LostW/OHer Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 Hi I am new to this but have been lurking around for quite awhile. I am having a problem with my wife and am wondering what to do. About two months ago she told me she doesn't love me anymore. We have been married for two and a half years and together for 5. We just had a son 16 months ago and think that it could be part of the problem. I have not been living at home for her because she says she needs space. I hope that we can work this out. I think it is mainly because we are not where we want to be as far as life goes and she feels that i let her down. I have been trying very hard to make her happy while leaving her alone as much as i can. I have mentioned going to talk to someone but she doesn't want to. I will do anything to fix this.
JadeStar Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 Sounds like you are up for fixing this and thats great but it has to be the both of you for this to work. I'm sure you're aware of that. Since the child is 16 months, has she been acting like this since the child was born? If so might be possible post partum depression. Which in that case she needs to be seen by her doctor. If this is something that just recently started, then that would be a little more hard to say. Other than wanting her space, how else has she been acting? Did she feel maybe you weren't helping out with the baby as much? I think it was a good move for you to suggest talking with someone. Hopefully she will come around. Maybe someone else can offer you better advice, as I'm not sure what else to tell you. Hang in there. Jade
Author LostW/OHer Posted November 9, 2005 Author Posted November 9, 2005 I have really started helping out around the house and with the little one. I was helping before but not as much as she needed. She has built up resentment towards me and it started after he was born and she finally told me about it two months ago. She tells me i should have seen the signs and i don't know how to reply to that except that i wish i would have seen them. I know that there is no way to fix this quickly and i am can wait as long as there is a little hope.
JadeStar Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 Well since she told you that you should have seen the signs, you should have told her you're not a mind reader, and it might still be a good idea to tell her that. I think marriage counseling is the way to go. Someone that will help her learn to let go of some of that resentment. If this is really the only issue right now, this does sound like a fixable situation, however she has to want to try as well. Hopefully she will come around and want to do that. Jade
lilmoma1973 Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 She probably is mad because you weren't helping around the house and she is holding resentment..I know if my h don't help me with our daughter and things around the house and does whatever it makes me mad and i will hold some resentment to him.. My daughter had colic and i never got a break when she was a baby and i still hold resentment to my h because he acted like he didn't want to help out because i was nursing i done everything for her when she was a baby and still do and that is frustrating .. Having a new baby can be exhausting and her doing everything with the baby as well as cleaning makes it harder to deal with ..Please help her out let her take a nap while you watch the baby new mothers need all the rest they can get with getting up all hours of the night!!! Good luck
SILLYRABBIT Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 Hey there Lost, It sounds like you love your wife very much. Let me tell you about myself before I offer advice/encouragement. I am 30, wife 26, 3yr old son, 3 month old son. I love my wife very much also and would be lost without her. Having children was the most difficult change in our relationship that my wife and I had to ajust too. There were some very tough times after my first son for her emotionally. Women say their hormones are out of whack and that is soooo true, but I did not realize that until they balanced out again. I thought my wife was crazy and did not love me anymore also. Your wife may be like mine in that it takes longer to get back to normal than most. The exaustion is also a huge factor, these new moms give everything they have emotionally to their new children that there is nothing left for us. I was clueless with the first pregnancy/birth/and shortly after. I was a pro this time around and understood what was going on. You have all of the tools to get through this (Love). You should try and move back in and give all your energy to helping her out. Express your sencerity with a letter to her in the mailbox first. Sometimes the written word is taken to heart easily. Now is the most important time to show your wife how much she means to you. We just had a second baby 3 months ago, and her crazy emotions are gone, loving me again! Don't get me wrong, this pregnancy was a tough one, but I truly think that because I pitched in so much this time around it sped things up. Good luck, Silly
Author LostW/OHer Posted November 10, 2005 Author Posted November 10, 2005 Thanks for all the help. I will try to send her a letter in the mail. I do love her more then any thing in this world and will do anything to make her happy. I try to do anything and everything that i can around the house to help her and i watch our son six nights a week while she works. I think that this is part of the problem because for the past eight months we have spent little time together because i work during the day. I just hope and pray that we can work it out. But if being without me makes her happy i will give her that. Lost
lilmoma1973 Posted November 16, 2005 Posted November 16, 2005 Give her time maybe she will comearund and want to be with you again !! Hang in there you ever thought she might be going through some type of depression with having the baby and doing it all when you wasn't helping her out!! Women can hold resentment towards men for not meeting their emotional needs and maybe thats what it is and wants to go seperate ways maybe because you wasn't pulling your weight in the relationship and she was tired of doing it all and gave up!! Just my opinion
Author LostW/OHer Posted November 17, 2005 Author Posted November 17, 2005 I have been really tring lately to give her the space she needs and it seems she is a little more comfortable talking to me. She has never talked of divorce so that keeps me going. Only time will tell now. Thanks for all the advice.
cranium Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 About two months ago she told me she doesn't love me anymore.... I have not been living at home for her because she says she needs space. Could there be an OM? I would not rule out the possibility that she is interested in someone. The "needing space" and "doesn't love me anymore" are Red Flags to me. MW said she needed space after 15 years of marriage and two children. It wasn't for lack of me providing domestic support. I would not agree to move out. Turns out her A started not long before our youngest's 2nd b-day. Does she have a cell phone? I'd look at the bill. Email account you can check? Computer you can install a keylogger? I also think you should revisit marriage counseling. You guys have communication issues you need to work on. Like JadeStar said, neither of you are mind readers. How are you going to improve your communication skills if you are not living at home? Hang in there.
lilmoma1973 Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 I have been really tring lately to give her the space she needs and it seems she is a little more comfortable talking to me. She has never talked of divorce so that keeps me going. Only time will tell now. Thanks for all the advice. So glad to here that and im going to put why women leave article hope it helps keep up the good work!! http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8111_leave.html
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