very hard to connect with people and have a circle around them.

I feel bad for this guy. But really, he should seek out his family and friends. Why is he asking you? The two of you don't sound like friends. So, I don't know. Sure, you can meet him for coffee and only coffee but since you hardly know him, what would the the point? I would decline since he makes you uncomfortable.

[Ursula Coyote]

5 hours ago, Alvi said:

I feel bad for this guy. But really, he should seek out his family and friends. Why is he asking you? The two of you don't sound like friends. So, I don't know. Sure, you can meet him for coffee and only coffee but since you hardly know him, what would the the point? I would decline since he makes you uncomfortable.

We were once a part of a local organization, so I actually knew him quite well back then. We had a lot of interaction working together (together I mean with others as well) for fund raisers etc. I simply do not have any romantic interest in him and he tends to see romantic interest where there is none. 

I just find it very odd that after all this time and lots of opportunity for him to reach out as friends that it happens now when he's suddenly available for a relationship. I have no intention of being someone's rebound relationship, or the first person he gloms onto.  

[Alpacalia]

3 hours ago, Ursula Coyote said:

We were once a part of a local organization, so I actually knew him quite well back then. We had a lot of interaction working together (together I mean with others as well) for fund raisers etc. I simply do not have any romantic interest in him and he tends to see romantic interest where there is none. 

I just find it very odd that after all this time and lots of opportunity for him to reach out as friends that it happens now when he's suddenly available for a relationship. I have no intention of being someone's rebound relationship, or the first person he gloms onto.  

There isn't anything odd about it. If he had or has romantic interest in you, it's normal to be interested in catching up with you.

It's also normal for you to not have any desire to be his rebound or "first person he gloms onto". 

Why would he reach out as friends when you've made it clear that it doesn't seem like it's been welcome on your end? You're not genuinely interested in being friends with him, and have made that pretty clear, so why does it matter to you that he's now interested in a romantic relationship with you? 

Are you sure that there isn't more to it? (ↀᆺↀ)

Edited November 29, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Goodguy05]

On 11/28/2023 at 10:21 PM, Ursula Coyote said:

A longtime acquaintance recently lost his wife within the last month. He reached out via online chat after nearly ten years of pretty much no contact saying he was trying to get back in touch with old friends. He asked if I had someone special in my life to which I replied, "No, and I'm happier that way". He then asked me if I wanted to go out for coffee.  

This guy has been interested in me in the past...a feeling that was not returned. I have no interest in this guy, and to be honest, he represents a time in my life that I really don't want to revisit. 

Does this request for coffee so soon after his wife passing away seem like he could want something more? I'm not interested, and don't want to inadvertently open a can of worms.
 

You mentioned in your post he represents a time in your life that you don't really want to revisit. So why would you want to even consider engaging with this guy?