Weird relationship

[goldenjk9]

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 months He's 3 years older than me (he’s 22 and I’m 19) so he's busy between, work, college, and a lot of family issues and I'm also in college. Usually we try to see each other once or twice a week, depending on he's schedule and his availability.

Now it has been a whole month since we last saw each other. I mean that's a lot. I understand that he has to deal with a lot of things but an entire month? And it's not like he compensates through text. No No no. He usually takes at least an hour to respond. The worst thing that he does, is that he often takes an entire 24h to respond to a single text. So when I want to discuss something important, he takes so much time to respond that I finally give up and not in the mood to talk about it.

We were supposed to see each other but he got called in for work so we had to cancel. What surprised me is that he didn't even try to reschedule another date and I feel like if I don't do it, he will not actually propose something. I would really like to talk about it with him but I don't know why I just can’t do it Am I being too much? lately I kinda broke up with my him. We dated four months. However, during the whole summer we couldn’t see each other at all. I tried to make plans but it was worthless or there was always something that prevented us to see each other. Recently as a joke, I said that our relationship was over. at first he didn’t take it seriously, neither did i but later on, I kind of was serious but not really because I didn’t really wanted to break up. I mean it was not the goal of the text. so after I said that he was like “well why I treated you so good like what would you want to break up etc.” As a joke, I said, “did you really?”   

After this message is responses were kind of weird like I don’t know how to explain. He was not really replying to my texting anymore. And I was kind of offended because he didn’t even bother to ask why I wanted to break up. He just said OK or if I remember correctly, he said I understand. So I was kinda hurt. So I said “ you don’t even wanna know why I want to break up?” And he said “ I think I know why” so I just said, “so what is it according to you?” He Never really replied after that.

On the other hand, I didn’t always thought about it but like I wanted to break up with him, but kind of not too. so I prepared a text in my notes , where I explained what was going through my mind and what I didn’t like about our relationship, that I hope that I will be able to send him someday but I didn’t have enough courage to send it. After that last message, that last text, I decided that it was the right moment to send it and I did and every since he never really responded I was still left on delivered so I don’t know if he saw it but I’m pretty sure he did but just didn’t reply to me. And recently, I remembered that I gave him my favorite book so I asked him if he could give it back to me because it’s actually very precious to me. So he asked me when and I gave him a day and since then he haven’t been responding.
what should I do? Was it too immature of me

Edited September 23, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately he's simply not that interested. No one is too busy for what interests them. Cut your losses and move forward. It's frustrating to chase uninterested guys and manipulation such as breakup threats etc. doesn't really help matters.

Enjoy campus life more and get involved in socializing and other events and campus activities. You could also get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting interested men.

[stillafool]

He wanted you to break up with him and was probably expecting it to come a lot sooner than it did.  You were hardly seeing him enough to call him a boyfriend.  Date boys who show a clear interest in you by staying in contact and asking you out.

[glows]

Did you live in different towns or cities and towns who is driving if so? I’d like a few more details. Was the summer ever long distance or any part of the relationship long distance? I ask because 19-22 is a common age for couples to be separated for schooling. Why would he say he treated you so well? The likelihood so much delusion is clustered in one individual is rare. The average person wouldn’t say that if they know they’ve been distant and disinterested.

It’s not working unfortunately and, no, you are not immature for prioritizing your needs. If you need quicker responses (most would) and a more present partner then you did the right thing. 

[goldenjk9]

19 minutes ago, glows said:

Did you live in different towns or cities and towns who is driving if so? I’d like a few more details. Was the summer ever long distance or any part of the relationship long distance? I ask because 19-22 is a common age for couples to be separated for schooling. Why would he say he treated you so well? The likelihood so much delusion is clustered in one individual is rare. The average person wouldn’t say that if they know they’ve been distant and disinterested.

It’s not working unfortunately and, no, you are not immature for prioritizing your needs. If you need quicker responses (most would) and a more present partner then you did the right thing. 

Me live in the same city but in different municipalities we’re about an hour from each other 

there was no long distance throughout the relationship we met in the beginning of summer and never did after that 

at the beginning of the relationship and even before, we met at least once a week

[ShyViolet]

This guy is not interested in you and this relationship sounds completely dead.  Stop trying to force it to work and just end it for good.  Find someone else to date who is actually excited to be with you.  Why would you keep chasing after a guy who isn't interested in you, at age 19.  The world is your oyster and there are so many other great people out there.

[glows]

4 hours ago, goldenjk9 said:

Me live in the same city but in different municipalities we’re about an hour from each other 

there was no long distance throughout the relationship we met in the beginning of summer and never did after that 

at the beginning of the relationship and even before, we met at least once a week

Sorry to hear this as it does seem like he was drifting away and knew why you were unhappy. He just didn’t want to change things. In other words he wasn’t interested enough in you and the relationship to see you more often or be with you or reply to your texts. He slowly ghosted you and avoided any confrontation so stopped replying and gave minimal effort. 

You broke it off and I think it’s the most sane and reasonable thing to do considering he just wasn’t present. Take a breather from dating and get over this guy. Put this in your past. Figure out clearly what matters to you in a relationship and don’t be afraid to find that in someone else.

[Katie Hall]

It sounds like the guy may have been sending signals that he wasn't fully committed to the relationship, and he might have expected the breakup to happen sooner. You weren't spending a lot of time together, and it's important to be with someone who shows a genuine interest in being a part of your life. It's a good idea to date people who make an effort to stay in touch and ask you out on dates. You deserve someone who values and appreciates you. Remember that there are people out there who will truly cherish your company and make you feel special. Keep your heart open to those who genuinely want to be a part of your life. You deserve happiness and a fulfilling relationship.

[Gaeta]

On 9/23/2023 at 9:18 AM, goldenjk9 said:

I gave him my favorite book so I asked him if he could give it back

Was this book given to you by someone special? is it autographed by the author? If not, then you should forget about it. It's just a book and you can replace it. Leave everything behind it will liberate you. Move forward.

[Versacehottie]

I think it's easy to concentrate on the emotional and negative stuff...but put that to the side for just a minute...what if no negative emotions are attached to it? Like forget that perhaps you're angry or feel misunderstood or dismissed for a minute. If you take the recent events away and just think about the relationship itself, and what is happening when things are "good", sounds like he still doesn't have time to see you, spend time with you or prioritize a relationship--any relationship. I think if you take the emotional part out of it, ie whenever there is a disagreement or issue in a relationship, it's human nature to want it to be resolved.  But if that hadn't happened, just being realistic, you aren't getting "enough" from this relationship to make you happy and it's just causing negative emotions and hurt feelings as a result. 

What I think will happen if you two concentrate on the disagreement or fight, is that you will or might make up and things will be good/fine/ok for a while and then it will slip right back into the dynamic you've been having. He won't have enough time to see you, etc. 1 hour apart is far away if you are busy college students with jobs, school, and friends & family. If I were in your shoes, I would probably just try to look at it more neutrally and say he doesn't have enough time to offer me. It's not about him being a bad person or us not being right for each other (ie we can't even test that bc of how infrequently we spend time together). Whenever you let someone go by being less emotional about it, it is much easier. Like look at the big picture of the relationship. Also IMO, you are then effectively saying "we don't have time for each other now but if things change in the future, who knows".  Rather than stay in the relationship and keep banging your head against a wall and being unhappy, creating animosity.  If he's 22, he's almost done with school right? I wouldn't wait for him at all bc he might have growing up, etc to do.  Also you usually make more of an impact with people when you don't blame "him" but the situation, ie "neither of us have enough time to make this work" vs "you are a bad boyfriend". If you let it go under those conditions there is a chance in the future as well as you won't carry the hurt into your ability to date others or enjoy your life. Good luck

Edited October 6, 2023 by Versacehottie