lilmoma1973 Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 Where do i begin? Ok here goes my ss was caught yet again for the fourth time for viewing porn on my h's drop down screen .. I had known this for weeks and didn't say anything because i didn't think it would matter .. I was talking to h and casually asked h if he thought ss was still looking at porn and h said he didn't know i said well i did and h said why didn't i say anything till now!!!I said probably because you wouldn't believe it and you would let it go and i would have felt i was wasting my breath!! So dad calls ss in here and right before that my six yr old daughter says to dad " I seen boobs in your drop down the other day and i thought it was something i did and she was scared she was in trouble and h was furious so he called ss in the room ..He asked ss and he didn't deny it either ..He said promise i won't do it again !! H said insert name you have done this continually and you i say something and then you keep doing it!! He said dad i promise i won't do it again ...H asked him why he done it and ss said i was curious!!! I understand this as being curious and hormone raging he is 15 but it is starting to worry me that he is a little too curious and he will go do something with his g/f that i notice that they have really strong feelings for one another.. He says that ss is grounded from cell and house phone but we will see if that happens ..My h never sticks to what he says when it comes to ss and not so sure he will now if he does i will be really surprized!! My h became and dad at 17 and ss mom was 15 so he doesn't want this to happen to his son but i think he should have been a little more stricter on him before now!! SS has always pretty much done what he wanted and come and goes as he pleases!!! I have always been the one that stuck to what i said and tired being the parentall guidence as much as possible!! H on the other hand tries to be their friend and want them to like him more as a friend than be the ogore!! I think you can be their friend but you also need to be the parent as well!!! Who cares they don't like you now when they are older they will learn that it was for their own good... H did have the sex talk with him last night but will that be enough!!! I don't remember wanting to be sexual with anyone till i was 17 or 18 and i didn't lose my virginity till i was 19 .. H did say that the only time he will be able to use the computer will be when we are at home that will only be for projects and h said he will sit right by the computer ..H leaves ss at home alot when we go out ss doesn't go so that will be his opportunity and that is when he did it !! I know my h feels betrayed that he can't trust him anymore but i don't because i think ss is a little sneaky when it comes to the computer !! He thinks we are stupid and thinks it doesn't keep things like that but it does till you clear it!! I knew it wasn't h doing it because of the things he had searched for .. boobs,sex nude chicks .. I my h wanted to look up something it would be more graphic than that!!! What are we to do that we can't trust him ? Do you think him and his g/f have done things and we don't know or they are having thoughts? I am really concerned because he is good in sports and want to get a scholarship in football!! I don't want him to become a dad too early don't think he is responsible enough !! I am at my wits end with this teenager he is so defiant and doesn't think he needs rules or discipline for anything he does!! Sorry so long just wanted to see what people thought...
JadeStar Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 Hey lilmoma, yep those raging teenage hormones. Yes he will probably be curious thats human nature. Its also good that you all have told him he can only use the computer for school projects ect, and that you all will be right there with him when hes online, especailly after him doing this again. Also whenever you all know you will not be home or need to go out and you know he will be home by himself, either he needs to go with you all or you all can disenable the computer, shut the whole thing down etc. Hopefully that will help. Jade
Art_Critic Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 When I was growing up my brother and I shared a bedroom and we had trunks at the ends of our beds.. Naturally this is where we keep our penthouse/hustlers.. My Step mother found them and freaked. She had a talk with my dad about them and my dad sat us down and had a talk with us.. He explained that it is normal to want/read adult magazines and he didn't have a problem with that.. It is all about growing up.. ( almost every guy looked at his dads mag collection ) The issue he had with us was the fact that we had the porn in an area where my stepmother was able to see it..It was was disrespectful. He told us that by showing disrespepct for her in that manner was totaly out of line. He then asked us to make sure we lept our mags in a place that my stepmother wouldn't have to see it.. You can't stop it.. you just need to be able to control it and make him understand about how disrespectful it is. Mt dad was able to make the point with my brother and I and to this day I understand how disrespectful it is.
Author lilmoma1973 Posted November 9, 2005 Author Posted November 9, 2005 Thanks for your repliies JADESTAR and ART... Yeah he will not be left alone anymore especially here with the computer he either goes or it will be disabled!! My h told ss that what he was looking on the internet makes women be looked at as trash and be used like meat!! Women aren't just a piece of meat and that they need to be respected !! That was very disrespectful to any women and he couldn't believe he would do that !! He told him to look up the womens anatomy if you curious LOL !!
Outcast Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 It won't be the pictures that will get him to 'do something' with his gf. Don't think you're preventing that by stopping him from checking out porn on the computer. Long before porn, boys wanked off to the underwear ads in Sears catalogues. If you are worried about your ss engaging in sex, have that talk with him. Don't think you're dealing with it by targeting the porn.
Bam_Bam Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 You said this was not the first time and it was the 4th time. I see the parents at fault here. After the first time, you all should have put the boy under parental controls, or not have your screens up to where he could have had access to it when you all weren't home. I mean what do you expect from a teenager anyway? Besides he is gonna see porn reguardless. maybe not on the computer anymore but whose to say some of his friends don't have some porn mags at school or something. Also if he and his g/f want to have sex or explore each other, they are going too. I'm sure its a scary thought for any parent, but the truth is, it happens.
Author lilmoma1973 Posted November 10, 2005 Author Posted November 10, 2005 We had the talk with ss last night and explained that we not mad at you for being curious and having these feelings with your hormones but what we aremad about the fact that you said you wouldn't do it anymore and we trusted you!! You lost our trust and you have to learn the hard way.. He knows that we want him to be honest and upfront about sex and if he has a question he needs to ask ..He said he wouldn't make his g/f do have sex because he would be a afraid of losing her and he don't want to lose her!! He is really embarrassed about what he done and hope he is sincere with it!!! I don't think he is ready to have sex nor is she and he knows that!! He doesn't even want her to know that he looked at the porn!! He is afraid of losing her!!!They both have alot going for them he is captain of football team an wrestling !!She is captain of the cheerleading squad they have alot to offer in life and we emphasized that last night!!! We told him that he could still see her but they couldn't go to the movies or anywhere alone they will always be chaperoned and definitely wasn't going to his mom's he sad he understood and he will not do it again!! He is grounded from cell and house phone !! He only uses it for emergency like needing a ride !!!! My h said that the stuff on the internet makes women look like trash and nothing but a piece of meat !! H said women need to be respected and that shows no respect for woment the way porn is portrayed!!!! Thanks for all your advice !!
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