Will my ex ever miss me or feel regret [UPDATE: he's dating someone else]

[Bertol]

Me and my ex broke up a month ago after a year together. We were doing long distance for 8 weeks which is where it mostly went wrong since prior to that we had a beautiful relationship and spent almost every day together at university. We loved eachother so much, and we would both be sad if we had to spend even hours apart. I cooked for him, gave him so much and really did a lot for him. I wrote him countless letters and made sure he was loved completely. And for the most part so did he.

I am an international student he is from the UK.

I had to break up with him a week or so after we both came back to the place we study as the relationship was beginning to make me ill. I was in a permanent state of anxiety the whole summer as i had a lot of things going on in general (lowest point in my life). I had no friends at home, was working full time, had health and family problems and knew i was away from my boyfriend for a long time when i dont cope well with long distance in general. Whereas he had many friends and was partying every night (despite saying he couldn’t see me all summer because he had to work, he didn’t work once). 

I started to feel very insecure in our relationship when he was repeatedly being cold and distant with me, which was understandable since we departed from each other after an argument and never really got to resolve it before being separated for so long. Some days he would be incredibly loving, send many lovely text’s about how hes never been so in love, etc but as soon as we would call he would be a bit cold. This made me more and more insecure and had me massively overthinking, so i bought this up to him a few times and he would every time throw the issue aside and say I’m accusing him and that he isn’t making me feel that way its me doing it to myself in my head. By that point i was scared to bring anything up to him so i just spent 90% of the rest of my summer depressed and filled with anxiety overthinking anytime we had a conversation. I by that point didn’t even want to respond because i felt like an inconvenience and it made me anxious.

I felt as though I should wait until i saw him again before i made any rash decisions. 

So when we saw each other again it was fine, a bit awkward but we also hadn’t seen each other for so long and both knew it was stressful. After a couple hours he went home which was a bit saddening after I hadn’t seen him for so long I thought he would have wanted to spend the night together, but instead he went home because he was tired, when really he forgot to text me until hours later and said he was chilling with his friends and forgot. Everything by this point was stressing me out anyway so I didn’t know if i was just overthinking. 

I saw him again the next day, he invited me over but he barely spoke to me and instead just chilled with his friends with me there. I stayed the night and regretted it as we just went to bed without conversation too. 

The next morning i had some bad news from my family and i got very upset. He comforted me briefly but then carried on doing his own thing whilst i was crying on the bed. This caused me to breakdown completely about how insecure i was in the relationship. He said i was too much and its a bit extreme, he didn’t want to bring this into his new academic year. I asked if this relationship is what he wanted and he said yes he 100% wants to make it work and had been saying similar things weeks prior (but actions never really aligned) so i was confused. 

After hearing about loss and having a horrific morning i said I just really needed him there for me, then asked if we could meet later. He said so coldly and barely looked me in the eye that he would see if he has the time for me. This shocked me slightly and i went home but i was so timid i pretended it was okay.

I later called him to come over and break up with him. I didn’t feel like i had any other choice and could no longer stay where i was not wanted. Just because i left doesn’t mean i WANTED to.

It happened and he said repeatedly he wasn’t going to run after me and this was it for him. I explained how I just want to be loved and love fully and he said he couldn’t give me that then. I also explained how that time situation made me feel like an inconvenience and he responded with ‘if that makes me an a**h*** then so be it’ and he still believed it was just in my head. I then received comments such as ‘youll never find someone like me again’ and ‘nobody will love you the way i did’ but he kept hugging me and kissing me. It took an hour for him to leave. 

He never really looked very sad, he was again just very cold. He then suddenly decided after i said so we can’t make this work that we had already tried (we hadnt) and he wanted to break up despite saying for WEEKS before that and that same morning that he doesn’t want that and that wont happen. Why string me along for that long treating me this way?

We have been in no contact ever since. I bumped into him a few days later and he hugged me, told me he was heartbroken and said one day we should see each other and talk about thing?

He seems absolutely fine. He’s apparently speaking to new girls, allegedly mocking me to his new housemates and partying whilst i was hurting so bad and missing him. He lives with his best friends now so i know he’s occupied 24/7 and he knows enough girls to stay satisfied. I don’t think he will ever reach out to me or even recognise how he hurt me, which is the worst part. Will he ever miss me or recognise that he did wrong? 

 

Edited December 10, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
merged thread

[MsJayne]

 

44 minutes ago, Bertol said:

the relationship was beginning to make me ill.

Why do you say this? Do you mean because he didn't stop his regular partying lifestyle when you returned to campus? Your post makes you sound a bit too high-maintenance for a party dude. 

52 minutes ago, Bertol said:

He’s apparently speaking to new girls, allegedly mocking me to his new housemates and partying

Interesting, given that he said this........  

53 minutes ago, Bertol said:

‘youll never find someone like me again’ and ‘nobody will love you the way i did’

He sounds immature, arrogant, shallow, and manipulative. Be grateful for the good year you had and recognise that he's changing as a person and is no longer the guy you loved. 

57 minutes ago, Bertol said:

Will he ever miss me or recognise that he did wrong? 

 

Probably not until he grows up, and that might be twenty years away. You were the dumper, not the dumpee. Well done, you made the right decision. Onward and upward  

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Bertol said:

. Will he ever miss me or recognise that he did wrong? 

Sorry this is happening. Unfortunately he seems quite selfish and no, that won't change. You overinvested in the relationship and he was just coasting along. 

Please avoid him and delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Take care of yourself and your physical and mental health. Try to get involved in university activities, events, groups, sports, clubs and academics. This way you can make friends and meet more like minded people. 

Edited October 16, 2023 by Wiseman2

[d0nnivain]

3 hours ago, Bertol said:

Will he ever miss me or recognise that he did wrong? 

 

No.  He went through the missing you phase when you went home for the summer.  He had time to adjust to being single.  You had a crappy summer & focused on your love for him to get you though.  This break up is new for you, but not really for him.  Yes, the words were recently spoken but it had been over for months on his end. 

I'm sorry for whatever sad news you got.  

Hopefully you have other friends at university who can get you through.  Focus on your studies.  Hang in there.  

[Bertol]

2 hours ago, MsJayne said:

 

Why do you say this? Do you mean because he didn't stop his regular partying lifestyle when you returned to campus? Your post makes you sound a bit too high-maintenance for a party dude. 

Interesting, given that he said this........  

He sounds immature, arrogant, shallow, and manipulative. Be grateful for the good year you had and recognise that he's changing as a person and is no longer the guy you loved. 

Probably not until he grows up, and that might be twenty years away. You were the dumper, not the dumpee. Well done, you made the right decision. Onward and upward  

The partying never phased me, I trusted him 100% and loyalty was never a concern. What made me ill was how disregarding he was at times and off comments then only speaking to me when it was convenient for him. I was however in a bad headspace anyway so i was overthinking heavily (most of which wasn’t his fault, but he still wasn’t very supportive in general) which obviously i hold myself accountable for as that may have been pressure for him and destroyed our relationship. He said i was too much and extreme so although I dont think i was being confrontational or accusing at all, I must have not communicated well. 
 

 

[glows]

I admire your ability to ask for help and support and you being open and vulnerable enough to state your needs in a relationship. My thoughts are he slowly fell out of love when he realized he didn’t think the same way as you anymore and didn’t want to keep comforting you in issues he disagreed were an issue. He minimized your feelings and eventually got fed up of being around you.

Some of that may be due to not having a strong support system of your own while you were an international student. You seemed isolated and for someone else, it’s too much pressure to keep being that one source of support to someone especially when he has other friendships and was slowly outgrowing the relationship. 

The bottomline is you don’t see eye to eye. He stopped caring about you and even if he wants to “talk about things” what is he going to talk about? Send you lovey dovey notes and then turn around and say “I’ll see if I can make time for you” later? Oh shut up, guy. He could have phrased that in a more mature way and told you he’s not able to support you at this level any more and needs to focus on school. 

I’d keep your distance until you’re feeling more like yourself. Seek grief counselling for your loss (I’m sorry for your loss). And mute or delete/block him off social media. What he wants and what you want in a relationship are very different. It’s a good time to think through your own coping mechanisms and support systems. Are you studying full time and also working full time? How is that working out? 

[stillafool]

I agree with Glows that he was already over the relationship and ready to break up when you called for it.

4 hours ago, Bertol said:

I later called him to come over and break up with him. I didn’t feel like i had any other choice and could no longer stay where i was not wanted. Just because i left doesn’t mean i WANTED to.

You don't need him to come over to break up with him, you could have done that by phone, text.  What do you mean just because you left doesn't mean you wanted to?  Were you expecting him to chase after you to not break up with him?  Don't make moves you don't mean, because as you can see, you played right into his hands because he wanted to break up with you.  I think he got fed up with the constant problems and your needing to be soothed by him.  You have to learn to self soothe.  He's a young college kid who just wants to have fun and your relationship was growing too heavy and you seemed sad a lot of the time which turned him off.  The good news is you're in college and there are thousands of boys to get to know.  Go NC with this one and you'll be okay.  Hope things get better with your family.

[Bertol]

12 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I agree with Glows that he was already over the relationship and ready to break up when you called for it.

You don't need him to come over to break up with him, you could have done that by phone, text.  What do you mean just because you left doesn't mean you wanted to?  Were you expecting him to chase after you to not break up with him?  Don't make moves you don't mean, because as you can see, you played right into his hands because he wanted to break up with you.  I think he got fed up with the constant problems and your needing to be soothed by him.  You have to learn to self soothe.  He's a young college kid who just wants to have fun and your relationship was growing too heavy and you seemed sad a lot of the time which turned him off.  The good news is you're in college and there are thousands of boys to get to know.  Go NC with this one and you'll be okay.  Hope things get better with your family.

I didn’t want to break up with him by text after being together a year. I did call him, and we both agreed to talk in person first.

i was very sure in my decision of leaving him, it was just hard to let go of someone i loved so much but knew i was no longer compatible with.

I don’t want him to ‘chase after me’. Its mire the fact he was so adamant it was all me and he did nothing wrong that i was hoping he would one day realise how much he hurt me. I don’t think half the arrogance on his side was necessary, and if he had fallen out if love slowly it was unfair to keep saying he wanted to 100% be with me and string me along despite me giving him the opportunity to tell me otherwise. During the breakup he kept also saying he still loves me and he will miss me, kept hugging me and trying to kiss me but showed minimal emotion so I’m not sure if that was manipulation?

I have friends here, not many as we shared a friendship group and none of them will look at me, and he’s apparently collecting girls instagrams in our uni instantly telling them he’s single now. Im getting out a lot more so hopefully in a couple months Ill make some friends. Its hard to when I was feeling low anyway 

[stillafool]

9 minutes ago, Bertol said:

I have friends here, not many as we shared a friendship group and none of them will look at me,

What do you mean your friend group won't look at you?  Why?  I still think he was growing tired of the relationship and was ready to move on when you pulled the plug on it.  Even when you're ready to let someone go you may hug and kiss them because it's a final goodbye. You don't hate that person.

[Bertol]

9 minutes ago, stillafool said:

What do you mean your friend group won't look at you?  Why?  I still think he was growing tired of the relationship and was ready to move on when you pulled the plug on it.  Even when you're ready to let someone go you may hug and kiss them because it's a final goodbye. You don't hate that person.

Oh well.. i can understand that to be fair. still think it was unkind to say opposite things and message me about how in love he is with me and buy me gifts & write love notes if he was already done with the relationship. Not what I wanted to hear but definitely needed to thank you strange how quickly things can change. The last time we saw eachother before the distance we were so in love. Distance really ripped us apart and showed me another side of him. I did so much for him and loved him so deeply. Still slightly annoying how he didn’t and probably will never see how he did wrong and instead has already moved on to picking up girls and partying. Oh well!

[stillafool]

2 minutes ago, Bertol said:

Distance really ripped us apart and showed me another side of him.

I agree and as you can see, distance does not always make the heart grow fonder.  As they say all is fair in love and war.  Why aren't your friends supporting you?

[Alpacalia]

You know, maybe it's time to look at this from a different angle and not get too hung up on whether he misses you or feels regret. 

Back when you were dealing with constant anxiety, you opened up to him about your insecurities and neediness. But when it seemed like he wasn't taking it seriously, you held back because you were afraid of losing him. Then, that awkward first night you spent together, choosing to share a bed just to hold onto that moment, well, you kind of gave up on what you really wanted.

Later on, when you went to his place with the intention of breaking things off, it turned into a series of monologues where you essentially communicated your needs, expressing your expectations and the feeling that he wasn't treating you right. You found yourself torn between wanting his comfort, craving intimacy, and desiring to demonstrate your strength. Your actions seemed to lack a clear plan or guiding principle, swinging between caring for him and reacting dramatically.

Feeling out of control and uncertain about the future can be frightening.

All that internal turmoil didn't quite lead to self-empowerment as much as refocusing on yourself could have.

You didn't place any specific expectations on yourself, and at times, you even felt guilty for wanting things for yourself within the relationship. I'm not taking sides; I'm just highlighting that things got a little tangled. Perhaps, in hindsight, it might have been a good idea to take a break from the relationship earlier, allowing you to focus on yourself. At the very least, approaching things from a more peaceful perspective.

He lured you into asking for things condescendingly, and then you sort of avoided him but also just wanted the relationship much more more, until you were so tired of your emotions getting you to do and say things you couldn't handle that you decided to break up with him and tell yourself it was for your own good. He is leaving you in peace and living his separate life and his relationships and friendships are largely uninterrupted. You feel you gave away too much and that he just never delivered.

And that to some extent has been your pattern for a while now.

It's unclear whether he genuinely possessed compassion and romantic interest, or if he foresaw this situation and simply wanted to enjoy it without commitment or effort. But either way now, you both put more work into this one than you possibly might have put in for a while. It's commendable that you faced the separation bravely.

Choose your arguments carefully. He was cavalier with this. Give yourself real time and space without guilt to decide whether or not he holds as much place in your heart as you thought. So then you can act on what you know, and not doing something for complicated reasons you couldn't resist. When you make demands on others and get them to meet you more then you can meet them, you give away all your cards.

You could have something you'd have to get provided to you, and then you never rise above that.  You missed the mark by so much it wasn't about love or you anymore.

I'm sorry this was the answer I had for you, I hope it's helpful.

[d0nnivain]

1 hour ago, Bertol said:

 i hold myself accountable for as that may have been pressure for him and destroyed our relationship. He said i was too much and extreme so although I dont think i was being confrontational or accusing at all, I must have not communicated well. 

He is a college boy.  He wanted a fun, light, happy, easy relationship with a pretty coed.  You needing more was not your fault & you are right to expect support from a BF.  However he was incapable of giving it because that is not what page he was on.  He hasn't grown up yet.  Please don't blame yourself. 

 

39 minutes ago, Bertol said:

I didn’t want to break up with him by text after being together a year. I did call him, and we both agreed to talk in person first.

i was very sure in my decision of leaving him, it was just hard to let go of someone i loved so much but knew i was no longer compatible with.

I don’t want him to ‘chase after me’. Its mire the fact he was so adamant it was all me and he did nothing wrong that i was hoping he would one day realise how much he hurt me. I don’t think half the arrogance on his side was necessary, and if he had fallen out if love slowly it was unfair to keep saying he wanted to 100% be with me and string me along despite me giving him the opportunity to tell me otherwise. During the breakup he kept also saying he still loves me and he will miss me, kept hugging me and trying to kiss me but showed minimal emotion so I’m not sure if that was manipulation?

I have friends here, not many as we shared a friendship group and none of them will look at me, and he’s apparently collecting girls instagrams in our uni instantly telling them he’s single now. Im getting out a lot more so hopefully in a couple months Ill make some friends. Its hard to when I was feeling low anyway 

Again, he cares but isn't ready for the tough times when it's not all fun & games.   

I'm glad you are getting out more.  Disconnect from him on social media.  You don't need to torture yourself with his new collection of coeds.  If you haven't already, join some clubs to make friends.  

 

9 minutes ago, Bertol said:

Oh well.. i can understand that to be fair. still think it was unkind to say opposite things and message me about how in love he is with me and buy me gifts & write love notes if he was already done with the relationship. Not what I wanted to hear but definitely needed to thank you strange how quickly things can change. The last time we saw eachother before the distance we were so in love. Distance really ripped us apart and showed me another side of him. I did so much for him and loved him so deeply. Still slightly annoying how he didn’t and probably will never see how he did wrong and instead has already moved on to picking up girls and partying. Oh well!

Same response -- he was there when it was fun, not for the long haul.  Sorry.  

[basil67]

8 hours ago, Bertol said:

I don’t want him to ‘chase after me’. Its mire the fact he was so adamant it was all me and he did nothing wrong that i was hoping he would one day realise how much he hurt me. I don’t think half the arrogance on his side was necessary, and if he had fallen out if love slowly it was unfair to keep saying he wanted to 100% be with me and string me along despite me giving him the opportunity to tell me otherwise. During the breakup he kept also saying he still loves me and he will miss me, kept hugging me and trying to kiss me but showed minimal emotion so I’m not sure if that was manipulation?

The feelings going into a breakup generally aren't black and white.   When we fall out of love slowly, things do move a bit between the parameters of loving and not loving.  Between enjoying them and feeling like they drive us nuts.  I don't think he was deliberately stringing you along, but rather, was confused in himself and going through the process of figuring it out.  

 

10 hours ago, Bertol said:

 then only speaking to me when it was convenient for him. 

To be fair, this is quite reasonable on his part.  Short of emergency situations, do you really expect someone to speak with you when it's not a good time for them?   With my partner, friends and family I have no hesitation in saying "I'm busy doing X right now, can I call you back?"   Could be shopping or socialising or getting a haircut, unless it's an emergency, they need to wait.

[Bertol]

6 hours ago, basil67 said:

The feelings going into a breakup generally aren't black and white.   When we fall out of love slowly, things do move a bit between the parameters of loving and not loving.  Between enjoying them and feeling like they drive us nuts.  I don't think he was deliberately stringing you along, but rather, was confused in himself and going through the process of figuring it out.  

 

To be fair, this is quite reasonable on his part.  Short of emergency situations, do you really expect someone to speak with you when it's not a good time for them?   With my partner, friends and family I have no hesitation in saying "I'm busy doing X right now, can I call you back?"   Could be shopping or socialising or getting a haircut, unless it's an emergency, they need to wait.

Yeah thats not what i meant. That’s just someone being genuinely busy and getting on with their life which is completely reasonable and different. There were many problems at the beginning of the relationship where he would call me 24/7 and get upset if i said i was busy and still then repeatedly text me but this calmed down with time and i never got frustrated since i understood he had trust issues and got anxious. This switched up at the end though and he was doing the opposite. I never pestered him haha

[Wiseman2]

20 hours ago, Bertol said:

I had to break up with him a week or so after we both came back to the place we study as the relationship was beginning to make me ill. I was in a permanent state of anxiety 

The breakup is still fresh. It will take time to adjust. Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps and avoid him. 

Trust your initial instincts when you first broke up with him. The relationship was making you sick.  It's possible you regret overinvesting in and smothering him, but you are better off without the relationship.

[Bertol]

9 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

The breakup is still fresh. It will take time to adjust. Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps and avoid him. 

Trust your initial instincts when you first broke up with him. The relationship was making you sick.  It's possible you regret overinvesting in and smothering him, but you are better off without the relationship.

Thankyou. I go to university with him but thankfully don’t share any classes so I barely see him. He always smiles and waves and shouts my name which i think is a bit strange so now i just ignore it and thankfully he stopped. 

[Bertol]

On 10/16/2023 at 4:07 PM, stillafool said:

I agree and as you can see, distance does not always make the heart grow fonder.  As they say all is fair in love and war.  Why aren't your friends supporting you?

My friends are. We used to share friends but now none of ‘his’ friends will look at me or give me strange looks. Not sure what has been said but it’s not my problem I suppose 

[Bertol]

My ex made their instagram public for the first time ever despite saying they hate that and have always had a private account. My instagram has always been private and i took them off and unfollowed them a few days after the break up (1 month, no contact since). 
I only figured this out by looking at my tagged pictures. There are still so many of us on there? They deleted many but then there are some of us kissing still? Even in the slides they only deleted a select few then kept others. This is a bit strange i think And they are posting SO much. I have blocked them but everyone is telling me they have done it on purpose. Who knows. I broke up with them but then they also said they wanted to (said otherwise that same morning) so it was kind of mutual but i would not say it ended ‘well’ as he seemed quite annoyed and prideful .

[d0nnivain]

They may have made the account public on purpose but that doesn't mean you have to look.  

Not everyone deletes or throws away photos.  I have been married for 15 years together with my husband for 17.  I still have photos in albums of men I dated 40, 30, 20 years ago.  Doesn't mean I want those guys back or that I don't love my husband.  Those men & the fun things were did are part of my past & they inform who I am today.  

Stop thinking it's all about you.  You & this EX are broken up.  Live your life & stop worrying about what the EX is doing.  That doesn't concern you anymore.  

[stillafool]

Are you taking that as a sign he wants to get back together with you?  Don't.  I don't know anyone who destroys all the pictures of exes when they break up.  You aren't doing yourself any favors by looking and trying to figure out what he's doing.  All you should pay attention to is the fact that he isn't calling you and asking to get back together.  That is what matters, not what your friends, who know you're in pain, think.  They are trying to make you feel better.  Keep moving forward and stop looking back so you can get over him.

[ExpatInItaly]

Considering what you said in your other thread about him and this break-up, the social media content doesn't mean much. 

I know plenty of people who've kept old picutres of exes on their profiles, long after the break-ups and into new relationships. Try not to assign importance to that, because it will wind up hurting you so much more if, A) he starts deleting them, or B) he eventually posts photos of himself with other girls. 

It's going to be best if you don't look at his profile at all anymore. 

[Wiseman2]

22 hours ago, Bertol said:

i would not say it ended ‘well’ as he seemed quite annoyed and prideful .

Are you hoping this means he wants to get back together and isn't really over the relationship?  Unfortunately if he wants to reconcile, he would contact you directly rather than forgetting to review, update and reset his social media. 

[stillafool]

On 10/17/2023 at 11:25 AM, Bertol said:

My friends are. We used to share friends but now none of ‘his’ friends will look at me or give me strange looks. Not sure what has been said but it’s not my problem I suppose 

Oh well, they aren't your friends anyway but his.  Your friends are what matters, and they are supporting you.

[Lefmariet]

I’m using this as more of a place to complain
Its been almost 2 months since my break up of 1 year relationship and no contact since. For context I broke up with him because he wasn’t treating me well despite me telling him about it multiple times. 
Such as; if i bought up something that made me feel bad I would be the one apologising by the end of the conversation (which i was only recently made aware could be manipulation). I cried to him because I got bad news about something in my family and his response after i asked if i could see him later that day (said i wanted him there for me) was ‘ill see if i have the time. I don’t know what i want to do with my day yet’ after not seeing him for a while before that due to distance. Later bought up how that made me feel like an inconvenience and he said ‘am you sure im making you feel that way or is it in your head’ + many more things but i can’t really be bothered to go over it all all over again. He would not ever take accountability for anything. Even up until the breakup it was all me in my head and i made it all up. Lol. I can look back at it now but for months i was so convinced i was wrong and something was wrong with me and became depressed in our relationship as a result. 
 

anyway, the part that makes me mad is the breakup and after. He 100% didn’t want to break up that morning, said multiple times before he wants it to work and he doesn’t see us breaking up and its the last thing he wants (despite me telling him that the way we were communicating was making me ill). He said one thing that made me realise I couldn’t keep doing this because he was not changing, no matter how much i loved him.
I called him, he came over, i said i cannot put up with this anymore, pointed out exactly what he said that made me feel this way, he says ‘if that makes me an arsehole then so be it’. The conversation was quite friendly for a while, we were both calm, said we both loved eachother, etc. Then came the ‘nobody will love you like i did’, ‘you won’t find someone like me again’, ‘youll regret this’ ‘im not running after you i have too muvh self respect’ (did not expect him to) etc etc and basically made it out as though im nothing that special and he is the ultimate man. Seemed slightly insecure of him to have to affirm all of this out loud if you’re really that secure. I didn’t feel a need to do this? 
After I initiated the ‘conversation’ he was suddenly 100% certain he wanted to break up despite saying differently that morning and days before that, suddenly switched to being completely cold and dead behind the eyes, and walked away like it was nothing. Our relationship was absolutely great before this sudden change in him within the last month or so when we also went long distance.
Saw him a couple days later by accident and he says ‘im heartbroken, maybe one day we can see eachother and talk about things’?

Im just incredibly frustrated that he for weeks prior was telling me he had never been this in love, he wanted to work through these problems, he never sees us breaking up, he loves me etc. Then during our final conversation I say ‘i just want to love fully and be loved fully’ he says he cant give me that? WHY string me along for so long then. Just communicate ffs if you’re falling out of love. It was a mutual break up. I miss him so much and im still completely in love with him. I keep reminding myself of why i left in the first place though. His final comments did really damage my self esteem, like a final blow. But im getting better

He told people it was mutual at the start, he was waving at me and saying hello but I stopped reciprocating that because i thought it was a bit strange pretending. Despite the fact it WAS a mutual breakup and he said he wanted this, a month or so after he was telling people ‘things are hard after the breakup, i didnt want this she ended it with me’. Cool. Nice lie. 

! He seems to be doing absolutely fine, going out all the time, meeting and following loads of girls. I can’t even talk to a man still. I did so much for him and loved him so so so deeply, yet he walked away like i was worth nothing. Ill get better with time, ive removed him from everything and deleted all social media until i feel well again. Im just bored of feeling such pain still after 2 months. I feel as if i regret it because our good times were incredible. First love however. Itll pass I suppose.