Wiseman2 Posted January 1 Share Posted January 1 2 hours ago, lovesfool said: . It was entirely by chance where he was visiting my city and we just happened to get chatting. I didn't even realise he was a possible romantic interest until a year later. That's ok. You've been talking a long time. You're both used to it. It's just that you mentioned he seems to want more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted January 1 Share Posted January 1 3 hours ago, lovesfool said: I feel like everything I say on this forum is interpreted as having some very deep meaning! Really? I'm reading your words and not "interpreting" much. For example: Quote I just worry about hurting him. He seems to be falling hard for me and my energy is not matching his. He tells me he is really missing me right now and if I'm honest, I don't exactly "miss" him. That pretty much spells it out that you do not want him closer than he is right now. Which is very far away. And you're good with it. No criticism, except that if you're honestly concerned that you're hurting him and he's more into you than you're into him, you might not be behaving in a very honorable way. As I said, having basically a convenient "chat buddy" without the less convenient parts of a day in, day out, in person relationship is a good situation for some people - but they need to have a partner with the same ideas about that. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 (edited) If we are interpreting things, perhaps incorrectly, such is the nature of an online message board. As was said above, you returned to this board musing that he wanted more from this relationship and worried that you were in a way misleading him - because you were happy with the current state. If that’s the case, as I said in response to your first post, all you can do is communicate your expectations and your wants/needs for the relationship - if that doesn’t work for him, it is his responsibility to say something. This works, as long as it works for both of you and when it doesn’t, one of you will make a different decision. There will need to be an end game, because very few people would be happy with this level of commitment long term… but, considering that you just met the man, you are far from that point now. The future of this relationship will reveal itself with time… Edited January 2 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovesfool Posted January 3 Author Share Posted January 3 On 1/1/2024 at 11:02 PM, NuevoYorko said: Really? I'm reading your words and not "interpreting" much. For example: That pretty much spells it out that you do not want him closer than he is right now. Which is very far away. And you're good with it. No criticism, except that if you're honestly concerned that you're hurting him and he's more into you than you're into him, you might not be behaving in a very honorable way. As I said, having basically a convenient "chat buddy" without the less convenient parts of a day in, day out, in person relationship is a good situation for some people - but they need to have a partner with the same ideas about that. Sorry, you might be misunderstanding me! I am worried that he might be able to fall deeply for me in a long distance situation where I feel I would need to be in close, physical contact on a regular basis to get the same feeling. That doesn't mean that I don't want him closer. Far from it. On 1/2/2024 at 12:56 PM, BaileyB said: If we are interpreting things, perhaps incorrectly, such is the nature of an online message board. As was said above, you returned to this board musing that he wanted more from this relationship and worried that you were in a way misleading him - because you were happy with the current state. If that’s the case, as I said in response to your first post, all you can do is communicate your expectations and your wants/needs for the relationship - if that doesn’t work for him, it is his responsibility to say something. This works, as long as it works for both of you and when it doesn’t, one of you will make a different decision. There will need to be an end game, because very few people would be happy with this level of commitment long term… but, considering that you just met the man, you are far from that point now. The future of this relationship will reveal itself with time… As above, it's not that I don't want more from it. It's that I worry that he's able to feel more from a remote situation than I am. I would obviously prefer it if we were both closer together. I did have a brief chat with him by chance on not seeing each other very regularly and what that would mean in the long run. He said he had already thought about getting a more remote-working friendly job where he could potentially stay with me for longer periods of time. That would be great if possible as we could really get to experience being in a "normal" relationship without the big commitment of moving abroad. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 ^^ Sounds like a good solution. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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