Is it cool to ask your new date how they feel about things, and how soon should you ask?

[Newtodating1963]

Hi, as a newbie to dating, having been in a long term marriage up until 9 months ago, I have a certain amount of questions. I've recently met a lovely lady and things seem to be going fine, we've been on one date and spent a day with her, so it's all very new, but for my own reassurance it would be nice to know how she's feeling. So I was wondering when is it cool to ask, I don't want to look like I have doubts or seem insecure etc.

[Gaeta]

You do not ask at this point. If she accepts your dates invitations then she likes you enough to seek your presence. Women's romantic interest  grow over a few dates so asking this type of question early can interfere with her process.

Be patient and don't speed up the process.

You have a date planned for the weekend? 

[Weezy1973]

How did you meet? If you met through online dating, I’d say it’s too soon to ask, or even be too worried about things. Just try to get to know her. You don’t even know if the two of you are a good match at this point so worrying about what she thinks isn’t even relevant. You don’t know what you think yet!

 

[Newtodating1963]

Hiya, ok, thank you, yeah we met online, I was just thinking if I knew how she felt,  it help me feel more certain myself... but no problem, if all I'm doing is getting to know her then fine, that sounds good to me, thank you... 

 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Newtodating1963 said:

we've been on one date and spent a day with her, so it's all very new, but for my own reassurance it would be nice to know how she's feeling. 

How can she answer this after 2 dates and a week of dating? Please try to relax and get to know her. Take her out on dates. Plan fun things together. 

[Newtodating1963]

Ah right, thank you Gaeta, it is a bit of a learning curve for sure... no dates planned this weekend as we're both busy, but meeting this afternoon, and she asked me if I wanted to meet up which is great!!

 

[Newtodating1963]

Hi Wiseman, thank you... I do tend to overthink things, which doesn't help, I will try to relax and go with the flow etc... thanks for the advice. Unfortunately I don't have a big sister to ask about this sort of thing 

[Gaeta]

2 hours ago, Newtodating1963 said:

Ah right, thank you Gaeta, it is a bit of a learning curve for sure... no dates planned this weekend as we're both busy, but meeting this afternoon, and she asked me if I wanted to meet up which is great!!

 

That IS great! Don't you see her actions show she has a high interest in you? If she didn't she'd let you do all the work. She is reciprocating! 

[Newtodating1963]

Ahh great, yeah thank you... it's such early days, I'm trying to stay calm and just go with the flow... 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Newtodating1963 said:

... no dates planned this weekend as we're both busy, but meeting this afternoon, and she asked me if I wanted to meet up which is great!!

Try to plan and schedule fun dates. Make sure you are proactive and not just camping at her  house and accepting but not extending invitations.  

[smackie9]

Ya don't ask, and you shouldn't need to ask. If she's excited about you she will tell you herself when she is ready. Slow your roll. Women don't like anxious/clingy men. 

[NuevoYorko]

15 hours ago, Newtodating1963 said:

Hi, as a newbie to dating, having been in a long term marriage up until 9 months ago, I have a certain amount of questions. I've recently met a lovely lady and things seem to be going fine, we've been on one date and spent a day with her, so it's all very new, but for my own reassurance it would be nice to know how she's feeling. So I was wondering when is it cool to ask, I don't want to look like I have doubts or seem insecure etc.

No,  please do not do that.  

You will need to let things develop.  If you ask her on a second date and she agrees to go, then you know that much about her feelings:  That she is interested enough to go on a second date with you.

If you ask for any further explorations of her feelings after one date, you run a significant risk of driving her off.  Many people would see that as a red flag.  

Let things be revealed as time goes on.

[Maldives]

19 hours ago, Newtodating1963 said:

Hi, as a newbie to dating, having been in a long term marriage up until 9 months ago, I have a certain amount of questions. I've recently met a lovely lady and things seem to be going fine, we've been on one date and spent a day with her, so it's all very new, but for my own reassurance it would be nice to know how she's feeling. So I was wondering when is it cool to ask, I don't want to look like I have doubts or seem insecure etc.

Yep way too soon. Give ait a few months at least. If she is feeling it she will at some stage let you know and you can also know she's interested if there's a second and especially third date and then more. Asking her how she feels now is just going to put unnecessary pressure on her. In case she hasn't made up her mind or knows yet herself. I wouldn't bit too soon

[Alvi]

On 10/12/2023 at 3:04 AM, Newtodating1963 said:

Hi, as a newbie to dating, having been in a long term marriage up until 9 months ago, I have a certain amount of questions. I've recently met a lovely lady and things seem to be going fine, we've been on one date and spent a day with her, so it's all very new, but for my own reassurance it would be nice to know how she's feeling. So I was wondering when is it cool to ask, I don't want to look like I have doubts or seem insecure etc.

It's only been one date. She may not even know how she feels about you. Also, quite a lot of people are multidating and this is a new norm. So, don't hold it against her if you find out that she is still going on dates with other men. If she is talking to you and accepting your intimations to meet, that means she is interested in you. Ask her out  (come up with a day/time/place to meet) and if she says "yes", interpret it as a good thing. It means that she would like to get to know you. But no, don't put her on a spot by asking what she is feeling. It's really a buzz kill that early on and like someone else said, could be seen as a red flag.

[Lotsgoingon]

Women show they like men by making themselves available for dates. That's the first thing in my experience as a guy. If she's making herself available for dates, she is interested in you. Now this ealr interest could just be curiosity and openness to finding out more about you. Some women give themselves a little time to see if romantic feelings will emerge.

Sounds to me like there isn't much flirting going on between you. You spend time with her, she makes herself available and yet something is missing. Sounds like the flirty energy is missing. Now, that's not your fault necessarily or hers. In my view if two people can't get to flirting, can't get their hands on each other (consensually) then they am not right for each other. 

Now one thing to ask is NOT what she's feeling. But what are YOU feeling? If a woman is into me on a date, I will feel it. If she's interested in me and I'm interested in her, then there will be a certain excitement-nervousness, a happy, thrilling nervousness, in the air and in our interactions. 

Where I struggled with dating was I didn't know this: You can have perfectly pleasant date (or multiple dates) with someone who is warm and good looking and open--and yet there ain't no chemistry, no charge between you. I wonder if that's what you're experience. 

The fact that you don't know what's going on ... I'm going to guess that that means there isn't much going on. Doesn't sound like you're feeling much. Women tend to speak quite plainly when they like a guy in a romantic way. They'll say with a lot of enthusiasm and a smile at the end of a date, "that was so great" or "I had a fabulous time." Or they'll make very clear that they would love to see you again. 

I'm going to guess that you guys aren't holding hands, aren't hugging and so something is missing. 

 

[NuevoYorko]

It seems as if you've jumped ahead very swiftly.