n3wneighbour Posted October 19, 2023 Posted October 19, 2023 Gentlemen, what are your tips and tricks on seducing a woman? Long story short, I manage my brother's apartment, and I ended up having a coffee with one of the neighbours in her apartment after knocking at her door asking for a favor. I didn't think much of it during the conversation, which is probably the reason I was so confident and relaxed. Later that evening I realized I'd love to take this to the next level - sex, maybe even more. But I have no idea how to seduce her. Now, here's the important backstory - my entire life I was gay. Like, vaginas are scary kind of gay. Then 2 years ago it all changed for some reason, and vaginas became incredibly sexy and attractive to me. And the rest of the female package. I told my self it would go away, and was just happy masturbating to women. But it didn't go away and now the time has come for me to get physical. You can say what you want about men, but when it comes sex, it's so damn easy. And I had lots of it. But with women, it's a whole different game. Help me out here, cause at almost 50 I feel like I'm back in my teens getting ready for the first date. I'm not saying she was seducing me, but in the end she told me I should stop by for a coffee every time I'm in the building - which at least suggest she enjoyed my company, even if in a non romantic sense. Help!
NuevoYorko Posted October 19, 2023 Posted October 19, 2023 Perhaps try to get to know her as a person a bit, and let her know you. Bowl her over with your irresistible charms. She needs to like you, or else why would she choose you to have sex with?
glows Posted October 19, 2023 Posted October 19, 2023 Why are you asking men exclusively on how to “seduce” women? One would think they’d want to hear directly from the source - women themselves and what they like or prefer. Are you just looking for a one time rendezvous or something more such as a relationship? I got the sense you’re looking for romance in general and not just sex but your talk of vaginas is distracting. Ask her out on a date and see whether she responds positively. It’s not complicated. Keep it simple and listen to her and what she likes if she agrees to go on a date. Many people decide together where they’d like to go or what they’d like to do. You’re not supposed to come up with the answers all by yourself. If she declines she’s not interested in dating you. It really IS as easy as that. I would exercise some caution here as this is where your brother lives. Don’t make things awkward as she is also living here and you manage her building too. Your brother and her live in the same building you happen to manage unless you are meaning she’s a neighbour in a separate other building. I’m curious what was the favour you asked when you knocked on her door? 2
Wiseman2 Posted October 19, 2023 Posted October 19, 2023 3 hours ago, n3wneighbour said: now the time has come for me to get physical. Try dating apps if you want to experiment with women. This woman shouldn't be your experiment, if you work in her building. You'll need to start dating. 2
d0nnivain Posted October 19, 2023 Posted October 19, 2023 How did you flirt with the men you dated? Gay flirting is a tad more direct. You need to be subtle with a woman but good eye contact, genuine interest, light low key touching (a brush of the arm, a quick squeeze of the hand) & flirtatiousness all count as flirting. Start with flirting & work your way up to seduction. Remember the biggest sex organ is the brain & you have engage a woman there if you hope to be allowed access to the other parts.
Author n3wneighbour Posted October 19, 2023 Author Posted October 19, 2023 6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Try dating apps if you want to experiment with women. This woman shouldn't be your experiment, if you work in her building. You'll need to start dating. Why are you making me the bad guy? I'm just looking for advice how to not fall into friend zone. And I'm not into dating apps.
Author n3wneighbour Posted October 19, 2023 Author Posted October 19, 2023 2 hours ago, d0nnivain said: How did you flirt with the men you dated? Gay flirting is a tad more direct. You need to be subtle with a woman but good eye contact, genuine interest, light low key touching (a brush of the arm, a quick squeeze of the hand) & flirtatiousness all count as flirting. Start with flirting & work your way up to seduction. Remember the biggest sex organ is the brain & you have engage a woman there if you hope to be allowed access to the other parts. What gay flirting? In two seconds you know if you're having sex or not. I am interested in her, sexually and her as a person. I'm just not that into a serious relationship. Women are now that shiny object for me, and I wouldn't like to stick with one from the start. But that doesn't mean I won't be frank about it from the get go. The problem with low light touching and brushing the arm is that last time we were seated at the table, opposite each other, which pretty much renders an touching impossible. I'd love to hear some tactics how to cross that bridge
Author n3wneighbour Posted October 19, 2023 Author Posted October 19, 2023 9 hours ago, NuevoYorko said: Perhaps try to get to know her as a person a bit, and let her know you. Bowl her over with your irresistible charms. She needs to like you, or else why would she choose you to have sex with? But how do I not fall into the deathtrap of friend zone?
d0nnivain Posted October 19, 2023 Posted October 19, 2023 9 minutes ago, n3wneighbour said: What gay flirting? In two seconds you know if you're having sex or not. I am interested in her, sexually and her as a person. I'm just not that into a serious relationship. Women are now that shiny object for me, and I wouldn't like to stick with one from the start. But that doesn't mean I won't be frank about it from the get go. The problem with low light touching and brushing the arm is that last time we were seated at the table, opposite each other, which pretty much renders an touching impossible. I'd love to hear some tactics how to cross that bridge Oh boy. Most women don't want that. They want a relationship. You want casual sex. Being direct will get you slapped in the face. 8 minutes ago, n3wneighbour said: But how do I not fall into the deathtrap of friend zone? You offer playful banter & find ways to touch subtly. Use words like "date" not hang out, get together or hook up. 1
Author n3wneighbour Posted October 19, 2023 Author Posted October 19, 2023 9 hours ago, glows said: Why are you asking men exclusively on how to “seduce” women? One would think they’d want to hear directly from the source - women themselves and what they like or prefer. Are you just looking for a one time rendezvous or something more such as a relationship? I got the sense you’re looking for romance in general and not just sex but your talk of vaginas is distracting. Ask her out on a date and see whether she responds positively. It’s not complicated. Keep it simple and listen to her and what she likes if she agrees to go on a date. Many people decide together where they’d like to go or what they’d like to do. You’re not supposed to come up with the answers all by yourself. If she declines she’s not interested in dating you. It really IS as easy as that. I would exercise some caution here as this is where your brother lives. Don’t make things awkward as she is also living here and you manage her building too. Your brother and her live in the same building you happen to manage unless you are meaning she’s a neighbour in a separate other building. I’m curious what was the favour you asked when you knocked on her door? Why am I asking men exclusively? I've been friends with many women and most of the time what they said they wanted in a man was completely different from the men they usually ended up with. Talk of vaginas was just to illustrate where i was my whole life and where I am now - and I am confused AF. Why shoul,d I sak her out on a date when we are already at her place? Wouldn't that be the best place to try and go a bit further? I koncoked on doors expecting just to casually converse with a neighbour or two fro a minute or two. Instead, I ended up with a neighbour who invited me for coffe, we had a nice plasant conversation, and she invited me to come on over any time i'm nearby. I'm no fool, that does not mean necesarily she wants anything romantically or sexually with me, but it sure as hell means she's comfortable with me, and that's a great start. Perhaps I should have rephrased my question - how do I avoid the friend zone?
d0nnivain Posted October 19, 2023 Posted October 19, 2023 In that situation your mistake was sitting at the table rather than the couch.
NuevoYorko Posted October 19, 2023 Posted October 19, 2023 24 minutes ago, n3wneighbour said: Why shoul,d I sak her out on a date when we are already at her place? Wouldn't that be the best place to try and go a bit further? Probably not unless you are hoping to have a sexual assault charge in your near future. You said you're the manager of the apartments. Not sure what kind of "favor" you wanted from this woman when you knocked on her door, but you are dealing with the tenants in a professional capacity so you probably should mind your demeanor and keep your "seduction" plans seperate from business responsibilities. 24 minutes ago, n3wneighbour said: Perhaps I should have rephrased my question - how do I avoid the friend zone? That's not up to you. If a woman sees you as a potential friend - or as nothing in her life at all - that is up to her. All you can do is be yourself and see if she is responsive to you in the way you would like her to be. I think that it's unlikely that this woman is going to want to have sex with her apartment manager inside of her own apartment. It would be an unsafe choice for her to make and also very awkward if she were to meet a man she was serious about and started entertaining him at her home ... and the guy who "seduced" her was still lurking about. Go out and try to seduce women in a bar or coffee shop. Less likelihood of problems. 4
Wiseman2 Posted October 19, 2023 Posted October 19, 2023 57 minutes ago, n3wneighbour said: I'm just looking for advice how to not fall into friend zone.And I'm not into dating apps. Whether in real life or on apps, you'll have to start by asking them out.
mark clemson Posted October 19, 2023 Posted October 19, 2023 (edited) Consider whether you'd be putting aspects of your job at risk if you have a relationship with this person. Not saying you would be, but something to consider. Looking back at my history of multiple girlfriends as well as some "encounters" and some one night stands, I think the idea of "seducing" is in fact a bit odd. I would say make yourself as attractive as possible. This generates interest on her part. Then respond naturally to her interest in conversing with you etc. Converse at the level she seems to be at, and DO NOT rush things into sexual innuendos or similar. Be very interested in her, but in a socially appropriate way. You can make some subtle signs of "more interest" but I'd suggest keeping them non-overbearing as you don't want her to think "that's all you're interested in" or otherwise drive her off. If her interest in being around you continues, at some point you either ask her out or (IF it makes sense to in the circumstances) "make a move". If the woman is very interested in you she may make the move. You might research the topic of "pair bonding" but I'm not sure the scientific analysis of it does real justice to the nuances. However, those nuances are not actually particularly difficult if you are feeling confident and comfortable, not overly nervous etc. Moving to romance/sex "escalates" a relationship. To a certain extent what you're doing during preamble/flirting/courting/making eyes/etc etc is establishing the very bare beginnings OF a relationship so that there is something there to be escalated. Given that reality (as I see it at least), I'd say that the idea of "tips and tricks" is, frankly, somewhat trite. I would also say that many women are not afraid to act on their attraction, so if there's a "trick" it's to make yourself attractive to them in the first place. Particularly for adult women, that goes for personality and social skills as much as anything physical. Edited October 19, 2023 by mark clemson 1
Els Posted October 19, 2023 Posted October 19, 2023 (edited) 1 hour ago, n3wneighbour said: Perhaps I should have rephrased my question - how do I avoid the friend zone? Contrary to popular belief, there is no such "zone" to "avoid". We're not exactly talking about the North Korean DMZ - relationships and human emotions don't work that way. If you're looking for solely casual sex with women as a cis male, and you are unwilling to use apps like Tinder, then unfortunately your options are going to be slim unless you are exceedingly conventionally attractive. You should be aware that there is a much, much larger number of men looking for casual sex with women than vice versa, for obvious reasons (notably: longstanding societal norms, personal safety concerns, as well as pregnancy risk), and that the majority of hookups in this day and age happen through dating/hookup sites. If you're looking IRL, well, it's not impossible, but all I can say is good luck to you. And seriously, don't do it with this woman. Way too high a chance of negative repercussions here. Edited October 19, 2023 by Els 4
basil67 Posted October 19, 2023 Posted October 19, 2023 I'm an older woman and I also think the phrase "seduce" is odd - it suggests that guys have some say in the whole thing. Thing is, if a woman is hot for you and is happy to have casual sex, she doesn't need to be seduced. She will already know if she'd be open to it. And if she's open to it, she'll come on to you. And as you've already made first contact, it's a bit too late to be worrying about what to do next because she'll already know if she's up for it or not. If she keeps inviting you in to her apartment, you'll know her decision soon enough. All that said, how strong are you gay vibes? She may have already pinged you as being gay and is friendly because she thinks you're not going to be yet another guy making a move on her. 3
Wiseman2 Posted October 19, 2023 Posted October 19, 2023 5 hours ago, n3wneighbour said: Why shoul,d I sak her out on a date when we are already at her place? Wouldn't that be the best place to try and go a bit further? Absolutely not. Unless you want to lose your job or get arrested for assault. If you want to experiment with women, you'll have to ask them out and if they are eventually interested, you can see if it leads to sex at some point. 1
SurfCity Posted October 19, 2023 Posted October 19, 2023 Is this woman age appropriate for you? Having casual sex with a woman 20-30 years younger than you is nearly impossible for straight men, so it would probably be a million times harder for you. How do you know that she's single? Many straight women won't date bisexual men, you would probably have more success with a bisexual woman. As far as making your interest clear, when you were leaving she probably walked you to the door, after you thanked her for the coffee you should've held out your hand to shake hers. Then you should've said that it was nice meeting her and GENTLY held her hand a little longer longer than normal while smiling and looking into her eyes. If she didn't pull her hand away, then you say that you would like do this again sometime, and ask for her number. If you do that she understands that you have a romantic interest in her. As far as casual sex, you're going to have to put in more effort to have casual sex with women than you would with men, so keep that in mind. Pursuing women at your brother's apartment building is putting your job at risk, potentially puts your brother in the position of having to fire you, and could even open your brother up to a lawsuit. You should try dating apps instead. 2
Weezy1973 Posted October 19, 2023 Posted October 19, 2023 Generally from what I’ve heard, gay men have sex first, and then decide if they want to date, have a relationship etc. Women are different; she’s very unlikely to want meaningless sex first off. So “seducing” women tends to happen naturally when you’re interested in pursuing a relationship with them. You’ll show your interest, because you’re interested.
NuevoYorko Posted October 19, 2023 Posted October 19, 2023 You are kind of taking on a lot here. You have yet to have sex with a woman, and are thinking about learning "the art of seduction" to get you going at the age of 50. No shaming here - I'm an old person right there with you. But you will be better off, really, finding a woman who is definitely down with having sex with you so you can just try it out, without the burden of trying to "seduce" and worrying about fake constructs like the dreaded fantasy location known as THE FRIEND ZONE. Seriously, if you don't know any friendly women who would kindly agree to breaking you in, try a website skewed towards "hookup" type of encounters. I honestly think that will be a better starting place. 1
glows Posted October 20, 2023 Posted October 20, 2023 11 hours ago, n3wneighbour said: Why am I asking men exclusively? I've been friends with many women and most of the time what they said they wanted in a man was completely different from the men they usually ended up with. Talk of vaginas was just to illustrate where i was my whole life and where I am now - and I am confused AF. Why shoul,d I sak her out on a date when we are already at her place? Wouldn't that be the best place to try and go a bit further? I koncoked on doors expecting just to casually converse with a neighbour or two fro a minute or two. Instead, I ended up with a neighbour who invited me for coffe, we had a nice plasant conversation, and she invited me to come on over any time i'm nearby. I'm no fool, that does not mean necesarily she wants anything romantically or sexually with me, but it sure as hell means she's comfortable with me, and that's a great start. Perhaps I should have rephrased my question - how do I avoid the friend zone? Not necessarily. I think she is sucking up to you because you manage the building, to be blunt. It pays to have a good relationship with the building manager. You’re not just a neighbour. You’re not a friend. The overruling premise here, no pun intended, is that you’re really in some figure of authority where it concerns the building and her living area. You can make her life living there a living hell or you could do anything she wishes if she acts nice and has you over once in awhile. You know, has you wrapped around her finger if she’s manipulative. If I had to guess she’s a very astute and street smart woman but highly doubt there’s any genuine interest in you as a person. She might do this with any building manager or all her building managers in the past. Since this is mostly about sex for you there is a slim possibility that she wants sex or would offer sex but the dynamic has the potential to be pretty ick as in gross, don’t you think? What if word got around that the building manager is looking for sex with the residents or tenants in the building? And what if the woman says no or is unfriendly/not as open or willing to exchange sex for a comfortable arrangement? Does she risk being maltreated or not having her concerns about her unit for ie go untended? People might be afraid and leave or avoid you. This is not to say you’re a bad building manager at all. You may be very very good and very professional. I’m speaking more along the lines of what kind of impression or concerns others may have if this pattern continues in this particular building. Either way, I don’t think there’s any way to avoid the “friend zone”. Someone is either attracted or they’re not. What is usually recommended is respectfully asking someone out on a date, socializing and making an effort to know that person not just slam bam in any private abode available. You have to be a little more subtle and learn to read cues in body language, tone, etc to see whether someone is sexually interested. For all we know she could have a raging lust for you but proceed with caution here - as mentioned above she could just be using you or getting on your good side. We don’t know how discreet she is either and whether this could turn sour. Are you prepared for that?
Author n3wneighbour Posted October 20, 2023 Author Posted October 20, 2023 21 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Absolutely not. Unless you want to lose your job or get arrested for assault. If you want to experiment with women, you'll have to ask them out and if they are eventually interested, you can see if it leads to sex at some point. Why do people not read carefully? I said, I manage my brother's apartment. You know, water the plants and similar.
Author n3wneighbour Posted October 20, 2023 Author Posted October 20, 2023 19 hours ago, SurfCity said: Is this woman age appropriate for you? Having casual sex with a woman 20-30 years younger than you is nearly impossible for straight men, so it would probably be a million times harder for you. How do you know that she's single? Many straight women won't date bisexual men, you would probably have more success with a bisexual woman. As far as making your interest clear, when you were leaving she probably walked you to the door, after you thanked her for the coffee you should've held out your hand to shake hers. Then you should've said that it was nice meeting her and GENTLY held her hand a little longer longer than normal while smiling and looking into her eyes. If she didn't pull her hand away, then you say that you would like do this again sometime, and ask for her number. If you do that she understands that you have a romantic interest in her. As far as casual sex, you're going to have to put in more effort to have casual sex with women than you would with men, so keep that in mind. Pursuing women at your brother's apartment building is putting your job at risk, potentially puts your brother in the position of having to fire you, and could even open your brother up to a lawsuit. You should try dating apps instead. What job? I water the plants at his apartment, that sort of thing. She is 5-10 years older than me, and single. Her inviting me to her apartment was odd n the first place, and generally we had a very pleasant conversation. Only problem is I'm a bit slow when it comes to subtle things in life, so it never even occured to me ther emight be a chance for something more. THat's why I didn't do any of the things you mentioned. It only hit me in the car on the way home
Author n3wneighbour Posted October 20, 2023 Author Posted October 20, 2023 18 hours ago, NuevoYorko said: You are kind of taking on a lot here. You have yet to have sex with a woman, and are thinking about learning "the art of seduction" to get you going at the age of 50. No shaming here - I'm an old person right there with you. But you will be better off, really, finding a woman who is definitely down with having sex with you so you can just try it out, without the burden of trying to "seduce" and worrying about fake constructs like the dreaded fantasy location known as THE FRIEND ZONE. Seriously, if you don't know any friendly women who would kindly agree to breaking you in, try a website skewed towards "hookup" type of encounters. I honestly think that will be a better starting place. The problem is, I am very differently wired when it comes to men and women. With men I'm basically down to sex. WIth women I'm interested in wooing (don't hate on me, love thet term and I had to use it), talking cuddling... I'm just not sure I want a relationship. Why do people insist that me not wanting a relationship somehow equals me not being upfront with her about that?
Author n3wneighbour Posted October 20, 2023 Author Posted October 20, 2023 15 hours ago, glows said: Not necessarily. I think she is sucking up to you because you manage the building, to be blunt. It pays to have a good relationship with the building manager. You’re not just a neighbour. You’re not a friend. The overruling premise here, no pun intended, is that you’re really in some figure of authority where it concerns the building and her living area. You can make her life living there a living hell or you could do anything she wishes if she acts nice and has you over once in awhile. You know, has you wrapped around her finger if she’s manipulative. If I had to guess she’s a very astute and street smart woman but highly doubt there’s any genuine interest in you as a person. She might do this with any building manager or all her building managers in the past. Since this is mostly about sex for you there is a slim possibility that she wants sex or would offer sex but the dynamic has the potential to be pretty ick as in gross, don’t you think? What if word got around that the building manager is looking for sex with the residents or tenants in the building? And what if the woman says no or is unfriendly/not as open or willing to exchange sex for a comfortable arrangement? Does she risk being maltreated or not having her concerns about her unit for ie go untended? People might be afraid and leave or avoid you. This is not to say you’re a bad building manager at all. You may be very very good and very professional. I’m speaking more along the lines of what kind of impression or concerns others may have if this pattern continues in this particular building. Either way, I don’t think there’s any way to avoid the “friend zone”. Someone is either attracted or they’re not. What is usually recommended is respectfully asking someone out on a date, socializing and making an effort to know that person not just slam bam in any private abode available. You have to be a little more subtle and learn to read cues in body language, tone, etc to see whether someone is sexually interested. For all we know she could have a raging lust for you but proceed with caution here - as mentioned above she could just be using you or getting on your good side. We don’t know how discreet she is either and whether this could turn sour. Are you prepared for that? I manage my brother's apartment. Meaning, water the plants, that sort of thing.
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