Els Posted October 20, 2023 Posted October 20, 2023 (edited) 2 hours ago, n3wneighbour said: Why do people insist that me not wanting a relationship somehow equals me not being upfront with her about that? Nobody is trying to accuse you of misleading this woman, if that's what you think we're saying. What we're really saying, in different ways, is that hoo boy do you have your work cut out for you. The honest answer is that not many men succeed in even getting a relationship with a woman for the first time at 50 years of age, regardless of whether they dated men beforehand or not. It's something that people typically spend their entire lives learning, and not many women are going to be patient with a 50yo who's learning the ropes. If you want to have sex/cuddle/etc with a woman for the first time at 50 WITHOUT a relationship, and without the assistance of the internet... you're probably gonna have a bad time. I agree with the poster who said that she probably invited you in because she thinks that gay men make great platonic friends. Edited October 20, 2023 by Els
Wiseman2 Posted October 20, 2023 Posted October 20, 2023 (edited) 2 hours ago, n3wneighbour said: I manage my brother's apartment. Meaning, water the plants, that sort of thing. Why not try hookup apps such as tinder or some other adult casual sex apps? You don't want a relationship, and hitting on your brothers neighbor because she was somewhat polite to you is too messy and complicated. There are much easier, more effective and reasonable ways to contact women for no-strings sex. If it's legal in your area you could also try escort services. Edited October 20, 2023 by Wiseman2
basil67 Posted October 20, 2023 Posted October 20, 2023 3 hours ago, n3wneighbour said: Why do people not read carefully? I said, I manage my brother's apartment. You know, water the plants and similar. Thank you for clarifying. I was under the impression that your brother owned the apartment building and you're the manager dealing with all the problems the building and tenants may have. Reading other responses, I imagine I wasn't the only one interpreting in this way. But on re-reading, you simply look after one single apartment which your brother owns.
Lotsgoingon Posted October 21, 2023 Posted October 21, 2023 Just being in a woman's apartment means NOTHING. Zip. Zilch. Lots of single people are eager to meet neighbors. And you were inside the building, and she figured you were safe. You apparently look reasonably safe. I remember my first apartment building, several women invited me into their spaces. They were just happy to meet another professional. Seducing, as others have said, is as much about reacting as it is about initiating. In fact, men (even players) don't use that term much anymore. The term suggests that the woman "target" is just some passive victim of someone using slick techniques, like a used car salesman. People these days are much smarter than that when it comes to having sex. For every slickster technique players have developed, women have learned to notice it, call it out and not fall for it. Few women are looking for immediate hookups with guys they meet once. When things go far, it's because there is energy between the two people and sexual energy, flirting energy is very distinctive and you don't really have to "try." It just happens. Take the advice of the person who recommended you go online and onto hookup sites. Those folks are looking very often for sex and sex very soon--and they say so. Otherwise, It's going to take you a lot of practice to figure out when a woman is interested in you sexually and even that phrase doesn't make sense because women can think a guy is hot as all and still not want to sleep with him until they learn A LOT more about him. Most women are highly worried about std’s and also in the backs of their minds (sometimes not even in the back) about assault. Women and men can be friends these days more so than apparently ever in human history. So again inviting you into her apartment is not some statement of sexual interest). If you were a woman, it's likely she would have invited you in as well.
basil67 Posted October 21, 2023 Posted October 21, 2023 8 hours ago, n3wneighbour said: WIth women I'm interested in wooing (don't hate on me, love thet term and I had to use it), talking cuddling... I'm just not sure I want a relationship. Wooing is about having her fall in love with you...to have them choose you over all others. This has no place if you don't want a relationship. And even if you did want a relationship, wooing is fake - savvy women can spot it a mile off.
NuevoYorko Posted October 21, 2023 Posted October 21, 2023 (edited) 9 hours ago, n3wneighbour said: Why do people insist that me not wanting a relationship somehow equals me not being upfront with her about that? I haven't seen anyone "insisting" on that. You just said you wanted to "seduce" this woman; you refer to women (plural) as your "shiny new object" and you are interested in vaginas. And, you don't want to be in "The Friend Zone." Nothing about this individual woman seems of interest to you except that you got into her apartment so maybe you might possibly be able to get her to bang you. Okay. But you didn't say anything about "wooing" or cuddling in your original post. So don't get defensive because people think you are mainly hoping to take advantage of what seems like it may be an easy opportunity with this person. Edited October 21, 2023 by NuevoYorko 1 1
SurfCity Posted October 21, 2023 Posted October 21, 2023 (edited) I honestly think that you're going through a mid life crisis. You've dedicated yourself to a very hedonistic lifestyle of casual sex with men and have done it all to the point where it doesn't interest you anymore. It's gotten boring. Instead of pursuing love or something deep and real with a man, you decide to switch to pursuing casual sex with women. And because you've never done that before, you get to feel excited and nervous instead of bored and jaded. I think that the best option for you is to pursue a relationship with a man. Find a man that you can fall in love with and share your life with. Avoid empty sexual encounters. If you do that, your interest in women will probably disappear. Edited October 21, 2023 by SurfCity 1
Author n3wneighbour Posted October 21, 2023 Author Posted October 21, 2023 14 hours ago, SurfCity said: I honestly think that you're going through a mid life crisis. You've dedicated yourself to a very hedonistic lifestyle of casual sex with men and have done it all to the point where it doesn't interest you anymore. It's gotten boring. Instead of pursuing love or something deep and real with a man, you decide to switch to pursuing casual sex with women. And because you've never done that before, you get to feel excited and nervous instead of bored and jaded. I think that the best option for you is to pursue a relationship with a man. Find a man that you can fall in love with and share your life with. Avoid empty sexual encounters. If you do that, your interest in women will probably disappear. I did not decide anything, it just happen. I was convinced it would pass, but after two yerars it hasn't. My relations to mena ayre purely physical. I cannot imagine my self in a relationship with a man.
Author n3wneighbour Posted October 21, 2023 Author Posted October 21, 2023 16 hours ago, NuevoYorko said: I haven't seen anyone "insisting" on that. You just said you wanted to "seduce" this woman; you refer to women (plural) as your "shiny new object" and you are interested in vaginas. And, you don't want to be in "The Friend Zone." Nothing about this individual woman seems of interest to you except that you got into her apartment so maybe you might possibly be able to get her to bang you. Okay. But you didn't say anything about "wooing" or cuddling in your original post. So don't get defensive because people think you are mainly hoping to take advantage of what seems like it may be an easy opportunity with this person. I am very much interested in her, but that's the easy part, so I never mentioned it. My problem is getting to the romantic/sexual part. What surprises me is that you all think of women in terms of striclty wanting relationships. Maybe she's also down for one night stands?
Wiseman2 Posted October 21, 2023 Posted October 21, 2023 9 minutes ago, n3wneighbour said: you all think...... If you want one night stands with women, plenty of suggestions were provided for you. However I agree that approaching your brother's neighbor is in bad taste, when you have so many other options as far as no-strings sex.
basil67 Posted October 21, 2023 Posted October 21, 2023 (edited) 19 minutes ago, n3wneighbour said: I am very much interested in her, but that's the easy part, so I never mentioned it. My problem is getting to the romantic/sexual part. What surprises me is that you all think of women in terms of striclty wanting relationships. Maybe she's also down for one night stands? This is because you're talking of wooing and romance when you really just want sex. Neither of those things have any place in a hookup with a woman How about you ditch the games and disclose that you're a gay guy who's now bicurious and wonder what it's like to sleep with a woman. Given that she already knows if she's attracted to you, she'll either offer herself or give you advice...then you have your answer. And to be honest, this approach is probably wise in case the actual event is a flop (pun intended) Edited October 21, 2023 by basil67
NuevoYorko Posted October 21, 2023 Posted October 21, 2023 3 hours ago, n3wneighbour said: What surprises me is that you all think of women in terms of striclty wanting relationships. Maybe she's also down for one night stands? You are projecting, or something. There is no indication that "we all" think of women in terms of strictly wanting relationships. But, your thread is being responded to by 1) women and 2) men who have had or currently have relationships with women. So, you might as well listen to us. We all have insights that you do not. Bottom line: It's a rare woman who is interested in being seen as a "shiny object" or a "vagina," whether they are interested in casual sex or not. 3
SurfCity Posted October 22, 2023 Posted October 22, 2023 9 hours ago, n3wneighbour said: My relations to mena ayre purely physical. I cannot imagine my self in a relationship with a man. Do you think that this might be internalized homophobia? Why can you have sex with a man but not cuddle a man or fall in love with a man?
NuevoYorko Posted October 22, 2023 Posted October 22, 2023 20 hours ago, n3wneighbour said: My relations to mena ayre purely physical. I cannot imagine my self in a relationship with a man. So you're 50, you've been sexually active for many years, and you have not had a relationship with any person? Are you comfortable with this being the state of your personal life for the rest of your time on Earth or would you like to have a relationship with someone?
Author n3wneighbour Posted October 26, 2023 Author Posted October 26, 2023 On 10/22/2023 at 7:29 PM, NuevoYorko said: So you're 50, you've been sexually active for many years, and you have not had a relationship with any person? Are you comfortable with this being the state of your personal life for the rest of your time on Earth or would you like to have a relationship with someone? Of ocurse i would. But logic says there's no way it will happen with 1st woman I meet. Or 2nd or 3rd...
Author n3wneighbour Posted October 26, 2023 Author Posted October 26, 2023 On 10/21/2023 at 10:47 PM, basil67 said: This is because you're talking of wooing and romance when you really just want sex. Neither of those things have any place in a hookup with a woman How about you ditch the games and disclose that you're a gay guy who's now bicurious and wonder what it's like to sleep with a woman. Given that she already knows if she's attracted to you, she'll either offer herself or give you advice...then you have your answer. And to be honest, this approach is probably wise in case the actual event is a flop (pun intended) Not an option. It's kinda sad everyone is deconstructing my behavior like I'm some sort of a monster going after unsuspecting women. I'm 50, and more confused than I've ever been.
basil67 Posted October 26, 2023 Posted October 26, 2023 2 hours ago, n3wneighbour said: Not an option. Why is opening up not an option? 2 hours ago, n3wneighbour said: It's kinda sad everyone is deconstructing my behavior like I'm some sort of a monster going after unsuspecting women. I'm 50, and more confused than I've ever been. I think the language you are using is a bit off-putting to many...it's all about you seducing or wooing and vagina. Nothing about wondering what she may want or having actual discussions with her. If you want to be with a woman, communication is key. And there's the misunderstanding were many of us thought you were the building manager (which, if it were true, would bring an imbalance of power) 1
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