Deepest_blu Posted October 5, 2023 Share Posted October 5, 2023 The long and short of it... I've been with someone for the better part of 4 years.. Naturally there have been some things that have come up in during the course of this relationship that have made me question why I am still in it to begin with. For the most part we get along.. I can say without hesitation that we definitely care about each other but that's pretty much where it stops as we don't do what supposed normal couples or people in a relationship do, there is no intimacy or physical touch. Compliments and effort are one sided but these are things I've just become accustomed too.. On the way down from many of his benders I'm often begged not to leave him, I've contemplated that many times.. During these past few years I have given my all and tried.. Planned the suprise getaways, date nights, been his biggest cheerleader, been spontaneous only to be pushed away and told not now.. I'm not writing because I want someone to tell me to leave. I guess I am writing because I have never really told anyone this... We have spoken about emigrating.. It's been a dream for the both of us.. I work full time and study part time as well,so if we were to emigrate I'd be included in the process of the application as he is the more suitably qualified main applicant. As much as it pains me and no matter how horrible, I must forge on with this plan. Just a few more months of sticking it out till the mission is accomplished. Call me selfish, insensitive or just plain nasty... The plan must go on. I just needed to get that off my chest.. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 5, 2023 Share Posted October 5, 2023 Will you leave him after you both immigrate? What if he leaves you out of the application or finally tells you he doesn’t want you with him when he goes? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Deepest_blu Posted October 5, 2023 Author Share Posted October 5, 2023 I haven't given thought to whether I'd leave or not as I've been so focused on just getting there, but in all likelihood I would leave. We have an agreement in place, although he is the main applicant I have contributed monetarily to this and I am kept in the loop with all the information regarding the application. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 5, 2023 Share Posted October 5, 2023 You do what you have to do. Although I was always trained to do things of my own merit. You’re using him clearly if you’re not able to immigrate on your own. If he has a drinking problem with those “many benders” and is an alcoholic of course you already know his relationship is with alcohol and not with you. That is an addiction problem and he likely needs professional help. A relationship is never going to flourish that way. If he has addiction issues it’s likely he cannot regulate his relationships or views you the same way he does his substance abuse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 5, 2023 Share Posted October 5, 2023 You probably want to take a closer look at the immigration policies involved, perhaps with the help of an immigration adviser for your target country. In some cases your visa could be revoked if you leave, which would entrap you further as he can then hold that over your head. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BrinnM Posted October 5, 2023 Share Posted October 5, 2023 (edited) 4 hours ago, Deepest_blu said: We have an agreement in place, although he is the main applicant I have contributed monetarily to this and I am kept in the loop with all the information regarding the application. So this sounds like you both know that this relationship has come to and end, or will come to an end soon, once the mission is accomplished. I see nothing wrong with that. It’s only a few more months. After that - yes, you should definitely leave. There’s no reason to stay (I’m sure you’ve verified that this won’t jeopardize your immigration status). Other than the immigration process, there are no benefits involved for you. Not sure how he sees this, but it’s relatively irrelevant. If he still begs you to stay and to “forgive” him over and over again, then I’m assuming he’s trying to keep you involved as long as he possibly can. Maybe he thinks things will change once you’re settled in in the new country. Addicts are often delusional. Edited October 5, 2023 by BrinnM Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 5, 2023 Share Posted October 5, 2023 (edited) Without knowing which country you're wanting to emigrate to and their immigration laws, we cannot begin to answer the discussion of what happens if you leave him after arriving. I suggest you speak to an immigration lawyer who knows the rules of the country you're wanting to live in Edited October 5, 2023 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Deepest_blu Posted October 6, 2023 Author Share Posted October 6, 2023 4 hours ago, basil67 said: Without knowing which country you're wanting to emigrate to and their immigration laws, we cannot begin to answer the discussion of what happens if you leave him after arriving. I suggest you speak to an immigration lawyer who knows the rules of the country you're wanting to live in I've consulted with an immigration adviser to make sure everything is covered.. His occupation allows for a straight to residence visa and the same would be granted to me.. Once it is issued the residence status does not change. That said, I don't think it would not be wise of me to just get there and leave. It might raise a few eyebrows so I'd have to keep this up for a bit once there too and then leave. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 6, 2023 Share Posted October 6, 2023 Why is it so important to you to migrate to that country with a man you no longer want to be with or are married to? Is it to try to hold onto him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 7, 2023 Share Posted October 7, 2023 On 10/7/2023 at 1:45 AM, stillafool said: Why is it so important to you to migrate to that country with a man you no longer want to be with or are married to? Is it to try to hold onto him? Probably moving from a third world to a first world country. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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