NoFaith05 Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 I need help guys. I have never posted on here, but I have nowhere to turn right now. I can't believe how much I HATE my ex-girlfriend right now. I gave her all of my love, support, devotion and trust. She betrayed that trust, and used me (for reasons I will never understand). I know that my story won't be all that different from so many posts on here, but here goes: We met here in LA (where I live) through a mutual friend. We became friends, and then pen pals (she lives in Seattle). We started to become intimate back in March, and then quickly became a couple. We were VERY serious about each other. We had plans to move in together this fall. We talked about marriage, kids, the works. We were very much in love. But then of course, it all fell apart. We would visit each other as often as we could, and we would talk on the phone every night. The plan was for her to move down here to LA. This caused her a lot of stress, as she didn't want to move here (except to be with me). Rather than telling me how much this bothered her, she broke up with me. I then turned to her a few days later, and I told her (with a VERY sincere letter) that I would gladly move to Seattle to be with her. She told me at that point that she needed to be alone, because she had a "pattern" of always needing to be with somebody in order to be happy. She also told me she just wasn't ready for another serious relationship (she had been in a 4 year relationship that didn't work out). I (foolishly) believed everything that she was saying. I believed that she was stressed out, and just needed some time away. After all, she said all of these things, and I had no reason not to trust her. We did NC for 2-3 months. Then recently we started talking again. I thought that maybe we could be friends, and I was feeling pretty good about it. But then I found out the truth. We are both on My Space, and were still on each other's friend's lists. She sent me a bulletin asking to post a memory about her on her page. So, feeling better, I went to her page. I found out that she was now in a relationship. This from someone who said she wasn't ready for a serious relationship? I also found out, via a picture of the new guy on her page (with a caption) that they have been seeing each other since August (we broke up at the end of July). She told me flat out that this break-up had nothing to do with another guy! She lied to me, and betrayed my trust. I have been bending over backwards for months trying to apologize to this girl, because I felt like I was being punished. I felt like I had done something wrong. When I found out about her lies, I let her have it. I was furious, and I told her. My words were not kind. But after 3 months of suffering, why should they be? She has now turned this around and made ME look like the bad guy. I demanded an explanation, and an apology from her, but she won't budge. She insists that she has done nothing wrong. I have been having some very negative thoughts lately. I actually went ahead and called the suicide hotline tonight (my ex gave me the number). How could she treat me this way? I had done nothing wrong. How could she be so cold and inhuman? I have to point out that I am over this girl. I would never want to be with someone like her- now that I have seen the truth. But these recent events have made life very hard for me. I have lost all faith in women, and people in general. This isn't the first time this has happened (my first girlfriend pulled nearly the same stunt on me, and my recent ex knew about this! She knew how badly I had been hurt!) I just had to vent. Feel free to ask me any questions. I feel like I deserve to be angry here. My friends all agree with me. Yet she feels I have "crossed the line" and have been acting "out of control". I hope she feels pain like this someday.
malachai Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 she had a "pattern" of always needing to be with somebody in order to be happy. I found out that she was now in a relationship. there is the answer. my ex is a person like that, and i won't be surprised if she gets involved with someone new, or even goes back to her trash-can of an ex. and if or when this happens, i know i will be a wreck. i'd say take all the oppurtunities to vent, be angry, be pissed! find stuff you can break without regretting it later, and smash the s**t out of them. but don't do against others, or with their stuff, of course! probably not the most sane advice, but after a little while, you'll probably feel spent, and you won't have the energy to be angry. and then hopefully you'll be left with only that feeling that you don't ever want to be with someone like her. if the anger comes again, just rinse and repeat.
Outcast Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 There are several stages to grieving. Being angry is one of the stages. Don't do anything foolish or dangerous or harmful to yourself or others while you are in the angry stage. It should pass soon enough. You have to understand she didn't do this on purpose. She's messed up. Realize that you're better off without such a messed up person. Take some time to heal and to get your own head straight and then next time try to find someone who doesn't have a history of going from relationship to relationship.
Author NoFaith05 Posted November 9, 2005 Author Posted November 9, 2005 I guess what really sucks the most is that she made it seem as if she WASN'T one of those people- who go from relationship to relationship. She put on a pretty good act (for at least 4 months or more) of pretending like she was a well-adjusted, sweet and caring girl. I didn't see the real her until it was too late. I hate the way she has turned this around on me. I have every right to be angry. She lied to me! She wrote me tonight saying that "I was the one who had lied, because I said I wanted to be friends with her". Well, I DID want to be friends with her- but that was before I knew about her betrayal.
Outcast Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 Here is something you need to remember forever: everybody looks and seems wonderful for the first few months. People with flaws hide them. It's only later on that you find out what a person is really like. People lie because they want badly to be liked. Understand that and reserve judgement on people until you've known them for a half-year or so. This includes 'falling in love'.
pippen_2k Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 You pointed out that you are over this girl, so why all the negative thoughts like suicide etc? Most people get a similar line to you, like ' I dont want to be in a serious relationship right now ', so dont take it all to heart, its just the copout way to break up with someone... Hope you feel better soon, and keep away from her myspace.. You dont need to know whats going on in her life, only yours.
Jeannie Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 Outcast could not have said it better. Those are wise words and advice to live by!!!!! You rock Outcast - what you said needs to be printed on a huge banner and flown via airplane back and forth across the skies!!!!
Author NoFaith05 Posted November 10, 2005 Author Posted November 10, 2005 I'm actually feeling a lot better today. I am proud of myself, because I stood up to this girl, and held my ground. Being a "nice guy", I have often let these types of girls walk all over me. But this time, I stood up, and called her on her BS. Damn it feels good!
scobro Posted November 10, 2005 Posted November 10, 2005 I have lost all faith in women, jOIN THE CLUB;) Dumpers will say anything to "sugarcoat"the truth and some will just flat out lie and deny.My ex wife told me when she ended our marriage she "needs to be alone with herself"then she goes upstairs and calls the guy she was dating behind my back thinking I wouldn't know.........needs to be alone what BS.
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