I met him last October, but.

[1mikekilo]

I'm unsure if this falls under Breaks and Breaking Up, but here it goes.

I was placing my duffel overhead when he made eye contact. When I got to our row, he asked if I wanted my window seat. I told him to keep it, saying I saw what I needed. I took the middle seat. No one claimed the seat to my left.

We looked around the cabin. I asked, "If you've seen everything, why are you looking around?" He laughed. We talked about his being in North Carolina for a work trip and me for school. I asked if he wanted to see pictures from my brother's wedding. When we got to mine, he said, "Beautiful."

I told him I'd been up since 2 a. m., so he said, "You must be tired." I leaned away, and in the process of dozing off, his arm rested on mine. Half awake, I heard the refreshment cart, saw the flight attendant nod and walk off, and figured he waved him off.

I awoke when the captain said we were landing. I asked him why it took so long to deplane. He told me we arrived 1 hour early. I asked if he wanted to keep in touch. He said he wasn't on Facebook. I grew quiet. He said he was on LinkedIn, introduced himself, walked me through setting it up and adding him, and asked if I wanted him to grab my duffel.

I lost him, walked to the terminal, and looked up at my university's ad and down to see him staring at me with a straight face in silence. I told him, "I'll see you in LinkedIn."

In December, I gave him my number. He didn't give his and flirted. Like, what? His hometown made the news for its snow. I asked if he was ok and said, "I can't see myself living there because of the snow." I last heard from him in January. He didn't reply in February and searched for me in August.

I realized I said something rude without thinking in December. On September 7, I apologized for my ignorant unable-to-live-in-Buffalo comment and said I'd never seen winter there nor visited since I was a kid. On September 15, I saw I was short one connection, and I'm not familiar with LinkedIn, but he either hibernated or closed his account. I'm unsure what to do or think.

[NuevoYorko]

???  I'm not sure what to think either.  You came on to a guy on a plane - bold move, sitting next to him when there was an open seat between you.   You fell asleep and his arm touched yours.  You signed up on LInkedin to be in touch with him but only had about 3 minimal contacts.

I'm not even getting the idea that you had a real conversation at any time.

What do you expect should be happening out of this?   

[1mikekilo]

6 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

???  I'm not sure what to think either.  You came on to a guy on a plane - bold move, sitting next to him when there was an open seat between you.   You fell asleep and his arm touched yours.  You signed up on LInkedin to be in touch with him but only had about 3 minimal contacts.

I'm not even getting the idea that you had a real conversation at any time.

What do you expect should be happening out of this?   

We talked all throughout October, November, and December.

Good question, what did he and I expect to happen? I talked to a friend and pointed out to her that neither one of us figured out where we hoped choosing to keep in touch would lead us.

Plus, he's had since February to fall off the face of the earth and he chooses *now* to do so? Weird.

[Alpacalia]

Sounds like you had a lovely connection with this individual, but unfortunately, it appears that your conversation may have gone off track in December. Unfortunately, it’s hard tell what might have happened from this distance, but it looks like things have gone silent.

Since it appears that your conversation has gone silent, I suggest that you give him space and respect and simply move on. It doesn’t appear that there is any need to reach out again, as he has clearly made his choice and is likely not interested in continuing the conversation.

[1mikekilo]

11 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Sounds like you had a lovely connection with this individual, but unfortunately, it appears that your conversation may have gone off track in December. Unfortunately, it’s hard tell what might have happened from this distance, but it looks like things have gone silent.

Since it appears that your conversation has gone silent, I suggest that you give him space and respect and simply move on. It doesn’t appear that there is any need to reach out again, as he has clearly made his choice and is likely not interested in continuing the conversation.

Yes, it is hard to tell what might have happened with the distance (damn distance), but I think my airheaded unable-to-live-in-Buffalo-and-snow comment either creeped him out or he read that as, "I don't see myself with you." A guy friend told me that line shouldn't deter a guy from talking to a woman. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Why wait until *now* to fall off the face of the earth when he's had since December to?

I sometimes wonder if it'd make any difference if we were in the same area.

Edited September 18, 2023 by 1novalima

[Alpacalia]

2 minutes ago, 1novalima said:

Yes, it is hard to tell what might have happened with the distance (damn distance), but I think my airheaded unable-to-live-in-Buffalo-and-snow comment either creeped him out or he read that as, "I don't see myself with you." A guy friend told me that line shouldn't deter a guy from talking to a woman. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Why wait until *now* to fall off the face of the earth when he's had since December to?

I sometimes wonder if it'd make any difference if we were in the same area.

Well.

Maybe he is the type of person who likes a "mystery woman" and the lack of physicality played up an air of enigma or intrigue initially.

The Buffalo comment could have also been taken as "you are too high maintenance for me" and so he thought it best to back off. Or, maybe he just wasn't that into you and the conversation was just too hard to keep up with.

Unfortunately, without being able to talk to him to get a direct response you may never truly know what happened. My advice would be to not overthink it and move on with other potential dating possibilities. If he's interested, he'll find a way to come back in the picture.

[1mikekilo]

24 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Well.

Maybe he is the type of person who likes a "mystery woman" and the lack of physicality played up an air of enigma or intrigue initially.

The Buffalo comment could have also been taken as "you are too high maintenance for me" and so he thought it best to back off. Or, maybe he just wasn't that into you and the conversation was just too hard to keep up with.

Unfortunately, without being able to talk to him to get a direct response you may never truly know what happened. My advice would be to not overthink it and move on with other potential dating possibilities. If he's interested, he'll find a way to come back in the picture.

I hope he enjoys his space and will maybe come back when he's ready.

It's pretty drastic to either hibernate or close his account over my apology, geez.

[Alpacalia]

17 minutes ago, 1novalima said:

I hope he enjoys his space and will maybe come back when he's ready.

It's pretty drastic to either hibernate or close his account over my apology, geez.

I wouldn't give it that much thought. He is someone that had a few brief interactions on the platform and met for a couple hours on a plane. He's not that important to your life.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, 1novalima said:

It's pretty drastic to either hibernate or close his account over my apology, geez.

It likely has nothing to do with you. 

 My sense is that you are attaching a lot more importance to these random interactions than he is. I wouldn't presume that he is affected by your comments at all. However, it woud be wise of you to forget this guy. He isn't exactly a dating prospect and doesn't seem interested in keeping a connection going. 

[basil67]

If your December comment had upset him, he would have ditched you in December.   I think that perhaps you were simply a lovely holiday friend.  It's not uncommon to meet someone when travelling who are part of our lives only in that one time and place.  

Trying to keep in contact was nice, but there just wasn't enough interest on his end to make it something more

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, 1novalima said:

. I asked if he wanted to keep in touch.  I'm not familiar with LinkedIn, but he either hibernated or closed his account. I'm unsure what to do or think.

It seems like a chance encounter on a plane trip. It seems he blocked you. There's no point staying in touch with someone you had some chitchat with on a flight.

[Ray_xx]

6 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

???  I'm not sure what to think either.  You came on to a guy on a plane - bold move, sitting next to him when there was an open seat between you.   You fell asleep and his arm touched yours.  You signed up on LInkedin to be in touch with him but only had about 3 minimal contacts.

I'm not even getting the idea that you had a real conversation at any time.

What do you expect should be happening out of this?   

Exactly what I am thinking..

[JTSW]

I think you read it all wrong.

He wasn't interested, he was just being polite.

Nothing more.

[1mikekilo]

8 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

???  I'm not sure what to think either.  You came on to a guy on a plane - bold move, sitting next to him when there was an open seat between you.   You fell asleep and his arm touched yours.  You signed up on LInkedin to be in touch with him but only had about 3 minimal contacts.

I'm not even getting the idea that you had a real conversation at any time.

What do you expect should be happening out of this?   

Technically, the dude stole my seat, so I was in the right area, according to my boarding pass. Thanks.

[1mikekilo]

2 hours ago, JTSW said:

I think you read it all wrong.

He wasn't interested, he was just being polite.

Nothing more.

If that is the case, I don't need anyone to be polite to me. Politeness is only to an extent, and therefore, superficial.

[Ray_xx]

What is your question? the post describes a conversation on a plane? I don't understand.

[LynneVicious]

I wouldn’t overthink the comment about the snow being the end-all that made him go silent. I just don’t think he’s reciprocating interest or lost interest, and you’re confused/hurt about it. He did not  give you his number when you gave yours. This is an indication that the person is just not interested  

Rejection hurts. And when it happens, we sometimes try to come up with reasons or excuses on their behalf to feel better. 

The truth is usually: They lost interest or they weren’t that interested to begin with. A person who’s interested puts in the effort to speak to you and/or see you and  does the work. 

You might be better off blocking him so you don’t worry about whether he’s going to contact you or not. Good luck!

 

[stillafool]

8 hours ago, 1mikekilo said:

If that is the case, I don't need anyone to be polite to me. Politeness is only to an extent, and therefore, superficial.

You don't appreciate when people are being polite to you?

[NuevoYorko]

8 hours ago, 1mikekilo said:

Technically, the dude stole my seat, so I was in the right area, according to my boarding pass. Thanks.

No you weren't.  Your seat was the window seat.  He offered to give it to you.

 Sitting in the middle seat when there was an aisle seat open was pretty outrageous, I can't even imagine how weird the guy must have felt even if you are a goddess.  I mean ... space, you know?    I would have moved.

Quote

 

If that is the case, I don't need anyone to be polite to me. Politeness is only to an extent, and therefore, superficial.

 

Politeness is important when, for example, you are required to interact with absolute strangers in situations such as close quarters on an airplane.  From my perspective you were impolite by sitting in the center seat when the aisle seat was available, but evidently he was okay with it or he would have moved.  Or, he was being polite - because just getting up and moving away may have come off as rude.  

Politeness eases all kinds of situations we encounter as we go through the days of our lives.  

In any case there was nothing going on in what you've described that showed any type of interest.  Sorry that your interest was not reciprocated, but it happens to all of us sooner or later.  

[Alvi]

He is probably not single or not interested. Or anything in between. I would not give this much thought.

20 hours ago, 1mikekilo said:

In December, I gave him my number. He didn't give his and flirted.

I would assume that he is not single since he didn't give you his number. You mean flirting as in sexting or talking about anything sexual? A lot of taken/married men flirt with women they hardly know. It is usually goes nowhere and means absolutely nothing to them.

[ExpatInItaly]

15 hours ago, 1mikekilo said:

If that is the case, I don't need anyone to be polite to me. Politeness is only to an extent, and therefore, superficial.

Would you rather he have been rude?

I don't get what you are upset about. 

[JTSW]

The bottom line here is, you came on a little too strong.

He wasn't interested and was just being polite.