Are women more likely to be openly affectionate?

[FMW]

I was thinking about it this weekend.  I notice that women often reach out and touch their partner in public, take their hand, etc. but fewer men have the same tendencies, or at least not to the same extent.  Usually the men seem to happily accept the contact,  they just don't initiate it.  

My guy told me at the beginning of our relationship that my being tactile was something he really liked about me.  I can tell that he enjoys it when I make contact and he's responsive to my touch, but he doesn't initiate it as often as I do, either in public or private.  To clarify, any public touching is limited and doesn't cross the line of propriety.

Of course everyone is different, but do you think initiating affectionate physical contact (not sexual contact) is more of a woman thing in established relationships?  

 

 

[basil67]

No, I don't think it's a predominately woman thing at all.  When my daughter was dating, there were plenty of young men who wanted to simply touch her arm, or her hand or leg.  They were much more platonically affectionate than she was and sometimes she'd have to have discussions with them about giving her some personal space

Also, I have two bonded male quaker parrots.  I've often joked that one of them is like the boyfriend who can't stop cuddling up next to his partner

 

Edited October 2, 2023 by basil67

[Alpacalia]

I really think it depends on the person. For me, opposite, I would say my partner is more the one who initiates affectionate physical contact more often. But for other couples, it could go either way. My ex used to drive me batty sometimes because he was always initiating physical contact like hand holding, hugging, etc., and I'm a bit more reserved about that stuff. So it really depends on the individual.

I am more likely to express my love through deeds rather than constant touch. I guess I save the touchy-feely stuff for more private moments.

[Wiseman2]

30 minutes ago, FMW said:

  I can tell that he enjoys it when I make contact and he's responsive to my touch, but he doesn't initiate it as often as I do, either in public or private.  

It seems more like his particular personality than a gender difference. If it's not bothering you or him, just enjoy things. 

[glows]

Most of the relationships have been with people who are much more physically demonstrative/affectionate. These were predominantly men. The only times I’ve felt instinctively, physically affectionate are with my dogs.

[FMW]

Before 50, and before my divorce, I was certain that I was NOT a physically affectionate person.  I didn't think about this when I posted my question, and I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I was kind of turned off by my ex-husband's desire to hold hands or kiss in public.  I also don't remember being publicly affectionate with guys I dated prior to getting married.  I truly thought it just wasn't in my nature.  I guess that's why it has made me wonder how others see this topic.

I'm happy with the dynamic in my relationship now.  I like being affectionate and my guy has brought it up on his own that he likes that about me.  It's not that he never reaches out and grabs my hand, or puts his hand on my leg when we're sitting next to each other, it's just that I do it more frequently.  I think I probably prefer it that way - I wouldn't want our positions to be flipped.   

I noticed one of our couple friends Saturday night seem to have the same kind of dynamic.  I know the guy of the couple is crazy about her,  and I know my guy loves me, so I don't see it as a sign of a lack of caring, and I'm certain she doesn't either.  

As suggested, I think it probably IS a personality thing, not about gender.  Now that I'm thinking about it more I realize I do know couples where the men are the ones reaching out to make contact.

The parrot example was sweet.  I have two cats, one male, one female.  The male is constantly following me around and sleeps curled up on me or next to me every night.  The female cat kind of does her own thing  

Thanks for the input everyone.

[stillafool]

12 hours ago, FMW said:

but do you think initiating affectionate physical contact (not sexual contact) is more of a woman thing in established relationships? 

No,  My husband is very affectionate with me in public.  He will grab my hand as soon as we get out of the car and start walking.  He puts his arm around me, and kisses my forehead.  I love it.

[Els]

I think it's just an individual thing. Some people have physical affection as a love language, some don't. For H and I, it's probably equal - we both initiate physical affection, but we also don't go further than hugging/holding hands in public. While kissing in public is probably not "wrong" per se, it's not our thing.

[mark clemson]

It's a bit hard to generalize. I HAVE noticed (occasionally) younger couples where the guy can't seem to leave his hand off her backside. Seems like it would be a bit much after a while.

Overall for more normal levels of this,I think there's a lot of factors involved - e.g. current mood, setting, how the people feel about the relationship, their views on what's appropriate for PDAs, etc, etc.

[LuckyM]

This is a cultural and personal choice. In the old days, men were grabby (and some still are) and kissy

and were told to back off. Now it is altogether different with no generalizations possible. IMO