Hot Coco Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 Rainy - what I was trying to say was that if you have contact with a person even if not sexual and they are in your heart and you find yourself thinking about that person in ways you shouldn't then that is in my opinion an emotional affair and is as bad as a physical one. That they are both as bad. My short comment probably didn't explain properly what I was trying to say, of course everyone can have private thoughts but an emotional affair goes further than that in level of feelings and that is wrong. It must be or those who didn't 'consumate' the affair wouldn't be on here voicing concerns. Good on those who had the good sense to not go further than an ea and I mean that sincerely, but it's only one small step (or should that be jump) away from a pa. Sure it is..but it's still a step NOT taken, if it's still an EA.
Lishy Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 Oh come on guys!!! The truth is that if you are seeing a married man then what do you have? You have a man who is a cheat and a liar, a man who isnt worth the drippings off the end of my nose! What can you hope for? If you dream of him leaving his wife and kids and marrying you, and you get your dream all you have done is open a mistress vacancy!! Get a man worth having! A man with morals and principles. And while you are at it get some morals and principles yourself and dont be messing with someone else's man! ....
Hot Coco Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 Oh come on guys!!! The truth is that if you are seeing a married man then what do you have? You have a man who is a cheat and a liar, a man who isnt worth the drippings off the end of my nose! What can you hope for? If you dream of him leaving his wife and kids and marrying you, and you get your dream all you have done is open a mistress vacancy!! Get a man worth having! A man with morals and principles. And while you are at it get some morals and principles yourself and dont be messing with someone else's man! .... I applaud you Lishy! Well said!
elmejor Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 Oh come on guys!!! The truth is that if you are seeing a married man then what do you have? You have a man who is a cheat and a liar, a man who isnt worth the drippings off the end of my nose! What can you hope for? If you dream of him leaving his wife and kids and marrying you, and you get your dream all you have done is open a mistress vacancy!! Get a man worth having! A man with morals and principles. And while you are at it get some morals and principles yourself and dont be messing with someone else's man! .... Oh, yawn...all this holier than thou crap, it's so boring. Yet, I'm compelled to address this yet again. I ask you Lishy,--hypothetically---not to be personal--but to illustrate a point-- if YOU remain with a husband who has another lover, what do YOU have? A man whom you no longer satisfy, frankly; a man who no longer loves you the way you think his should, which is to remain "faithful." (Like a dog?) Many times his lover is the woman he has longed for his entire life, the LOVE OF HIS LIFE, if you will. And YOU, the wife, are not the woman he loves any longer. Understand that anyone can lose their spouse to another woman at any time. Husbands do divorce their wives to be with the OW because they now love this woman, they don't love their wife anymore. The ex-husband often finds a very happy marriage with his former OW. This is difficult for the ex-wife to deal with, but really, do you want a husband who no longer loves you? Does the former OW want a man who was unfaithful to his wife? Yes, she does because this man now loves her. These two now love each other, and you have LOST to the OW. It is very much a competition, and you can lose, wife or not. Unfortunately, becoming a wife gives no magical abilities to control our spouse's emotions, nor to force all other women in the world to take a "hands off-he's married" approach to him. Marrying someone with the idea that this person is now under our supreme control forever--- and will never love any other woman but us, that's not only extremely arrogant, but stupid as well... P.S. This "someone else's man" comment. Please, give this ownership thing a rest. Yes, if I steal your car, you have a reason to complain to the police. If I kiss "your" husband, try filing a police report! Logic, ladies, please!
Outcast Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 Many times his lover is the woman he has longed for his entire life, the LOVE OF HIS LIFE, if you will Oh really? Then if you are so important to him, why does he not care enough to divorce his wife and stay with you, the 'love of his life'? Logic, ladies, please No, sorry. That's completely illogical. It's pretty sad to convince yourself that accepting the sloppy seconds - a coward who hasn't the intestinal fortitude to end a marriage and spend his full time with you but rather chooses to lie, cheat, and deceive you both is having some sort of romantic love affair. It's just pathetic and smarmy. THAT is the logical conclusion.
elmejor Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 Oh really? Then if you are so important to him, why does he not care enough to divorce his wife and stay with you, the 'love of his life'? No, sorry. That's completely illogical. It's pretty sad to convince yourself that accepting the sloppy seconds - a coward who hasn't the intestinal fortitude to end a marriage and spend his full time with you but rather chooses to lie, cheat, and deceive you both is having some sort of romantic love affair. It's just pathetic and smarmy. THAT is the logical conclusion. Sure...and marriage is the ultimate proof that two people are splendidly happy together. So, to "show the world" that the MM and OW have found true love in each other, they would need to become MARRIED to each other. Is this the limited mentality that some wives have? Many seem quite determined to hold onto the "cowardly, lying, deceiving cheats" don't they? Do you see how ridiculous this "logic" sounds? But, getting married "proves" that a man loves a woman. Maybe you are unaware that not all OW want to be married to the MM. So, your question is impertinent. As for your response to my interest in seeing some logic deployed here, maybe you could avoid taking my statements out of context when responding. My point here is that a marriage does not exist in a bubble, or a vacumn, is not guaranteed, and no one else in the world will have the deep and unwavering faith in your marriage that you might have. And please, falling in/out of love with people other than one's spouse is not the evil, vile deed worthy of such hateful commentary as I've read here. (Isn't this the OM/OW board?) No marriage is perfect and some do end due to infidelity. Given the mean and hateful attitudes of some of the wives who post here, can one blame some of these men for straying? I mean, really. Do any of them see the over-the-top rationalizing they are using? This whole idea of, "if he isn't faithful to ME and stops loving ME, I deem him as no longer suitable for any other woman." The arrogance is unreal. Cheat! Liar! Deceiver! (Damn, I could use a trombone right now) Really, it just seems counterproductive to be posting on a forum like this at all hours of the day and night, attacking OW. I want to say if they're here constantly, do they think for one minute it's going to help their marriages? I don't know, it just seems like they would want to spend more time with their husbands, so the husbands don't leave them for other women.
Hot Coco Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 What a rant! Truly sad. It amazes me how people can justify their crazy way of thinking (twisted logic). Are you angry because your MM won't commit to you? Perhaps you're not what he's looking for in a wife. I don't know what kind of men you run across but some men really do take their vows seriously and really do love the women they married. And vows mean something to those kinds of men. Don't you understand that? Yes, some stray. But when they do, most see that as a MISTAKE and not something to be proud of.
newbby Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 you should all read the thread in here started by the mm who loves his ow but is afraid to leave his marriage.
wyldflower Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 Coco, I wish you would stop saying "OW's". As far as my knowledge of English goes, woman changes to WOMEN in its pluralised form... no "S" required on the end.
erika2610 Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 I do not constantly "attack" OW's. Please see my previous posts. I DO have a problem with those who don't see anything wrong with it. MOST OW's do see it as wrong but obviously, some don't. As far as EA/PA..which is worse debate. I'm not debating that. They're BOTH wrong. I've ALWAYS said that. I'm not going to get into a debate of which is the lesser of two evils. Why is this bothering you so much newbby? 99% of your posts in this forum are attacking OW. I'm so sick of people who do nothing but judge.. what good are you doing these girls? Have you never done anything wrong in your life that you've regretted?
newbby Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 Have you never done anything wrong in your life that you've regretted? yes. she was an ow AND a cs
Sunset Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 Having been emotionally attached to a man and also having a physical affair whilst married myself my 2p's worth is that a lot of the men are scumbags, moving from one affair to another. They JUST KNOW what to say, what buttons to press and us girls fall for it: examples like: I just want to feel really close) to you (can I have a sh*g) I love you (can I have a sh*g) Its a shame you are on your period I wanted to feel close to you (maybe a sh*g is out of the question but how about a bj) When questioned they have a half plausible reason as to why they can't ring you, why they couldn't meet - I bet they laugh their arses off as they feed the same old crap about how they thought about you, dreamt about you. Its horrible to think we have been used, yet rather than walk away we put up with more trying to justify why we were right to fall for them, it's not their fault etc. etc. I made a BIG HUGE MISTAKE with an A1 scumbag and I got really hurt in the process, not least by the guilt. But these OM don't view affairs as mistakes, they are just serial affair lovers, moving from one gullible to another. Whilst I generalise (and not all men are like that) my guess is that most talked about on here are. If he truly loved you he could not live his life without you and would be with you - without excuses. Because that's what love is about, the fact he is not means he is nothing more than a user.
newbby Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 sunset i agree with you. it is the rare exception that is not like this. it is strange that mm are so good at this game, as has been said many times.
Lishy Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 It isnt just married men it is also married women!! Anyone who is married and not in love with their partner should GET OUT! But Oh no ..... People stay together until they get a better offer!! All a OW/OM is to that person is FRESH MEAT!! Nothing is more exciting then a new body to explore - Jesus if we all took up offers we get we would be too busy shagging to go to work! Bottom line is (and if you think i am being judgmental so be it) If you are with a married man then you are with a cheat and a liar ... END OF!
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