Does this make me a bad parent to my son ?

[Kittens208]

hey, so a little about me .. i’m 25 now , i had my first kid when i was 17. he’s 7 years old now and i had another child 3 years later she is currently 4. the relationship i have with my son isn’t really that good of a bond. it’s kinda like since i was 17 when i had him , my parents often looked at me as a baby having a baby so they kinda took control and raised him for me while i was still young and not even done with school yet. as i said before , im 25 now … and i feel like since it’s been so long that they take care of him or have helped me because i didn’t have a job at the time and just a lot of other things were happening ,

It continued all the way up until now. my son practically stays with my parents and my daughter is always with me. they’ve made me feel like i am not capable of being a mom to him , my parents and his incarcerated fathers parents really treat me the same way ( baby fathers parents )

I have 2 different baby fathers for both of my kids, but my sons dads parents have always looked at me as me not being fit to be a mom. i never knew why either really.  , there has been times where i was too slow making doctors appointments and things of that nature this is around the time i was much younger maybe 18 .. i was still getting the hang of being a parent so young and i also was going through postpartum depression after i had my son.

I was super depressed honestly i did not want to have a baby so young , but i was not of age to consent to get my own abortion ( i was 17 wasn’t 18 yet ) and my parents told the doctors no i wasn’t going to get an abortion because they didn’t not want to consent for me. it was moreso my dad. i don’t think my mom had a issue with that. my dads religious and doesn’t believe in abortions but even thought it’s my child , he still was never going to agree to abort if it was on him.

Since my sons dad been incarcerated since i was 18 (7 years) so he never really had a relationship with my son. and it’s like every time i try to step in and intervene and be around or do something to prove that i am his mom it’s like that was stolen away from me because of how young i was. i felt like i never got that respect or even got a chance to be a mom to him for real so for that we aren’t even close. he looks at his grandparents as his parents. there was even a point in time my baby fathers mother was trying to get full custody of my son and get him taken away from me and my parents care. she always made it seem like i’m just a horrible mom even though her son is incarcerated.

i’ve not had a stable life but i’m getting better. but it’s just hurts that i feel like my son isn’t really my son. and i’m not close to him like i am with my daughter which i had with someone else.

i often cry about the situation, but i feel defeated. it’s like they won’t let me be a parent i am the parent and i birthed him but they don’t care to see me as that. they never understood my depression , they just always yelled at me when i didn’t do something on time or they’d call me lazy when i was depressed because i didn’t want to do anything , because i had a child and even though i tried they never counted my effort. it was just so hard trying to be a mom and be depressed at the same time i was feeling very suicidal during postpartum. they don’t understand it. it’s like my mind was completely somewhere else. going from a teenager to a parent in the blink of an eye and not having a say in whether i can keep the child or not really made me look at a lot of things differently.

i know i put myself in the situation i get that but i feel like that’s some thing i should’ve had control over being that it’s my body, my mind and something i have to do for the rest of my life.  it’s like i never was able to be in control of my life after i had my son. and now i’m in this situation with a child that everybody deemed me to be unfit to take care of , without really giving me a chance. it’s like my son got stripped away from me in my face. it’s just a terrible feeling. i think about him every day all day i ask about him a lot and i talk to him and see him when i’m going to my moms house but we are just so distant in reality. do y’all think i am a bad parent ? 

Edited August 29, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Wiseman2]

Do you live with your parents? Are you coparenting with your daughters father? You seem to love your children and are trying hard to establish yourself.

Please discontinue ALL contact with your son's father and his people. He has no rights because he's incarcerated and his parents have no rights because there is no such thing as grandparental rights.

Focus on bonding with your son as much as possible. Most of all please take care of yourself and your physical and mental health.

Do you work and have health insurance? If not, please go to social services/welfare for assistance with food stamps and medical care for yourself and your children.

They could assign you a caseworker to help you with your children and establishing yourself.