butterfingerbbz Posted September 11, 2023 Share Posted September 11, 2023 (edited) My girlfriend and I will be taking a road trip to visit her parents who live out of state, which we’ve had planned for a couple of months. Her and her brother are close, and he asked if he could tag along. I have no problem with that, he’s a good guy and they have an overall great family. The problem is, her brother and dad smoke a lot of pot. We live in a state where pot is legal, but her parents live in a state where it’s still illegal, and her brother buys pot for their dad from our legal dispensaries. I’m concerned that he will be bringing pot with him, and driving with pot is a hard no for me. I support weed and partake in it myself from time to time, but I do not travel with it. Especially over the border into a state where it’s illegal. I have not brought this up with my girlfriend yet because I’m trying to think of a way to do it respectfully to where it won’t become an issue for this trip or cause any drama between us. I want her brother to come, and I’m happy for him to tag along, but I do not want to be in a car where he brings weed. I gave up that life over a decade ago. Her and I have great communication when it comes to our relationship, but I feel that she doesn’t like confrontation and the thought of her telling her brother he can’t bring weed will stress her out. Any ideas? Edited September 11, 2023 by butterfingerbbz Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 11, 2023 Share Posted September 11, 2023 8 minutes ago, butterfingerbbz said: I do not travel with it. Especially over the border into a state where it’s illegal. How long have you been dating? Try not to make it a personal or moral dilemma and stick to no illegal substances in your car. Your car, your responsibility, your rules. Hopefully she will understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author butterfingerbbz Posted September 11, 2023 Author Share Posted September 11, 2023 (edited) 9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: How long have you been dating? Try not to make it a personal or moral dilemma and stick to no illegal substances in your car. Your car, your responsibility, your rules. Hopefully she will understand. We’ve been dating for about 9 months and it’s been going really well. Lately we’ve become much more open in our communication and it feels very healthy. It won’t be my car, actually. It will be hers, though I’ll likely be driving. I can still potentially steer it away from a dilemma by explaining that this is a hard boundary for me in so much as I won’t travel in a vehicle with any quantity of pot. We took a road trip together earlier this summer where she suggested bringing some, and I explained the legal issue, and then found out after the fact that she had brought some just in case. A small quantity, but still… Edited September 11, 2023 by butterfingerbbz Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 11, 2023 Share Posted September 11, 2023 (edited) 34 minutes ago, butterfingerbbz said: We took a road trip together earlier this summer where she suggested bringing some, and I explained the legal issue, and then found out after the fact that she had brought some just in case. A small quantity, but still… Given that she's already shown that she will do whatever she wants regardless of whatever boundaries you express, you may as well work on the theory they will ignore your wishes and hide it in nooks and crannies of their luggage. So where does this leave you? Edited September 11, 2023 by basil67 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted September 11, 2023 Share Posted September 11, 2023 Do you have to go through border control? If not I wouldn't worry too much because it sounds like you're outnumbered, it's her car, and they're going to bring the pot regardless of what you say. Most hard-core potheads I know would chop off an arm and leave it at the border before they left their stash behind. Maybe just tell your girlfriend that she has to drive from the border onwards and make her responsible for the vehicle. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted September 11, 2023 Share Posted September 11, 2023 I agree here that there is actually nothing you can do. It's her car and they are going to bring pot if they chose to. As she has already gone against your wishes before about the same thing, she will definitely do it again. Are you sure this relationship is as healthy as you suggest it is? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 11, 2023 Share Posted September 11, 2023 (edited) 3 hours ago, butterfingerbbz said: then found out after the fact that she had brought some just in case Just in case what? She desperately needed to get high on the road? Edited September 11, 2023 by ExpatInItaly 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author butterfingerbbz Posted September 11, 2023 Author Share Posted September 11, 2023 (edited) There is no border patrol or anything of that nature, it’s just a matter of driving several hours to her parents’ house. She brought it with her before on a vacation we took and didn’t wind up using it. It’s also not an issue of he or them getting high on the road, it’s more an issue of it being brought at all. My thinking is that I can actually talk to her about it ahead of time and let her know how I feel and see how she reacts. Edited September 11, 2023 by butterfingerbbz Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted September 11, 2023 Share Posted September 11, 2023 5 minutes ago, butterfingerbbz said: My thinking is that I can actually talk to her about it ahead of time and let her know how I feel and see how she reacts. I feel you may just be wasting your time doing this. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 11, 2023 Share Posted September 11, 2023 10 minutes ago, butterfingerbbz said: . My thinking is that I can actually talk to her about it ahead of time and let her know how I feel and see how she reacts. Unfortunately it's her car and she's done this before. What exactly do you want to talk about? Not getting arrested if you got pulled over? Not delivering it to her parents? It seems like one of the purposes of the trip and the brother coming is specifically to transport it from a legal dispensary to a place where it's illegal and unavailable. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted September 11, 2023 Share Posted September 11, 2023 If they come on the trip, you can safely assume that they are going to bring pot with them whether or not you express your discomfort about it. Since it's her car, and let's say that she does all the driving, why are you so insistent that there can't be any pot brought on the trip? Are you afraid that if the car should happen to get pulled over and searched, you would get arrested? I am no expert in the law, but I would think that if it is not your car and you're not driving, and you're just a passenger, you wouldn't get arrested just because someone else in the car has pot. I personally think you are making too big a deal about this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 11, 2023 Share Posted September 11, 2023 Oh geeez just tell her that you are uncomfortable with the pot thing being in the car. I would just say, that if anything happens, he better take full responsibility. If it's in his possession, he goes to jail, you two go on your merry way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 11, 2023 Share Posted September 11, 2023 You claim it was a hard boundary for you but there were no consequences when she violated your wishes on the last trip. No matter what you say or do her & her brother will bring it with them on this trip. So if it's a hard boundary, this must be a 2 car trip (brother, sister & the pot in one car with you in your own car) or you gotta break up with her because her & her brother will have pot in that car. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted September 11, 2023 Share Posted September 11, 2023 https://www.google.com/search?q=Up+in+smoke%2C+the+marihjuana+truck&rlz=1C1CHZL_enAU734AU735&oq=Up+in+smoke%2C+the+marihjuana+truck&aqs=chrome..69i57.299538j1j15&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:cb785846,vid:_v39JQZ_tyw,st:0 You post brings this to mind Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 11, 2023 Share Posted September 11, 2023 10 hours ago, butterfingerbbz said: My thinking is that I can actually talk to her about it ahead of time and let her know how I feel and see how she reacts. Last time it happened, you talked about how you feel and she brought it anyway. This is your answer 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 11, 2023 Share Posted September 11, 2023 On that first trip she lied to you. She was not worried about hurting your feelings, right. You gave up that life 10 years ago, you don't want to be near it BUT you go ahead and date a woman that is a user AND lie about it. That being said, it's her car so her rules. You could ask her to be 'safe' by not carrying it in the car but that won't happen. She lied to you the first time around without the pot-heavily-addicted brother being involved. Your gf may have a bigger addiction than you think. Sure she did not use it but she needed the security of having it. Personally l would decline going on the trip. I would tell her l know she and her brother cannot have a pot-free trip so they can enjoy it together and you'll go next time with no pot involved. Don't bend your principals for someone that lied to you. 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted September 12, 2023 Share Posted September 12, 2023 18 hours ago, MsJayne said: Do you have to go through border control? If not I wouldn't worry too much because it sounds like you're outnumbered, it's her car, and they're going to bring the pot regardless of what you say. Most hard-core potheads I know would chop off an arm and leave it at the border before they left their stash behind. Maybe just tell your girlfriend that she has to drive from the border onwards and make her responsible for the vehicle. Since pot has bern legal in some states snd not in others, those ststes ehere it’s illegal has done border crossing checks. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted September 12, 2023 Share Posted September 12, 2023 This is a no brainer, your roadtrip, your rules. It's not a place to decide about marijuana legality, it's about keeping the rest of your passengers safe. Explain that to her. I know it might be difficult, but it's important to communicate this to her and her brother. If your girlfriend can't bring herself to tell her brother about the pot, then she can suggest alternate options such as her brother flying into town instead. That way he doesn't have to face the pressure of traveling with marijuana over the border, and everyone still gets to see her family. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted September 14, 2023 Share Posted September 14, 2023 Even if her brother wasn't travelling in the car, she will be and so will her pot. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 14, 2023 Share Posted September 14, 2023 (edited) On 9/11/2023 at 1:58 AM, butterfingerbbz said: , her brother and dad smoke a lot of pot. We live in a state where pot is legal, but her parents live in a state where it’s still illegal, and her brother buys pot for their dad from our legal dispensaries. Since it's her car, her brother and the one of the reasons for the trip is to transport pot, why not just bow out of this trip altogether? It seems like she and her brother make drug runs to deliver pot to their father so there's no reason whatsoever for you to tag along. Edited September 14, 2023 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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