racer_girl_78 Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 My husband and I have been together for 2 1/2 years, and have been extremely happy. He changed jobs recently, which required him to go out of town and state for 7 weeks of training. I have a feeling that he was intimately with someone while he was away. There are several repeated strange numbers on the phone bill, the calls lasting 1-2 hours. He has made several "odd" comments as well. Other than that, there is no evidence. He isn't acting strange or secretive, he doesn't receive strange telephone calls that he has to sneak off for at least not at home. I don't know what to do. Should I let it go and see how things are, or should I confront him. I am afraid that if I do, he will just deny it and be angry that I am "accusing" him. I would gladly accept any advice I can get. Thank you so much.
slubberdegullion Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 It's very possible that the numbers on the phone bill may have been for out-of-state Internet access. So before you get angry and accuse him of something, do your research first. If you're unsure, you can do a search on the phone numbers (including area code) to find out what they were.
lovey_411 Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 Hi racer_girl_78, In regards to him cheating, what does your instinct say? Do you always check the phone records or did his comments prompt you to look at them? It's hard to say whether or not he is cheating on you. In my experience, my SO worked out of town for long periods of time as well, and the phone bills is how I caught him. I began noticing a lot of phone calls to a strange number so what I did was call it. It went to a voicemail and it was a woman. To make a long story short, she eventually answered her phone and after I told her who I was she spilled everything about his cheating. My advice to you is to try a reverse search on the number. If that doesn't bring anything up, just phone it. Make sure you check bank records as well. Don't tell him that you suspect him until you have concrete proof either way. It just gives him time to try to come up with an valid excuse.
sylviaguardian Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 trust your gut instinct - it is usually right. Sylvia
Trimmer Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 What was the first thing that raised your suspicion? The numbers, the odd comments, or something else? What were the odd comments he made? Any other behavioral things you've noticed that you feel uneasy about? Can you paint a clearer picture for us? Does he use a cell phone? With my cellphone company, I don't get an itemized paper bill, but I can get onto their online bill payment system and get the itemization with each number called, times, etc... Is it one strange number, or more than one? Also, where does the area code correspond to? It could be the area where he took his training (if he met someone local) or somewhere else (if he met someone who travelled there like he did.) I would call the number(s), too, although have a "wrong number" scenario in mind, so you don't tip yourself off with a hangup. Like if a woman answers, just confidently say "Alice?" (or some less-common name) like you think it's a friend, then let her tell you it's a wrong number. It is less likely to engender suspicion than a dead-line hangup, or worst of all, your shocked voice stammering out "Oh, I'm sorry, I've got a wrong number..."
mopar crazy Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 Sorry your dealing w/ this. I hope it all turns out to be harmless. I first out about my H's emotional A w/ the exOW when I found her phone # on the cell bill. I looked it up but it wasn't listed but it told me the area where the # was located and it was where the exOW lived. I flat out asked him why he called her. He didn't deny the call said he needed to tell her something about a CD he borrowed from her and he was returning it to her b/c I was upset about it. A month later I found out he was having an A w/ her. Try to find out where those phone calls came from first b4 you ask him about them.
Sweetgirl2 Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 I think that you should confront him. The way to know whether something is going on is to confront. If he gets really mad then you know he's hiding something, and if he's calm about it and tries to talk about it then you'll know. I know that when I confronted my ex he didn't get upset, but I still can't be with him or anyone in fear that it's going to happen.
madamdragonfly Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 ...that you should trust your gut. That being said, you must also keep in mind that there are many things involved in the cheating process. For me, in hind sight of course, I had those gut feelings about it from a mile away, at the very beginning of the process. I should have investigated sooner, but I spent my time trying to tell myself that I was being crazy and that my feelings were unfair to him. Turns out I was right and now, I will always have to wonder if I had acted on my feelings, if I could have stopped it. ~J~
Spiral_Stairs Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 I don't know about the 'gut instinct' thing. It seems a lot of us allow our imaginations to take over sometimes, thus disregarding rational thinking. If we followed our gut (our insecurities) wouldn't we always be suspicious and paranoid. What happened to 'innocent until proven guilty'?
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