Lia6712 Posted October 16, 2023 Share Posted October 16, 2023 I had a relationship for 1 and a hal year, he was my best friend and my everything, we lived together, our families loved us, I was feeling like he loved me so much. But last year in octomber he dumped me because we argued a lot, I think I have intrusive thoughts and I speak a lot and I overthink and he was just overwhelmed, I moved out in the same city, and he want to remain friends and we hang out a lot, then he ghost me and so on, after a few month when we got back together, we were so happy, and we were so in love and learn how much we like to be together, we went on vacations this summer, I moved back with him and it was amazing, but I had to be home for a few weeks for my family, and because i get very gelous and I speak a lot, he changed and said he was feeling weird, and then we broke up. The night before I was with him and his parents and I didn’t force him to talk to me and the next morning he said that it’s over… I feel devasteded, I wish I’d be more calm and trust him. He did message me after 2 days asking how I am and I said that I was fine and that’s it because I really want to do no contact to see if he cared about me, but it’s been a week and I didn’t heard from him. He is working, and he said that he wants to have peace and no matter how I try to convince him, he will not come back… I wish he was more mature, and wasn’t so stubborn and fight for our love because besides the few argues, there were so many great moments in our lifes. He is 23 years old and I am 24, and this is his first serious relationship. Sorry for the mistakes, what do you think I should do? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 16, 2023 Share Posted October 16, 2023 He cares about you but your behavior makes him not want to be around you. Speaking is fine but you can't go over & over the same issues constantly. As much as you want him back, you will never be ready to make this or any other relationship work until you get a grip on yourself. Identify your insecurities & the sources of your jealousy. Address those. Make yourself happier in your own skin, then you will be ready for a relationship. This process takes YEARS & probably professional mental health help, not a few weeks. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 16, 2023 Share Posted October 16, 2023 Would you please clarify what exactly you were both arguing about or what your intrusive thoughts were about? Are you jealous of someone particular in his life like a close friend? Or did you keep questioning him and his whereabouts? Where is this anxiety coming from? Have you always been like this or has he given you reason to doubt him? How long were you living together? When did you break up for good? Where are you living now? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 16, 2023 Share Posted October 16, 2023 3 hours ago, Lia6712 said: I said that I was fine and that’s it because I really want to do no contact to see if he cared about me, but it’s been a week and I didn’t heard from him. So basically, you broke up with him hoping he'd chase you to prove to you he cared about you? That is what you consider fighting for your love? That is a childish move and is certain to turn guys off. He shouldn't have to feed your ego to stop you from breaking up with him. He's made it clear he's not coming back. You need to address your jealousy issues before you enter a new relationship, or it will rear its ugly head again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lia6712 Posted October 16, 2023 Author Share Posted October 16, 2023 I didn’t break up with him Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lia6712 Posted October 16, 2023 Author Share Posted October 16, 2023 2 minutes ago, stillafool said: So basically, you broke up with him hoping he'd chase you to prove to you he cared about you? That is what you consider fighting for your love? That is a childish move and is certain to turn guys off. He shouldn't have to feed your ego to stop you from breaking up with him. He's made it clear he's not coming back. You need to address your jealousy issues before you enter a new relationship, or it will rear its ugly head again. I didn’t break up with him Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 16, 2023 Share Posted October 16, 2023 7 minutes ago, Lia6712 said: I didn’t break up with him Okay you both broke up with each other. He has made it clear he doesn't want to come back. There was too much insecurity, ghosting and arguing going on anyway in this relationship. It wasn't healthy. When you keep breaking up and getting back together like this it's a sign of incompatibility. Sounds like you'd both be better off with other people. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 16, 2023 Share Posted October 16, 2023 3 hours ago, Lia6712 said: it’s been a week and I didn’t heard from him and no matter how I try to convince him, he will not come back Please try to focus on letting go, yourself and moving forward. You don't want someone who doesn't want you. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 16, 2023 Share Posted October 16, 2023 3 hours ago, Lia6712 said: but I had to be home for a few weeks for my family, and because i get very gelous and I speak a lot, he changed and said he was feeling weird, and then we broke up. What were you jealous about that caused the argument and made him feel weird? Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted October 16, 2023 Share Posted October 16, 2023 I'm sorry you're going through this pain. It's not up to him, though to be "more mature" and "fight for your love." Dealing with a person who is chronically jealous and insecure is no way to live and that is not a healthy relationship, so in fact it was very mature for him to realize this and end things even though he still had strong feelings for you. I don't think this man will come back again, but you do have your opportunity NOW to get some help for your personal issues so you can have a healthy and mature relationship in your future. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 16, 2023 Share Posted October 16, 2023 We get it. You did not break up with him but if you could kindly elaborate on some of the details other posters requested you will probably get more helpful responses. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 16, 2023 Share Posted October 16, 2023 I think you should move on. Seek someone you're more compatible with. "Waiting for him to come back" is IMO a fool's game that could waste months and years of your life. You cannot wish a person back into your life, no matter how much you might hope you could. There are reasons he left - the most major one is likely to ultimately be compatibility. If you have psychological issues that potentially drive away partners, then consider seeking therapy if that's feasible for you to help tone them down to a level where they won't cause substantive problems in a relationship.That way you are less likely to have a repeat the second time around. It's probably natural to romanticize our "first love" etc, but biological reality is that people are serial monogamists, and even many lifetime partners had prior, shorter-term relationships before finding one that lasted very-long-term. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 17, 2023 Share Posted October 17, 2023 No, after a couple break-ups, it's over for good. He's not into it anymore and the mature thing to do was call it off. He did so. It's time for you to work on letting go. Link to post Share on other sites
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