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Love the one you're with.

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My name is Bob. I am new here. First post in this forum. Posted before in a few.

I had the summer of an unusual type. I have been through so much in my life, started in the negative, made it to equal and succeeded a few times only to lose everything and every one time and time again and again. But this summer was totally different. Since nothing in my life was going my way, or listening to me, as I never really felt understood, I just put my foot down and said, Well, I'm going for a ride. And off I went. Ended up driving 40,000+ miles in 8 months!

As I was driving down the road, I have a Sirius Radio connection in my car and play old stuff. That good old song came on, "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one your with." And the funny thought came to me, "The only one I am with is myself!" And I swear it was like God hit me with a Lightning bolt, "Love Yourself!" I can't tell you what that did for me. I hope maybe that by writing this, maybe you can see the logic in that too.

Since then, I have started paying more and more attention to myself and more, and more to God. And then more to me, then more to God, so it never stopped, basically.

I have lost everyone I ever loved, as a girlfriend, friend-friend, lover, father, mother, sisters, never had a brother. Lost my best friend. I can't tell you how alone I feel sometimes, but then others I feel the Spirit of God encouraging me. I would think that anyone looking at my life would say, "How did you survive, recover and regain health?" I learned to follow the Leader. He let's me know what He needs me to do and I do it. I just kept doing it, and never stopped.

With me and God I am okay. I am good with people, just not involved with people. Which I want to be, and can be, but I don't have a stable home base. Got caught in a financial pinch but things will workout in time.

I am glad to be here. I am a lot better at loving myself than I was 6 months ago, when that song hit me, but I could still be a lot better. I need to learn how to communicate the way people do in society. I have been not like sheltered. The best way I can describe what happen is, I asked for Help, but someone left the P off, and all I got was misdiagnosed and no help at all. Ended up with just the Hell part. lol? but seriously, I can't take it seriously because there is no point in dwelling  I feel on things I can't change. All I have to do is prove myself right and not have my motive to prove the other people wrong, but in proving myself right, they will be proven wrong, if that makes sense to you, it does to me too.

I am open, to everyone and all questions, comments, or polite disagreements,


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Hi Bob.  Welcome.  Congrats on finding the secret to balance & peace.  It all starts from a foundation of loving yourself.  

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Hi dOnnivain,

Thank you. It was no easy task. But I do have a lot of peace about my losses, and a peace that comes from realizing the people I lost to death are not "Dead" in the sense of ceasing to exist, it is more of a "Not right here right now where I can see them". If you know what I mean. It is easier, and more accurate to not think of them as gone gone, but not here where I can see them. I still feel their existence.


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I’m sorry to hear about your losses. Since you believe in God, I am assuming you also believe in the afterlife when you say you feel their existence. Or do you mean memories? Glad to hear you’re in a better place and learning to love yourself.

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Hi. Thank you.

I appreciate your reply and condolences too.

I have struggled a long time, for a lot of differing reasons, and in a lot of different ways.

Because of the level and amount I have been deceived, tricked, falsely accused, beaten and abused. It is incredible that I have a good spirit still. Really.

The only reason I mention this is because I noticed I tend to automatically assume, or am inclined to think people either have ill will in their intentions when they ask a question, or are being deceptive when they are making a suggestion.

I know I am not the only one. But up until Dec '22, That is how I was. I can't really get in to all the what, where, why and how everything in my life sort of accumulated to a level of intolerable frustration that I, also, am not the only one to encounter in life.

And when I say intolerable, I mean, no, this is not going to work for me. So I usually walk, pray, talk to God (or my concept understanding, perspective of what I conceive as the creator of all life, love and fairness. So that's what I do, I always deal with my problems now by walking, talking/praying, and driving, writing and listening!!!!

I have to tell you I don't like what I'm hearing, when I listen. Not that God is not perfect Love, but what Perfect Love has to say about the condition of the world today, no. He Does NOT Like it!

So, I prayed, drove, walked, and wrote a whole lot this summer. Actually, and Please Keep In Mind, that I do my best not to lie. I know that is unheard of these days. But I honestly do my best not to lie. I have a good reason for that, but anyway, I drove right around 45,000 miles this summer, from May to Sept. And I have to tell you, I was talking to God when I wasn't keeping myself out of accidents, keeping an eye on people, and buying more gas! And you know what, I think I got some solid answers.

What could be more correct than this:  the problem that has caused the condition the world is in, is when people do not listen to whomever they are dealing with at any time, in any situation, in any and all cities, states, countries, people who refuse to listen fully to the person they are talking to, will "ALWAYS" do the wrong thing because when we don't listen, we can't do the right thing. How can we know what is right "For anyone but ourselves" unless we listen fully to the person we are dealing with???

From my perspective, my understanding, "my" understanding, if you will, is yes there is a God that can help us, but we have lost the original planned connection we had with God, a long time ago. So it took from the fall of man until now to re-connect with Him. And I am not the only one doing it. I noticed other people are coming to a level I am on and understand. But what we can do now is we have to develop our intuition to hear Him, individually, each one on their own. That way there is no mistake. Each person has to develop their own understanding of God, who what where, when and of course the most important one, "why?" All these questions each individual needs to ask God themselves. The problem until now has been what is the line, right? Well, I can help. I need everyone's input. If I had answers but didn't know the questions, how could I answer you unless you present the question? Right?

When that happens, God, the Great Spirit, Love Itself, whatever you want to call a super duper incredibly intelligent, Loving so beyond our comprehension Spirit, whatever or whomever God is to you, is the only person who can answer those types of question we all have for you, one on one, if you will. You and God need to develop a relationship so He can lead and guide you, but everyone needs to do it. Looking to anyone else will only give us a half-baked answer at best. I have accomplished what was conceived of as impossible before. I don't want to say what, just ask me a question about Love. I actually sense, the people who have died in my life as if they are alive but cannot "Talk" to me using words, only intuition.

We all need each other. The bullies who yell at the reserved, quiet types, we need the quiet types, and believe it or not we all need each other one and all. The thing to understand is we are all designed to operate and function if you will with and in LOVE, not anger. Anytime we judge, we assume a position we are not capable of withstanding the weight of. Forgiving is not I let it go forever and there will never be any recourse, compensation or any good come out of a bad situation at all. "Let me put it this way: To say I forgive, is not to say, "It is okay to live in an unfair world that tells me not to obey God, or my intuition, obey the world instead of God..." That is not forgiveness. Forgiveness, again, "from my perspective" is "To Not hold another person responsible for the amount of pain their decisions and/or behavior caused me. End of that concept, then, AND!!!! I will give the right to judge the person for whatever they did, I let "GOD" judge them. I understand I am not capable of understanding everything, nor do I wish to know everything. See, my job, what I was designed for is to have fun, love people, work hard, play hard, enjoy other people's company, and love God, as well as everyone else and myself. What is wrong with that? Everyone is designed with this program installed on our hard drive. Our enemy is not a gov. entity, nor any other person, it is fear! Fear causes isolation, isolation develops fear, which eventually can lead to anger, but in today's society anger is being provoked, it is not just that nice out there. But listening to each other is the answer. I have a lot of answers. It will take a lot of time and there is a song I love, "It's gonna take a lot of Love to change the way things are." But you know what? God just happens to have an INFINITE Supply of Love!!! We just needed to tap into it. I believe I did. Ask me anything...

Love is Always the Answer, always in the Answers that God Provides, and seeing how He knows everything, I it is not because the truth isn't true, it isn't because God said it, and it isn't because we can't find it, Love is Brutal! It is hard to listen to really believe, What if God Is Right and Love is the Answer? All this time?

In learning to Love myself, I believe I can map how anyone can follow me. I am learning, please remember, but I am here to listen, and help all I can... And found not only Love for myself I found hope in me for everyone else too!




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I really appreciate your perspective.

Do you think that you've had more wisdom and strength because you have gone through difficult and unhappy times? Or do you feel that you have this not just as an old soul, but because of lifestyle?

My male friend, he lost 7 people close to him in a very short period of time. All the while performing in a band, pursuing and obtaining his master's degree and working full-time. I just went and saw his band last weekend.

To me, when I hear him speak, I am (personally) inspired to keep moving forward. What he's been through and what he can to talk about it with such so very much grace and gratitude.

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I appreciate your curiosity. To answer your question about does suffering enable, or improve wisdom. I would not just say yes, I would say absolutely, positively, most assuredly YES!

I super don't want to come across as a know it all. I know only what God wants me to know, which is only what I need to know. If I don't  spiritually know or understand something, I am either not intended to, or I can't hear Him. So Only, when I KNOW, He is telling me not to do something I would rather do, will I not do it. I do what the Bible says is  right, whether I understand with my conscious mind or not. See? Here is a key, if I figure out a plan, and it doesn't work, I get mad at me. Or at least disappointed. If I listen and hear from God what He wants me to do, it NEVER, EVER, has failed and it never can or will! So I am very close to only doing what I know He wants me to do and only don't do what He wants me not to do. No understanding on my part required. If I feel my intuition to do or not do something, I either do or don't do it, and I don't do anything I don't believe is God's Will, I never ask God "Why"? unless it is not in a question to His Logic, reasoning, direction, or my intuition.

But does suffering equal wisdom, no. There is a key to turning a certain type suffering into wisdom. From what I have gathered, human beings do not like to be wrong. It hits a sour note in us... I mean, when we really understand how wrong we are and how incapable of obeying God, it is not just like being wrong about something, I mean "everything we can conceive, think of, understand, figure out and know intellectually, with the conscious mind IS NOT GOING TO SAVE US, BRING US PEACE, FAITH, HOPE, SPIRITUAL SECURITY, AND OUR CONSCIOUS MIND CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND GOD, We simply must learn to hear Him, know it is Him, and obey, no questions needed to ask!.... WE JUST HAVE TO SEE, KNOW AND ACCEPT THE HARD AND COLD AND BRUTAL FACT, We Need God In EVERY WAY". If you're not walking in obedience to the Bible to the best of your ability and understanding, you're not working at it the right way... We cannot understand, but the Good News is We DON'T have to understand how forgiving in the fashion I just mentioned works, it just does, we need to learn to take God for the Intuition He Provided, at His Word, Never asking Why to question to His Intelligence, Authority, or anything at all. Strictly Obedience. But this isn't "Obey God or else." It is more like "God is our ultimate Father", He Loves us unconditionally forever.  Why would anyone not want to Know God. Hint, any reason. when this light is shed on it, is not logical.

In my life, it is when only when I suffer, but only when I suffer to in not seeking compensation, when it is appropriate not to, like it is impossible or would interfere with other's peace in order to recover the damage done to me. Say someone, at fault, hits your car, and totals it. Now they didn't have insurance, so you are out your car you still owe $10,000 that you can't drive at all, it's just a chuck of metal now, and you need to save more money to even be able to buy another one. That is what I am referring to as "suffering at the fault of someone else". We can choose to allow our mind to drag us in to anger, feeling like, I don't want to say sorry for ourselves because we are not  built, designed or educated on how to take suffering properly, how to see it for what it is rather than allowing our suffering to tell us it means there is something fundamental wrong with us to deserve it. Like "I was so stupid, I didn't see him coming." When it was obviously the other person's fault, or the other extreme, there is something wrong with the other person, they where the "Stupid" one who hit you and everything is their fault, ie. not yours, so someone besides you needs to fix your problems that obviously they caused when we were innocently driving on the road where we have to watch out for the people who either by accident or intention drive in our space at the same time.

I need to mention Judgement always precedes being disrespectful, or giving out punishment, or condemnation, it justifies our rejection, abuse, neglect, disrespectful feelings and behavior towards them. When we buy in to the lie that we are smarter, know more, or without even checking our thoughts for "ANY" validity or truth, just run with whatever we think, believing we cannot be wrong, after all if we were wrong we would know it right?? Wrong, we are susceptible to being deceived. We have a problem, when we allow our feelings to logically, according to us, justify our lack of forgiveness, justifies our rejection of our own responsibility, which is to dig our-self out of the hole the other person put us in and not be bitter. Hurting is totally understandable, but being bitter implies not forgiving someone else. So this is to say, I can be mad as hell, have to stuff my anger, not act on the desire to be disrespectful while feeling totally like being disrespectful. That takes Spiritual Strength, we have to endure that type of suffering and not act disrespectfully in return. God never said don't get angry, He said deal with it appropriately. And anyone who expects someone to do this with a smile on their face enduring a fresh injury is totally in denial anyway. And let me just throw this out there real quick... Compassion always precedes Love, Judgement always precedes disrespect!!!

Yes, humanly we cannot possibly do this because our conscious mind cannot comprehend why we should forgive, or not make the other person pay for hurting  our car, us, our feelings, those we love, etc. When everything is going our way, we cannot possibly develop the ability to deal with stress, not "Oh my bills are late! type of stress", I mean to feel angry and not react to it, but implementing self-control, not doing what we feel like doing... This Takes the Strength only accessed through, by, our Spirit in Communion with God's Spirit. This of us as a Tree and He is the Light hitting the leaves, the nutrients in the soil, and "Spiritual Laws" mean when we reveal our Pain to God, ask Him to take it asking for His Help is how we do this. We, or us, or our "I" in us, the Spirit of our Person puts our foot down and refuses to disobey our commandment to love and not be disrespectful under any circumstances, is what it boils down to. I know it sounds impossible, how can we forgive the heavier, deeper offenses we encounter. Well, here's the truth and the good news. We can't forgive like that with our conscious mind, we will never be able to find a logical reason to forgive major offenses. We learn to not be disrespectful under mild stress, mild anger, and grow this strength and our ability to Trust in God's Justice instead of our own by always refusing to allow anger to convince us that being disrespectful is justified because it never is. Jesus never hated anyone, acted on any resentment or anger at the people hurting Him. I do believe He Felt it, 100%, His Spirit, or Will powered Him to Obey God through more suffering than we could ever comprehend. How could He do that? Well, if you consider it is Impossible for God NOT to Love us, then you can see no matter what they did, He would Love us, no matter what. So, to me, if I understand this correctly, anger is the actual justification we use to be disrespectful by nature. It is what wrong with everyone on a  very deep level that most people cannot, will not accept because they cannot understand why, how, what to do, or even how it works once you explain it to the best of your ability. Some people never want to hear they are wrong, they get mad that the idea or  even a tease that they are wrong, to realize they are a puppet cursing the puppeteer because He won't make us move unless we give Him the Strings, or the Control over our Lives which no one wants to because we cannot, are 100% incapable of understanding how Spiritual Principles and Laws work. Realizing just really how wrong we are by nature, that we are 100% susceptible to deception without our intuition,  will blow them out of the water. No one deserves to be punished just because someone doens't know how to control "THEIR" anger, it is on them. They can't admit they are wrong. For whatever reason, it doesn't have to make sense to anyone but the person with the angry thoughts. The major problem exists when a person is wrong, and will not listen to anyone that even slightly contradicts them or deny any facts or truth that prove they are wrong, yet even goes to the extreme of not telling you why they are upset, they will blame us, and be 100% at fault, not listen and they tie our hands by doing so. Some times it is just very hard to work with some people or God may provide you with an answer you need to find common  ground to break through to them that you are not against them! If it is impossible, I have learned to disconnect from such people. I see no alternative. I don' t get angry, I have compassion on them because I know I am trying to help them, in know I can, but also just as much, I know if they won't listen to me there is nothing I can do. That is not my fault, it is sad, but I can't do anything so I learned how to disconnects from in-cooperative people. I don't "reject, judge, blame, punish" them, I disconnect, and limit or eliminate communication from them which will only upset be because they chose to tie my hands, keeping the door open in case they repent, change their mind, see the light, etc.

Here is how we beat angry thoughts that will come to us as long as we are in this body and must use our conscious mind, here's how we beat our human inability to forgive and stifle the desire to be disrespectful, nip it in the bud so we are not having to try to deal with trying not to be disrespectful when we feel so much like being so, and what I do instead...

Typically, we feel angry when someone implies, or states we are wrong in just about anyway. It really increases when an insult is used a as a justification for someone to be disrespectful to us. This is different anger than an inconvenience, no matter how big, this is personal and offensive, and most people crumble for lack of knowledge.

I think, if there is one thing that will make anyone the most angry... The type of anger that we feel when we are punished for an illogical, to us, reason, that has no bearing on our behavior, there is no logical or sometimes not any reason at all, let alone a good one, for why people have hurt us. So, my way to deal with that is just to just take "EVERY PERSONAL HURT", like every time I feel offended, I go STRAIGHT TO GOD WITH IT. I don't tell the person exactly what they did that made me mad and explain why in detail, then make sure they understand that you won't be treated that way again under any circumstances, no exceptions. In fact, we want to let them know just how mad they made us for some reason, like it really even matters. It doesn't. Then sometimes offending people won't even listen to us when they are absolutely dead wrong, they are at fault, they are blaming us for their behavior, telling us that the reason we had for whatever offended them is precisely and exactly whatever their problem is, yet they are blaming us for it, and we have no way of getting around that person to get back what we lost, recover the hurt, even get a sorry, or even an admittance that they are at fault, I mean at all! That TAKES SPIRITUAL STRENGTH, the more disrespectful the offense was and the more loud mouthed and wrong the person is and their level of ability to deliver a disrespectful attitude, that they have and project it on you, determines how much spiritual strength it will take! Dealing with that, which I believe is definitely some form or type of evil, it is tough!!

I had to learn to detect when I was getting angry, figure out where the thoughts I was having was coming from, find the original source of those angry feelings, the pain, and work through it. There as a lot of them. When we have the where-with-all to realize when anger is telling us to be disrespectful and exactly what the reasons are as to why it is a perfectly logical thing to do to hurt someone, or in other words be disrespectful when someone offends us. Once we can catch ourselves getting angry, and this takes time if we have never done it, we can use our Will Power, Will Power is our spirit's power and will to stick to a decision no matter what we have to "suffer" to do the right thing. That type of suffering right there, "THAT" kind of suffering builds tolerance, patience, understanding, wisdom, knowledge. Another way to see it is "When Willfully suffering to do the right thing, self sacrifice is involved, that is what helps us build spiritual strength to handle the storms in life. We must look at ourselves brutally honestly to see how incompetent, how incapable, how badly we want to be disrespectful knowing how wrong it is and yet having the desire to hurt people by being disrespectful and at whatever level "ANYWAY". That hurts. We know it is wrong and we want to do it anyway, God is the only One who CAN save us... Intuition is how. It is our responsibility to hear Him, what ever we need to do on our end is what we need to do. He has done His part, well more than His part actually.

I thought of a handy way to remember this. When we Reveal our Pain, our Weaknesses, like our inability to forgive... God Heals it. We Reveal it, God Heals it! "here I mean, fully owning our own inability to keep God's Word, to stick to our decision to forgive for example; when we admit this to God and ourselves, and accept and that, it hurts. When we understand how fully incapable how forgiving we actually are most people, either get angry, or give up believing there is no hope for them. He Heals us, Gives us the Strength we need, and enables us to forgive things that would otherwise be impossible for us. Let me put it this way, The devil only has as much power as you believe he has... God can only use the strength, power and provide miracles that we believe He is Capable Of!!! So it is what we decide to believe that determines whether we turn that type of suffering in to wisdom, knowledge, tolerance, and actually can heal that pain 100%

I mentioned that I don't like what I am seeing or Hearing from God sometimes. This is one of them...

When we suffer pain we are faced it is because we perceive that we are in a predicament we either don't understand, or we really don't like what we do understand about the situation, whether we are correct about the "why it happened" or not. Most of our suffering is our own fault, the rest is due to others. You know how much Suffering that we encounter, my belief here, is from God??? or actually "God's Fault?", the way I see things...  A big Fat Zero! It is human nature to blame others and overlook our own "imperfection of logic, understanding, and our ability to be deceived. etc" when we are in pain, which can be physical, emotional, I think confusion is mental pain, and "SPIRITUAL PAIN" which is the deepest, most painful, multi-dimensional type pain that exists. Unlike all the others, and can be thousands of times worse than all the others. I learned to take ALL my pain straight to God. I don't think about it, I don't wonder why, I don't analyze it, I don't punch my way out, I don't run from it, I face it feel it and reveal how painful it is for me too take that disrespect, offense, loss, etc, to God. I reveal my soul, my spirit to God! Most of the time, when I hurt this bad, and while I am revealing it to God, I cry very, very, very hard, loud and just get lost in the pain. Then all the pain, anger, hurt, all of it... DISAPPEARS!!!! Think about it, what would that be worth to you? It's free, everyone can do this, I need you to understand how is all. Once you get it, you cannot forget, it becomes automatic. The only things that matter are in the present, if you lost something, it is permanent, and the longer you deny this fact, refuse to feel the pain associate with reality in the present, the harder is gets to do when you do decide to. There are no shortcuts on the road to God.

The first thing I need you to understand is that everything we understand, can figure out, know, can possibly learn, have learned, all the questions we could ever ask, if we could ask every question we could possibly ask, and had eternity to do so, we still could not figure out Spiritual principles, Find direction in Life, Understand "ANYTHING" about God. EVER!!! That's how bad of shape we are in. We lost contact, conscious contact with God, He cannot verbally talk to us, but He can hear us verbally, and when we nonverbally talk to Him. The only part of us that can HEAR God is our Spirit, we know this part of us as intuition. Without intuition we are in permanent darkness. It makes sense to me because I have had a very unusual life. It is not normal the things I have been through. I mean like "Maybe" say situation "A" may happen to one out of a million people, once in their entire lifetime. I have had hundreds of such peculiar things, situations that just don't happen to one person in one lifetime, like ever. And I have had hundreds of them. I have had to learn things because I cannot hurt people or myself intentionally. So as badly as I suffered, I always felt that suicide to me, and I know this is a touchy subject, but to me, and for me, if I took my own life, it to me would be saying, to God, I don't trust that You can help me God. I may not know why I am suffering, I can't figure it out to save my life, I don't know how to end it, why I am suffering is so far beyond my ability to comprehend to anchor hope for an end to it, that it seemed to be an endless hopelessness that could not be beat. As if it were impossible, and I really do believe it was my becoming aware of how unable and weak we are to handle spiritual matters over my summer trek that enabled me to accept my limitations as a human being, and allow God to heal me.

So when I say, God, I cannot forgive this offense, no matter how I try. I just can't let go of the anger, the desire for retribution. I want to disrespect them more than they disrespected me to teach them a lesson, kind of thing. Again, opening my heart and showing God how much it hurts me, by doing so, I am acknowledging my "Inability" to keep God's Word. That's when I know I am incapable, I cry like bad, then God sheds His Love and Support, no matter what I need, if it is a specific answer as to why whatever happened happened, so the blame is not mine, if it is my fault, I will become aware of what I can do to fix the problem. No matter the problem, I get the solution every time! How cool is that? But God is not going to give us His Strength unless we know and will not forget it was Him that got us out of the pickle not our snazzy rusty, crumbly, insufficient mind. It's not like I need to forget once I forgive, I may have to address various reasons for my ill-will to not forgive, but once I do and stick to it, I don't need to forget the offense because God removes what was offending me about it!!! That is too cool! I want to share what I have, it's no fun having this much joy in being able to understand the things that kept me prisoner alone, by myself. I want to free others, that is what will make me super happy. I mean I have never in my life been so filled with a realistic, hope inspiring, faith endorsing and empowering joy in my life! And it keeps growing!!!!

Peace to you Always





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