Bipolar 2 Girlfriend ghosts me

[ExpatInItaly]

54 minutes ago, JohnBurgundy said:

Just makes no sense how the relationship dies right after

It doesn't make sense to you because you are (fortunately) not unstable yourself - it will never make sense to you because you are not wired the same way she is. 

11 hours ago, JohnBurgundy said:

Surely she’ll come back around then right?

Not necessarily, no. She might, she might not. But you are assuming that if she comes back she will stay back, which is highly unlikely. If she's already behaving this way at just 2 months, there is just about zero chance she is going to your forever person. 

[BrinnM]

You’re making way too many excuses for her. Bipolar or not, or any other mental issue, it doesn’t matter. She simply has lost interest. The fact that she hasn’t deleted you from social media, well, it may be because she knows your mom well, and also she probably doesn’t really want to confront the issue so she’s letting you down easily by ghosting you slowly. Just don’t make contact anymore. If she reaches out, fine, if she doesn’t - even better. Because if this is continuing, it’s probably going to be a roller coaster that’s never going to end. I don’t see a stable relationship with her. Sorry. I’m not sure why you’re clinging to this woman. She’s immature and she might have a mental illness. Neither of this is an excuse for shitty behavior.

[BaileyB]

4 hours ago, JohnBurgundy said:

I just want the best possible chance of her coming back.

Why? Is there nobody else you can date? Why would you chose to be in a relationship with a woman who treats you with such little consideration and respect?

4 hours ago, JohnBurgundy said:

I know if she did. There will need to be changes, cause I’m not going to lie, it did hurt me. I want to reconcile. 

The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. She has shown you how she functions in a relationship - you should expect more of the same if ever she does come back.

Seriously, it’s been two months. You were not in a committed relationship with the woman, you were still very much in the “get to know you phase” of the relationship. And, at this stage of the game, when a woman shows you that she has these kinds of problems - you run. 

I fail to understand why you are not able to except what everyone in this discussion is telling you. This woman is not interested, perhaps not capable, of having a relationship with you. It’s time to move on…

Edited October 28, 2023 by BaileyB

[JohnBurgundy]

17 hours ago, BaileyB said:

She has already gone no contact with you. So yes, you shouldn’t contact the woman. She has made her intentions very clear…

When someone is behaving erratically and irrationally, the usual response is to distance yourself from that person. Stop trying to understand and justify her behavior - especially since you’ve only known the woman for two months. It’s done.

The learning here for you is to heed a red flag when you see it and not to invest your time and energy in a relationship with someone who is not reciprocating your interest. 

I mean I understand that especially with normal relationships. But this one is different. I never had someone just abruptly lose interest like this, it doesnt make sense

 

My ex was bipolar and broke up with me in person. But she had good reasons (of course she said she's not in the right headspace) but she was moving to PA for college. So it wasn't going to work out in the long run. This one feels different. I swear it does. But I'll give her the space and stop reaching out

[JohnBurgundy]

9 hours ago, BaileyB said:

Why? Is there nobody else you can date? Why would you chose to be in a relationship with a woman who treats you with such little consideration and respect?

The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. She has shown you how she functions in a relationship - you should expect more of the same if ever she does come back.

Seriously, it’s been two months. You were not in a committed relationship with the woman, you were still very much in the “get to know you phase” of the relationship. And, at this stage of the game, when a woman shows you that she has these kinds of problems - you run. 

I fail to understand why you are not able to except what everyone in this discussion is telling you. This woman is not interested, perhaps not capable, of having a relationship with you. It’s time to move on…

If this was any normal woman, I would've been moved on. It just doesn't make sense. She took off a week from work and has been playing the game from 11am today to 1am (I'm not kidding). This is not normal by any means and this is how she copes. This tells me she is having an episode most likely

 

I'm the reason this episode happened. I caused her so much stress from the pregnancy scare. Idk I just feel like this relationship isn't entirely over. I know you're outsiders and can tell me from experience that she isn't interested but with bipolar being involved, she's a wild card. I'm not trying to hold on hope and if a better opportunity arises, I'll take it but she (when stable) is everything I've ever wanted in a woman. I've talked to someone with bipolar and they think she is in a depressive self-sabotage episode. So she isn't herself and that is my fault. 

[JohnBurgundy]

13 hours ago, glows said:

She’s not interested. It’s pretty clear (not weird) that by responding to your mother she’s engaged and functional, open to work conversations. She’s not interested in dating you and she doesn’t respond to you. I don’t know how much more clear someone can be. You seem like you need someone to spell it out for you and clearly break things off to confirm disinterest. Some people don’t do that. I wonder if she felt you’d not react well to No for an answer and chose to ghost. I don’t condone it but it’s a necessary evil at times when some people just seem way too aggressive and pushy. I’m also not saying you are but something isn’t right and you’re best to move on. 

No, contacting her is completely inappropriate at this point given all the info above. Don’t contact her. Just let this go and block her contact. You have very strong feelings for 2 months bordering on obsession and it’s better not to entertain even a friendship or acquaintance level of contact.

She knows how understanding I am and easy to talk to. I have never raised my voice to her and she loved it when I asked if she rather me listen or give her advice. I ultimately believe she would tell me she does not seeing this working out as she did with previous ex's. I'm just asking if someone has experience with dealing with someone bipolar. I think she is going through a depression and self sabotaging. Someone with Bipolar told me that's what she sounds like she is doing since she is soft ghosting

[glows]

Just now, JohnBurgundy said:

She knows how understanding I am and easy to talk to. I have never raised my voice to her and she loved it when I asked if she rather me listen or give her advice. I ultimately believe she would tell me she does not seeing this working out as she did with previous ex's. I'm just asking if someone has experience with dealing with someone bipolar. I think she is going through a depression and self sabotaging. Someone with Bipolar told me that's what she sounds like she is doing since she is soft ghosting

It sounds like the forum isn’t doing a good job then as no one with bipolar can vouch for that behaviour and no one on the forum knows or is willing to say that’s what someone they know with bipolar would do. At this point you are speculating and we are trying to tell you that it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that she’s not present and you don’t have a functional relationship. You have no clue what is going on and she appears to be avoiding you if she’s communicating with your mum. 

You want to believe she’s so wonderful that it’s turned all this speculation into a belief of some sort that she will “come back”. You’re completely entitled to believing that but we’re trying to tell you it’s going to cause more heartbreak even if she is having some sort of “episode” or withdrawn. 

Even your mum thinks it’s strange but I would be very surprised if your mum is encouraging you to pursue this. Most parents would be cautioning their child and very concerned about you still thinking this woman cares. A parent would want to steer you away from more pain and confusion, not egg this on and encourage it. I sincerely hope that’s not happening. I mention this purely because she is communicating with your mum and not you.

[glows]

58 minutes ago, JohnBurgundy said:

I mean I understand that especially with normal relationships. But this one is different. I never had someone just abruptly lose interest like this, it doesnt make sense

 

My ex was bipolar and broke up with me in person. But she had good reasons (of course she said she's not in the right headspace) but she was moving to PA for college. So it wasn't going to work out in the long run. This one feels different. I swear it does. But I'll give her the space and stop reaching out

Do you mind me asking when this past relationship ended with your bipolar ex?how long were you dating? Was the break up recent? I ask because it’s an uncanny coincidence your ex was bipolar and this woman is bipolar as well.

[glows]

15 minutes ago, JohnBurgundy said:

I think she is going through a depression and self sabotaging. Someone with Bipolar told me that's what she sounds like she is doing since she is soft ghosting

Also who is this person with bipolar who told you this? Is this your ex girlfriend? Are you still in regular contact with her?

[JohnBurgundy]

1 hour ago, glows said:

Also who is this person with bipolar who told you this? Is this your ex girlfriend? Are you still in regular contact with her?

Idk how you’re just going to argue and deny what they claim. Although everyone is different, the symptoms are still there. 
 

Although she hasn’t replied to my last message, she hasn’t written me completely out of her life. 

[JohnBurgundy]

1 hour ago, glows said:

Do you mind me asking when this past relationship ended with your bipolar ex?how long were you dating? Was the break up recent? I ask because it’s an uncanny coincidence your ex was bipolar and this woman is bipolar as well.

My first relationship after high school. It lasted a few months and this was about 4 years ago. I don’t let many women into my life, I’m very picky. It’s funny how coincidental it is so I get why you question it. 
 

My ex never communicated how she was feeling. She wouldn’t never open up. The current one, opened up, communicated and I knew I could see something long term for those reasons. I wouldn’t have pursued it if there wasn’t. My ex also was talking to her ex still (red flag) and me being green, I didn’t see it as a big deal until the ex told her “hey wanna smoke later” and that got me questioning things. 

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, JohnBurgundy said:

I'm the reason this episode happened. I caused her so much stress from the pregnancy scare

It's not clear to me why you feel you have this much power of her mental health. 

What exactly did you say and do in response to her pregnancy scare? 

[BaileyB]

8 hours ago, JohnBurgundy said:

she (when stable) is everything I've ever wanted in a woman.

Kindly, you have only known this woman for two months. That’s not enough time to truly get to know the woman such that you are able to say this. 

Also - someone who is bipolar can be stable while taking medications, but it’s not a given that she will take her medications or even that they will work well and produce long term periods of stability. The very nature of the diagnosis is instability - periods of mania followed by periods of depression. I think you are operating under the impressions that stability is her norm, and this episode of instability is transient. In fact, it may be the other way around… you just don’t know because you can count on one had how many months you have known this woman. 

[BaileyB]

6 hours ago, JohnBurgundy said:

I’m very picky.

Respectfully, it doesn’t feel like it if you’ve chosen two women and they are both bipolar. Why are you choosing to be in relationships with women who have mental illness? 

My partner’s ex-wife developed a mental illness during their marriage. His comment when we met and started dating - mental health is important! Never again will I date another woman with mental health issues. 

Edited October 29, 2023 by BaileyB

[glows]

7 hours ago, JohnBurgundy said:

Idk how you’re just going to argue and deny what they claim. Although everyone is different, the symptoms are still there. 
 

Although she hasn’t replied to my last message, she hasn’t written me completely out of her life. 

That’s true that she hasn’t deleted and/or blocked you but she may not feel the need to if you’re not harassing her or continuing to message/text or call. She may also feel like she sees you on the game often and you’re more of a gaming friend and this is platonic.

Think of it this way - if she has strong feelings such as for a true ex whom she was in a relationship with it would be difficult to remain friends.

If she doesn’t have feelings for you or is disinterested she has nothing to “block” or “get over”. You’re just any other person for her. Whether you’re on social media or on the game doesn’t mean much. 

I noticed above you agreed not to message her again or reach out which is a big step towards acceptance and moving on. Please don’t self-sabotage and hold your life up. You have a lot going for you. Stay focused on all the things you need to do and avoid obsessing over this person who won’t even reply to you.

[glows]

7 hours ago, JohnBurgundy said:

My first relationship after high school. It lasted a few months and this was about 4 years ago. I don’t let many women into my life, I’m very picky. It’s funny how coincidental it is so I get why you question it. 
 

My ex never communicated how she was feeling. She wouldn’t never open up. The current one, opened up, communicated and I knew I could see something long term for those reasons. I wouldn’t have pursued it if there wasn’t. My ex also was talking to her ex still (red flag) and me being green, I didn’t see it as a big deal until the ex told her “hey wanna smoke later” and that got me questioning things. 

Is that how things ended with your ex - because she was continuing to meet up with her ex for smokes etc? That would bother me as well and I agree it’s a red flag. 

Yes, I do see there are differences between these two women and the fact that this one you were seeing for two months appeared to be more communicative…. Until she wasn’t anymore. I think it showed you what you wanted in a partner and that’s why it’s hard to let go. 

If this person replies or speaks to you again you might want to think twice responding or ask them why they left you hanging. Don’t just assume it’s because of bipolar and let people walk all over you. She’s not respectful of your time and we can look at it in different ways - mental health issues or otherwise. At the end of the day you’re spending hours upon hours trying to figure it out and speculate while she’s back to back gaming with apparently no care for you whatsoever and on vacation. Why keep setting yourself up for heartache? 

[JohnBurgundy]

2 hours ago, BaileyB said:

Kindly, you have only known this woman for two months. That’s not enough time to truly get to know the woman such that you are able to say this. 

Also - someone who is bipolar can be stable while taking medications, but it’s not a given that she will take her medications or even that they will work well and produce long term periods of stability. The very nature of the diagnosis is instability - periods of mania followed by periods of depression. I think you are operating under the impressions that stability is her norm, and this episode of instability is transient. In fact, it may be the other way around… you just don’t know because you can count on one had how many months you have known this woman. 

I understand. It’s hard to pinpoint whether this is truly a loss of interest or an episode. I believe she is going through an episode because she took an entire week off of work. She never mentioned going on vacation or anything and she just played the game throughout the week. Got to max prestige in this game and posted about it 

 

I’m aware that she’ll be like this for the rest of her life. She won’t be 100% stable, even on medicine

[JohnBurgundy]

1 hour ago, glows said:

Is that how things ended with your ex - because she was continuing to meet up with her ex for smokes etc? That would bother me as well and I agree it’s a red flag. 

Yes, I do see there are differences between these two women and the fact that this one you were seeing for two months appeared to be more communicative…. Until she wasn’t anymore. I think it showed you what you wanted in a partner and that’s why it’s hard to let go. 

If this person replies or speaks to you again you might want to think twice responding or ask them why they left you hanging. Don’t just assume it’s because of bipolar and let people walk all over you. She’s not respectful of your time and we can look at it in different ways - mental health issues or otherwise. At the end of the day you’re spending hours upon hours trying to figure it out and speculate while she’s back to back gaming with apparently no care for you whatsoever and on vacation. Why keep setting yourself up for heartache? 

It mostly ended with my ex randomly breaking up with me. Well not quite. Her parents told me at the dinner table, did she ever tell you she’s going to college? And it got awkward. A couple months later she broke it off with me because “she’s not in the right headspace”. But I think the real reason is her moving a few hours away and staying up there for 4 years for college. Because she left to go up there 2 months later. it was also kinda weird that she gets into a “relationship” on Facebook with her girl best friend but it turned out to be a ruse. She apparently did this to get her other ex off of her back (he would blow up her phone when together like 10 msgs at once if he didn’t hear from her) her ex eventually found another chick and left her alone 

 

And I agree, I can’t be a doormat, illness or not. We agreed that if any problem arises, we’d work it out because we agreed that no one really wants to build w/ eachother anymore in a relationship. I just think she’s not in the right headspace right now and is not thinking clearly. I mean she’s soft ghosting, she’s not entirely ghosting me but yes, the bipolar person I talked to said they can still talk to friends with no issues, he would push away lovers and family. I think she likes being online because no one knows the real her and she can fake whoever she wants to be on there. She played from 11am all the way until 3am last night (I’m not joking…)

 

she is respectful of my time in the past. Whenever she flaked, she made sure to make it up to me in her words. She took me to Dave and busters and took me out for sushi in that same weekend for example. She’s done other things for me as well. She appreciates how patient I am and I know any other person would most likely leave her 

 

but yes, I am going to bring it up if she comes back around. That it was not ok. I tried hard to have a conversation with her so I can meet her out in public to have this discussion but she wasn’t biting. There does have to be changes in place in order for this to sustain. And I will make it known that her doing that did piss me off

 

[JohnBurgundy]

1 hour ago, glows said:

That’s true that she hasn’t deleted and/or blocked you but she may not feel the need to if you’re not harassing her or continuing to message/text or call. She may also feel like she sees you on the game often and you’re more of a gaming friend and this is platonic.

Think of it this way - if she has strong feelings such as for a true ex whom she was in a relationship with it would be difficult to remain friends.

If she doesn’t have feelings for you or is disinterested she has nothing to “block” or “get over”. You’re just any other person for her. Whether you’re on social media or on the game doesn’t mean much. 

I noticed above you agreed not to message her again or reach out which is a big step towards acceptance and moving on. Please don’t self-sabotage and hold your life up. You have a lot going for you. Stay focused on all the things you need to do and avoid obsessing over this person who won’t even reply to you.

I mean my ex kept me on all social media. But I was inexperienced at the time and I kept asking her to hang out every week after she broke it off with me. Eventually she removed me off Snapchat, Facebook but still has kept me on Instagram. Her mom removed me off Facebook as well. 
 

I’ve had girls keep me on social media and suddenly ghost me only for them to return months later. Obviously the dating apps, not a relationship but yeah. I get that feelings part but that’s why I think she’s going through an episode because she’s not thinking clearly. She probably lost her feelings for me but I read they will return (hopefully that’s the case)

 

This current girl removed all of her other ex’s because they were all PoS. One ex used to work in my department and she got him the job and he ended up getting fired, he treated her like a mommy and she did everything for him. Her last ex was separated and had 3 kids (this was around the time she wasn’t thinking straight) 

 

like a month ago, it was the first week of us being official. She gets a call from the wife and she wants to press charges on her husband. I’ll keep this short but my gf was freaking out at the time about what to do. She was also worrying about this is going to affect our relationship as she doesn’t try to do drama and she was thinking I was going to break up with her 

I reassured her that whatever it is, it is so small and that she is overreacting. As long as she is communicating about it, it is fine and I didn’t see her doing anything wrong. I asked her if she wanted my advice on the matter or if she wanted me to listen. She told me that is the best thing any guy has ever asked her. She proceeds to just lay it all out and I listened and she later texted me telling me that I make her happy and I’m so supportive 

for the pregnancy scare, she told me she had slight bleeding and was just making me aware. So I reassure her that if it actually happens, I will still continue to be around and whatever we have now, I want to keep continuing things, etc. 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

16 minutes ago, JohnBurgundy said:

I am going to bring it up if she comes back around.

How long are you intending to wait for her to do so? 

16 minutes ago, JohnBurgundy said:

There does have to be changes in place in order for this to sustain. And I will make it known that her doing that did piss me off

Sadly, this is not likely to make any real difference in her future behaviour. Even if she does reach out and you two rekindle, this is very likely to happen again. And again. Whether she's genuinely unstable or just not interested enough, she is almost surely not going to offer you much consistency.  You would be wise to realize that any sort of relationship with her is likely to cause you a lot of pain and insecurity.

Ask yourself if it will be worth it to put yourself through this again only to have her eventually move on to some other guy altogether. 

 

[JohnBurgundy]

7 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

It's not clear to me why you feel you have this much power of her mental health. 

What exactly did you say and do in response to her pregnancy scare? 

I reassured her that we’ll get through this together, that I’m going to stick by her side and I want to continue what we have, etc.

 

i mean that was a week before the ghosting. You ever had a job interview a week before and then when the job interview is close, you start stressing about it, etc. I mean I do but just an example, I think that’s what going on

 

It’s very similar to what cause her bipolar to happen in the first place. Her first episode over a year ago 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 minute ago, JohnBurgundy said:

I reassured her that we’ll get through this together, that I’m going to stick by her side and I want to continue what we have,

Then it doesn't make any sense that you triggered her going into a depressive episode. 

You were supportive and kind. That doesn't generally cause someone to feel depressed, John. I think you are grasping at straws on this one because if you convince yourself that you caused this, then it follows that you can somehow fix it and things will be better. 

I would caution you against doing this to yourself, since you actually have no idea what caused her to start ignoring you. 

[BaileyB]

52 minutes ago, JohnBurgundy said:

It’s hard to pinpoint whether this is truly a loss of interest or an episode.

I too believe that this is an episode. That said, it is likely that this will happen again. Let’s say, you just bought a home with this woman and she goes through a similar episode… or, you are planning a wedding and she has another episode… or, you have a child and a mortgage and she has an episode… You are begging her to communicate with you, you can’t understand how she can just abandon her child this way, you are hanging on because you just feel like things will get better and be more stable when she gets through this episode…

Do you see what I’m saying. It only gets harder. Take this as your cue to walk away now…

As I said, my partner was married to a woman who developed serious mental health issues. It has done its damage - for him and for their child. The divorce cost him a lot of money. But, the emotional toll it has taken on all of them is something else…

Edited October 29, 2023 by BaileyB

[JohnBurgundy]

3 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

How long are you intending to wait for her to do so? 

Sadly, this is not likely to make any real difference in her future behaviour. Even if she does reach out and you two rekindle, this is very likely to happen again. And again. Whether she's genuinely unstable or just not interested enough, she is almost surely not going to offer you much consistency.  You would be wise to realize that any sort of relationship with her is likely to cause you a lot of pain and insecurity.

Ask yourself if it will be worth it to put yourself through this again only to have her eventually move on to some other guy altogether. 

 

As long as she is constantly playing the video games, she is not seeing anyone. 
 

but yes I’m aware that this will continue. If it is her bipolar, this is her true nature and it is inevitable that she will do this again. I can handle it. I mean it did hurt me when it first started happening, I’m kinda accepting of it now and if it were to happen again, I’d probably understand what’s going on. I mean I’d hope we could find a resolution for it if it does but I’m aware of the emotional rollercoaster. But that’s looking at things positively. It could probably be much worse and then I’ll have to pull the plug if that’s the case 

[BaileyB]

1 minute ago, JohnBurgundy said:

I can handle it.

There is nothing to handle. She is not communicating with you anymore. There is no option to continue the relationship if she is not communicating with you anymore.