Lewis321 Posted November 7, 2023 Posted November 7, 2023 Iv'e recently started a relationship with a girl, obviously I like her but over the last couple of days I think her texts have been abit much. I asked if she was ok to which she said no because she wants me, wants to be with me and adores me, this then escalated the next day to her saying she is pent up and frustrated because she wants to be with me 24/7 365. I tried to reciprocate by saying that I want and desire her and am looking forward to seeing her to which she replied lies and she wants proof. I asked her what she meant by this to which she said she doesn't know she hasn't thought it through yet. She ticks alot of boxes but personally I am finding this concerning, any thoughts would be appreciated.
Wiseman2 Posted November 7, 2023 Posted November 7, 2023 25 minutes ago, Lewis321 said: I tried to reciprocate by saying that I want and desire her and am looking forward to seeing her to which she replied lies and she wants proof. How long have you been dating? How often do you see each other? How often do you typically communicate between dates? What would constitute "proof" of wanting to be with her? Does she mean you're not asking her out enough or not seeing each other enough or not texting enough? Does she work? Go to school? Live with family, roommates or alone? Does she have any friends and family nearby and some hobbies, interests, etc.? Do you feel she is clingy or neurotic? Or that you are just incompatible a far as quality time together and communicating?
basil67 Posted November 7, 2023 Posted November 7, 2023 If I was dating a guy who behaved like this, I’d end it, block him and update my security system. Run Forrest Run! 5
Alpacalia Posted November 7, 2023 Posted November 7, 2023 2 hours ago, Lewis321 said: I asked if she was ok to which she said no because she wants me, wants to be with me and adores me, this then escalated the next day to her saying she is pent up and frustrated because she wants to be with me 24/7 365. I tried to reciprocate by saying that I want and desire her and am looking forward to seeing her to which she replied lies and she wants proof. It is concerning. What proof are you supposed to furnish exactly? You don't owe her an explanation or placation! As for "haven't thought it through yet" - she sounds like an unbalanced fruit salad. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 7, 2023 Posted November 7, 2023 Especially because this is a new relationship her words are inappropriate & highly concerning. For her to accuse you of lying & demand some kind of proof that you like her is obnoxious. Your words should be enough at this early stage. For her to carry on about wanting to be with you 24/7 365 is absurd. You are too new in her life for that level of togetherness; heaven forbid she's literal you still have work, a life, family, friends. There will be no satisfying her. YIKES! I'd be telling her to dial it back or I'm walking. 2
basil67 Posted November 7, 2023 Posted November 7, 2023 6 hours ago, Alpacalia said: It is concerning. What proof are you supposed to furnish exactly? Perhaps a large banner on a bridge? Or a skywriter? 3
Wiseman2 Posted November 7, 2023 Posted November 7, 2023 On 10/14/2023 at 9:59 AM, Lewis321 said: Been dating for a month. I have my own place but we can't always see each other during the evenings You seem to be into her, however your schedules seem difficult to navigate.
Author Lewis321 Posted November 8, 2023 Author Posted November 8, 2023 On 11/7/2023 at 11:20 AM, Wiseman2 said: How long have you been dating? How often do you see each other? How often do you typically communicate between dates? What would constitute "proof" of wanting to be with her? Does she mean you're not asking her out enough or not seeing each other enough or not texting enough? Does she work? Go to school? Live with family, roommates or alone? Does she have any friends and family nearby and some hobbies, interests, etc.? Do you feel she is clingy or neurotic? Or that you are just incompatible a far as quality time together and communicating? Been dating for 2 months, we see each other a couple of times a week but communicate daily. I have no idea what would constitute proof. I suggest and plan all the dates which she says that she likes. She works 4 days a week but other than that doesn't really have anything else going on in her life no kids etc. She could become clingy but I think it's too early to say for sure.
Gaeta Posted November 8, 2023 Posted November 8, 2023 On 11/7/2023 at 5:50 AM, Lewis321 said: She ticks alot of boxes What boxes is she ticking? Often when men feel a strong physical attraction toward a woman they forget all the other important stuff like emotional maturity, someone grounded, someone capable of pacing themselves, having patience, stability, strength, etc. 2
Author Lewis321 Posted November 8, 2023 Author Posted November 8, 2023 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: What boxes is she ticking? Often when men feel a strong physical attraction toward a woman they forget all the other important stuff like emotional maturity, someone grounded, someone capable of pacing themselves, having patience, stability, strength, etc. A few things really. I like how she allows me to be the man in the relationship, she's very much in her feminine. Quite easy to get along with other than this issue.
stillafool Posted November 8, 2023 Posted November 8, 2023 She sounds like a graduate of "The Future Bunny Boilers" school. She seems unstable and I can almost guarantee you are going to regret getting involved with her. God forbid if you want to end it with her, there's no telling what she might do or threaten you with. There are a lot of women who are stable that would welcome you being the man in the relationship, that are also very feminine, so don't let that keep you stuck on her. 3
Bassthumper Posted November 8, 2023 Posted November 8, 2023 Put that fish back in the Lake. Beware..she might show up at your crib or your job begging you back... 1
basil67 Posted November 8, 2023 Posted November 8, 2023 1 hour ago, Lewis321 said: A few things really. I like how she allows me to be the man in the relationship, she's very much in her feminine. Quite easy to get along with other than this issue. Remember that you're only two months in, and it's easy to be on one's best behaviour so early in....but not so easy to keep it up as time goes by. She may have a dragon hidden under that sweet outside 1
MsJayne Posted November 8, 2023 Posted November 8, 2023 I would have taken the texts as humorous flirting up until the "pent up and frustrated" one. That smacks a little of her already becoming possessive of you and wanting one of those joined-at-the-hip relationships, which would be fine if you were that way inclined yourself. You'll find out soon enough if she's unhinged, they usually reveal the full extent of their Crazy around the 3 month mark. I recommend keeping your feelings in check because if/when she comes around to murder your family pets it'll be easier to cut ties. 3
Wiseman2 Posted November 8, 2023 Posted November 8, 2023 (edited) 1 hour ago, Lewis321 said: she's very much in her feminine. Quite easy to get along with other than this issue. Ok, then talk to her about how much communication and dating and quality time is within your limits. You seem into her, almost thrilled that she's "all over you", so just communicate more clearly rather than depict her as a Fatal Attraction case. You've only been dating 60 days and don't seem to have found your balance or rhythm when it comes to communication and quality time. You mentioned you have difficult schedules, have your kids there occasionally and that you get anxious about sex "during the day". Why not work on those issues? Try to reflect on what your anxiety is all about for example if you feel suffocated or just want to hook up and she would like more than that. But. If you are going to continue seeing her, depicting her as a psycho is something you need to reflect on. Edited November 8, 2023 by Wiseman2 1
d0nnivain Posted November 9, 2023 Posted November 9, 2023 7 hours ago, Lewis321 said: Been dating for 2 months, we see each other a couple of times a week but communicate daily. I have no idea what would constitute proof. I suggest and plan all the dates which she says that she likes. She works 4 days a week but other than that doesn't really have anything else going on in her life no kids etc. She could become clingy but I think it's too early to say for sure. A lot of this screams needy, gold digger to me. I don't understand why you say she could become clingy (future tense). She's already relying on you for everything & wants you to pay, plan, entertain her, be her everything. Just no. . . 6 hours ago, Lewis321 said: A few things really. I like how she allows me to be the man in the relationship, she's very much in her feminine. Quite easy to get along with other than this issue. Of course she's easy to get along with when you are giving her everything she wants. However, she will want more & more. 1 1
basil67 Posted November 9, 2023 Posted November 9, 2023 Thanks @d0nnivain! She doesn’t want a sign on a bridge, she wants him to shower her with expensive stuff. Duh, I can be so naive sometimes
glows Posted November 9, 2023 Posted November 9, 2023 (edited) 13 hours ago, Lewis321 said: Been dating for 2 months, we see each other a couple of times a week but communicate daily. I have no idea what would constitute proof. I suggest and plan all the dates which she says that she likes. She works 4 days a week but other than that doesn't really have anything else going on in her life no kids etc. She could become clingy but I think it's too early to say for sure. She works so I’d assume she supports herself. You say in an earlier post that she’s feminine or makes you feel masculine, outdated terms personally but I get your drift. Where feminine I’m assuming as in this context she allows you to feel like the provider and the planner, the architect of the romance so she appears like the proverbial pillow princess just laying there for the taking. Submissive. It’s a dynamic that works for a lot of couples so no judgment there. If I had to imagine the texts it’s with some pouty smirk and part of the submissive dynamic she has going on with you and something that you find attractive but can’t reconcile because even you admit it’s annoying and perhaps downright concerning. I think you have to make up your mind - how far you want to go with this feminine/submissive/passive/clingy dependency with her. I think you both know this turns you and her on but you’re also wondering if it’s a red flag. You’re not naturally quite the dominant or “masculine” one here if you’re not putting her in her place or asserting the fact that you’re not ok with her comments. You should have a good idea by now if she’s insincere and of poor character within a few dates. Two months is plenty of time. If you’re not sure give it a couple more weeks max. Don’t get tangled up in the allure that she makes you feel masculine if she can’t pass the basics in mutual respect and your interactions don’t feel genuine. That is a dead dealbreaker right there. Lack of sincerity. Edited November 9, 2023 by glows 4
Gaeta Posted November 9, 2023 Posted November 9, 2023 5 hours ago, glows said: You’re not naturally quite the dominant or “masculine” one here if you’re not putting her in her place or asserting the fact that you’re not ok with her comments That's a great observation. If he were dominant/masculine she would not dare question him either. She is being a pest because she knows he'll take it and he's too enamored to drop her. 2
Author Lewis321 Posted November 9, 2023 Author Posted November 9, 2023 6 hours ago, glows said: She works so I’d assume she supports herself. You say in an earlier post that she’s feminine or makes you feel masculine, outdated terms personally but I get your drift. Where feminine I’m assuming as in this context she allows you to feel like the provider and the planner, the architect of the romance so she appears like the proverbial pillow princess just laying there for the taking. Submissive. It’s a dynamic that works for a lot of couples so no judgment there. If I had to imagine the texts it’s with some pouty smirk and part of the submissive dynamic she has going on with you and something that you find attractive but can’t reconcile because even you admit it’s annoying and perhaps downright concerning. I think you have to make up your mind - how far you want to go with this feminine/submissive/passive/clingy dependency with her. I think you both know this turns you and her on but you’re also wondering if it’s a red flag. You’re not naturally quite the dominant or “masculine” one here if you’re not putting her in her place or asserting the fact that you’re not ok with her comments. You should have a good idea by now if she’s insincere and of poor character within a few dates. Two months is plenty of time. If you’re not sure give it a couple more weeks max. Don’t get tangled up in the allure that she makes you feel masculine if she can’t pass the basics in mutual respect and your interactions don’t feel genuine. That is a dead dealbreaker right there. Lack of sincerity. You are mostly spot on. She is happy to pay for dates but I agree that she is happy to let me do all the planning etc. I'm not afraid to call her out on this behaviour just wanted some advice first, I am quite capable of setting boundaries. The other thing I would say is I have never had to break up with someone before so imagine I would be feeling alot of guilt if or when I did call if off with her?
glows Posted November 9, 2023 Posted November 9, 2023 9 minutes ago, Lewis321 said: You are mostly spot on. She is happy to pay for dates but I agree that she is happy to let me do all the planning etc. I'm not afraid to call her out on this behaviour just wanted some advice first, I am quite capable of setting boundaries. The other thing I would say is I have never had to break up with someone before so imagine I would be feeling alot of guilt if or when I did call if off with her? Sometimes that’s the case. You may also feel surprise at feelings of immense relief. When someone is oppressive or disrespectful in a way it’s natural to feel relief spread when that influence is no longer in your life. You may feel some guilt and that’s okay. Process and feel sad for awhile and tell yourself it is for now but not forever and you allow yourself the freedom to move on and date again. Really glad to hear you’re ok with setting boundaries. 2
Alpacalia Posted November 9, 2023 Posted November 9, 2023 Lewis, the issue is that she expects you to prove to her that you want her. Unless you're being nebulously vague with your words or actions, how else do you prove to her that you want her than by the words you speak or actually being with her? Maybe she's highly needy, insecure, or suffers with some degree of attachment disorder....making her clingy, or worst yet, smother-y. That you reciprocated and even told her that you looked forward to seeing her (indicating you wanted to have such frequent, consistent time together). She is choosing to cling to the negatives when in reality, she could be embracing and relishing the actual loving communication with you. Instead, she is paranoid that you don't mean what you say and wants proof (which in itself, is very telling of where her mind is when she's not hearing what she wants to hear). Only you can enlighten us here. We are only can read words in a box. But this early in the game, I would give serious contemplation that it could be representative of the 95% of your predicament and her make-up, and you both stand to be seriously disappointed by the other because you both are not looking at a real picture of who the other is. Unless something markedly not like this has existed, then I would have a private, non judgmental conversation to learn more of her head. If this personality and reaction revealed here is something in that 95%, then I would back away quickly. A proven nice, solid relationship take time, growth together, more with given also of facts and living out words spoken. It's not going to jump to 10 in first texting or several dates. Standards, too...Yours need to equal those of yours values within which your character is based. Right now, her standards are skewed they seem and are inconsistent. Anyone thinking the radically far fetched fantasies can only make it hard to build anything real. Good luck, Lewis. 1
basil67 Posted November 9, 2023 Posted November 9, 2023 6 hours ago, Lewis321 said: She is happy to pay for dates but I agree that she is happy to let me do all the planning etc. I'm not afraid to call her out on this behaviour Personally, I wouldn't bother with her further.... but if you aren't ready to walk away, its' best not to "call her out" on her behaviour Rather, express how you're feeling about doing the planning and state that you'd appreciate if she could also contribute. Then watch what happens and make a stay or go decision. That said, if she's already telling you to prove how you feel about her, she's likely to see your request for equal effort as lack of caring/lack of masculinity on your side. I suspect there will be no winning for you here. She does sound very entitled 1
ShyViolet Posted November 10, 2023 Posted November 10, 2023 She sounds completely crazy. It's very important to recognize red flags. Most people with good judgment wouldn't put up with this, they would run in the other direction.
Alvi Posted November 11, 2023 Posted November 11, 2023 On 11/7/2023 at 3:50 AM, Lewis321 said: I tried to reciprocate by saying that I want and desire her and am looking forward to seeing her to which she replied lies and she wants proof. She sounds very insecure. Is there some inconsistencies in what you say or what you do? Let's just hope she is not a bunny boiler!
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