Bipolar 2 Girlfriend ghosts me

[glows]

13 minutes ago, JohnBurgundy said:

I mean it just irritates me that we both agreed that we wanted something serious. That if there are any problems in the relationship, that we'll bring them up and work through them (I told her most people don't date or invest anymore, like 1 little red flag and they're gone and she entirely agreed on me how dating is nowadays). I mean if there are problems, I'd like to resolve them and I get it, she has to talk for that to happen. 

 

I guess what I'm trying to figure out is, have you ever seen a bipolar person just drop off the face of the earth like this? My last ex broke things off with me in person. I never had a girlfriend or heard of one just outright ghost even after a fun weekend, usually there is some arguments at least. I know if we weren't official, then it would make more sense but I'm at least owed someone being her bf. It's just idk if we are still in a relationship or not? 

 

It makes no sense because I'm pretty sure she was stable when we had that weekend. But I agree, there's not much I can do because it will seem like harassment. She hasn't removed me off any social media or the game. I even posted about the house and holding the key on my snap story and she saw it. Like I was thinking of just telling her I'm ending whatever this is if she doesn't want to work things out and if she is going through a depression to let me know so I can wait around at least until she's back to her usual self or should I just leave it, go no contact and see if she reaches out?

 

It just sucks because I ordered this lantern for her a month ago. It is about her favorite game (only game she really plays. This game is the reason we first started talking in the first place) anyways, it was from Etsy, took over a month for the person to custom make it and it finally came in a few days. I wish I could've given it to her because I know it would've made her cry for how thoughtful it is. Another thing is that, she knows my mom. They used to work with eachother and my mom was trying to set me and her up for years (which I didn't know) and she was telling me how my mom was basically cockblocking me by saying I'm an introvert and didn't go out and drink so much (she said she wasn't looking for a guy like that years ago but after her trash relationships, she decided she wants a serious relationship) and decided to give this a shot. I mean I didn't think we would get this far and either did she, as she said she wasn't looking for a relationship at the time and it just seemed like destiny with the instant connection and similar goals/values/interests

Had to scroll up and check her age. This is a tumultuous and difficult time for a lot of young adults trying to gain their footing and start out in life. Mental illness and other factors aside I think there may be a lot of reasons why she hasn’t responded. The one that stands out most is she lost interest. At 25 I’m assuming most are glued to their phone or have it on hand at all times and are ultra connected to their smartphones. You seem to want to hang on to the idea that she was stable at some point but she may be stable this whole time and decided this wasn’t for her. 

I say that because a little upwards in the middle of the thread you mentioned her affections waned and she seems distracted or uninterested in affection when you both were together. This wasn’t her flipping a light switch. It seems to be a gradual loss of interest or attraction over time.

I do agree with you that saying nothing is very unkind and disrespectful. You didn’t answer my question whether you now seriously consider her dating material at all especially when the loss of interest and affection seems quite glaring.

[Wiseman2]

14 minutes ago, JohnBurgundy said:

It's been close to 3 weeks now of all of this happening. 

Thank you for clarifying. Your writing was confusing as if in the present tense and as if you are still dating.

Did she breakup definitively with you or just decide to fade out?  Either way she seems done since you've been messaging sending gifts etc with no real reply. Perhaps you need to accept that it's over?  This is really about an ex you want back, not a GF who just ghosted. 

Edited October 28, 2023 by Wiseman2

[JohnBurgundy]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Did she breakup definitively with you or just decide to fade out?  Either way she seems done since you've been messaging sending gifts etc with no real reply. Perhaps you need to accept that it's over? 

She never talked about anything about breaking up. She just ceased contact for no reason. Like I don’t understand how you’re gonna say you’ll cook for somebody the next day and then not reply back? Like why bring it up in the first place. It was her idea 

 

and idk she told me when she’s depressed she’ll let me know but she wants to be left alone but still wants my presence there. I mean it’s not like I was needy. I gave her days in between. 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, JohnBurgundy said:

 She just ceased contact. 

Unfortunately you need to consider this a breakup, not a symptom of mental illness. The break-up happened 3 weeks ago but through disappearing and you chasing with no answers.

She' didn't even respond to the flowers until you asked. Please step back. It doesn't matter that she invited you for this, or spent that or what types of jokes and banter was shared almost a month ago.

To clarify, you stated you were dating 8 weeks, are you including the 3 weeks after the disappearing? Meaning things were good for 5 weeks, then she fell off the radar? 

Edited October 28, 2023 by Wiseman2

[JohnBurgundy]

15 minutes ago, glows said:

Had to scroll up and check her age. This is a tumultuous and difficult time for a lot of young adults trying to gain their footing and start out in life. Mental illness and other factors aside I think there may be a lot of reasons why she hasn’t responded. The one that stands out most is she lost interest. At 25 I’m assuming most are glued to their phone or have it on hand at all times and are ultra connected to their smartphones. You seem to want to hang on to the idea that she was stable at some point but she may be stable this whole time and decided this wasn’t for her. 

I say that because a little upwards in the middle of the thread you mentioned her affections waned and she seems distracted or uninterested in affection when you both were together. This wasn’t her flipping a light switch. It seems to be a gradual loss of interest or attraction over time.

I do agree with you that saying nothing is very unkind and disrespectful. You didn’t answer my question whether you now seriously consider her dating material at all especially when the loss of interest and affection seems quite glaring.

I’ve read that bipolar can have detachment with their lovers. And it only affects their lovers. Like they’ll lose feelings for their SO for a week or two and this is why you mainly see a lot of bipolar relationships break up and are on and off again. I watched a video of a girl advocating to other people with bipolar to stick it out, the feelings will return and don’t break up with them. 
 

but I’ve also read that after they experience a hypo-mania, they’ll gradually get depressed overtime and then head into a depression episode. So I’m assuming that is what is happening. Usually depression episodes has loss of appetite (she barely touched her salad when we went out to dinner.) and very low sex drive. 

but she doesn’t really fool with guys. She told me it’s rare for her to connect with a guy and I should consider myself special. I mean she’s playing the video game all day today like she has each day. She could be going out meeting a guy but she isn’t. She told me she would be playing the game all the time if we never met. Whenever I came over, she wouldn’t even touch her laptop until I left.
 

She said she’s very picky in that regard plus (I’m her type because the past 3 ex’s have my hair color) so that part helps. She always complimented me on sex and other pleasures and that she couldn’t believe how adventurous I am with it, she was caught off guard. 

I just don’t see how you can blow $200, take your person out somewhere thoughtful they never been and then just cut loose cause of loss of internet in a snap of a finger. 
 

so that’s why I assume it’s depression. But if that’s the case, she is probably getting very irritated that I’m bothering her because irritability is also a symptom. She took this whole week off work 

[ExpatInItaly]

9 minutes ago, JohnBurgundy said:

Like I don’t understand how you’re gonna say you’ll cook for somebody the next day and then not reply back? Like why bring it up in the first place.

This is how unstable people behave, John. 

They flip-flop. They say one thing and do the oppsite. They make plans and don't follow through. They leave you hanging and confused and hurt. You will never really know if she's coming or going. 

11 minutes ago, JohnBurgundy said:

idk she told me when she’s depressed she’ll let me know

Well, she's either full of it or this is not depression but lack of interest. Either way, I think you need to start accepting that this relationship is probably over. She can't acutally offer you the kind of relationship you are looking for and her behaviour with you and outright ignoring you is rude. My strong guess is that she is hoping you take the hint and stop contacting her because she doesn't actually have the courage to "be the bad guy" and break up with you. 

This woman is not The One. 

[ExpatInItaly]

4 minutes ago, JohnBurgundy said:

I just don’t see how you can blow $200, take your person out somewhere thoughtful they never been and then just cut loose cause of loss of internet in a snap of a finger. 

That's because despite your Google research, you don't really understand how unstable and erratic people operate. I know you are desperate to hang on to her but it's pretty clear that this is dead in the water. 

Please don't get hung up on assuming things about her mental state when you have only dated for 2 months. You don't actually know a person at that point. She says all sorts of things that her actions don't support. Ignore that at your own risk. 

[JohnBurgundy]

5 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This is how unstable people behave, John. 

They flip-flop. They say one thing and do the oppsite. They make plans and don't follow through. They leave you hanging and confused and hurt. You will never really know if she's coming or going. 

Well, she's either full of it or this is not depression but lack of interest. Either way, I think you need to start accepting that this relationship is probably over. She can't acutally offer you the kind of relationship you are looking for and her behaviour with you and outright ignoring you is rude. My strong guess is that she is hoping you take the hint and stop contacting her because she doesn't actually have the courage to "be the bad guy" and break up with you. 

This woman is not The One. 

Why would she keep me on social medias then? But remove all of her exes?

 

so I should just go no contact and not even send her one final message about breaking up? 

[JohnBurgundy]

6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

That's because despite your Google research, you don't really understand how unstable and erratic people operate. I know you are desperate to hang on to her but it's pretty clear that this is dead in the water. 

Please don't get hung up on assuming things about her mental state when you have only dated for 2 months. You don't actually know a person at that point. She says all sorts of things that her actions don't support. Ignore that at your own risk. 

Surely she’ll come back around then right? She’s not out there meeting guys or on dating apps. All she does in her free time is play video games (how she copes) 

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, JohnBurgundy said:

 She’s not out there meeting guys or on dating apps. All she does in her free time is play video games

You don't know this. This is more wishful thinking and naivety about bipolar disorder. She could be out with a different guy every night for all you know, she's clearly not responding to you. Yes go no contact. 

[JohnBurgundy]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

You don't know this. This is more wishful thinking and naivety about bipolar disorder. She could be out with a different guy every night for all you know, she's clearly not responding to you. Yes go no contact. 

I know man. We have eachother added on Steam as well

 

For example, She’s been playing from on and off today and played from the time I got on which was 5pm and she played passed 1am today (I periodically get on and off but I got off my PC at 1am and she was still on). She’s a gamer if I’ve seen one but like I said she uses it to cope (better than her spending tons of money or doing reckless things while she’s going through something) 

I had 520 Hours played on this game and when we met she had 400 something. I am about to hit 600 and she now has over 1000 hours played in the span on 2 months when I met her. Surpassed me and I played it on and off since 2016 and she started it in 2021 or 2022 I believe? She plays 80-100 hours every 2 weeks or that’s what Steam says 

 

I know she ain’t seeing anyone else because of the gaming. But I also know she knows I’m a good catch to pass up. My career is set, she knows how much money I’ll bring in, I’m getting my Masters degree in 1 more month and I’m gettin this house renovated. I’m not denying that there could be compatibility issues even though I didn’t see any, I mean it’s her feelings, not mine. But I don’t think that’s the case. The only thing I could say was I’ve may have been too excited about things if anything. I think she’ll come back around 

Edited October 28, 2023 by JohnBurgundy

[Wiseman2]

Where the flowers an apology? Did you bring them to her because she wasn't replying to your messages? 

[BaileyB]

6 hours ago, JohnBurgundy said:

so I should just go no contact and not even send her one final message about breaking up? 

She has already gone no contact with you. So yes, you shouldn’t contact the woman. She has made her intentions very clear…

When someone is behaving erratically and irrationally, the usual response is to distance yourself from that person. Stop trying to understand and justify her behavior - especially since you’ve only known the woman for two months. It’s done.

The learning here for you is to heed a red flag when you see it and not to invest your time and energy in a relationship with someone who is not reciprocating your interest. 

Edited October 28, 2023 by BaileyB

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, JohnBurgundy said:

. I think she’ll come back around 

When will that be if she has been ignoring or avoiding you for 3 weeks?  This has nothing to do with whether you're "a catch" or not. 

It seems like she lost interest or doesn't want to spend time together anymore. Try not to take it personally. 

[glows]

Even if she comes back around I’m not sure why you would entertain this. For two months you’re very taken in with this woman. Spending $200 on someone she met in two months just means she isn’t as careful with her money or it’s petty change and she can afford to do so. She showed you you’re special for two months and you accepted it as if no one has ever done nice things for you? I understand if this is the first time you’ve had feelings for someone or the first time anyone has shown you kindness. From her actions gradually leading to this point I don’t think she’s interested.

I have a feeling you’ll send her a message anyway because you must have control of the situation. I don’t think it’s necessary. You do what you feel is best. The important part is that you accept when someone chooses not to be with you and think very carefully about letting someone back in who has disappointed you in the past.
 

Edited October 28, 2023 by glows

[FMW]

 

It might be different if you had a long term relationship and had time to get to know her and the emotional/mental cycles she goes through.  But at only 2 months, as has been pointed out, you don't know her, regardless of how much of a connection you think you have.  

Don't spend time and energy coming up with an explanation for her actions that allows you to keep holding on.  Take her actions/in-actions at face value.   

[JohnBurgundy]

1 hour ago, glows said:

Even if she comes back around I’m not sure why you would entertain this. For two months you’re very taken in with this woman. Spending $200 on someone she met in two months just means she isn’t as careful with her money or it’s petty change and she can afford to do so. She showed you you’re special for two months and you accepted it as if no one has ever done nice things for you? I understand if this is the first time you’ve had feelings for someone or the first time anyone has shown you kindness. From her actions gradually leading to this point I don’t think she’s interested.

I have a feeling you’ll send her a message anyway because you must have control of the situation. I don’t think it’s necessary. You do what you feel is best. The important part is that you accept when someone chooses not to be with you and think very carefully about letting someone back in who has disappointed you in the past.
 

I just want the best possible chance of her coming back. My message would detail that it’s wrong of her to leave me in the dark and that if she doesn’t communicate it she’s going through something then it’s best we go out seperate ways

 

or is it best to just not text her anymore, move on. Like which holds a high percentage of her coming back around?

 

I know if she did. There will need to be changes, cause I’m not going to lie, it did hurt me. I want to reconcile. 
 

We both have good jobs and make good money. We go to restaurants and spend almost $100 just ordering food and drinks. We can easily afford it. I was saying that you wouldn’t be spending that much if you didn’t at least care about the person. But she has done more for me than anyone I’ve been with and I appreciate all of it 

[JohnBurgundy]

7 minutes ago, FMW said:

 

It might be different if you had a long term relationship and had time to get to know her and the emotional/mental cycles she goes through.  But at only 2 months, as has been pointed out, you don't know her, regardless of how much of a connection you think you have.  

Don't spend time and energy coming up with an explanation for her actions that allows you to keep holding on.  Take her actions/in-actions at face value.   

I am and there has to be changes to continue this further. Do you think she’ll come back around? 

[JohnBurgundy]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

When will that be if she has been ignoring or avoiding you for 3 weeks?  This has nothing to do with whether you're "a catch" or not. 

It seems like she lost interest or doesn't want to spend time together anymore. Try not to take it personally. 

It’s just weird to go nuclear on the situation, not say anything and also go nuclear with her relationship with my mom

like she took me out for sushi, both laughing cause I never used chopsticks before, sent her a corny “ on a date kinda nervous” pic and we both laughed, just having a good time. Talked about going to Japan and trying their sushi. Just makes no sense how the relationship dies right after 

 

she still has me added on everything. Like is this just extremely low interest at this point?

[JohnBurgundy]

4 hours ago, BaileyB said:

She has already gone no contact with you. So yes, you shouldn’t contact the woman. She has made her intentions very clear…

When someone is behaving erratically and irrationally, the usual response is to distance yourself from that person. Stop trying to understand and justify her behavior - especially since you’ve only known the woman for two months. It’s done.

The learning here for you is to heed a red flag when you see it and not to invest your time and energy in a relationship with someone who is not reciprocating your interest. 

Will that person come back around though? I’m just saying I haven’t been removed off anything like her ex’s. 
 

so it’s not a good idea to send one final message basically saying she crossed my boundaries if she doesn’t tell me what’s going on and it’s just best if we break things off? 
 

or is she just extremely low interest and keeping me as a backup since that’s why she didn’t say anything 

[Wiseman2]

Just now, JohnBurgundy said:

It’s just weird to go nuclear on the situation, not say anything and also go nuclear with her relationship with my mom.

What do you mean by nuclear with your mother? Have you asked her if it's over?  You seem to be reminiscing about how much she spends on you, banter etc, but why is your mother involved in any of this? 

[JohnBurgundy]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Where the flowers an apology? Did you bring them to her because she wasn't replying to your messages? 

I gave her flowers because she told me she would be happy if she received them for a holiday or anniversary, etc. she said just give me flowers and a card and I’ll be happy. She told me what her favorite flowers were and I remembered

 

She told me about her feeling depressed and canceled a date so I went and dropped her off a box of chocolates and she loved them.

 

I dropped off flowers just to show her I’m still around if she was going through an episode. Because she told me she wants to be left alone but still wants my presence. So I figured it would cheer her up at least (assuming she’s going through an episode) 

 

 

[JohnBurgundy]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

What do you mean by nuclear with your mother? Have you asked her if it's over?  You seem to be reminiscing about how much she spends on you, banter etc, but why is your mother involved in any of this? 

She used to work with my mom. My mom was trying to set me up with her for years (Behind my back). I’ve told the story above in the comments. But my mom still contacts her here and there about job related stuff at work. The girl was still answering my mom while she went no contact with me. My mom thinks it’s weird too

 

thats why I feel like it was her bipolar doing all of this and ignoring. Cause they tend to do it with loved one and not with friends or work. And I never asked if it was over. I wanted to talk to her on the phone and she ignored it, I was going to address why she isn’t replying but I can’t even get her on the phone or talk. 

[Wiseman2]

9 minutes ago, JohnBurgundy said:

 my mom still contacts her here and there about job related stuff at work. The girl was still answering my mom while she went no contact with me. 

Sadly something happened you're unaware of that made her distance herself from you specifically, only remaining polite with your mother.

[glows]

She’s not interested. It’s pretty clear (not weird) that by responding to your mother she’s engaged and functional, open to work conversations. She’s not interested in dating you and she doesn’t respond to you. I don’t know how much more clear someone can be. You seem like you need someone to spell it out for you and clearly break things off to confirm disinterest. Some people don’t do that. I wonder if she felt you’d not react well to No for an answer and chose to ghost. I don’t condone it but it’s a necessary evil at times when some people just seem way too aggressive and pushy. I’m also not saying you are but something isn’t right and you’re best to move on. 

No, contacting her is completely inappropriate at this point given all the info above. Don’t contact her. Just let this go and block her contact. You have very strong feelings for 2 months bordering on obsession and it’s better not to entertain even a friendship or acquaintance level of contact.